It's been 6 days since Owen was put to rest and I haven't been able to come out of my room. Devon sits outside my room wanting me to come out but for some reason I just can't. even Zacky has tried but hasn't succeeded. I guess t reason for not wanting to leave my room is that I don't want anyone, especially Devon, seeing my depression. I don't want to show my weakness. I lay here in bed with the covers to my waist and staring out the window. Owen...my precious child is gone but he saved my life. He jumped in front of that bullet that was meant for me. I should've knocked him out of the way. I kicked the covers off of me and went over to the closet. I brought out some pictures and the stuffed wolf that I got him for his second birthday. He loved this toy. Everytime he would go to sleep, this little wolf would be right in his arms the whole time. Every picture I picked up made me smile.

I loved the days we went places with Rex and Raph. We had so much fun with the water guns at the house. My kids and I would always gang up on Rex and Raph. It was so hilarious to hear Rex screaming when we would ambush them. We all had a wonderful time. I knock came to my door but I didn't say a word.

"Rae? Rae, it's me Zacky." he said through the door.

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you. Can you please open the door." he said and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"I just want to be alone right now." I looked back at the pitcure of Rex, Raph, Owen, Devon, and I all sitting around the tree at Christmas.

"Please open the door." I stood to my feet and walked over to the door and opened it.

"Can I come in?" I stepped away from the door and went back over to my pictures. I heard the door close and Zacky sat down next to me.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked looking at each picture while holding the wolf.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright." I said honestly. "

Why haven't you come out of this room? I mean Devon keeps asking where you are."

"I just wanted to be alone for a while Zacky. I'm sorry I'm...I'm just not myself." I said putting down the pictures. Zacky wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"It's alright. You've lost a child. You deserve all the time you need."

"I know....but I don't want Devon seeing my pain. I have to be strong for her." I said looking into his eyes.

"I know Rae." Zacky pulled me closer to him and I laid my head on his chest.

"Do you want to see Devon?" I nodded and started putting all the pictures back into the box but I laid the wolf down on my bed. Zacky took my hand and led me downstairs and into the living room and I leaned on the frame watching Jimmy play with Devon and the rest of the guys concentrating on the TV. Devon looked up and smiled before running to me.

"Mommy!" she jumped into my arms and I lifted her into the air.

"Why didn't you come out of the room?"

"Mommy needed some time." I said smiling.

"So mommy all better?"

"Yes sweetheart. I'm just fine." I said and she kissed my cheek. I put her down and she ran over to Jimmy tackling him and he held her above him. Her laugh made me feel 50 times better. I waled into the kitchen where Val and Zacky was preparing dinner. I sat down at the bar and stared down Zacky's back.

My eyes landed on his ass. 'Damn! His ass fits so fucking good in those jeans!' my thoughts told me and I couldn't disagree. Val turned around and saw me staring at Zacky and I could see her smiling which made me smile as well. The food was smelling very good and was making me extremely hungry.

"Someone has hungry eyes." Val said laughing. I snapped out of my daze and looked at her.

"How did you figure?" I asked smiling.

"For one, you were in a daze and licking your lips."

"Oh." I said covering my face in embarassment.

"No need to be embarassed. I think it's a compliment." She smiled and finished preparing the food and I helped Zacky set the table. Val called everyone into the kitchen and we sat down and dug into Val's food. Devon sat on my lap eating from my plate and I almost forgot how awesome her food is. I think Devon even loved it too because she would grab at my fork. I filled plate after plate until both Devon and I were filled to the gills. Devon followed the guys into the living room as I helped Val with the dishes.

"Val?"

"Yes Zacky?" she said while wiping down the counter.

"Can I steal Rae from you?"

"Of course." she said and she gently pushed me towards Zacky. I followed him out onto the porch and we sat down. Zacky pulled his cigarettes out and offered me one which I gladly took. He lit them both and I inhaled the glorious smoke. we sat there in silence.

"So.." I said breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"How have you been?" I asked taking another drag.

"I've been alright. Rae, would you still wnt to go on a date with me? If you don't want too right now, you don't have too."

"Yeah I do Zacky." I said smiling.

"Cool. How about Friday at 8?"

"Sounds awesome." I said putting out my cigarette. Zacky pulled me close to him and I laid my head on his shoulder enjoying the sunset. When I'm around Zacky, I always feel safe and secure and I feel like nothing will happen to me or my daughter. Zacky is a wonderful man.

"Rae?" I looked up at Zacky.

"Can I do something?" I nodded and he leaned down and kissed me. I loved the combination of cold steel and his soft lips on mine. His tongue danced on my lips begging for entrance which I allowed. He explored my mouth and I gently bit his tongue and I could hear the low growl. I pulled away only to catch my breath.

"Wow." I said smiling.

"What?"

"No one has ever kissed me like that." I said staring into his eyes.

"Really?" I nodded and he kissed me once more.

"Rae, I love you and I will always protect you and your daughter."

"I love you too sweetheart." I said and i laid my head on his closing my eyes. I opened them and watched the California sun set over the horizon. Today was a semi-good day but maybe it'll get better as the days come.

Notes

comments?

I'll only be updating this story for tonight. It's another day and yet another migraine plauging my brain...I'm just going to hope it goes away when I wake up in the morning.