Syn's Deep in My Blood

It was quite late now. Got home, took a long shower and just made my way to my empty bed. I stared for a while at my bags and stuff nearly obstructing the bedroom door and then back to face the white ceiling above me.Tired as hell but didn’t have a single drop of sleep in me. Thoughts running wild through my mind…

In the moment I watched Emily get into our tour bus 3 months ago, I had the feeling she would change. I knew we would change. But maybe it started even before I noticed…

“So…you slept at Brian’s, huh?” I finally spit that question out as watching the nice roadway landscape through the bus window. I could feel her sharp look pointing at me in silence.

“Yes…but if you are gonna play your defensive mode on me already, I won’t even bother to tell you the reason why…” she answered with a harsh tone, still facing me. That rough answer made me turn to her swiftly.

“Hey, hey, hey! Slow down! Who says I don’t wanna know? Of course I do!” I promptly replied with angry filling my insides.

“Okay, my house was totally taken by that desperate couple that barely took half an hour to say their goodbyes today. Jeez, it seems like Zacky’s going to war or something…” she ended softening her tone.

“So you had to go to his house?” now it was my time to pinch her with my eyes.

“Yeah, James, I went to his house to have wild sex with him cause I just had a nasty fight with you and I wanted revenge. Do you see how stupid that sounds?” she raised her right palm towards me and her chin rested there after.

“It doesn’t sound so stupid to me…Why didn’t you just come with me instead?” I crossed my arms and she gave out that ironic chuckle of hers that I hated to love.

“I should’ve just gone in the crew bus where I belong, you know…” she was about to rise from her seat in front of me when I stopped her by grabbing her wrist softly. The more I talked, the more I knew I was probably messing up this conversation.

“You belong here with me.” she looked away as I was trying to make her understand what I felt. God, it was so hard to break her defenses. “Please, just tell me how I can fix it and I’ll fix it.”

“You just need to trust me… Is that so hard?” her big brown eyes finally let mine get in.

“No…”

“Good…cause I’m trying to trust you on this too and for me it is being kinda hard.” she sighed. Damn, I saw it coming…

“Can you just…forgive me for last night?” my fingers left her wrist to intertwine on her hand smoothly.

“Yeah, I called my band and they said everything’s fine despite his swollen face, the guy is still replacing me. Thanks for asking, by the way…” she rolled her eyes.

“You didn’t answer my question.” I just tried to ignore her sentence because I didn’t wanna know about that guy even if he was painted in gold.

“Just promise me you won’t hit anyone again and I forgive you.” she started to move her fingers on mine, finally breaking the gate that was built between us since las night.

“Oh I can’t promise that! If some guy get near you or offend you again I won’t be able to maintain it.”

“Wow, tough guy, I think I can defend myself pretty well! I always carry a pepper spray in my purse, you know…” she let out her big grin and all I wanted was to get high on that lips since I first saw her today.

“I only promise you that, if you promise me you won’t spend another night at Brian’s again. Deal?” I raised my right hand in her direction, she smiled even more and rolled her eyes again.

“Deal…” she shook it finally and I planted a tiny kiss on her backhand. “Just tell Zack to go to his place next time, okay?” we both giggled.

We went peacefully to the airport then.

Gradually, we were resuming our relationship by then, I had finally accepted she was going with us and we tried to spend our short time together in the best way possible. At least, that was another promise we made.

But the world is full of broken promises, huh?

One can’t say I didn’t try…

“How could you not tell me before you are from New York??” I was warming up with my drumsticks in hands when my eyes popped wide open at her. Unbelievable! We were together for more than 5 months now and sharing the same bed every night since day one of the tour, 1 and a half months ago. She knew almost everything about me and I didn't even know her birth place.

“Maybe it’s because we were too busy having sex and discussing song lyrics?” she sent me a naughty look while setting up the last string on Haner’s guitar and tuning it afterwards. “Besides…you didn’t ask!”

“But you could’ve brought it up someday… So why exactly did you come to Cali? Let me guess, beaches and hot weather!”

“Well I…” she sighed really heavy and licked her lips. “I hate big cities and chaos and traffic so…that’s why, I decided to find my place on the world when I completed 18.”

“Wow, just like that? What did you parents think?” I was really curious now but Jason was already giving out butt slaps on us to get in the stage so we didn’t have much time to talk.

The NY crowd sound was already pumping frenetically on the walls at the backstage, we could clearly hear an unstoppable echo singing ‘Sevenfold, Sevenfold’ now. That powerful and quite organized noise gave me the chills every single time.

