Brian’s POV:
She’s up again. It’s been 3 weeks since she got here, and I’ve woken up a few times to the sounds of her crying. Johnny told me she has nightmares. I don’t think she goes back to sleep when she wakes up. You can see it in her tired eyes everyday. I think about her a lot. I’m not really sure why. Not even really sure why I let her use my real name. Something inside me wants her trust. I keep feeling the urge to go in there and hold her till she falls back to sleep. I find my eyes wondering to her from time to time while she’s cleaning, or practicing. Band practice usually takes place here. Jimmy likes to get involved, and I don’t think they mind one bit. Tammy convinced me to hire a small orchestra and a pianists. She likes the sound of the orchestra and piano in the rock songs.
Fuck it I can’t take it anymore. I got up and pulled on some basketball shorts. Leaving my room I peeked my head into her room. She was out on the balcony smoking a joint. Can’t get her to drink anything, but she’ll never turn down a joint. She wasn’t crying anymore, I wish I knew how bad they were. I wish I could make them go away. Hmm maybe I can. I strolled out to her balcony. “Enjoying the view?” I asked leaning on the rail startling her a bit. I chuckled when she looked at me a little surprised. “Always.” she said returning her gaze back to the ocean view. I stared for a moment admiring the redheaded beauty in front of me. The ocean breeze softly blowing her hair around her face. The moonlight almost giving her an angelic glow. Snap out of it Gates. You keep it up and you’re going to fall. Don’t get attached, you know the kind of life you live.
She handed me the joint bringing me out of my daze. “Did I wake you?” she asked. “No.” I lied taking a hit before handing it back to her. She just nodded. “Do you ever go back to sleep?” I asked. “No. It’s too hard I get to restless.” she said still looking out at the ocean. “Mind if I keep you company?” I asked as she handed the joint back to me. “You don’t have to stay up to keep me company.” she said. “I don’t mind if you don‘t.” she shook her head slightly.
We stood there for a little while passing the joint back and forth in a comfortable silence. “You know I didn’t even get to see the Pacific till I was out of rehab.” she said sighing “Its so much prettier than the Atlantic.” she said. I moved closer to her, and rested my arms on the railing looking out at the ocean. “When did you see the Atlantic?” I asked. “I lived in Florida for a little while when I was a kid with my mom and brother.” she said smiling a little at the memory. I could see the moonlight sparkle in the tears forming in her eyes before she quickly wiped them away. I placed a hand on her’s and she looked up at me with those beautiful hazle-green eyes. “I wish I could say I know how you feel. I wish I could say I know what you’re going through, but I can’t. I can however offer an ear whenever you wanna talk about anything.” I told her receiving a small smile. I haven’t been able to get those dimples out of her lately. “I don’t really like talking about it. I’m forced to think about it when I talk about it, and I don’t like thinking about it.” she said looking away. “Well how bout this,” I started, “any good memories you like to think about?” I asked. There’s the dimples. “Is it bad if most of them involve my dad getting knocked out, or having a gun shoved down his throat?” she asked with a wide smile. I laughed and shook my head. “No. Not at all.” I said. She giggled a little. “Tell me about the four men Matt asked you about.” I said. I’ve been curious about her relationship with them, especially Jacoby. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous when Jimmy said he was in love with her. I don’t know why, well I do I just don’t want to admit it yet.
