Soulmates
My Perfect..so called..Life
So , there we go again . Another day , another typical morning for me . I ' ve been awake for a good half an hour , and I already feel like I need to go back to sleep . But that would be pointless , since I'm sure that I'm not going to get a single moment of sleep right now . The hangover is killing me so badly , since yesterday I downed probably 2 bottles of my good old friend , Jack Daniels . It felt good right then , but now I just wish I had just had a glass of wine instead .
Right next to me lies Michelle . My wife . The person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with , or should I say am spending my life , since I'm married to her and all that shit . She seems peacefull , drunk as well . Her make-up is everywhere , and she's drooling a bit from the right corner of her lip . Normally a man in love would find this cute , to say the least . But no , not me . I find it disgusting , I just wish she would close her mouth , once and for all . It , along with almost everything else that has been going on in this house for the past two years just seem so wrong . And nothing is able to make it all better.
When I decided to get married with Michelle , I had convinced myself that she was the one for me , and that I was the one for her . And also , that she was my soulmate , what Jimmy had kinda left me with . A spark to remind myself of how much fun we all used to have when we were kids . So that was her role in my life : A memory of Jimmy . And in my head , she was the one Jimmy would have wanted to see me with . So it's like a promise to Jimmy , a dept I owe to myself and him to pay . And i just can't take it back .
The point is that Jimmy would have also wanted to see me happy , I think . And right now I'm just the exact oposite of happy. I'm stuck into situations that i cannot physically and mentally bear anymore . Yes , I guess I'm miserable , and the thing is I don't feel like I should do something to change it .
Michelle yawned right next to me , causing me to leave my trance state of mind and look at her.
'' Good morning baby '', she said with a slight smirk on her face .
'' Good morning to you too '' , I muttered in response . '' Did you have fun yesterday? '' I asked , not really caring for the response I would be getting .
'' OOOh it was kinda awesome ...We had a great time . Probably 10 guys asked for my number .. but only four or five were cute ... I'm meeting them next week soo .. ''she said with an even brighter smirk .
Classic Michelle . For the last couple of years , meaning the last 2 years of our 3-year-old wedding , she would just sleep with any guy her heart desired . She had this rule about our relationship , that she could go out in the night , do whatever she wished with whoever she liked , and it would be okay , as lond as she returned home after everything , and slept by my side at night . The most fucked-up thing was , though , that I was totally fine with it .
Like I didn't care at all.
'' Well baby , I think you are supposed to be meeting the guys this morning ...Val said something about choosing the band to tour with or something ...'' , she muttered '' You are probably late ... '' .
Oh shit , I totally forgot all about that thing . I immediately stood up , and went to the bathroom . I washed my face , my teeth , and then went right to the cupboard , to figure out what should I wear . I just picked up the usua l: black v neck , black jeans , and a black fedora to match with all the rest . I finished getting ready , and rushed out of the bedroom . Seeing Michelle sleeping like a horse , I didn't bother saying goodbye . I just picked up my keys , and left my house . I ran towards my car , started the engine and drove to the studio , where I was supposed to be meeting the guys an hour ago . Yes , I was that late .
As soon as I got there , I saw Matt's car , and figured that everyone should already be in . I got into the building , and headed to the specific room we always had our band meetings held . And there they were , all standing around a computer screen , watching something I couldn't care less about .
'' Hey guys , sorry I'm late '' I said . '' I totally forgot about the meeting today... '' .
'' Oh man , its fine , don't worry , at least you made it ! ''said Zacky , clearly forcing a small smile.'' How's everything going ? ''
'' Oh awesome man ... everything is great. '' I lied . They all knew I lied , but I guess had agreed to not start saying anything in front of me .
'' Oh , thats cool man , I guess '' started Zacky.
'' OHH yes , thats f***ng awesome.Gates ! '' , Shadows shouted totally out of the blue .
'' Yes it' s perfectly fine to come here and lie to our faces . It's totally cool that we get to see you walk and act like a zombie for the past few months and being in denial ! Its perfect that you seem to be drifting off to depression state day after day after day, not allowing anyone of us to help you .WE ARE HERE , god damn it ! We are here for you all the way , and we can't stand seeing you like this anymore . You need to take responsibility of your life already. And we'll be here for you man ...you just have to ask for it ! BUT stop wasting your life , your years this way. IT'S enough ! '' he bursted.
