Letting Go, Moving Forward
Chapter 1
I started to walk up blankly to the two story brick house. I knocked three times and patiently waited until someone opened the door. The door slowly opened and Michelle DiBenedetto stood there. My mind just stopped. The only thought that was going through my mind was that this was obviously Synyster Gates’s house.
“Hello, how may I help you?” She asked, cheerfully.
“Oh, uh, sorry. I’m doing this petition for breast cancer to help raise money for music in my college.” I told her.
“Oh really? Would you like to come in?” She smiled.
I shrugged. “Sure.” She stepped inside and I followed.
“Have a seat. I’ll get you a glass of water.”
I looked around and sat down. “Wow, this is a nice place.” I told her.
“Thank you. My husband Brian and I just finished it.” She beamed.
“Oh, that’s awesome! Don’t mind me asking, but you’re Michelle right? Synyster’s wife? I’m not some freak.” I laughed. “I’m just curious.”
“Yes, I am.” She sighed. “I just hate the fact that fans are always drooling over me just like him. I can’t even have a day to myself without someone barging in or calling.”
“Well I didn’t even know this was your house, honestly. I’m sorry. I can go if you want?”
“Oh, no! Don’t worry about it.” She laughed. “You seem alright. You’re not all decked out and asking questions about him or me. Just as long as you’re not some crazed fan that wants my husband, than I’m okay.”
“Well, I am a fan of your husband’s band, but I’m not crazy.” I laughed. “He is attractive, but hey you guys are perfect for each other and not to mention you’re gorgeous. And also I’m married myself.”
“Awe thank you! What’s your name?” She asked.
“Oh, shit. I completely forgot to tell you when I introduced myself.” I laughed. “Sorry, it’s Lexi.”
“That’s a pretty name.” She smiled at me. “You mind staying for a bit? I don’t get much company for me nowadays, especially since the guy’s just got home from tour.”
“I don’t mind at all.”
“Well tell me about yourself.”
“Well I’m twenty five. Like I’ve already said, I’m married. I’ve been with my husband since our freshman year in high school. I’m going to school for a nursing degree, but I also have an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. My dream is to have my own successful tattoo shop, but just in case I had to get another career to support that one. Um, yeah that’s about it.” I laughed.
“Awe, that’s awesome.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” I laughed. “How about you?”
“Well like you know I’m married to Brian. I don’t have a job or anything because I don’t really need one. I have a twin sister, which you probably already knew. I’m twenty seven. Yeah, that’s about it.”
“That’s awesome. I’m glad this isn’t all weird.”
“What? Us talking?”
“Yeah, you basically just asked a stranger into your house.” I laughed.
She shrugged. “You just seemed like a nice girl. I guess you could say I’m pretty lonely.”
“Well where’s Brian?”
“I think he’s out with his friends or something. I don’t know.”
“Oh, you alright?”
She shrugged. “Can I talk to you about something? It may be awkward to talk about since I just met you, but I really just want to get it off my chest and I guess have someone else’s opinion or advice.”
“Yeah, shoot.”
“Well, it’s about Brian.” I nodded signaling her to go on. “He kind of has a drug addiction.” She sighed.
“What type of drug?”
“Cocaine.” She looked at the wall blankly. “Him and his friends have always done it on occasion, but since Jimmy passed away it’s become worse. I think that’s how he hides his pain.” She told me.
“Well in all honesty, I just overcame my addiction also.” Her eyes widened. “Yeah, cocaine from age sixteen to twenty-two. I can help if you want.”
“Would you really do that?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I need a friend and it seems you need a friend. I can do anything I can.” She squealed.
“Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome.” I laughed and the front door opened and Brian walked in.
“What the fuck Michelle? Get the shit out of the car.” He snapped. Jesus talk about an anger issue.
“Okay, damn. You don’t have to yell at me. We have a guest.” She said through her teeth.
“I don’t give a fuck right now.”
“Sorry, Lexi. I’ll be right back.”
