Lana's POV

"Don't look for me, I'll be sleeping!"

I pushed Emily out of my way, James was laying on the couch, the guys just let him there and went home. I didn't want to talk to her so I ran upstairs to put myself in bed. I didn't want to stay next to James longer, seeing him like this was making me awful... It was only 7pm but I was tired enough to sleep. After putting myself in my mini short and tank top, I just went under the blanket, tried to relax, think about something else than what was going on with James and me these times.. and finally fell asleep.

----

I woke up from someone yelling my name, a guy's voice, it was obviously James. His voice looked exhausted and husky. I decided to ignore him.. He was probably still too drunk to think and I didn't want to go downstair to have a fight with him or something like that, I laid back my head on my pillow and closed my eyes. I was about to fall asleep again that I heard again my name and the sound of someone throwing up. I rolled my eyes and imagined already the mess I would have to clean.. I removed the blanket from over me, I crawled my bare feet on the cold floor underneath them and went downstairs. I entered in the kitchen to see a note on the table.

I had to go to Brian's, Urgency sorry.

Emily xxx


Urgency my ass!.. That bitch. I sighed and rolled my eyes again. I ripped up the paper and threw it on the floor, I was about to go upstairs again when I heard again someone throwing up. Oh yeah James .. I was almost forgetting him. It was coming from the bathroom, not from the living room, I wished on that moment that he was not puking on the floor, but in the toilet! This would be heaven for me.. I made my way to the bathroom. The door was half opened, I pushed it slightly to see James. His head was leaning on the toilet seat, his eyes were close, his face extremely pale and his hair wet from swetting. I sighed and asked.

"Why did you call me? Are you okay?"

This was the first thing I said in weeks to him. He shook his head and started to throw up again in the toilet. I felt to bad to see him like this. Between two heavy breathing I heard him whispering "I'm sorry, I miss you.." My heart pinched, finally he said it. I didn't know if it was about what was hapenning now or what happened to Matt's, but it made me feel better.. He was done with puking everything out that he leaned his head on the wall behind him, he was looking very weak, he took a deep breath and said.

"I'm sorry... If I didn't call.."

He looked at me, his eyes were teary. He looked sick and desperate, but even of that, I could still think he was beautiful.. I couldn't keep myself and started to cry. I opened the closet, grabbed a towel and threw it on him.

"Take a shower. You'll feel better."

I shut the door behind me and went back in my bedroom, I laid on my bed and listened to my music, Swing life away from Rise Against. Few other songs passed when heard someone knocking on the door, I sighed, removed my earphone and said that he could come in. He opened the door slowly and closed it behind him.

"You were right.. I feel better. About the shower I mean.."

I nodded and looked away , he stood there not moving, it was getting really awkward between us again.. He let out a big sighed and sat on the edge of my bed. My first reaction was to tense and sit up. He was still drunk and on the moment I wanted to stay as far I could to him. He was looking and playing with the sheets from my bed as he said.

"Can we please just talk?"

He looked straight into my eyes, He looked extremely tired but he was still so beautiful at the same time.. His wonderful blue eyes always made me melt inside, even in the worst moments.

"Listen.. I didn't know how to react .."

I didn't let him finish.

"How to react to what? You : almost rapping me or Me : Losing your baby?"

I was rude, I knew it but I had to be rude, he hurt me, a lot .. I could see that he was hurt too, his eyes were getting teary again and his chin was shaking, he was about to cry.

"Listen.."

I was done listening to him, I couldn't let him talk any longer. I stood up while yelling.

"NO! YOU LISTEN! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING DO!" I stopped to take an other deep breath, my cheeks were getting wet from my tears. I continued. "How could you leave me all alone like this? You really need to not care about to do something like that!"

"But I care about yo.." He said softly.

I grabbed my pillow from the bed and threw it hard on him.

"SHUT UP! IF YOU REALLY DID, WHY DID YOU RAN AWAY LIKE THIS?!"

I was waiting for him to say something but he didn't, He was to busy playing with sheets again and holding himself not to cry. I ran my hands into my hair, I felt going insane. I was furious, he had to know how much he hurt me.

"TALK!"

He suddenly stood up. I saw his jaw tensed. He had almost the same look at Matt's few weeks ago, but it was a bit different, he looked more miserable. I decided to not letting have the control from me, I had enough of this shit. He came close to my face, grabbed it slowly, his look changed, he started to cry as he said softly.

"I can even forgive myself for what I've done . How can you forgive me for that?"

I wanted to push him away but to be honest, I liked his warm touch on my skin.. I missed it. He gently pressed his forehead on mine and kissed my nose.

"I don't ask you to forgive me but just try to understand me please." He said between two sob.

I didn't say anything else, I wasn't about to forgive him neither, but I couldn't let him either, I needed him so much with me.. I put my hands around his neck and pressed my lips on his, they tasted salty, from his tears and mines mixed together. He kissed me back gently, broke the kiss and hugged me tight and whispered in my ear.

"I love you."

Notes

Hope you'll like it! Drama Drama Drama! I know ;) Sorry for the waiting, with school it's kinda hard to write but I always do if I can! :) Thanks for the comments ;) !