Her smile only grew at the thought of them. “What do you wanna know?” she asked. “Who did you meet first?” “Jim. I met him before the scars.” she said “He saved my life. I was on the verge of suicide when I met him, and he showed me that not everyone in this world are monsters. He became the best friend that I needed. He even helped me write a few songs.” she happily sighed, “but he sucked at video games.” she said with a small laugh. I chuckled a little. It’s hard picturing Jim doing something good and right, him being part of Slipknot and all. It pained me a little to know that she doesn’t know about him. I would tell her, but I don’t want to destroy her memories. “Who was next?” “Kirk. He was one my dad never questioned.” she said. “What do you mean?” I asked. I knew why you don’t question Kirk, or anyone in Metallica for that matter. “My dad had rules. No last names, no contact information, none of them were allowed to give me things, and we were not allowed to leave. We got searched after each job,” she explained, “but Kirk, it was like my dad was afraid of him, and he never had to get violent with him like the others. That guitar you found on the sidewalk, Kirk gave it too me for Christmas one year, and my dad never tried to stop him. He wouldn’t even touch it.” she said with a slight smile. “Kirk was the father I should’ve had.” I smiled at that. Kirk was a good man, they all are. Just because they are the most powerful gang in the country doesn’t mean they don’t have hearts. “Next?” I asked cocking a brow. “Chester. The night I met him, he told me I reminded him of his sister. Apparently we’re the same age. Which is what it felt like. He became the brother I lost.” she said with a sad smile. I saw the sadness in her eyes slowly dissapear as they started to fill with love. Only one left, and judging from the look in her eyes she felt the same about him. “Jacoby was my first.” she said softly. I looked at her slightly confused. I know she wasn’t a virgin when she met him. “Just because it got sold at sixteen doesn’t mean I don’t get to choose my first.” she said as if she was reading my mind. “He was my first.” she said again. I understood what she was saying now. “I loved him. He didn’t care about my dads rules. He’s the one that’s knocked my dad on his ass the most.” she said with a slight chuckle. I just smiled as I repressed the jealousy. “He would get me away from everything for days sometimes. I met his friends. Some of my finished songs are thanks to Tony.” she said with a grin. “He gave me this the same Christmas Kirk gave me the guitar.” she said showing me the necklace that I’ve noticed before. She never takes it off. Its on a gold chain, diamonds formed into a heart with an amethyst hanging in the center. Now I know why she never takes it off. She sighed again, and looked out to the ocean. “I miss him.” she said softly. “I miss all of them.” she sighed resting her chin in her hand as she looked out over the ocean. “They kept me going.”
I see now how important these guys were to her. I don’t understan how Jim could let them hurt her. She hasn’t talked much about her stay with them. I doubt if she was important to him he would participate. He obviously cares about her. Jeff’s rocked jaw told us that. “You know its almost 3am, you should probably get back to sleep.” I heard her jarring me out of thought. “What about you?” I asked. She was going to be up all night. “Probably go play some video games.” she shrugged. “You can’t keep going on without sleeping.” I told her as we walked back into her room. “You get use to it.” she said closing the doors to the balcony. I had an idea, but I’m not sure if she would go for it. “You mind if I try something?” I asked. “For what?” “Help you go back to sleep.” “What did you have in mind? I’m not really into taking sleeping pills and shit.” I chuckled a little. “Nothing like that, but you would need to trust me a little.” I told her watching her hesitate a little. I grabbed her arm and practically drug her to the bed. “Lay down.” I instructed tossing back the blanket. She stared at me confused a little unsure of my intentions which were totally innocent. “Relax I know whats going on in that mind of yours, and I promise I’m not going to pull anything.” I said with a slight smirk. She rolled her eyes a little before climbing in. I made my way around to the other side, and climbed in. She was obviously going to make me close the distance. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back into my chest. I felt her tense under my arm. She let out a small sigh as she relaxed. She pulled my arm up to her chest hugging it like a teddy bear as she nestled the rest of the way against me perfectly. “Goodnight.” I whispered as I took in the fruity sent of her hair. “Goodnight.” she whispered back just before her breathing slowed, and she quickly drift out. I can’t tell her about Jacoby. I know it may seem selfish, but I want what he had with her, and if there was one person that I could loose her to it was him. I know their paths will cross eventually, I just hope I’ve gotten her to see me when that happens.

Notes

Kind of short. I have one more chapter before the ex and friends get theirs, and it's broken up into two chapters cause its so long, and I had so much fun writing them. I don't know if Chester has a sister I haven't looked, but in this story he does