Welcome to the Family

I quietly opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hall, careful not to wake my mother up before going down stairs. I entered the kitchen and pulled out all of the things I needed to make breakfast with out of the refrigerator. I got out the frying pan and started cracking the eggs into the bowl and added the dry ingredients, along with the rest of the wet ingredients.

I knew if I even dared to use the pancake mix and not make them from scratch, my mother would hit me again. I learned my lesson the first time I tried that. She hit me with her plate across the back and caused me to fall on my face, giving me a bloody nose and a giant bruise on my shoulder blade. I didn't want to repeat that morning again and poured the ingredients into the pan after turning on the heat.

As I let it cook on the first side, I grabbed another pan and began to make the bacon as I waited for the pancake to cook. I looked up out of the kitchen window as I stood in front of the stove, seeing my reflection and starred at my seventeen-year-old face.

Wait a minute…What was I doing here? Memory was starting to flood all back in. I looked all around me. I was back in my childhood home that was in Provo, Utah. The last thing I remember before now was me being in Florida with the guys. We had just finished our very first show. Was this a dream or…were the guys all just a dream? One of the memories had to be real…I just didn't know which one.

I prayed this wasn’t happening all over again. I did not want to have to relive my past. I thought I had escaped my mother in Chicago when I turned eighteen and left with Bert to go on Warped Tour. There was no way I could relive the abuse I had to face every day of my life since my real father had left my mother. She blamed me for it, even after all of these years when she was the one who chased him away. She was a drunk who always accused him of cheating. Finally he just couldn’t take it anymore, so he got up and left.

His walking out on us like that wasn’t just him abandoning me, he had left me there to die. Ever since that day, she started to abuse me. I was only eleven years old. After so many years of waiting for it to be over, for it all to end, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I thought more than once of killing myself, unable to wait until I turned eighteen so my mother had no right to make me stay. I was thirteen the first time I tried cutting my wrists, but I was already so weak from the day’s abuse I passed out on my bedroom floor with the blade still in my hand.

I didn’t try killing myself again for a while but I still cut every day. It was a good thing that I could wear long sleeved shirts every day because it was always so cold in Provo. That gave me a chance to hide the scars that were both self-inflicted and the scars that were not.

My mother suddenly appeared at my side, her venomous voice sending shutters down my spine. “Chelsea Daniels!” She shouted, throwing her hands on her hips. I slowly turned to face her, horrified as I knew what was about to happen next. “Don’t just stand there, staring out the window like some dunce! Get to work and don’t make me hit you again.” She seethed, threatening me with the back of her hand as she raised it in the air.

I instantly flinched as a reaction and flipped the pancake over and was lucky it hadn’t burnt. I didn’t know how long I had been staring at my reflection and was lost in my thoughts. I did a lot of my time day dreaming in my past. It was my only escape from the real world. “Yes ma’am.” I replied quickly, knowing if I hadn’t responded she would definitely hit me.

She stood there and watched my every move, telling me what I was doing wrong. I knew what I was doing, I cooked for her and the rest of my family every morning. There was my stepfather Bill, and half sister Rachael who I also had to work for every day, giving into their demands. I did their laundry, I cooked for them, breakfast, lunch and dinner and I cleaned…every single day of my miserable life since I was eleven.

I finished the bacon and put them on a plate, going back over to my second pancake and flipped it over. The side it was just on was almost black. Damn it…I accidentally burnt it. I just hope she didn’t see it-

Suddenly I was pushed onto the floor. I landed with a loud thud and lost my breath as my ribs hit the hard tile. The room was filled with the sound of the pan crashing against the floor as I accidentally drug it down with me. I winced in pain and tried to roll on my side but my muscles ached in agony. I turned my head and saw my mother standing over me with her arms folded across her chest.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you really expect me to eat this, or were you just planning to poison your little sister with it by feeding it to her?” She kicked me in the back. I doubled over and hugged my knees as tightly as I could and curled up in a ball. I was lucky enough that she was wearing house shoes as it softened the blow, if only just a little. “Get up and do it right!”