I shook my head. “You’re fine.” I picked up my phone and dialed my husband’s number.
“Hey, babe.” Brandon answered.
“Hey, honey. I was out doing my petition and somehow managed to be invited to someone’s house and we hit off pretty well. Anyway, she needs my help with something, so I don’t know what time I’ll be home tonight.” I explained.
“What does she need help with?”
“Unfortunantely, I cannot tell you.”
“Oh, I understand.”
“I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Okay, I love you too. “ I hung up and Michelle sat back down next to me.
“This is exactly why I want him to stop. If he doesn’t have it, this is how he acts. I guess he was out at the studio and then picked up some stuff.”
I nodded. “I can tell. Just have him come in here and I’ll talk to him.”
She sighed. “I really hope this works.”
“Well I’m going to do anything I can. I just hung up with my husband and I told him that I didn’t know how long I’ll be gone. But I didn’t tell him why, so I’m all yours.”
“Thank you so much. I really appreciate this.” She got up and walked to the back of the house. I could hear them talking.
“Brian, honey, I have someone you need to talk too.”
“Fuck, why the hell do you do this without me knowing?” He snapped. God I really felt bad for Michelle.
“She’s a friend sweetie. Just please come and talk to her.” He sighed and then I heard their footsteps. They came in and sat down.
“Hi, Brian. I’m Lexi. She’s told me about the problem you have.” I told him.
“What problem?” He narrowed his eyes.
“Your cocaine addiction.”
“She told you.” He glared at her.
“Yes, and don’t get all pissed off at her. Can’t you see how much you hurt because of the shit? Okay, I was in your position a few years ago. I’m going to ask if you’ll let me help you overcome this because you don’t realize how much you’re hurting not only her, but yourself and others.”
“How do you know that I’m hurting her? Or anyone for that matter?”
“Because listen to me. Look at her in the eyes and say the stuff you tell her when you’re coming down off your high.”
“I can’t do that.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I love her and she’ll look at me with disappointment and hurt.”
“Exactly.” He looked at me as if he just had an epiphany.
“Oh my god you’re right.”
“I told you. I’m here to help you. No charge or anything.”
“Michelle, I’m so sorry.” He looked at her sympathetically.
“I forgive you. You just need to do this. Let Lexi help you.”
He nodded. “Okay, you can help me. I’m tired of hurting everyone and relying on it for my happiness.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Here’s my number. Just give me a call when you’re ready to start your therapy, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thank you so much Lex. I’m going to steal your number from him and we’ll have to do lunch sometime.”
I smiled. “Definitely, but I’m going to get going.” Michelle got up and gave me a hug and thanked me again and then I left and made my way back home.
“Honey, I’m home.” I said cheerfully.
“Oh my god, you’re home!” Brandon looked shocked.
“Yes? I am?” I told him.
“Oh, okay. Well I’m going to go finish up what I was doing. Can you hang on a minute?” I nodded.
“I think I’m just going to go lay down.” I started to walk towards the bedroom.
“Wait, no! Just lay on the couch.”
“Um, excuse me. Why can’t I lay on my bed? It’s been a long day.” I snapped.
“Just do it, please.”
“You’re hiding something from me.” I narrowed my eyes and walked over to the door. I swung it open and there was a blonde girl standing there. “What the fuck is this?” I yelled.
“Lex, listen.”
“You expect me to listen to your damn excuse as to why you’re cheating on me!”
“I met her at school! You’re never home anymore!”
“So that gives you the right to go behind my back and cheat on me!” I raged.
“No, I’m lonely. I didn’t know what the fuck else to do!”
“You’re pathetic.” I shook my head. “You could’ve just talked to me about it. I would’ve made time for you goddammit. You have to realize that I’m trying to get two careers started. Both of them aren’t easy either.”
“Exactly why I didn’t say anything. You’re always so busy.”
“And you’re just making excuses, Brandon! You made a commitment to me!”
“I know I did.” He looked guilty.
