Two months after Matt and Jason had their ‘first,’ things went down hill. He still hadn’t told Brian and Zack about their relationship but they had run into the couple while eating diner. They played it off as friends and joined the small family for diner. Jason was a bit freaked out that he had almost had sex with both of his boyfriends best friends, he sent Matt a text.

‘When I worked for ‘Dirty,’ I almost had sex with both of them…individually.’

‘Oh shit. I bet that’s awkward.’

‘You’re telling me. I bet they guessed were together.’

‘I hope not. I don’t think I’m ready to tell them.’

‘I know. I won’t push you to tell.’

Dinner wasn’t very eventful, they ate, talked a little and then parted ways. It was a few days later when things fell apart for Matt. He had arrived at Jason’s house to surprise him with diner. His mom had taken the baby for the night. When he rang the doorbell he heard a voice scream though the house. ‘I got it.’ That was odd. Jason lived alone.

When the door opened a man stood in a pair of faded jeans and no t-shirt. Matt heard a loud “Fuck.” Through the house and Jason stumbled down his hallway. Looking over the other man’s shoulder Matt saw that his boyfriend was in nothing but a towel. “Matt it’s not what it looks like.”

Hazel eyes just stared at the half naked bodies, putting two and two together; anger started a course through Matt’s system. “Really then explain it to me.”

“Randy I think you better leave for now.” Jason sighed.

“We have to get this video done by tonight or our asses are getting sued.” Matt’s eyes widened in shock, he had never expected this. Randy attempted to walk from the house but Matt braced his hands on either side of the door way looking right at his boyfriend.

“You never got out of the porn industry did you?” Matt demanded, not taking a step into the house. Jason looked down at his feet and shook his head. “I fucking knew it was too good to be true.”

“I’m sorry Matt I needed the money.” Jason raised his head and pleaded with his eyes for Matt to forgive him.

“You could have come to me, regardless of what it was you knew I would have given you anything you asked for.” Matt too his hands off the door frame and looked at the man in front of him. “Don’t worry about leaving. Do your shoot.” Jason looked surprised at Matt’s words. Was he really going to let him continue doing videos while dating? Matt backed out of the house with his eyes on Jason. Seeing the hope on his boyfriends face made Matt’s decision for him. “We’re over.”

He couldn’t be with someone who wanted to be shared. He needed someone who would love him for who he was and be satisfied with all that he is. He feels the need to be wanted but only by one who wants him and him only.

Getting into his truck he sped off. Why is it through all the relationships he’s had in his life time everyone had cheated on him? Matt couldn’t help but feel inadequate in some way shape or form. He couldn’t help it. Was there something he wasn’t giving his significant other physically? Every person he’s dated he was faithful too besides Val but that’s only because she cheated and he knew their relationship would end when he went home. Matt put his all into every relationship he was in and he gave and gave in most of them but didn’t rightfully receive anything in return. Tears pricked at his eyes.

Jason had been his first boyfriend and even he had cheated. Not wanting to spend the night alone Matt called Brian and asked if he and the baby could spend the night. Brian was a bit suspicious but he agreed in a second. That’s what led to Matt driving to get Kage from his mothers home and then heading thirty minutes in the other direction just to get to his friend’s house.

Brian and Zack greeted him happily when he showed up. He put on a smile and greeted them warmly. He also said a quiet hello to Zack’s brother, meeting him truly for the first time. The had seen each other at Brian and Zack’s party but never said a word to one another.

“Have you eaten yet?” Brian sat down on the couch next to Matty while Matt sat on the arm chair.

“No not yet I was going to but,” He paused. “Plans changed.”

“Well there’s more than enough of that stew Zack’s making.” Matt’s stomach grumbled just thinking about Zack’s cooking.

“I hear you on that one.” Matty joked, poking fun at Matt, causing the older man to blush.

Brian watched the sight play out before his eyes. Matt had been reduced to shy mess where as Matty smiled and tormented him with little comments to make him flush. Fifteen minutes had passed and Zack announced dinner was done. Everyone piled around the table and feasted like none other. Jared had seen his uncle Matt and cheered with joy, pouncing on him the second he saw him. Matt took it in stride and carried the little boy to the kitchen. Brian grabbed the baby carrier that Kage was sleeping in and took it with them.

As they ate, jokes and stories of all sorts went around the table. Zack had embarrassed Matty enough times that Matt lost count. He was happy that his friends had taken some of the sadness away for a while but it returned later that night when he had put the baby to sleep. Matt sat alone outside just looking around the back yard; Nix and Blottie were playing around. He couldn’t help but to think of what had happened earlier on that day, all of his insecurities came back. Tears pricked at his eyes and his nose became stuffy. Someone opened the back door and came out on the deck just as he sniffled. Matt looked up to see Matty sitting down and lighting a cigarette.

“Is everything alright man?” Mattie asked taking a puff off of his cancer stick; he had noticed Matt’s eyes glimmer with fresh tears.

“Not so much.” Matt found himself admitting to this near stranger.

