The problem with hang overs was that they left you feeling shitty for the next two days, so I usually spent them in bed, which gave me a lot of time to think about things. I was confused to say the least, I still had feelings for Brian, they were most definitely still there, but they were feelings of longing, knowing that he was someone I could never have because of the fact that Michelle was with him.

Then there was Mason, I had only known him a few days, but I’d already made out with him in my doorway like some kind of teenage cheerleading slut, after looking at the way things panned out last night I would consider it a date, and I think I may have told Zacky that I had a boyfriend, which I don’t know what Mason has to say about that just yet, but I’d have to ask him. I liked Mason, I wanted to see where it went with him, who knows, maybe in time I could love him and forget all about Brian. I’d come to the realisation years ago that Brian would never be mine, but I’d never quite given up hope that one day, somehow he just might be.

But Mason might be the guy that I needed to get my thoughts away from him.

And then there was Zacky, he was being an asshole at the moment, after last night he hadn’t said a word to me, he’d cleared off out before I woke up this morning and it’s eleven thirty now and he’s still not back, so I’m coming to the assumption either he’s staying at Gena’s although after yesterday’s argument, probably not, or he was just avoiding me. Probably the latter of the two, I know I was rude to him last night but he deserved it, he was being all pissy about the fact I was kissing Mason on the doorstep, the amount of times he’s done that with Gena and I’ve never complained, and what was the whole pepper spray thing. He cares about you idiot, you’re his best friend .

I sighed. I know he cares, he doesn’t want me to get hurt, either physically or emotionally, I know im like his little sister, he wasn’t trying to be an asshole about it he’s just concerned. I suppose if the roles were reversed I would have been exactly the same with him.

I sighed and got out of bed, my stomach was making weird noises, telling me that it wanted something to eat, so I decided on making some cereal, I didn’t really feel like cooking, so I settled on some Cheerio’s. They were amazing food and anyone who ever tells you different needs a kick in the ass.

I was almost done with my cereal when I heard the front door open and Zacky came in, he looked pissed off as he threw his keys down on the work top and went straight the fridge. He pulled out a beer and twisted the cap off, drinking half off it down in one go, I watched the muscles in his throat contract as he swallowed before he took the bottle away from his lips and belched.

“Charming” I said after swallowing my cereal.

“Says you”

“Yeah says me”

“Yet I open the door to find you making out with an almost complete stranger” He glared at me

“So? Perhaps I like Mason, or am I not allowed to have any relationships other than with you and the guys in your band” I spat back. He looked beyond pissed now, like he was about to hit me or something, he drank the rest of his beer and threw it in the trash before turning back to me.

“I never said that” He said “you just need to be careful, or you’ll get hurt again”

“Why do you assume that, stop being an asshole?”

“I’m being an asshole?!”

“Yeah! You are!”

“That’s rich coming from you, you know Gena broke up with me today? Yeah that’s why I was gone so long, because I was trying to convince her not to, but no she won’t have any of it, and you know why?! Because she thinks that I’m too close to you, she thinks that I care too much about to pay enough attention to her, and maybe she’s right! I worry too much about you on instinct and it makes my other relationships suffer, for example, I no longer have a girlfriend because of you” His words hurt, way too much, it wasn’t like any other tiff we’d ever had, this was a proper argument, he was genuinely pissed off at me.

And the worst thing was I knew that he was right, about all of it. But I didn’t want to admit that to him, I had too much pride and I didn’t want to prove him right at all. So obviously I got defensive and left.

“Fuck you, don’t blame me for the fact you screwed up yet again” I snapped pushing him out of the way, but he grabbed my wrist, spinning me around.

“Don’t walk away from me Riley!” He yelled.

“I’ll fucking do what I like! You don’t own me! You can’t control me, I am my own human being and I have a life and other people in my life other than just you, so fucking get your head out of your ass and stop being so shitty about it!” I screamed, and then I reached out and slapped him hard across the face.

He didn’t move he just stared at me; he genuinely looked like he wanted to cry, in that moment I was too pissed off to get upset or remorseful.

“Asshole” I hissed before turning on my heel and storming into my bedroom, slamming the door with as much force as I could muster. It was me trying to be final about the whole thing, but really I just wanted to let him know that I hated him I that moment

Notes

Title credit: Kick in the teeth - Papa Roach