I just laid there and closed my eyes as I cried, trying to block her and the rest of the world out, but all I could hear were her screams. I wanted to be with my friends again, even if it all was only a dream. They may have been my imagination, but I still missed Blake, Kyle, Will, and even Cody. The thoughts of their smiling faces felt so real to me, too real to be a dream. I clutched my sides and pictured them all laughing and being their amazing themselves. I missed them…even if they were never real.


I felt someone nudge my shoulder and call my name, shaking me. I didn’t want to open my eyes, afraid to look up and see my mother in front of me with that angry expression that always seemed to be glued to her face. The person’s voice grew louder and clearer as the sound of being under water rushed through my ears again. All I could make out was my name being called repeatedly.

I started to speak, trying to tell who ever was shaking me to stop but all that came out were muffled words. I felt something covering my mouth. It felt like a mask. My eyes fluttered open to a brightly lit room with white walls and tile flooring. I was definitely not on a stage or in my mother’s kitchen anymore. I began to panic and quickly looked all around me, still unsure of my surroundings. My vision was still a little blurry as the light from the window flooded in and blinded me but I could still see.

“Chelsea, are you awake?” I heard someone ask from my right. I turned my head, seeing Blake standing at my bedside.

I instantly sat up as soon as I saw his relieved face. He began to speak again but I interrupted. “Where am I?” I asked, throwing off the oxygen mask and looked around again.

I could see now exactly where I was. I was lying in bed in a hospital. How did I get here? The last thing I could fully remember was my dream-Oh thank god, it was all just a dream! For a moment there, I thought my mother had hit me so hard again that she sent me into the hospital. I finally noticed Brian sitting in a chair that was in the corner of the room, realizing I had woken up and was now on the edge of his seat.

Blake grabbed onto my shoulder gently. “Relax, Chelsea. It’s okay,” He said, trying to soothe me, but waking up in a different place then what I remember last was far from relaxing. “Don’t freak out okay?” He asked, giving me a concerned look at what must have been my panicked expression.

He waited for me to answer before continuing so I gave him a nod. “You were talking to Hayley about something when she said suddenly you had just passed out, without warning. We all carried you to their trailer and waited for an ambulance. We didn’t know what was wrong or what to do. Brian rode with you in the ambulance and the rest of us caught a cab here.”

My eyes widened at the information. “Are you serious? I passed out?” I practically shouted, mostly from embarrassment. How many people actually saw me faint?

Brian stood and walked over the opposite side of the bed. “Calm down, Chels’, it’s alright. The doctor said you’ll go home as soon as you wake up and they run a couple more tests.”

“More tests? Wait a minute…how long have I been in here?” I asked the both of them, weary of hearing the answer.

“Since yesterday when the ambulance brought you.” Brian answered.

“I've been in here for two days?” I shrieked. “What about the tour? We were supposed to leave Tampa last night!”

“It’s alright I’ve got that taken care of already.” Brian assured me. “You don’t have to worry about anything but getting better.” He smiled.

Saying that still didn’t relax me. What exactly did he have to do to have it ‘taken care of’? I just hoped he didn’t have to cancel one of our gigs. I would have continued the questions and me ranting if someone hadn’t walked into the room.

A nurse came in with supplies to take my blood in a tray hung over her arm. The second I saw what everything was my eyes widened in horror as I began to freak out. I started to thrash around under my blankets, telling her to back off.

One of my fears was needles, and another was the sight of blood. Even though I've been poked and prodded all of my life, having my blood taken countless times, the sight of either of them freaked me out. Blood made me want to pass out and needles made me cringe. To see only one of them was bad enough, but when I was forced with both, well it was just too much for me.

“Calm down, Ms. Daniels, there is no need to panic. I'm only going to take a little blood.”

“Yeah, and I want you to back the fuck away from me with that thing.” I said, scooting far away from her as possible as she took Brian’s place beside my bed.

The boys both looked at me with alarmed expressions, shocked to see this side of me that I have come to hide so well.