“Well my parents went nuts when they discovered I was at the other side of US without telling them. What parents wouldn’t, right?” her sentence wasn’t followed by a big grin or a giggle or anything like it. She just said it in a dry tone. I really wanted to know why but they were calling us in, it was time.

That’s when Brian passed through us in a quick pace and asked for his guitar.

“Hey, go do your magic there!” she finally opened her beautiful smile, but towards Brian, and handed his guitar to him. “Break a leg.” she winked and slapped his butt shamelessly in front of me. He smirked at her and made the devil sign with his right hand at her direction, strapping his guitar on his shoulder and heading to the corridor.

As if he was forgetting that I was there too, he got back and showed his fist to me with his weird way of walking back.

“Oh I thought you hadn’t seen me here, prick!” I pressed my fist against his with exaggerated strength.

“You’re just the drummer man…” he turned his back and started to walk through the corridor again

“Come again? I’m JUST the drummer? You meant AWESOME KILLER DRUMMER, right?” I went after him and tried to mess with his spiky hair newly made. I knew he hated when I did that, as if the ladies would notice a single lock of hair out of the place. Come on! He was asking for it!

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I meant, now stop picking on my precious hair, dude!” I was heading with Haner to the stage entrance when I noticed I was the one letting something behind now. Emily.

At the moment I turned my back to find her, she was already there, in front of me. We were just a few centimeters away when she beamed seductively at me.

“Forgetting something, sr.?” she asked with her eyes glowing. The corridor was a bit dark but now she managed to light it up for me as nobody could but her.

“Never!” my hands automatically moved to her neck and we started a deep and passionate kiss that made all the crowd noises disappear in seconds from my ears.

“Hey you two, get a room after, we need to hit the stage now!” Zacky appeared behind Emily, making us aware of the obstruction we were causing in everybody’s path there. Who cares!

“Shut up, fatty, I’m in the middle of my concentration rite here.” I crashed into her lips again without even peeking at the line of people that was forming behind us.

“Hey fuckers, let’s go do this or not?” Brian called out from the end of the corridor and we finally let go of our moment to get back to our jobs.
We exchanged smiles and Zacky was starting to get really pissed when I went forward.

“Yeah, don’t mind him, Ems, he already misses Jess and her amazing blowj…”

“Woah, shut up dude, let’s go, walking!!!” Zacky pushed me hard and I couldn’t hold my laugh. Emily laughed too and that sound kept roaming in my head until we could hear Critical Acclaim’s organ sound covering the place with its heaviness.

Before going to the next state, we had to play another time at Manhattan due demand. The biggest cities have the biggest and craziest crowds, it’s a fact. But after this extra gig we finally had a night off, and for that night I had it all planned in my mind. I wanted Emily just for me.

On that particular week we barely spoke cause she was busy, I was busy, we knew it was gonna be like this. But we weren’t seeing each other most because she was getting at our hotel room after 3 am, almost passed out of drinking, almost every night. I mean, I partied too but she was spending a lot of time with our tech guys and they knew very well how to end all the drinks a bar can offer. Just as when I decided to take a break from all of this, she seemed to be deep-sinking on our madness nights. What could I do except for…accepting it? I was glad she fit in but...her behavior wasn’t exactly the healthiest one. Yeah, I know, who the hell am I to judge, right? At least, I was trying to stay away from this. God only knows how hard I was trying. But at the end of the night, I realized the hardest thing I had to do was to lie on that cold bed all alone and try to imagine the heat of her body lounging next to me, even though she was just a few floors away having her fun with the other guys…

I finally heard a noise in the door when it was about 4 am, followed by her high pitch giggle and stuffy male laughter. Was it…Brian's laugh?
She took too long to open it, maybe trying to make the card to fit in the door. Just by that single move I knew she was drunk again and that was already the third time on a week of three nights. What the fuck was wrong with her anyway?

I pretended I was asleep as I peeked her unbalanced movements from the corner of my eye. She lighted the lamp on her side of the bed, took off her leather jacket on a not-so-sexy way and threw it away somewhere. Then she bluntly unbuttoned her jeans and just let it fall into the ground before letting her body roughly drop onto the mattress. We were both staring at the ceiling now.

Silence. A sigh. Her lamp turned off.

