Ghost
I Can't Let Go
When my mother had died 2 days ago from her injuries due to a car accident, it broke me inside. I didn't want her giving up on me but she did. I know she wants me to let her go and say goodbye but I jus can't do that. I can't even let go of my father's death and that was years ago. Brian as been such a good boyfriend to me. He insisted on paying for all the funeral arrangements and it took some hours for me to finally agree to him paying. The funeral service was beautiful and I knew if she was there, she would have like it. Today is the burial service and I'm really dreading it. I drug myself out of bed at 6 this morning because I just couldn't sleep anymore. Everytime I would close my eyes I would see my mom writing those words in the hospital and then holding my hand just as she died. I would wake up and cry silently so I wouldn't wake up Brian. I've been standing under the warm shower for I don't know how long until I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Yeah?" I asked as I stood up straight and started washing myself.
"Alright baby. I thought I was just imagining that someone was in the bathroom."
"I'll be out in a minute sweetheart." I said laughing. I rinsed out my hair and body before turning off the shower and wrapping both my body and my hair into a towel.
I stepped out and began drying myself off before putting on some clothes and leaving the bathroom. Brian was sitting up in bed with he TV on just watching my local Tennessee news.
"Nothing exciting on?" I asked sitting down and taking my hair down from the towel.
"Just the news finding out that we're in town for your mother's funeral. Good thing I made sure with the funeral director shut down the whole cemetery. I would hate for fans to bombard us during a burial service."
"I don't mean to sound bitchy but don't they have any respect?" I asked looking over at him.
"Some of them don't. They don't care, they'll just come up and scream and be all excited and shit. Sometimes it gets annoying when we're all out trying to relax but other times we love it."
"Shit. Hopefully no one will do that today because my mood with change in an instant." I said laughing. I got up form the bed and went over to the dresser and started fixing my hair so it would dry a little bit faster. I looked over at the clock and we had another 3 hours before we had to be at the funeral home.
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We all left our hotel and made our way over to the funeral home just a few minutes ago and we talked to the funeral director who was really nice in helping me figure out things. We got back into Brian's car and we followed the hearse over to the cemetery. We sat around the grave listening, well I wasn't listening because I was to preoccupied with remembering my mom, to the preacher say some words before putting her into the concrete reinforced grave. I walked away and looked back every now and then at the workers putting dirt over her casket. I wanted so bad to run over there and just not let them put her to rest but I just couldn't do it. This is going to be a long and hard road to even get through and I don't think I'll ever be able to let her go.
"Yeah?" I asked as I stood up straight and started washing myself.
"Alright baby. I thought I was just imagining that someone was in the bathroom."
"I'll be out in a minute sweetheart." I said laughing. I rinsed out my hair and body before turning off the shower and wrapping both my body and my hair into a towel.
I stepped out and began drying myself off before putting on some clothes and leaving the bathroom. Brian was sitting up in bed with he TV on just watching my local Tennessee news.
"Nothing exciting on?" I asked sitting down and taking my hair down from the towel.
"Just the news finding out that we're in town for your mother's funeral. Good thing I made sure with the funeral director shut down the whole cemetery. I would hate for fans to bombard us during a burial service."
"I don't mean to sound bitchy but don't they have any respect?" I asked looking over at him.
"Some of them don't. They don't care, they'll just come up and scream and be all excited and shit. Sometimes it gets annoying when we're all out trying to relax but other times we love it."
"Shit. Hopefully no one will do that today because my mood with change in an instant." I said laughing. I got up form the bed and went over to the dresser and started fixing my hair so it would dry a little bit faster. I looked over at the clock and we had another 3 hours before we had to be at the funeral home.
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We all left our hotel and made our way over to the funeral home just a few minutes ago and we talked to the funeral director who was really nice in helping me figure out things. We got back into Brian's car and we followed the hearse over to the cemetery. We sat around the grave listening, well I wasn't listening because I was to preoccupied with remembering my mom, to the preacher say some words before putting her into the concrete reinforced grave. I walked away and looked back every now and then at the workers putting dirt over her casket. I wanted so bad to run over there and just not let them put her to rest but I just couldn't do it. This is going to be a long and hard road to even get through and I don't think I'll ever be able to let her go.
Aww. It's ok. I understand.
4/11/13