Brian's Letters To Matthew

Dear Matthew,

We had our own New Years party for 1996. The hotel room you surprised me with that had champagne and even some chocolates. I could taste those chocolates and champagne to your lips for our midnight kiss. I felt so naughty being barely a teenager and I was in a hotel room with alcohol and no adults, and it got even naughtier. We were lucky that other guests went to the bars for New Years parties or we would have had many noise complaints. After we made love, I lost count after three times, we laid in each other’s arms. I could stay in your arms all day, every day and never get sick of it. Then, I thought I screwed it all up when I blurted out “I love you.”

I must confess I almost broke into tears when you smiled and said, “I know.” You didn’t have to say it back for me to know you felt the same. My heart went through waves of emotions. I couldn’t believe that I found the love of my life. And we made a lot of memories, didn’t we?

Like Valentine’s Day. You remember Valentine’s Day? You know I didn’t like flower giving because they stay in a beautiful vase of water and just sit there while they slowly die. So you found an alternative. You planted a rosebush in your mother’s garden, just for me? I wonder if it’s still there. Is it taken care of? Is it as beautiful as the day I got it? I remember your face when I handed you the present I made for you. You were fascinated with the bible, revelations, and different kinds of religion mythology. So I carved and painted you a fallen angel. I felt so proud of myself by how happy it made you. I remember the mornings I wake up and when I checked the clock, the angel sat right by it on the nightstand.

I remember you also cooked me dinner, steak and green bean casserole. Steak was a little dry, but you could make a mean green bean casserole. You were sweet to make it for me, and I enjoyed every bite.

Speaking of bite, after you treated me all day… I treated you all night. It was Valentine’s Day, the night couldn’t end without making love. After all the time I ask you to wear a condom, this is the night you ask me why I ask for that. I was scared that our love would be short lived. Sure we were young, we could find someone else. Like I said, we were young and I didn’t want anyone else. You knew we were clean, we gave our virginities to each other. I knew it was now or never. I had to tell you my secret. So I told you, I was a special birth. I was born with internal female reproductive parts and I could get pregnant. Doctors can’t explain it, cases like mine are rare as comets in the sky. No one else in my family has this, so I felt like the Haner Grade-A Freak. I was ready to leave and go on with my life because you wouldn’t want to see or hear of me again.

Then you respond with, “That’s pretty cool.”
I was taken so off guard, I asked you to repeat yourself. I still remember your words.

“To be a gay couple and to have our own kids, not adoption, our own flesh and blood is pretty cool. There’s nothing wrong with adoption, but I’ve never heard of a gay couple having their own kids. When we get older, we can have kids of our own.”

Oh Matthew, you just knew what to say to me, and just when I thought I couldn’t fall in love with you even more.

I’m still in love with you Matthew. It’s something I can never stop.

With all my love,

Brian

Notes

Thoughts??