Dear God

We got dressed and Brian came up to me kissing my cheek. "I'm going back to the party, do you want to come?"

"No I think I'll just stay here for a while," I told him. "Alright babe, I'll just be down the street then." I nodded and he kissed me before walking out the door. When the door closed I laughed at myself, thinking about what has happened the past few months. I got high, hung out with Avenged Sevenfold, got stabbed, and now I'm, my favorite person in the world's, girlfriend. I was in shock by this, I didn't know how to react to this. I was starting to tell Brian everything, he was starting to know about my past and my eating disorder. And it still bugs me that I think he's not going to like me because I was like that but no he has been helping. I've been eating on a regularly basis and working out. I've never seen so much meat on my bones but the best part was looking into the mirror and not seeing a fat girl.

When Brian left I went back upstairs and grabbed my guitar just to walk all the way back downstairs to his studio. I haven't been in this part of the house yet but I'm sure Brian didn't mind. There were pictures hanging on the wall of him and the rest of the band. I almost got teary eyed seeing the Rev in the pictures. That brings me back to the day I found out about his death, my mom came into my room announcing it, I burst into tears feeling like I could never listen to them again without crying. The Rev was honestly my favorite before Synyster ever was and I really just miss him.

I walk into the recording room and plugged up my guitar to his amp and then I put on the headphones. I sat on the stool and took the guitar pic from the music stand. I started to play a slow riff letting my soul get lost in the rhythm and I attempted to sing a little. "The sun melted across the bay.... Raining on us into the day we fell in love in the best way... With smiles and sighs, there was nothing better than that night.. When the moon rested upon us and we stayed up past dusk because we couldn't leave each other tonight not when our smiles were so bright. But the time came when the goodbyes were arranged and the kiss came. I was so sad to leave when you turned around pulling me in your arms kissing me hard so I couldn't breathe."

I continued into a small solo but I stopped and looked up when I saw Brian smiling through the glass window. Matt was standing next to him smiling too, I was so embarrassed and I started to blush. Brian came in applauding. "Look who's playing at the next Avenged Sevenfold concert," he said wrapping his arms around me. I smiled as Matt came in applauding too. "Bravo my dear Alyx, that was really beautiful, you know?"

"Thanks Matt. And there's no way I could play in front of so many people!" I said nervously. "Don't worry I'll help you with that baby, trust me it's not hard," he said kissing my neck. "Yeah Brian used to be horrible at performing," Matt said as Brian playfully punched his shoulder. I laughed. "Yeah, I just never really played my guitar and sang in front of people." Saying that made me think of my father. I used to play my guitar in front of him and he would applaud me acting like he were people in a rock concert. I missed him. "Well how about you come over to the party and play in front of them?"

"No no no no," I said shaking my head. "Why not?"

"This is my song, I've never sang it to anyone."

"What's your song called?"

"Safe."

"Well sing Safe in front of everyone, let everyone know who you are," he said kissing my cheek. I looked over at him with his hair all spiked up and that smile that gets me every time. "Fine." They cheered as I got up and followed all the way back to Matt's house. We entered the house as Brian shouted the big announcement. I was starting to blush and shake as he pulled up a stool in the middle of the living room. Everyone gathered in the living room with smiles and a drink in their hands. "Alright everyone, my lovely new girlfriend is going to play a song she made called Safe, enjoy."

Everyone clapped their hands as I took in a deep breath and I started the song. I imagine my dad standing in front of me watching me instead of all these people and it really helped. I wasn't nervous when I thought about my father. "Alright princess play a beautiful song for dad," he would say. "The sun melted across the bay..." I started to sing like I used to back in my room like no one was watching me except my stuffed animals. I sang the entire song without stopping but only smiling a couple of times. It turned out to be better than I thought and everyone was so silent. I finished with the best line of the entire song. "Wherever you are, I'll always be safe from their harm." I remembered when I wrote this back in the 8th grade when I was going through my eating disorder the worst. Everyone was silent for a second then applauding and whistling. I look at Brian who was smiling at me.

"Told you, you could do it. You just got to believe in yourself before thinking about what people would think," he said hugging me and I started to cry on his shoulder, it wasn't bad. I just was so happy that I could do this without freaking out and I thank Brian for giving me the courage but most importantly my father who was there to see it all.

Notes