Trying not to love you

By taking a "break from Brian", I meant that I needed to spend time away from him. What first came to my mind was that I'd go back home and spend time without him around me, but then that would mean that I'd leave Val to take care of everything, basically, by herself. And I couldn't do that to her. So I fguref I stay with Tyson and his band for the remainder of the tour. I had talked to Tyson about it and he is so excited about me staying with him. I didn't tell him everything that happened just that Brian was really pissing me off and I needed to stay away from him for awhile. I also told Tyson that I wanted to spend more time with him and his band. Tyson and I were making out on the opposite side of the bus from his friends when my pager went off. "Ignore it." Tyson said while we were still kissing. "It could be Val." I said. "What would she want with you right now?" Tyson asked. "I don't know, but I need to find out." I said and reached for my pager, still kissing Tyson. I opened the message and it was from Val. It didn't say much. It just read "9-1-1! He's headed your way!!" I stopped kissing Tyson because the message had me confused. I wasn't sure what she meant, but by the time I figured it out, it was too late. I heard yelling from the other side of the bus. Tyson and I made our way to the other side and saw Brian standing there yelling. "Don't play with me! Now tell me where she is!" Brian yelled to no one in particular. "Brian!" I yelled and he turned and looked right at me. "I need to talk to you." He said as he walked towards me. "What are you doing here!? Why won't you leave me alone? " I yelled at him. "Angelica, please. I really need to talk to you" Brian pleaded. Brian stopped and just looked at me. He was trying to figure out what say. "About what? We already discussed everything earlier and I told you that I don't accept your apology. I'm not forgiving you Brian." I said. Tyson moved away and stood with his friends while Brian and I fought. "Come with me." Brian blurted out. "What?!" I yelled. "Come with me." He said again. "What the fuck are you talking about?! Go with you where?!" I yelled out. "Anywhere. I don't care where. You pick. I just want to be you Angelica and I know you want to be with me, too." Brian said. "No! And you don't know what I want. You don't even know what you want." I said. "I do know what you want and I do know what I want. C'mon Angelica, we can finally together! I know i screwed up by making you wait this long, but I was just scared that you didn't feel the same way as I do. But now I know and I want you to be with me. Please! " Brian said. "No!" I yelled again. "Look, I know you're only saying "no" because you think I'm not ready for a relationship and I'll flake as soon as things get tough, but I won't. You can count on me. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. I promise." Brian said. I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice that he was starting to get emotional. "No Brian!" I yelled out. "Don't say "no" just to shut me up or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me." Brian said. "No!" I yelled out. Brian stood there with a face that showed that he was shocked and hurt. He backed away from me, turned and walked away. I knew how hurt he was because I had seen that face before. Only I was wearing it. It was back in high school when I first saw him kiss a girl after him and I stayed out all night together, just joking around. That night was when I first thought that he might have liked me as more than just a friend. Then to see him kiss another girl the next day just broke my heart. I watched Brian walk away and I couldn't see anything but him. I was so caught up in fighting with Brian that I hadn't realized that Val and the guys had shown up. Val walked up to me and threw her arms around me. "I know how hard that was." She said to me. I saw Jimmy, Zack, Matt and Johnny run after Brian. They made eye contact with me before they left to make sure I was okay. I gave them an unspoken "okay" by just nodding.
Tyson then walked up to me and put his arm around my back.

"Are you okay?" Tyson asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said. My heart was beating so fast and it was a little hard to breathe.

I'm seriously confused right now. What exactly just happened? The only thing I can remember is that Brian just asked me to be with him and I turned him down. How the hell did it get to that point. A month ago I melted just at the sound of his voice and now I can't stand the jerk. Wow!

Now What?

Notes