Seize The Day or Die Regretting.

~Heather~
30 minutes earlier. . . .
I sat on the couch watching some television and writing some music quietly, I had the day off; actually I was on maternity leave so I’m off for a while now. Brian left for work earlier this morning. I enjoyed the quiet; lately he’s been edgy and anxious. He was really anxious this morning. He got up, he tried not to wake me up but I was already awake so I just stayed in bed. He had a shower, that’s when I got up and made him coffee and a quick breakfast. He came out all dressed and ready to go to work. He took his to-go mug, kissed me and our daughter Good-Bye and left. He left really early this morning, it made me wonder where he went. I know he was going to work but he left extremely early so I want to know where he was going before he went to work. That’s when all the horrible thoughts ran through my head. I kept thinking he was seeing another woman, he’s having an affair. He thinks I’m fat and ugly so he’s trading up. I didn’t want to think that but I was. He’s been cold towards me lately, rarely putting his hands on me. It made my heart break inside my chest. It also made me think back to when we first got together; maybe all of this was just a hoax. He saw a chance to pounce when I told him that I’ve been saving myself for him. He saw the opportunity to use me and he did.
Brian came home at five o’clock that night. He wasn’t pleased that I was awake but I did have nap. I slept most of the afternoon and only woke up about a half hour before he got back. I made a cup of Raman noodles for dinner and had a can of soda. I watched some TV; the News to be exact. Apparently a Mini Mart not too far from here was robbed earlier today. Alot of robberies have been happening lately. It’s frightening and I was alone so I called Brian, he said it was okay and he’d be home soon.
The weather had turned into a server thunderstorm which is beautiful. In the dark, my body sat at the floor to ceiling window in the living room and watched as the rain fell from the sky. Brian was on the phone with his dad, papa Gates. I sat cross legged on the floor watching the rain slide down the window as the lightening cracked the sky brightly. Thunder rolled around the sky like boulders falling from the cliff side.
I still haven’t asked Brian about it yet, I want too so badly but I’m scared. I am a coward.
I heard him come into the living room and groaned loudly as he sat next to me. We used to do this as kids, when there was a thunder storm we’d sit at a window, side by side and listen. We’d make up stories and sing little songs.
“Heather?” He spoke up with a small voice. I looked over at him with a straight face. My stomach was knotting and twisting.
“Yeah?” I replied softly. Brian’s eyes fell down to the floor between us as he remained silent. I swallowed hard and waited for him to speak the words on his mind. He looked back up to me. His face was slightly burnt under his eyes from the amount of time he spent in the sun today.
“Can I ask you something?” He asked. I smiled and nodded nervously.
“Of course.” I said in reply. He bit his lip nervously and looked deeply into my eyes, like he was peering into my soul with a purifying gaze that blessed my past from all its demons.
“Where do I stand with you?” He questioned softly. His question took my breath away. I sat there quietly. My gaze fell down to my lap. I smiled and giggled stupidly.
“Wherever you want to stand with me.” I replied quietly. My eyes crawled up to meet his brightened gaze. His eyes smouldering hazel in the darkness brightened by my reply.
“So I can be more than just a friend to you?” He asked. My heart bounded around my chest as I was sent sky rocketing into the sky. I felt like a firework and I just blew up in the sky into hundreds of colours. I smiled at him with a nod.
“Do you think of me like that?” I questioned with a gentle voice. His face lit up like the sun in the big blue sky. Those dark eyes brightened into gold as a soft smile crossed his face. I felt his soft, warm hand press against my cold face; his thumb stroked my cheek gently. I couldn’t smell the salt water lingering off his skin which was off because I could smell his soap. Seriousness fell on his face, his hand as removed from my cheek. He looked down into his lap with a serious expression.
“Yes. But I’m scared.” I looked over at him and furrowed my eye brows.
“Why?” I asked softly. He frowned sadly as a single crystal like tear rolled down his cheek slowly. He really was afraid. Is he was crying he must be terrified. He sighed heavily and looked at me with a failed smile.