She sighed and put the tray down on the bedside table. “Looks like I'm going to need some back up.” She walked over to the doorway and leaned out into the hall. “Hey Gladis, call Rickie over here. I'm going to need someone to restrain her. She does not want to give us any blood.”

I definitely started to panic again, against everyone telling me not to. I tried standing up out of my bed, hoping to get the hell out of here as fast as I could but Brian caught me by the arm and carefully pulled me back down.

“Let go, damn it!” I shouted, trying to throw off his grasp.

He grabbed on tighter and held me down. “I'm so sorry, Chelsea. Believe me, I don’t want to have to do this but I have no other choice.” He said with pleading eyes.

“Then let me go!” I said, starting to kick the covers down at my feet, trying to fight my way loose.

The nurse walked back in with two muscular orderlies following behind her. “Alright, you are going to have to sit still. I don’t want to have you restrain but if you don’t stop wiggling,” She warned, not finishing her threat as the two men came over on each side and held my shoulders and legs down.

Tears began to flood my eyes. I did not want to do this. There was no way they could just force me do something like that. I started to beg them to let me go but they still held on as the woman wrapped the band around my arm.

I looked over at Blake, knowing that somehow he would want to help me. He had so much despair in his eyes, unable to make eye contact with me and turned away. Next thing I knew I felt a sharp prick in my left arm. My muscles flinched but my body was barely able to move underneath the men’s weight on me.

“There,” The nurse said as my blood poured into the small tubes. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

I tried to hold back my smirk and avoided looking at the needle, just waiting for her to take it out already. As soon as she was finished and bandaged me up, the orderlies finally released me and left the room. The nurse stayed behind to check my heart rate and what condition I was in.

Blake came back over to my side and grabbed a hold of my hand, giving it a light squeeze. I wanted to throw him off for not helping me, but I forced myself to hold onto his hand, mostly because I knew it wasn’t his fault. There was nothing he could’ve done to stop it.

“So where are the rest of the guys?” I asked, watching the nurse check my blood pressure, trying to distract myself.

“Oh, they were here earlier, but they all got hungry and went out to go eat.” Brian said, sitting back down in his chair.

“How come you guys didn’t go? I'm sure you two are just as hungry as they are.” I asked, finding myself looking back and forth at the nurse, making sure she didn't pull out anymore needles without telling me, though I wouldn't trust her to tell me, knowing it would freak me out even more.

Blake shrugged. “I-We didn’t want to leave you here all by yourself, afraid that you might wake up soon.”

I nodded and gave them both a small smile. “Thanks, I would have hated waking up in a hospital with no one else around.” I turned to the nurse. “When can I get out of here?”

“Well the doctor needs to run some tests, see how you’re feeling and if you’re doing well then you can check out.” She said, gathering up all of her stuff, forcing herself to smile.

I groaned. “And when will that be?” I asked, feeling annoyed and very impatient to get out of here.

She shot the look right back at me. “Soon, but the doctor is very busy-”

“It’s not like he’s the only doctor who can check me out! Why can't you get someone else to do it?” I began to show the annoyance and frustration in my voice, tired of being here.

“Because,” Her voice grew angry. “You were assigned Dr. Monroe, and all of the other doctors were assigned with their own patients to tend to. Now, if you will just be patient I'm sure we can seek you the attention you need.” She said, picking up the tray and began to walk out.

I rolled my eyes, ready to give her a taste of her own medicine and stick a needle in her, see how she likes it.

“Are you okay Chelsea?” Blake asked, squeezing my hand again before letting go.

I sighed and sat up in bed. “I guess so. I'm feeling a little antsy right now and I just want to be back on the bus already.”

Brian came back over. “I know, and you will be soon. Just relax and I'm sure we’ll be out of here in no time.”

I nodded. “You’re right. I just need to get my mind off of it and maybe time will go a little faster.”

Brian smiled. “Exactly. Do you want to watch some TV while you wait for the doctor to get in?”