“You broke your fucking promise to me. A year later. You’re pathetic. I’m staying somewhere tonight. I’ll deal with this tomorrow.” I grabbed my coat and purse and walked out.
“Hello, how may I help you?” She asked, cheerfully.
“Oh, uh, sorry. I’m doing this petition for breast cancer to help raise money for music in my college.” I told her.
“Oh really? Would you like to come in?” She smiled.
I shrugged. “Sure.” She stepped inside and I followed.
“Have a seat. I’ll get you a glass of water.”
I looked around and sat down. “Wow, this is a nice place.” I told her.
“Thank you. My husband Brian and I just finished it.” She beamed.
“Oh, that’s awesome! Don’t mind me asking, but you’re Michelle right? Synyster’s wife? I’m not some freak.” I laughed. “I’m just curious.”
“Yes, I am.” She sighed. “I just hate the fact that fans are always drooling over me just like him. I can’t even have a day to myself without someone barging in or calling.”
“Well I didn’t even know this was your house, honestly. I’m sorry. I can go if you want?”
“Oh, no! Don’t worry about it.” She laughed. “You seem alright. You’re not all decked out and asking questions about him or me. Just as long as you’re not some crazed fan that wants my husband, than I’m okay.”
“Well, I am a fan of your husband’s band, but I’m not crazy.” I laughed. “He is attractive, but hey you guys are perfect for each other and not to mention you’re gorgeous. And also I’m married myself.”
“Awe thank you! What’s your name?” She asked.
“Oh, shit. I completely forgot to tell you when I introduced myself.” I laughed. “Sorry, it’s Lexi.”
“That’s a pretty name.” She smiled at me. “You mind staying for a bit? I don’t get much company for me nowadays, especially since the guy’s just got home from tour.”
“I don’t mind at all.”
“Well tell me about yourself.”
“Well I’m twenty five. Like I’ve already said, I’m married. I’ve been with my husband since our freshman year in high school. I’m going to school for a nursing degree, but I also have an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. My dream is to have my own successful tattoo shop, but just in case I had to get another career to support that one. Um, yeah that’s about it.” I laughed.
“Awe, that’s awesome.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” I laughed. “How about you?”
“Well like you know I’m married to Brian. I don’t have a job or anything because I don’t really need one. I have a twin sister, which you probably already knew. I’m twenty seven. Yeah, that’s about it.”
“That’s awesome. I’m glad this isn’t all weird.”
“What? Us talking?”
“Yeah, you basically just asked a stranger into your house.” I laughed.
She shrugged. “You just seemed like a nice girl. I guess you could say I’m pretty lonely.”
“Well where’s Brian?”
“I think he’s out with his friends or something. I don’t know.”
“Oh, you alright?”
She shrugged. “Can I talk to you about something? It may be awkward to talk about since I just met you, but I really just want to get it off my chest and I guess have someone else’s opinion or advice.”
“Yeah, shoot.”
“Well, it’s about Brian.” I nodded signaling her to go on. “He kind of has a drug addiction.” She sighed.
“What type of drug?”
“Cocaine.” She looked at the wall blankly. “Him and his friends have always done it on occasion, but since Jimmy passed away it’s become worse. I think that’s how he hides his pain.” She told me.
“Well in all honesty, I just overcame my addiction also.” Her eyes widened. “Yeah, cocaine from age sixteen to twenty-two. I can help if you want.”
“Would you really do that?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I need a friend and it seems you need a friend. I can do anything I can.” She squealed.
“Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome.” I laughed and the front door opened and Brian walked in.
“What the fuck Michelle? Get the shit out of the car.” He snapped. Jesus talk about an anger issue.
“Okay, damn. You don’t have to yell at me. We have a guest.” She said through her teeth.
“I don’t give a fuck right now.”
“Sorry, Lexi. I’ll be right back.”
I shook my head. “You’re fine.” I picked up my phone and dialed my husband’s number.
“Hey, babe.” Brandon answered.
