Chapter Eighty-Four:

Brian’s POV

I haven’t been sleeping. I keep having nightmares about Ace and worst case scenarios with her kidnapping. I can’t believe they actually fucking took her. I’ve been going out with the guys and hanging up missing posters, because there isn’t much else that we can do. I’m going out of my fucking mind.

I can’t function while I don’t even know if she’s okay. Is she alive? Is she dead? What are they doing to her? Every time one of them rears their evil faces, she breaks down a little more inside. I hate that they get to her the way that they do. It’s not natural to target someone and take so much pleasure in their pain as they do with Ace. She’s such an amazing woman. Who would want to taint that?

I hate that I couldn’t protect her.

“Hey man, you okay?” Matt asked me, as he sat down next to me. I shook my head. I held up a hand, warning him.

“Don’t, bro. You don’t want to be around me, right now.” I told him. Between not sleeping and the rage that I’m feeling, I’m on edge. I don’t want to take it out on him.

“You’re slipping, Brian. I’m not going to let you go through this alone. You love her and it’s the only way that I know how to help. I know that Lydia would kick my ass if she knew that I let you sit here and feel sorry for yourself. I won’t do it, man.” Matt told me, making it obvious that he really wasn’t going to go anywhere. I sighed and looked over at him. I don’t want to lose in front of anyone. I’m a man and I don’t cry, especially in front of one of my best friends. “Dude, c’mere,” Matt held his arms out for me, but I shook my head.

“I’m cool.” I told him. He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push it.

“Talk to me.”

“What is there to say?”

“Say what you’re feeling. Get it off your chest. It can’t hurt – can it?” He tried. I shrugged.

“I keep picturing her, Matt. I see her bleeding, crying, bruised, caged, dead, dying, suffering… I can’t get it to stop. No matter what I do, that’s all I see, every fucking night. I know that they’re hurting her and I can’t stand that. She’s gone through so much, already. What if she’s not the same person when she comes back? It’s killing me to think that they’re breaking her spirit. I can’t. I just can’t.” I unloaded on Matt. He put a hand on my back, but I shrugged it off. “I need some air.” I told him, getting up.

I walked up the basement stairs and through the Baker’s living room. I haven’t really been home since Lydia was snatched. I walked onto the patio and sank to my knees. I was losing it and I didn’t want an audience.

“Hey Bri, have you seen Hayd…?” Jimmy asked from behind me, as he stepped outside. I heard the glass door slide close. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, as he crouched down next to me.

It was too late to care that Jimmy would see me lose my shit. Hot, frustrated tears stormed down my face. I couldn’t hold it in, anymore. I hadn’t let myself lose it. I’ve been keeping this under wraps since she left. I just can’t, anymore. I can’t.

“Dude,” Jimmy whispered. He wrapped his arms around me and my head fell onto his shoulder. He didn’t say anything else, just let me get it out. It was humiliating and I didn’t care.

“I need her back, Jimmy. I need her.” I whispered, as I tried to slow the tears.

“We’ll get her back, Brian. She’s a fighter. She’ll kick ass.” He assured me. I coughed and pulled away from him. I turned away and cleaned my face off, before facing him, again. “We’re here for you. There’s no shame. We’re all feeling it. Some of us not as much as you, but we miss her, too.”

“Thanks, man. I know I haven’t really been here, but I appreciate you guys.”

“Don’t sweat it. We’re cool. Everyone gets it.”

---

After Doug got home, he offered to take me and Zacky to the gym. We taped up our hands and started wailing on the punching bags. It was nice. It helped get out a lot of my frustration and almost made me feel a little better, almost.

Notes

You'll see a bit from Daniel's and Derek's POV tomorrow. Next chapter will be up sometime tomorrow, but there will not be a new chapter up Saturday.

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Brownies and good things all around,
Katie