“Another hell of a night, huh?” I tried not to show all the worry in my tone when I could almost get stoned myself on her smell mixed with traces of cigarette smoke. Please, fucking tell me what is happening, Emily! I’m not a mind reader…

“Tell that to the guys that forced me to play cards with them until the last drop of booze…” she chuckled loudly. “They are murdering my liver…”

“Yeah I can see that…” I couldn’t hide my disappointment voice now. “But I wonder if I can borrow you tomorrow night. I can say that what I’m planning for us has nothing to do with poker and liters of beer and vodka. Are you in or… did you schedule a rematch already?” a few seconds had passed and no answer heard.

By the time I finished my sentence, I could hear her constant and heavy breathing echoing in my right ear.

She simply fell asleep…

I just hoped she heard what I asked and gonna remember it tomorrow.

Probably not…

And then…the perfect date that went down the drain by the end of the night.

“Penny for you thought.” I drank my wine and tasted the pasta on my plate for the first time. Thank God for this decent meal that didn’t taste like road food. She stared at me quite distracted. "Not in the mood for talking today?"

“I’m sorry, Jim, it’s just…Can you see that empty space where there’s just sky and some stars now?” she pointed through the window close to our table.

“Yes, what’s up with that?”

“World Trade Center used to fill it.” all my hunger vanished from my body as magic. Damn, how was I supposed to know that…

“Ohh…Sorry I…didn’t know.” she just nodded and ate a forkful.

I thought maybe the song that the guy was playing on an acoustic guitar, Forever, by Kiss, could just set our mood back but…it was killing it even more when I realized how out of space Emily was by then. She had droopy eyes and some dark circles were starting to take over them. Of course she would be tired, Brian had her since 8 am today to discuss ‘guitar licks’ and she was completely hangovered. Why the hell he had to spend that much time with my girl anyway? She was just his tech girl, not his slave. I needed to have a serious talk with him later.

“I lived around here for some time…Cool neighborhood, you know?” she broke the ice.

“And why the hell did you leave?”

“You don’t necessarily belong where you were born. I don’t belong here. This place only brings bad memories to me and… C’mon, we are not here to talk about this, we are having a date!” she tried to force a smile. Oh, so that explains a lot. I could feel her misery encircling us since the day we got at New York but the reason…still a mystery to me apparently.

“Okay…but will you ever open up to me?” she just looked away with an enigmatic feature.

“Maybe someday, James…Just, please…don’t make me do this today, okay?”

“Okay.” I respected her wish and we just ate in complete silence.

This was inches far from the perfect date I wanted to happen so bad...

It was about that time I still had hopes for that night. Maybe it could still get better.
How stupid I was… - I couldn’t help but chuckle as I rearranged my pillow.

We were standing by our room door, probably trying to read each other's mind. I, at least, spoke for myself. I was trying my best here but it was all blank to me. Maybe she would be happier if instead of being on a lame date with me, she could be drinking and playing with Jason, Brian and the other guys and having a blast. Maybe she wasn't as romantic as I thought… Or maybe…

Before I could say anything wrong or something I didn't mean, her permanent cold stare got beautifully transformed into a lovely eyes-and-lips grin at me. One can only hope...

"Well so... the evening was great Jim, the red roses and the cd you made, no one had ever recorded something for me before. I appreciate everything you’ve done tonight, I really needed to relax and enjoy a good evening here..." she fixed her hair and began to play unwittingly with one of her red strands fallen in front of her chest. That was a really nice view for me.

"You don't seem so relaxed, Ems, so...there's no need to lie to me..." I let my shoulder fall on the edge of the door and tried hard to read what she really wanted to hear from me there. Sometimes she made this task so tough to be done.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I know I blew it...It's that I'm so exhausted, I'm not sleeping much and...well, we are all at the same crazy boat here so... You must think I'm so weak..." yeah, girl, just fucking talk to me! I miss our talks…

"Of course not! You're one of the strongest person I know, believe me, I know quite well how demanding Brian can be. You're holding it so well. You just need a night away from those liver killers to finally rest and sleep properly. Right?" please, just tell me I’m saying the right words here, please, send me a sign! Cause I really didn’t know what to try anymore, completely out of options to make the glare on her eyes to come back.

"Well I...think I need to rest but...I'm in a hurry for other things too, you know.” she raised one of her brows with a smirk that could make me attack her wildly there, in the middle of that corridor. “So, why don't we just get in that room, let the small talk behind and...start doing what we do best on top of that bed?" and that was all I wanted to hear and see coming out of her inviting lips.