I shook my head. “No, TV will just make my impatience worse.”

“Okay, well the guys should be back soon. I told them to go ahead and get you something too, just in case you’re hungry.”

I laughed. “Let’s just hope Cody doesn’t eat it first before they get here because I'm starving.”

“Hey, Brian?” Blake asked. Brian looked up to meet his eyes. “Can you give me and Chelsea a minute alone? I really need to talk to her.” Uh-oh, was I in trouble?

Brian had shown a small hint of confusion in his face but shook it off and nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be out in the hall if you need me.” He said, walking out of the room.

I looked up at Blake, seeing a sad look in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Blake?”

He sighed, pulling a chair up to my bed and sat down. “Chelsea, how come you didn’t say anything?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, unsure of what he meant.

“You knew you were feeling bad, and yet, you didn’t say anything. You should have known something like this was going to happen. Did you even take your medicine today like we asked you?” Blake asked, almost sounding upset.

“Of course I did! Yeah, I knew I feeling sick, but-”

“Then how come you didn’t tell us? We could have taken care of you." I should have known he wasn’t going to let it go, that he was just going to bring it back up again sometime.

“Because I didn’t want you guys thinking I couldn’t handle it, or that I wasn’t able to do this tour anymore!” I began to shout again.

“What do you mean? We would never think that.” He said, somehow managing to keep his voice calm, even after I began to raise mine.

“Oh yeah? What happens the next time I'm feeling bad? Are you guys just going to dump me off at the bus while you all are having fun? What if I pass out on stage at the next show? What are you going to do then?”

“We would never just leave you like that, Chelsea. We care about you too much for that to happen. We won't leave you, we’ll be by your side the whole time to take care of you, to keep you company.” He said trying to reassure me but it wasn’t working too well.

“I don’t want to be tying you down, to have you all suffer along with me. I want you to have fun on this tour. I'm just holding you guys back.”

“Chels’, you aren’t holding us back.” He sighed.

“Yeah, not yet at least. What if I can't do the shows anymore? What if-”

“Okay, enough with the ‘what if’s'. You’re going to be fine Chelsea, you just have to tell us before anything like this happens again. I asked you if you were okay, and you lied to me. Maybe if you told me the truth, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Because I didn’t want you worrying about me. You all needed to focus on the show and not me. I didn’t want to be a distraction.”

“Oh, and if you had passed out during our performance, that wouldn’t have been distracting? We definitely wouldn’t have been able to do the show then.”

I rolled my eyes and turned my head away, avoiding his desperate eyes. “There is no way we’re going to leave you.” He continued. “We’ll always be here for you if you need our help. You just…have to tell us next time, okay?”

I sighed, feeling like I should just give up and let him win the argument, this time. He was right…like always. “Okay, fine. The next time I'm feeling sick, I'll tell you. I just don’t want you all getting worked up over it. It’s not that big of a deal, I just need to sit down for a minute and let the pain reside. Then I can be active again.”

He nodded and gave a soft smile. “Deal,”

The door to my room swung open and Cody and the rest of the guys all came rushing in. Cody ran over to me and instantly hugged me tightly, kind of hurting me in the tight embrace.

“Chelsea! You’re finally awake!” He screamed in my ear, almost causing me to go deaf.

I hugged him back as best as I could even though I was feeling a little weak. “Yup, I guess I was just missing you guys too much to stay asleep. I really needed to see all of your smiling faces again.” I said, pinching his cheek before letting go.

Will came striding over with a smile plastered to his face and hugged me too, thankfully not as tight. “Hey Will,” I hugged him as tight as I could without hurting myself. “I missed you most of all.” I whispered in his ear. Will was my best friend out of the group and he told me once that I was his bestie too.

He smiled and pulled away. “Hey Chelsea, how are you feeling?”

“Oh, I'm alright.” I sighed. “I just got my blood taken.” I frowned.

“Ugh, how did that go?” Cody asked Brian, knowing better than to ask me.