“Hey, honey. I was out doing my petition and somehow managed to be invited to someone’s house and we hit off pretty well. Anyway, she needs my help with something, so I don’t know what time I’ll be home tonight.” I explained.
“What does she need help with?”
“Unfortunantely, I cannot tell you.”
“Oh, I understand.”
“I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Okay, I love you too. “ I hung up and Michelle sat back down next to me.
“This is exactly why I want him to stop. If he doesn’t have it, this is how he acts. I guess he was out at the studio and then picked up some stuff.”
I nodded. “I can tell. Just have him come in here and I’ll talk to him.”
She sighed. “I really hope this works.”
“Well I’m going to do anything I can. I just hung up with my husband and I told him that I didn’t know how long I’ll be gone. But I didn’t tell him why, so I’m all yours.”
“Thank you so much. I really appreciate this.” She got up and walked to the back of the house. I could hear them talking.
“Brian, honey, I have someone you need to talk too.”
“Fuck, why the hell do you do this without me knowing?” He snapped. God I really felt bad for Michelle.
“She’s a friend sweetie. Just please come and talk to her.” He sighed and then I heard their footsteps. They came in and sat down.
“Hi, Brian. I’m Lexi. She’s told me about the problem you have.” I told him.
“What problem?” He narrowed his eyes.
“Your cocaine addiction.”
“She told you.” He glared at her.
“Yes, and don’t get all pissed off at her. Can’t you see how much you hurt because of the shit? Okay, I was in your position a few years ago. I’m going to ask if you’ll let me help you overcome this because you don’t realize how much you’re hurting not only her, but yourself and others.”
“How do you know that I’m hurting her? Or anyone for that matter?”
“Because listen to me. Look at her in the eyes and say the stuff you tell her when you’re coming down off your high.”
“I can’t do that.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I love her and she’ll look at me with disappointment and hurt.”
“Exactly.” He looked at me as if he just had an epiphany.
“Oh my god you’re right.”
“I told you. I’m here to help you. No charge or anything.”
“Michelle, I’m so sorry.” He looked at her sympathetically.
“I forgive you. You just need to do this. Let Lexi help you.”
He nodded. “Okay, you can help me. I’m tired of hurting everyone and relying on it for my happiness.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Here’s my number. Just give me a call when you’re ready to start your therapy, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thank you so much Lex. I’m going to steal your number from him and we’ll have to do lunch sometime.”
I smiled. “Definitely, but I’m going to get going.” Michelle got up and gave me a hug and thanked me again and then I left and made my way back home.
“Honey, I’m home.” I said cheerfully.
“Oh my god, you’re home!” Brandon looked shocked.
“Yes? I am?” I told him.
“Oh, okay. Well I’m going to go finish up what I was doing. Can you hang on a minute?” I nodded.
“I think I’m just going to go lay down.” I started to walk towards the bedroom.
“Wait, no! Just lay on the couch.”
“Um, excuse me. Why can’t I lay on my bed? It’s been a long day.” I snapped.
“Just do it, please.”
“You’re hiding something from me.” I narrowed my eyes and walked over to the door. I swung it open and there was a blonde girl standing there. “What the fuck is this?” I yelled.
“Lex, listen.”
“You expect me to listen to your damn excuse as to why you’re cheating on me!”
“I met her at school! You’re never home anymore!”
“So that gives you the right to go behind my back and cheat on me!” I raged.
“No, I’m lonely. I didn’t know what the fuck else to do!”
“You’re pathetic.” I shook my head. “You could’ve just talked to me about it. I would’ve made time for you goddammit. You have to realize that I’m trying to get two careers started. Both of them aren’t easy either.”
“Exactly why I didn’t say anything. You’re always so busy.”
“And you’re just making excuses, Brandon! You made a commitment to me!”
“I know I did.” He looked guilty.
“You broke your fucking promise to me. A year later. You’re pathetic. I’m staying somewhere tonight. I’ll deal with this tomorrow.” I grabbed my coat and purse and walked out.
12/30/12