“I’m scared that if I screw up, I’ll lose you forever.” His words touched my heart with a fire clutch.
“You’ve been my best friend for twenty-five years I can’t afford to lose you.” He said softly. I knew what he meant. I was scared I’d lose him forever as well. I was so scared that he’d get the best of me. I was scared that he’d feel the pain I’ve felt, the faith I’ve lost. I’ve done things in my past that I’m not proud of and I’m scared he’ll find the worst part of me after he got the best. I bit my bottom lip and looked at him with a faded smile.
“I’ve got another confession to make,” I began with a broad voice. His eyes wandered up to mine curiously. I smiled from the corner of my mouth as I put my hand on the side of his face; his jaw line ran across my ring finger. His warm skin was soft and smooth. I used my thumb to wipe the tear from his cheek.
“I’m your fool.” I announced with a smile. The feeling inside me felt like I just popped a packet of pop rocks in my mouth then chugged a can of cola. It was crazy and exhilarating. I loved it. I stroked his cheek again before pulling his face to mine, our lips grazed lightly.
I felt his hands grab either side of my face and press my lips hard against his. His lips tasted sweet and bitter. I could taste the alcohol on his breath. I could smell it lingering off his breath as well. I felt my hand fall from his face, hitting my lap loosely. I felt his body pushing me back towards the ground. My body lay on the ground while his was hovering above mine. I felt him press his body against mine. His hands crept up my sides, ridding my shirt up with them, the feeling of his rough touch gliding across my skin made me shiver. This was moving too fast. I can’t do this.
I felt my heart beating in my throat as my stomach fell into my butt nervously. I pushed him away from me and sat back up. I saw him frowning a little. He looked at me and shook his head sadly.
“See, I screwed up.” He uttered softly. I smiled and shook my head. My mind reeled onto the thought, it made my smile fade.
“It’s not you, it’s...” I began but embarrassment took hold of me, my cheeks brightened with redness. I needed to tell him, he needed to know. I swallowed the pill they call pride and closed my eyes tightly before looking at him.
“I’m, I’ve never been with a guy like that.” I announced with so much embarrassment it was almost suicide. I hide my face in my hands smiling widely through embarrassment. I felt his hands wrap around my wrists carefully pulling them from my face and into my lap. I looked at him with reddened cheeks. He was smiling sweetly at me.
“Who were you saving yourself for?” He asked calmly. I blushed even more and laughed softly.
“You.”


My mind slid from the dreaming state slowly. I smiled and stretched out on the soft, warm bed. I could feel the sun on my skin, the warming glow basking me gratefully. I could hear the cares driving down the street along with birds tweeting away outside the window. The sheets wrapped around my bare skin like ribbon on a present. The sheets began just above my tail bone, leaving all of my back bare to the sun’s glowing rays. I could feel my hair; it was draped over to the side as I slept on my stomach.
I inhaled deeply and let it out carefully. I pulled the pillow further under my head using my arms. They folded under the floppy pillow. My heart beat fluttered happily as I felt the bed beside me move carefully. I felt a pair of lips press against my shoulder lightly; they made Goosebumps rise on my skin. I turned to look at Brian with a gracious morning smile. His hair was all messy not like it usually is. His eyes were bright and so full of life. My eyes couldn’t help but wander down his body. He was heavily tattooed and toned. He was muscular but not too bulky. The white sheets began just passed his hips as he rolled onto his back. My gaze darted back to his. He smiled at me happily, a smile only he can perfect.
“Good morning beautiful.” He greeted with a soft, morning toned voice. I blushed at him as he kissed my shoulder again.
“Good morning.” I repeated with a girly smile. I gaped at him with every ounce of emotion that he let me feel last night. It was way beyond what I imagined. Every single second had its own emotion. It was perfect in every way. Doing something so natural, something only Mother Nature has created while outside Mother Nature’s wrath is crossing the sky and washing away the troubles. Making love while there is a huge thunder storm outside is the most beautiful thing ever.