“What’s up?” Mattie asked holding his cigarette out to Matt. The older man took it and puffed off of it. He hadn’t smoked since he was a teen but he felt like he could use a good smoke right about now.

“Just a really fucking bad day.” Matt passed the smoke back and snapped his gaze to the dog. “You work for Dirty Visual right?” Matty’s eyes snapped up to look at the other man, licking his lips he nodded. “As of recently have you don’t a shoot with a guy named Jason Berry?”

“Yeah two weeks ago why?” Matty finished off his cigarette and stubbed it out with his shoe.

“I was just wondering.” Matt tried to end the subject but Matty wouldn’t have it.

“Does he have something to do with your bad day?” Matty was honestly curious, he had heard all sorts of rumors going around his job. Especially the one that Jason had gloated about, he had a boyfriend. One that didn’t know what he was doing while at shoots. “Don’t take this the wrong way if you don’t swing like me but you were dating him weren’t you?”

“Yup, you got the past tense part right to. I was. Not anymore though.” Matt tapped his fingers on the outdoor table.

“In some relationships, it depends on the person but sometimes they are okay their boyfriend or girlfriend being with someone else.” Matty spoke quietly. “Zander and I have been together for a long time. He does shoots and so do I but at the end of the day if its not on camera we are only with each other.”

“I could never do that.” Matt wouldn’t look up at the other man. “Nothing against you or anyone who can handle it but I need to be with someone who only wants me. So far I haven’t been lucky with that part.”

“Sometimes it gets to be too much. My insecurities get to me when I sit back and watch my boyfriend fuck so many men that their names and faces are blurred in my mind. He does things in his videos that he won’t or hasn’t done with me; he says I’m not the type to like those things. Regardless of how many times I tell him I’m fine with it he won’t believe me. Someone on the outside would think ‘on he doesn’t want to hurt you so he loves you’ but I know that’s not the case. If he loved me so much he would trust me when I say that I want to do that type of thing with him.” Matty paused lighting another cigarette. “The sad part is I know he doesn’t love me. I’m just a warm body to come home to at night.”

“Then why do you stay with him?” Matt finally looked up into the eyes of the smaller man.

“He’s a warm body to come home to at night. I loved him at one point in time but that slowly faded. We have sex all day for work. Come home, he eats in the living room while I’m at the table. We barely say anything to one another unless it deals with sex or work. We don’t do anything together like watch movies or go on dates. We never fight anymore because neither of us really care when the other does something we don’t like. ” Matt understood what he meant. “I can’t judge him for his actions at work either. The reason I joined Dirty Visual was to screw people. Some would say that I am addicted to sex but I can control the urges. I just like having sex.”

“When does your contract run out?” Matt wondered, remembering all the talk that Brian and he did about Dirty Visual when they went to court.

“I have six months left but the only way I would sign with them is if they edited my contract a little bit.” Matty gave a coy smile. “I made them agree to let me go any time I wanted out because at the time I had to take care of my ill aunt and had to leave in a moments notice. I covered my ass so they couldn’t sue me if I had be absent for a long time.”

“When you talk about work you don’t sound too happy.” Matt commented.

“I’m not. I came over tonight to ask my brother’s advice about what to do but I never got around to it.” Matty chuckled.

“If you want my opinion I say if you are unhappy with the type of work you do and you have a way out, quit.” Matt stood from his chair and stretched. Not catching the pair of eyes lingering on his stomach where his shirt road up.

“If I quit now I need to find another job and there’s no guarantee that I will get one. I have to have work to get an apartment, pay my rent and eat. I know as soon as I quit Zander and I are going to be over so I can’t live there. I just feel so trapped.” Matty admitted, pouring everything out.

“You can stay with me.” Matt blurted out without thinking. “I have an extra bedroom in my house; you could look for a job. I make enough money to cover the bills and stuff so you can save up to move out once you start working. I can’t guarantee it would be all that pleasant living in a house with a mess of a man and a baby.”

“I couldn’t do that to you. I can’t expect someone else to take care of me.” Matty replied.

“Fine,” Matt thought it over. “You stay with me, help me keep the place clean and well call it even until you find a job. If you feel it necessary to pay some kind of rent then we can work something out.”

“Are you serious?” Matt didn’t even have to think of the answer to that question.

“Yes I’m serious.” He replied with a smile.

“Why would you do that for me?” Matty wondered, no one besides his brother had ever been that courteous to him.

“I hate seeing someone so miserable. Especially when they are to the point where they don’t feel like they can get out.” As soon as those words left Matt’s lips the back door opened, Brian and Zack joined them on the porch, handing each of them a beer.

“So what are you guys talking about?” Brian wondered kicking his feet up on the table. Zack took the seat next to him.

“I’m miserable; thinking about quitting porn, leaving my boyfriend,” Matty paused for a second and pointed to Matt. “And possibly becoming this dudes roommate for a little while.”

The conversation continued until one in the morning. Matty explaining everything about his situation and Matt admitting what he had been up to for the last few months.