Brian’s eyes grew wide as he laughed. “Not well, let’s just say that.” They all laughed too but I was glaring.

I opened my arms for Kyle to hug me too as he stood behind every one, even though he wasn’t the type who liked to show affection. I started to pout when he shook his head at me. When I didn’t drop my arms he rolled his eyes and hesitantly walked over to me. I smiled as he gave me a short hug and awkwardly patted my shoulder.

I released him and smiled. “Thanks, I know you don’t like hugs and all, but I just wanted to let you know that I love you.”

“Well someone’s a little loopy from the morphine.” He whispered to Brian but I easily heard. I’ve never told the boys that I loved them, even though I do.

I gave him a look for not saying it back. He rolled his eyes again and half-smiled. “Love you too,” He mumbled.

I smiled and was happy to hear him finally admit some of his feelings out loud. He had always kept in a lot of his feelings and hardly ever shown any emotion to any of us.

“Hey, what about me?” Cody asked as he was pretending to be jealous.

I laughed. “And I’ve grown fond of you.” I joked.

He scoffed and put his hand to his heart. “Well thanks a lot.”

“Awe, I'm just joking. Of course I love you Cody. It wouldn’t be the same and as quiet without you.”

He smirked and folded his arms across his chest, surprisingly not throwing a comeback at me. Maybe it was because I was sitting in a hospital bed right now with an IV in my arm. I didn’t want him feeling sorry for me though. I was doing just fine right now and was happy to see them all again, glad that the dream wasn't real and that they weren't just made up characters in my head. That would have definitely made me insane.

“And I loves you Chels’. So when are you getting out of here?” He asked.

I groaned and threw my head back. “They aren’t sure. Maybe sometime today. I'm just waiting on the damn doctor to show up and tell me what the hell’s wrong with me, though it’s not like I don’t already know.” I snorted.

“Oh, here you go,” Kyle said, picking back up the brown paper bag they brought with them and handed it to me. “We got you a cheeseburger, just the way you like it.”

I smiled. “Yum, thanks.”

I ate my food as I continued to wait for the doctor to come in. An hour had passed until he finally walked into my room. He told me about what condition I was under and ran some more of their tests. It was 8 o’clock at night when we left the hospital. The doctor told me what I already knew and dragged on about being careful when it came to my condition.

All I wanted to do after we got back on the bus was sleep, even though I've slept for almost a whole day. My body felt so weak and ached every time I moved a muscle. This wasn’t the first hospital I've had been to since I've been diagnosed with Addison’s disease. I've been stuck in a hospital and had to stay a whole week more than three times, and that’s not counting the numerous times I just had to go to the doctor.

Maybe the disease was starting to overpower me and was taking control of my life, disabling me to do the things I've always dreamed of. I may just have to put my life on hold until I get better, but that would mean we would have to cancel the tour. Unless…

Would they continue the tour without me? I knew, in my heart, they wouldn’t do that, but either Blake or Will could easily replace me. They both had amazing vocals, each with their own style, and the band would do just fine without me. They didn’t even need me. Even if I weren’t able to tour any more, I would still want them to go on without me. I don’t want them giving up their dreams just because I couldn’t fulfill mine.


† † †

We all walked back onto the bus, most of us silent except for Cody who kept talking about the show today. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood for us all, especially me, but no one really responded to him well. I'm sure all was going to be better tomorrow.

Everyone claimed a spot on the couch or at the table but I just stood against the counter. “So…do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?” Brian asked. His voice was hushed and I could tell he was trying not to push the subject, but I knew they all wanted answers. I could feel the weight of everyone’s stare. I guess Blake didn’t tell anyone about our conversation earlier after all.

I shook my head and clutched my pillow I had with me since one of the guys had brought it to me at the hospital. I always slept with it and refused to wash it. It still had his scent on it… “No, I think I'm just going to bed.”

He nodded and looked away from me. “Okay, I guess you just need your rest.”

I nodded back and was thankful he let it go, hoping he didn’t press me about it later. “Yeah…” That was all that I was able to force out.