“How’d you sleep?”His voice questioned me sweetly. I put my hand on the side of his head, stroking his cheek with my thumb softly.
“I slept wonderfully.” I replied softly.
“What’d you dream of?” He asked softly. My lips curled even wider at the thought of the magnificent dreams that roamed my mind last night.
“I had wonderful dreams of a beautiful man.” I whispered softly. He smiled widely and kissed my lips softly. I rolled over onto my side, his arm hooked over me, holding my hand and hugging my body close to his. I loved the way his skin felt on mine. I loved the way it made me feel like I was caught in a watery hurricane that revolved around a fiery tornado. His voice against my ear sounded like a thousand bells ringing in a sky of fire above an ocean. My smile faded as my head came back down from cloud nine.
“I take it you need to get up to go to work.” I said with a flat tone. His lips formed a weak smile as he brushed the dark hair from my face and pulled it behind my ear.
“They won’t mind me being gone, I just want to stay here in this bed and hold you close to me, just the way we are now.” He answered softly and tucked me closer to him, our bodies pressed together like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. I smiled widely and rejoiced in the feeling of serenity that flowed in the air. I laughed sweetly when I heard Brian singing a Train song. I loved this song; I didn’t care what any one said it’s such a nice song. I sank into him with a thoughtful expression. Something kept nagging at my mind; I needed to know if he was being ironic or sincere.
“Brian,” I exclaimed softly. I felt his chest sink against my back.
“Yes?” He replied quietly.
“Last night, when we were making love, you said you love me. Were you being ironic or?” I asked with a gentle voice. I fell back as he hovered over me with a sincere expression crossing his face. His eyes examined me carefully.
“I was being serious. I mean it, every time I say it. I love you.” His words made me feel amazing. I smiled as he brought his face down to mine, his lips pressed against mine.
The moment was cut short by the front door opening and slamming shut. We both jumped sky high and scrambled around the room. I heard Jimmy’s voice loudly calling through the house. Brian threw on a pair of jeans and went out to greet him. I could hear them talking a little as I struggled to get dressed. I tried to pull up a pair of jeans but they weren’t cooperating. I tossed on a beige tank top and went to join the men in the living room.
When I entered the living room Jimmy gave me a cheeky smile and shook his head.
“I take it you had a long night.” He uttered. Brian came back in with three mugs of coffee; he was blushing, the great Brian Haner was blushing. He passed right by me and set them down on the table. I smiled and went over to his side. He had gotten a normal tee shirt on now.
“So you two are together now?” Jimmy asked curiously. I smiled and blushed slightly looking over at Brian. He was already looking at me with a peaceful smile. He hooked his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him.
“Yep.” Brian replied to Jimmy. I nodded as if seconding his answer. Jimmy laughed hardily and sipped his coffee.
“About fucking time.” He muttered. I smiled and laughed lively.
We had a nice morning together, talking and having coffee. It was a nice time to just sit and talk with people you’ve grown up with. I remember there being a night about three years ago Jimmy nearly died. He was so close to dying but I saved him. I made sure he was okay. It would’ve sucked because it was only a few days after Christmas. The guys didn’t know this.
Brian had to go to work with Jimmy but before he left he had kissed me Good-Bye. His breath lurked into my nostrils, which was okay since he brushed his teeth. I smiled by the feeling of his chin hair brushing against my chin. I giggled softly.
“The Brian Haner chin fuzz strikes again.” I whispered softly. He smiled and nodded, kissing me again. Before he walked out the front door he looked at me with a brightened smile. The three words that he spoke made my heart race. They maybe only three little words but they made me feel like the only girl, like we’re the only two people in the world.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I was extremely stupid and to think he actually loved me, he hasn’t been able to hold a girlfriend so he used me as a fuck buddy. Great I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I told him I loved him.