I didn’t wait any longer. Just placed the keycard on the door and it opened immediately for our now glued bodies to enter. When our kiss began to deepen, she cut me out and headed to the bathroom door with a smile.

“Hey, I’m gonna freshen up here, I’ll be right back…” she winked seductively and before getting into the bathroom, she turned on the stereo, placed the cd I gave her and chose a song. I had to smile at her choice.

‘The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you’

I sat on the bed and sighed as waiting for her to come back to my arms. I wander all along the room with my eyes, saw the flowers I gave her standing on a water vase on top of the table and felt my hands wet all of a sudden. What was that now? Anxiety? How many times I had made love to her and it never happened before. God, why now? Maybe is just this song…

‘No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)’

The longer I waited for her, the more I felt my heart racing and my breath unsteady. What the fuck man, get a grip of yourself, you’ve done this a thousand times before!
Yeah but…it was different now. She made me feel young, alive and at the same time, scared of the unknown. Scared of not knowing her like she knew me.

That was when it hit me: the moment she appeared at the bathroom door wearing only a white shirt, red panties and the most vivid smile I had ever seen her shown, causing my heart to skip a beat.
The penny had finally dropped in my hardhead. I was deeply in love with that woman as I didn’t feel in centuries. And I just hoped I could make her feel it tonight.

‘What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you…’

She came closer and closer, slowly and looking deeply at me, and I had enough time to enjoy each drawing she had on her bare thighs. I followed her huge dragon tattoo with my hungry eyes climbing all the way from her knee, wrapping her thigh and finishing at her hips. The dragon’s head was hidden under her shirt and that was exactly the first place I landed my desperate hands, lifting the silky fabric and pressing my fingers gently on her soft hip skin next. She embraced my head against her chest and began to stroke my hair as my hands were holding her hips tight and my mouth was playing long kisses around her breasts. The smell of her hair and her body were mixed in my nostrils and heavily teasing my senses. God, how it could easily mess around with my world…

‘I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you’

I raised my head to face her closed eyes and she simply pushed my chest against the mattress, straddling quickly on top of me. Then I was finally able to look deep inside her eyes. Her pupils were huge and her gaze strangely fixed on mine. That intense look she had, made me truly believe she was feeling for me what I was feeling for her. As lust and desire were hitting me like a fast train, happiness and relief filled my heart.

‘No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)’

We kissed passionately for several minutes when I felt her waist set a wild pace on me as we hadn’t even taken our clothes off yet. Her hands were moving roughly to take my shirt off without ever letting go of kissing me.
Hey, wait a minute, what is that all about?! Is it all desperation?

I ended the kiss and helped her get rid of my shirt when I caught a glimpse of her eyes shutting off and her teeth biting her lower lip. I wasn’t even touching her then and she was visible more turned on than usual. Weird but…really nice. Maybe it was just her way of finally enjoying this night. Maybe she really missed me as much as I missed her.

By the time she let her head fall back and a few moans to escape from her, I took advantage of her distraction to shift positions. She didn’t resist, she didn’t even open her eyes. Rapidly and eagerly I attacked her neck and then her breasts were finally in my mouth again. I sucked on them as her moaning was so intensely exceeding the song volume. Her hands roamed on my back and I noticed she was grinning while caressing my shoulder tattoos, eyes never opened again. I pressed my waist harder against her and she held me tight, finally saying something after.

“Ahhhhhhh…Briaaan…” I stopped everything just to feel hundreds of razors cutting through my skin.

“What?!?” my voice nearly cracked as I made my startled eyes to face her now wide opened ones. They were as empty as before. There was nothing in there for me to see.

Without thinking twice, I got up from her with anger taking over my body.

“Jimmy, I…” I didn’t wait for her to finish that useless sentence I knew she would say. I just picked up my shirt, stormed out of the room and slammed the door as hard as I could, not exactly planning to come back so soon.

‘Nobody loves no one.’

Should I just call it a bad date now or should I call it completely finished by then? – lil sarcastic chuckle here.

Yeah, I was pretty much finished with her that night…

Suddenly, a wave of drowsiness invaded my mind and I let it take over me. One by one, those hurting memories were quickly vanished to give room to my deep sleep.
This is all past now… right?

Notes

heey, I wanted to try something new for this part, i hope you like this flashback style of writing, cause I'm planning to continue with that on the next few chapters. What you think my dears? =p
(oh and by the way, forgive me for the cliche at the end... I had to! hahaha)

Next pov is Brian's! :3 :3