Will stood from the couch. “Hey Chelsea, we got you something yesterday. We left it here on the bus for when you got back.” He said, smiling and stuffed his hands down in his pockets.

A small, curious smile played on my lips. “What did you guys do?” I asked, knowing them it may have been a prank, like many times before. That, or they went out of their way to make me happy, again. They were always so good to me and did their best to cheer me up in bad situations.

Everyone but Kyle laughed. He only chuckled and shook his head, knowing exactly why I was suspicious.

Will playfully rolled his eyes, nodding towards the bunkroom. “Go ahead, look and see. It’s sitting on your bed.” I could see him trying to hide a grin as the corners of his mouth started turning upwards. That made me even more worried.

I gave him a look. “I'm warning you guys, if there is something in my bed that can bite, scratch or claw my eyes out, I'm going to kill all of you.” I threatened.

Everyone’s eyes widened then, looking as though I was pretty damn close to what they put on my bed. I shook my head. “What did you guys do?” I repeated, getting serious now. There was no telling what they did.

Kyle stood and held out his hands, telling me to calm down. “Chill out, it’s not going to hurt you. It’spossible, but it won't.”

That just made me confused. “What are you talking about?”

He rolled his eyes in annoyance and strode over to me, grabbing me by my arm and led me to my bunk. The curtains were closed, like I usually had them. I just stared at it, afraid to pull them back and see a spider or something on my blankets.

“Well, you gonna look, or…do we just have to take it back before you even know what it is?” He asked, trying to tempt me…it worked.

I slowly slid open the curtain and looked inside, revealing something that was little, black and grey curled up in a ball. I gave him another confused look.

“What is it?” I asked, afraid to touch it.

He chuckled, a real laugh this time and grabbed my hand, pulling it over to the small little fuzz ball. I tentatively held out my hand, brushing it softly. Suddenly the fur ball sat up and released out a cute little sound, sounding close to a purr.

The second I saw it I jumped on Kyle and hugged him as tightly as I could. I couldn’t believe they got me a kitten! He was so cute, having long, fuzzy fur that was a tabby coat but was mostly grey. He was so little I just wanted to pick him up and cuddle him against my face.

I was squeezing Kyle so tightly he couldn’t hug me back and made a grunting sound as I held on to him. I released him and looked behind me, seeing everyone standing at the door, watching me. They all laughed at me. Will held his arms out for a hug so I stood and hugged him even tighter, but unlike Kyle, he did hug me back, as best as he could. I gave them all hugs and kisses on the cheek, except Kyle because I know he hated that.

“Thank you guys so much, but you didn’t have to get me anything.” I said, sitting back down on the edge of my bed and picked the little thing up in my hands, bringing him up to my chest and held him. He stretched in my arms and began to purr.

“We know, but we wanted to get you something that will cheer you up. We all know how much you love animals, especially cats.” Will said, sitting across from me into his bunk.

I squealed in excitement and scratched the back of the kitten’s ears. “Is it a boy or girl?” I asked them.

“Boy,” Cody said, making me scoot over, grabbing my pillow and sat down next to me. He put it back inside and started to pet him too. “So what are you going to name him?”

I thought for a moment, looking him over carefully, looking at his bright golden eyes and the darkness of his fur. He was mostly black so the first name that popped up in my head seemed to fit almost perfectly. “Why not Shadow?”

They all nodded and smiled. “I like it, and it fits him.” Cody said as I handed him over so he could hold him.

“Thank you guys so much!” I continued to shriek, especially after Cody handed him back after he had enough time with him. He wasn’t much of a cat person.

I took him and set him back down and onto my pillow. He got comfortable and curled up into a ball again.

“You’re welcome, of course.” Brian smiled. “Well it looks like someone’s not going to get any sleep, now is she?” He asked the others. They all laughed and went back into the living room after I continued to thank them.

I laid down on my side and closed the curtains, resting my head down on my arm for a pillow and used my free hand to pet him. He continued to purr and soon he and I both fell fast asleep.

Notes