Desire of the Soul

Amanda’s POV

“Everything is perfect, isn’t it? And I organized it all, didn’t I?!” Jimmy said with his big smile.
“Of course you did that and of course it is amazing!” I smiled a weak smile at him.
“Hey, babe, where are your thoughts? I can sense that you are distracted, what’s wrong?” Jimmy asked me concerned.
Damn, how did he recognize it?! He really knows me. Should I tell him? Yes, I should, but now?
Maybe it will destroy his mood and my mood, too.
On this wedding everyone should be happy and not sad so… we will just talk at another time..
“Can we talk about it at another time?” I asked him nicely.
“No, you made me curious. C’mon tell me, Am.”
And I know that he won’t give up easily, so I guess I didn’t have a chance with him.
“Oh, okay. But not here.” I looked around at all the guests.
“So let’s go inside.” He grabbed my hand and we walked into the house, towards his bedroom and sat down on the bed.
“Sooo? What’s make my beautiful girl so sad on this pretty day, huh?”
Oh, I don’t know if it really was a good idea to tell him, does it matter now? It was my past, but if we really wanted to have a future together he should know everything about me. I took deep breath and finally look into his eyes.
“I’m so happy that I have you. That we are here together on Ana’s wedding, that this all finally has a happy ending, but on these happy days especially it makes me feel strange.
On one side I feel happy and on the other I’m so sad and my past comes to my mind again.”
“What do you mean with your past comes to your mind again? What happened in your past? You never told me about it..”
After we both knew about Ana’s past maybe he thought now that I had the same experience or something.
“C’mon tell me, I am starting to get worried” he said and grabbed my hand a little tighter to cheer me up.
“Okay, look. I wasn’t always this strong Amanda, you know. Actually, I am not strong at all, not in the past and not now.
Do you remember when I told you about the long-term relationship I was in?”
He nodded and let me continue.
“We were together for 4 years and he was everything for me until one day he just said to me that it’s over. Shortly after that I found out that he is going to have a child with another woman, with a woman he had cheated on me for quite a long time. My life was crushed one more time. I wasn’t enough for him…And the day after I found that out he died. And I was angry at myself because I wish him all the worst on that moment I found out about his cheating and betraying, but really I never wanted his death.”
I had tears in my eyes at the memory of that day. They slowly rolled down my cheeks.
“The problem is that after him I never was in a happy relationship. Damn, everything after him wasn’t something to be really called a relationship. Every man after him, cheated on me, lied to me or just broke up with me. Until I met you, Jimmy...” I finished with a sob.
“You know that I would never hurt you..” he started but I interrupted him,
“No, no. I trust you. I know that you are not like this. For a long time, I just thought that I was cursed. And now when I have you, when I feel your love for me and I know that I love you so damn much that sometimes I start to worry, that something can go wrong and..”
“Hey, Stop! Nothing will go wrong. We are together and this is everything that matters nothing else. The past doesn’t matter now. Together we’re stronger than that and we can do everything we want. Forget about everything, it only counts what happens in the presents and I see my future.. my will be only with you. So pretty please, don’t worry, and show me your beautiful smile” he said and I couldn’t help me and gave him what he wanted.
“That is my girl. I love you and nothing will change that” He said with a soft kiss to my lips.
“I love you, too” I answered and kissed him again while jumping onto his lap to be even nearer to him, to feel his body close to mine, to feel safe.
When our lips met, I let myself only think about my feelings for him and forget everything else, to finish this past chapter of my life and begin a new one.
My new chapter with Jimmy - my man, the man who released me from the curse of my past.

Jimmy’s POV

After my talk with Amanda where she had told me everything about her past I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even when we walked back towards the party I held her hand tight in mine.
She had gone to so much trouble during her last relationships and her Ex- boyfriend betraying her, having a kid with someone else and then his sudden death.
I could understand that all this was unnerving her and she wanted to tell me everything but I was different. She had to know that I wouldn’t do anything like that with her.

If I was in a relationship I was in there with my full heart and I would lay the world down to her feet and never would cheat on her make her miserable.
I don’t give a damn what happened in her past. I live in the here and now…
I also did some stupid shit when I was younger and I also learned from it.
I wasn’t ashamed for anything that I did, why would I? And I was proud to say that I never have hurt someone, well maybe Johnny a time or two but that was different.
When I have been in a relationship I could never let that person down and when someone broke up with me I accepted that without making it harder for the other one and if was the one not feeling that this relationship was going somewhere I was honest and told that my partner.
I wouldn’t just throw them away or make them more miserable, I tried to make it as easy and as gentle as I could.

But with Amanda I just knew that this would last, that she was exactly what I was searching for. She completed me in a way no other girl had. That she had a troubled past, doesn’t matter for me, I had that as well…
She accepted me and my craziness that I sometimes just had to let out…
The craziness I could only describe as a little monkey that was playing drums inside of my head and sometimes he told me to do stupid or crazy things like to chase a stallion duck, Haha… that really was the biggest fucking duck I have ever seen in my entire life…
“What is so funny, Jimmy?” Amanda asked me with a smile.
“Nothing, babe… the little monkey in my head was chasing the stalling duck, I guess…”
“The monkey chasing the stallion duck? James, sometimes I wanna see inside your head so bad… you always make me smile.” Amanda replied.
She wasn’t thinking that I was crazy, she just loved me for who I am and that was why I loved her so damn much.
“Oh Amanda, babe you don’t have to see inside my head… You are in my heart and I am in yours that is our place to be for all our life.”
I saw a tear slip down Amanda’s cheek and I kissed it a way, tasted the salty teardrop. I looked into her eyes while she was staring at me, when I felt her hand on my cheek, “Don’t cry, Jimmy. These are happy tears!”
“I know, Babe. Mine as well.” I pulled her into a tight embrace and watched the other couples happily dancing.

Notes

Comments!!

Guys, final Chapter later today!
I'm sad.... :'(