I just stood there , not really sure about what i should do or say . I just kept my head down , and nodded . Matt came and sat right next to me .
'' We all miss him...you are not alone.'' he whispered , '' But we all owe it to him to move on with our lives .. Im sure you and Michelle will figure things out .. you love her .. ''
'' Yeah , I guess ...''
'' See ? That's the reason why I believe you guys are going to make it in the end ... Nevermind the shit that's been going down lately ... You'll see ... ''
I wanted to stand up and scream to his face that NO , I wasnt going to make it , I DIDNT even feel like trying anymore , that I needed somethings to change , that my LIFE wasn't as simple as he though it was. But instead I stayed silent.
'' So now that we are all here.we should probably see the bands and decide which one we mostly wish we would go on tour with '' , Johnny said , and everyone agreed with him on that .
So , we sat there for pretty much or not 3 hours , seeing the bands , listening to their tracks , and talking about them ,trying to decide on one that would match our style of music the best . We ended up all agreeing on a band called Devilish Grins . Female fronted , heavy thrash metal band , but totally had some unique elements to it's sound .
I honestly didn't remember any of their faces , just some tunes I heard really caught my attention , and I agreed that they were the best band amongst the ones we had to select from . So we ended the meeting right there , and I was begging for the chance to get out of that place and go home .
Right when I was almost ready to head out , Matt came,and told me that he and val were throwing a barbeque party that evening , and I was invited . I answered that I really wasn't in the mood , that I was tired and I would just crush to my place , and try to get some sleep. Michelle would be going out , again , with some friends that happened to be visiting Cali this evening . Probably to some bar or something . She wouldn't be home until at least 4 in the morning , so '' i shouldnt wait for her '', she texted me . Who cared anyways , I didnt have any intentions of waiting for her.
So I drove straight back to my place , opened the door, and looked for my buddy, Jack daniels , my dear old friend . I went to my bed,and just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
'' Jimmy , wherever you are , I miss you .... And I need your help ... Right now... ''
With that thought,i drifted off to sleep , the only thought keeping me merely excited being our headlining , 11-month- tour , that started in 3 weeks ...
Not a very long time,right?
Right next to me lies Michelle . My wife . The person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with , or should I say am spending my life , since I'm married to her and all that shit . She seems peacefull , drunk as well . Her make-up is everywhere , and she's drooling a bit from the right corner of her lip . Normally a man in love would find this cute , to say the least . But no , not me . I find it disgusting , I just wish she would close her mouth , once and for all . It , along with almost everything else that has been going on in this house for the past two years just seem so wrong . And nothing is able to make it all better.
When I decided to get married with Michelle , I had convinced myself that she was the one for me , and that I was the one for her . And also , that she was my soulmate , what Jimmy had kinda left me with . A spark to remind myself of how much fun we all used to have when we were kids . So that was her role in my life : A memory of Jimmy . And in my head , she was the one Jimmy would have wanted to see me with . So it's like a promise to Jimmy , a dept I owe to myself and him to pay . And i just can't take it back .
The point is that Jimmy would have also wanted to see me happy , I think . And right now I'm just the exact oposite of happy. I'm stuck into situations that i cannot physically and mentally bear anymore . Yes , I guess I'm miserable , and the thing is I don't feel like I should do something to change it .
Michelle yawned right next to me , causing me to leave my trance state of mind and look at her.
'' Good morning baby '', she said with a slight smirk on her face .
'' Good morning to you too '' , I muttered in response . '' Did you have fun yesterday? '' I asked , not really caring for the response I would be getting .
'' OOOh it was kinda awesome ...We had a great time . Probably 10 guys asked for my number .. but only four or five were cute ... I'm meeting them next week soo .. ''she said with an even brighter smirk .
Classic Michelle . For the last couple of years , meaning the last 2 years of our 3-year-old wedding , she would just sleep with any guy her heart desired . She had this rule about our relationship , that she could go out in the night , do whatever she wished with whoever she liked , and it would be okay , as lond as she returned home after everything , and slept by my side at night . The most fucked-up thing was , though , that I was totally fine with it .
