Matt’s P.O.V
Two days.

It’s been two days since Hannah, the love of my life, died in my arms. It’s been two days since I’ve eaten anything, since I started drinking and crying myself into the worst state I’ve ever been in.

My dad came over to see me, bringing me food from my mom and cakes from Amy, but they didn’t come with him because they couldn’t stand to see me like this. Drunk and broken. Fuck, I wasn’t even like this when Val and I split up and we were together for most of my life.

Then it was Papa Gates turn to come over, letting himself into my house, he entered with confidence but when he saw me that vanished.

“Matt, come on son, talk to me,” He pleaded but I just continued to write lyrics. We were supposed to go into the studio on Monday and I wasn’t going to be going in unprepared.

“Can’t,” I mumbled “Have to work, for Hannah,” I told him.

“Matt, she would want you to continue to work and be happy, but she wouldn’t want you to turn into a caveman due to how much alcohol you were consuming,” He sighed.

“She’d want me to cope however I needed to,” I snapped at him “So just butt out,”

“I’m going to go check on Brian and the rest of the guys, I’ll see you later,” I said nothing else, only continued to write.

Eventually I decided to take a break from writing, I was frothing with inspiration an ideas, but I didn’t have it in me to carry on. I walked into the bedroom that Hannah and I never got to share, and although I hadn’t slept up here since I moved all of our things in here, I had sprayed her side of the bed with her perfume, as well as some of her clothes. I lay down on my side of the bed, turned her pillow to the side and held it close to me, closing my eyes and imagining it was her.

Her engagement ring adorned my pinkie finger, I’d slipped it off of her finger and into my pocket when I got her out of that horrible place where she died.

Died. That horrible word, the word that told me she would never come back to me, she had moved on, young and beautiful not old and grey, unmarried and without children too. I knew I was never going to pass this.
~~~~
I’d returned to writing lyrics after dozing off hugging onto Hannah’s pillow, only to be interrupted by Brian who took a drink of my Vodka and then suggested we go out to the bar and get hammered. Although Johnny’s bar was where Hannah used to work, it was also the place where the guys and I had the best times of our lives when we were just kids.

“Have you seen the guys recently?” I asked Brian, peering over my glass of whiskey.

“Just my dad,” He shrugged “Jimmy came over for like, five minutes, but he was being weird and left quickly, apparently Zack lost it and went on a ‘road trip’, you’d think it was his wife who’d
died,”

“At least you got a wife,” I choked, the tears coming back and threatening to spill.

“I’m sorry man,” Brian said sympathetically, clapping me on the back.

“Hey,” I said “We both lost the women we love, we’re dealing with this together, right?” He nodded.

I could practically feel everyone’s eyes on us as we sat in the back corner, our usual booth and drank our sorrows away. Johnny insisted that all of the drinks were on the house, and I was sure as Hell taking advantage of that, soon I’d have a funeral to pay for.

Oh shit. The funeral, I hadn’t even told her parents that she had died and I was thinking about her fucking funeral?! Speaking of telling Hannah’s parents, I’d been ready to do it when Jimmy showed up being all weird.
~~~~
Hours later, it was actually closing time in the bar, but after Johnny closed, he stayed back, behind the bar and continued to supply us with drinks.

“Bri…” I slurred “I love you man… if I didn’t have you right now… I don’t know what I’d… d-do,” I hiccupped at the end. I don’t remember the last time I got this drunk.

“I feel you, dude…” He slurred back “We’re going to help… help each other through this, okay? It’s you and me now,”

Hannah loved me and there was no doubt about that, she promised to spend the rest of her life with me and she did exactly that. She made me the happiest I have ever been in the time we were together, she wanted to be my wife and have my children and that’s all I could have asked for. But now, all I could ask for was to have her back in my arms.

Notes

I apologize sincerely for this!
MORE TO COME!

- LMV x