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes when I heard the front door open and close again; Brian came in earlier than expected. I sniffled and composed myself into calm. Brian looked at me, he had his tie undone and his jacket hung open. He was sweaty and pale. He had his suit case and a duffle bag, I’m guess it’s his gym bag he got back from Jimmy. I furrowed my eye brows at him curiously.
“What’re you doing home so early?” I asked curiously, swallowing hard. My voice was shaky and distraught. Brian froze slightly and sighed, blowing the dark hairs from his sweaty face.
“I’m not feeling very well, Drew sent me home.” Brian said softly. I nodded.
“Yeah, you’re really frail looking. I’ll make you some tea, you go get changed and relax.” I said in a mothering way. Brian nodded and turned to go to the bedroom. I knew something was coming up my throat, not vomit but words.
“Brian,” I said, he stopped and turned back to me with a shy expression.
“Mhm,” He hummed. My heart was racing inside my chest, my palms were sweaty and my knees were shaky. I shared a shy smile and beamed up at him.
“I love you.” I told him. His doughy brown eyes glowed brightly as his lips twisted into a wide smile.
“I love you too.” He told me proudly before turning to go to the bedroom to get changed. It was reassuring to know that he loves me. The way his eyes light up and he smiles at me, he’s not having an affair. He’s not cheating on me. He loves me unconditionally with his entire being. I can’t believe I’d be so silly to think that. But if he’s not cheating then what’s he doing? I got up and went to the kitchen. I flipped on the kettle and pulled the newly cleaned mug from the cup board. My stomach dropped when I heard the TV in the back ground, my heart stopped as the mug slipped from my grip and shattered against the ground. I stepped out from the kitchen to the living room. My eyes were wide with rage and anger was running through my veins. The TV was showing something that made me understand everything.
BREAKING NEWS: BANK IN HUNTINGTON BEACH ROBBED. SUSPECTS WANTED!
“Heather, I heard,” Brian said as he came out of the bedroom. He stopped when he saw me. He was wearing a pair of black board shorts and a white V neck tee shirt. I narrowed my gaze at him as my fists curled into tight balls.
“You fucking asshole! I thought you were having an affair on me but really you were robbing again.” I snarled at him, I knew I shouldn’t get physical with him but I can certainly yell at him. I can scream my head off at him if I damn well pleased. Brian wore a sobered expression; he looked like he was happy I found out. But he also looked like he was upset about me pinning him for cheating even though he hasn’t. I had tears of anger, sadness and frustration in my eyes. I gripped my hair as tears fell down my cheeks.
“You promised me, you said you’d never do this again. And what do you do? You go and do this again and now they know it’s you. They’re coming to get you and you’re not gonna run, you’re gonna take it like a fucking man.” I sneered at him harshly. Brian frowned at me grimly.
“I did it because,”
“-Because, you decide to go the easy way instead of working things out. We may not be the richest people in the world but we’re getting by.”
“-Barely! We’re barely getting by! I want our daughter to have everything we didn’t.” He made a piss poor excuse for himself. I shook my head and sniffed as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Well guess what? She’s gonna grow up without daddy now.” I sobbed at him heavily. Brian didn’t have anything to say after that. He stared down at me with watery eyes and a solemn expression. I composed myself, wiping the tears from my eyes. I pointed to the couch.
“You’re going to park your ass on that couch, I’m gonna call the cops and I’m gonna turn you in. You’re not gonna run or leave. You’re gonna do the right thing and fess up to this.” I told him with a hard voice. He didn’t give me a response; he just walked over to the couch and sat down. I didn’t care that he was the man I loved, he was going to be a man and do the right thing. I hope it’s killing him to know he’s not only hurt me but he’s also hurt his baby girl, the same girl he’s supposed to protect and cherish with his entire being. Now here I am calling the police on him. I watched as they came into my house and took him outside, he started to struggle a bit, and they tackled him to the ground and cuffed him. I stood in the front door way sobbing. He kept his eyes on me. He looked sad and disappointed in himself. My heart broke.
“I’m so sorry.” He said before they took him away.

Notes