It's the day of his funeral, I'm trying to fight back the screams, fight back the tears. But who the fuck was I kidding? The love of my life was lying in a coffin. Lifeless. Emotionless. Gone...

I got sympathetic looks from everybody, although I really didn't want them. I didn't deserve them. The guys all embraced me. The last to do so was Brian, he was Jimmy's first best friend out of the band. They probably loved each other more than me and Jimbo did between ourselves. We both refused to let go, just stood there in a loving embrace. We needed each other, I needed all of the guys. And even the girls, they had all accepted me as part of their family I was extremely grateful for that.

The past 4 years were filled with laughing, crying, smiling, fighting, drinking and some drugs. I wouldn't have it any other way, the only thing I would change is that I want Jimmy back the past 2 weeks have been hell. I had no smile to wake up to on the morning, I wasn't awoken by abusive shouts to the muffin man, I didn't have to strain my neck and get on my tip toes to kiss the man I love. I didn't have to do anything to kiss the man I love, I couldn't.

How I miss the soft feel of his lips, how he tasted strangely of strawberries every time I kissed him, the tingle I would get that started in my lips and spread to my whole body. I miss the way he held me in his arms, his long arms would wrap around my body perfectly. We moulded together perfectly. He would always pick me up and swing me around, then bring me towards his body whilst still holding me off the ground, I'd wrap my arms and legs around him as we got closer. We'd enjoy each others warmth. He'd almost always whisper 'I love you, Aurora' gently into my ear. He'd never call me any of his nicknames for me when he told me he loved me. He'd always use my real name. I loved his sweet smell of vanilla filling my nose as I snuggled into his neck.

Brian released me from his embrace and kissed the top of my head before saying we should go into the ceremony.

The priest droned on about how tragic this day way, how horrible it is to lose someone. Which is true but he knows this as a script, does he really know what it's like to lose someone you really, truly love? Someone who was not only adored by his family and friends but his fans too?

He then asked if anyone was going to say a few words, I had always been good at things like this but when its the man you love you're pretty stuck for words. Brian nudged me and I nodded, taking out the crumpled piece of paper out of my pocket and walking over to the microphone was.

I sighed deeply, how am I going to carry this out?

''Jimmy was someone who was never judgemental of anyone. If you had a story to tell he would listen. If you had problems he'd solve them. I havn't known Jimmy as long as a lot of the people here and I wish I did, I really do. Jimmy was the person who picked me off the ground and got me to my feet. I owe him so much that I can't believe I can't give him.''

The tears were now flooding down my face, my voice was shaking. But I didn't stop, I wanted everyone to know how much this man means to me.

''I remember him once telling me that I owed him nothing. My love, care and trust in him was enough he could as for off any human being. He never asked anything in return for what he gave. He's such a genuine and happy person, someone everyone is in envy of. He always cared for me. The past 4 years have been amazing. He wrote me and the guys a letter before he passed. I keep finding little things around the house that he has left for us, his best friends. It's more of a poem than a letter, but it goes like this,

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush,

Of quiet white doves in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die.''


I broke down, I fell to my knees from the agony in my chest. He's gone, He's not here anymore. My Jimmy, my Jimbo. He's not here to make me laugh anymore. If he was here he'd make a joke of anything he could. Whenever he walked into a room he made everyone smile, anything he said he can make anyone laugh in an instant.

The guys came rushing over, all four of them to pick me up and finish where I left off. I don't know what I'd do without them. They are my family and since I had none I was eternally grateful of their love and care. The Avenged Sevenfold family are the best family anyone could ask for. They are all how I imagined brothers and sisters to be, the protection they gave, the love they gave, the care they gave, the promises they kept and the trust they offered and gained was incredible. Don't get me wrong there are fights, but what family doesn't have them? I was so thankful to have them. Especially now, we're all hurting and the only way it could stop was if Jimmy was still here. But that's impossible.

''As Aurora was saying,'' Matt started, he was always the best at speaking publicly and not being nervous. Obvious huh?

''Jimmy is our best friend, he was an extremely hard worker. His skills for every instrument was unreal. We are so lucky to have someone like Jimmy in the band and as a best friend. He had the biggest heart, I suppose he had room in that huge body of his.'' The guys chuckled. Brian took the microphone.

''We could all stand here for hours and tell you how amazing Jimmy was and still is. We're going the miss him more than anything. Like in a song he helped me write about my grandfather. 'I have so much to say but you're so far away' We love you Jimmy, so fucking much''


There was a lot more to say, of course there was but we weren't strong enough to carry on, all of us had tears streaming down our faces. Larry got up to say a few words.