Like I didn't care at all.
'' Well baby , I think you are supposed to be meeting the guys this morning ...Val said something about choosing the band to tour with or something ...'' , she muttered '' You are probably late ... '' .
Oh shit , I totally forgot all about that thing . I immediately stood up , and went to the bathroom . I washed my face , my teeth , and then went right to the cupboard , to figure out what should I wear . I just picked up the usua l: black v neck , black jeans , and a black fedora to match with all the rest . I finished getting ready , and rushed out of the bedroom . Seeing Michelle sleeping like a horse , I didn't bother saying goodbye . I just picked up my keys , and left my house . I ran towards my car , started the engine and drove to the studio , where I was supposed to be meeting the guys an hour ago . Yes , I was that late .
As soon as I got there , I saw Matt's car , and figured that everyone should already be in . I got into the building , and headed to the specific room we always had our band meetings held . And there they were , all standing around a computer screen , watching something I couldn't care less about .
'' Hey guys , sorry I'm late '' I said . '' I totally forgot about the meeting today... '' .
'' Oh man , its fine , don't worry , at least you made it ! ''said Zacky , clearly forcing a small smile.'' How's everything going ? ''
'' Oh awesome man ... everything is great. '' I lied . They all knew I lied , but I guess had agreed to not start saying anything in front of me .
'' Oh , thats cool man , I guess '' started Zacky.
'' OHH yes , thats f***ng awesome.Gates ! '' , Shadows shouted totally out of the blue .
'' Yes it' s perfectly fine to come here and lie to our faces . It's totally cool that we get to see you walk and act like a zombie for the past few months and being in denial ! Its perfect that you seem to be drifting off to depression state day after day after day, not allowing anyone of us to help you .WE ARE HERE , god damn it ! We are here for you all the way , and we can't stand seeing you like this anymore . You need to take responsibility of your life already. And we'll be here for you man ...you just have to ask for it ! BUT stop wasting your life , your years this way. IT'S enough ! '' he bursted.
I just stood there , not really sure about what i should do or say . I just kept my head down , and nodded . Matt came and sat right next to me .
'' We all miss him...you are not alone.'' he whispered , '' But we all owe it to him to move on with our lives .. Im sure you and Michelle will figure things out .. you love her .. ''
'' Yeah , I guess ...''
'' See ? That's the reason why I believe you guys are going to make it in the end ... Nevermind the shit that's been going down lately ... You'll see ... ''
I wanted to stand up and scream to his face that NO , I wasnt going to make it , I DIDNT even feel like trying anymore , that I needed somethings to change , that my LIFE wasn't as simple as he though it was. But instead I stayed silent.
'' So now that we are all here.we should probably see the bands and decide which one we mostly wish we would go on tour with '' , Johnny said , and everyone agreed with him on that .
So , we sat there for pretty much or not 3 hours , seeing the bands , listening to their tracks , and talking about them ,trying to decide on one that would match our style of music the best . We ended up all agreeing on a band called Devilish Grins . Female fronted , heavy thrash metal band , but totally had some unique elements to it's sound .
I honestly didn't remember any of their faces , just some tunes I heard really caught my attention , and I agreed that they were the best band amongst the ones we had to select from . So we ended the meeting right there , and I was begging for the chance to get out of that place and go home .
Right when I was almost ready to head out , Matt came,and told me that he and val were throwing a barbeque party that evening , and I was invited . I answered that I really wasn't in the mood , that I was tired and I would just crush to my place , and try to get some sleep. Michelle would be going out , again , with some friends that happened to be visiting Cali this evening . Probably to some bar or something . She wouldn't be home until at least 4 in the morning , so '' i shouldnt wait for her '', she texted me . Who cared anyways , I didnt have any intentions of waiting for her.
So I drove straight back to my place , opened the door, and looked for my buddy, Jack daniels , my dear old friend . I went to my bed,and just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
'' Jimmy , wherever you are , I miss you .... And I need your help ... Right now... ''
With that thought,i drifted off to sleep , the only thought keeping me merely excited being our headlining , 11-month- tour , that started in 3 weeks ...
Not a very long time,right?
10/29/13