Desire of the Soul

Zacky’s POV

I haven’t forgotten this feeling I had when those two are together. I don’t know why I haven’t noticed it before Romy and I were together. It never had bothered me then that she and Jimmy were so close friends but now it does. The feeling of not being enough for Romy that was the only way I could describe it.
I wanted to be her best friend and her lover.
But with Jimmy around I knew that I couldn’t be both.And that he already had the best friend position no matter what I did.
And that feeling that maybe this is just one step from not being enough altogether was really getting worse and I don’t know why.
And sitting here in the middle of a heated discussion between Romy and Jimmy about old stories they shared that no one else knew off and her laughing like she never laughed over any of my stories or she stroked absently his cheek to reassure him to continue in talking and his so easy said I love you. We say that to all our friends in some way but when these two are doing it, it fucking felt like Romy is slipping father away from me. And I don’t know why!?
I know I love her and she must love me too, but still sometimes I had this feelings that she could change her mind and in a blink of an eye. And then she will find herself someone new that would fit better to her then me. I am a fucking rock star and still have these issues, these anxiety of her leaving me. Everybody must be thinking that my "ego" would keep me from these thoughts, but it was different.
I tried not to let my confusing show and pulled Romy further towards me. She laughed again and looked at me still smiling.
Maybe I should talk to Jimmy again about the whole situation or should I say something to Romy. But we just came back from our tour and I don’t want to ruin our time of being together. I think it will be better if I just keep my mouth shut, for now.

Jimmy’s POV

I laughed so hard at the old story where Romy was drunk for the first time and she wanted to hide it from Matt and asked me for help.
We were so close friends even then that I just made a fool of myself for her on that party so no one noticed that Romy was so wasted. But I made that cause I loved her then and love her now just like my sister.
Zacky was looking at us with watchful eyes but didn’t say anything.
“Ok, sorry Jimmy but Romy and I got a date. So…”
“Oh shit, I forgot Zack you are right. I gotta get changed, nice that you stopped by Jimmy. Love ya.”
She got up from the couch and ran upstairs.
That was my sign again to go… So I got up and yelled, “Bye Roro.. call you later!”
I hugged Zack and wished him a nice day.

I drove home sat in front of my Drums and started to play.
I thought about the day… I had invited myself to 3 of my friends and for all of them I came at a bad moment they rather wanted to share with their partners alone.
Alone… I was alone again. I hated the feeling I couldn’t stand it.
I pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels from my alcohol cabinet and drank straight from the bottle and felt the oh so familiar burn running down my throat.
I don’t know how long I sat behind my drum kit but the bottle was empty way too soon.
My phone buzzed, who would call me? All my friends where oh so busy…
“Brian? You got time talking to me now?”
“Are you drunk?” Brian’s short reply.
“Maybe a little, so tell me what’s up?”
“I need your help… can we meet tomorrow?”
“Sure Brian. Just send me a message later, because I think I won’t remember this conversation by tomorrow.” I laughed a little.
“Don’t overdo the alcohol, James.”
“Yes sure. You know who you are talking to, right?! So don’t worry. And give pretty little Annie a kiss from me. See you tomorrow.” I hung up.

Brian’s POV

I drove over to Jimmy's house. I knew that he would help me with my idea, but what if he thinks it was too early? Damn, I was getting really nervous.
I needed to talk with someone about this. So I just went inside his home and saw him, sitting on his couch with a beer in hand.
"Hey Jimmy, are you okay?" I asked him since he acted kind of strange on the phone.
"Yeah there you are Brian, I'm so happy to see you again!"
Ok, he was not only strange acting on the phone, he really was strange, but why?
"Well, I am happy to see you to but you just saw me yesterday and you saw me every day for last fuckin 2 months of the tour", I joked.
"Yeah, whatever, so what is the reason that you have suddenly time to talk to me?!”
"Damn it, Jimmy, what is wrong with you?" Should I start to worry?
"Nothing, nothing... So what do you want to talk about?"
"Oh yeah, I need your help. I don't know if it is a good idea, but.. I can't wait any longer.
I have the feeling that I have to do it, now."
"Fuck, Brian I am lost, what are you talking about?!”
"I want to propose to Ana." I said finally.
"What?! Oh my fucking God! That is awesome!" He hugged me.
"But, when do you want to ask her? How will you say it?! Where.. ", Jimmy babbled on and on and I interrupted him, "That's why I'm here. I want to do it on Matt's wedding. I already have an idea in my mind. She loves it when I sing, I don’t know why… but that's why I want to sing her something special. I wrote some lyrics, because I couldn't sleep".
I pulled out a bent piece of paper from my jeans and showed it to him.
"That is really cool, Brian! She will love it. Do you have the music written for it? I have an idea..."
"I have it" I took one of my guitars that I left here before the tour and started to play.
Every now and then Jimmy had an idea to improve it and finally we were done.
"Okay, then I need ring. Come on Jimmy, we have to find a ring."
We climbed into my car and drove over to the jewelry after more than two hours of searching for the right ring; both Jimmy and I were satisfied with the result.
The next station was Matt's house. Matt and Val were back from visiting her parents.After we rang the doorbell and Matt opened the door, I asked him quickly, "Is Val, here?!” Matt shook his head, “No she is shopping or something. Why?” Matt looked questingly at us.
We went inside.
"I know that Saturday will be your big day, and you and Val will be the most important persons , but I have big request for you.” I told Matt about my plan to propose Ana and what also showed him the ring and my song.
"Yeah, bro, of course you can do that! That are some amazing news!" Matt hugged me.
"But Matt, please, keep this secret, okay?!"
"Yes, I know. I promise. So let’s have a drink to celebrate.”
So I had it all planned out and starting to get nervous. What if she says no?!
I don't know how I will stand these next two days.

Notes

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