***Matt's POV***


The past month, has been the worst month of my entire existence. Although Morgan was only in my life for four months it feels as though she was there forever. I had forgotten what life was life before I met her, until of course I was brutally reminded of it the day she stormed out of my house and told me she never wanted to see me again. I don't blame her. Me on the other hand, I've been a mess without her. I been depressed. I'm drunk almost every other day, and if I'm not drunk then I'm recovering from a hangover. Then of course if i'm sober, I'm moping around the house hating my life and wishing I could make things better with Morgan. Thus, meaning the cycle starts all over again because I drink simply to forget and to escape reality.

Over the past month though, I have been reading Morgan's journal religiously. I can't explain why, it's the most depressing thing I've ever seen but I like reading it. She writes like she talks, it's comforting. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time with this break up... I just can't seem to let go of her. I want to, but I can't, and at the same time I don't want to because Morgan is the best thing that ever happened to me, and she always will be the best thing that has ever happened to me no matter where I end up.

This morning I trudged down the stairs and into my kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee; the usual routine. I didn't hesitate to grab her Journal off of the counter where I had left it and start reading. I opened up to my favorite entry that she had written.

Death doesn't scare me. It fascinates me. It's not that I want to die, although some days this would be a false statement. Most humans live their lives fearing death and doing whatever they can to expand their lives... maybe that's not the point though. We shouldn't try to live as long as we can but as best as we can, It sounds cliché, but it's true. The point isn't to live the longest, it's to live how we want so that we can fulfill each day... Either way death is such a mysterious subject though. Maybe death isn't frightening at all though, maybe it's a serene process. Humans tend to associate death with something bad, maybe death itself isn't all that bad though… Either way, we all know what it is, but we don't know what happens after it. No one ever lives to tell the tale… Obviously. Ever since my parents passed, I've wondered... where they went. Its morbid to think that they're bodies are just rotting six feet under, so I like to believe that their souls have lived on in an afterlife of some sort. I'd like to think they're free of pain and living life carelessly in heaven. Perhaps I only believe this though because I'm afraid to think other wise... and I am. I want to believe they're still out there some where, because I want to see them again. That's why death doesn't scare me because if there is an afterlife, if there is a second chapter after our time is done here then that means I can see them again. I'd do anything to see them again. anything.

I'm not much of a reader but I couldn't help but read this over and over and again. It's so true.
I sat at my kitchen table staring out the window as thoughts raced through my head. One after another. I snapped out of my daze eventually and decided to go into my basement in attempt to write lyrics, or something.

~~~

The day passed by and I got no song writing done, I ended up sitting down there listening to various mix CD's I had made in high school until a knock at the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I had hoped it was Morgan but of course that was highly impossible. I made my way to the door to see Brian looking through the side window.

"Hey" I spoke, opening the door and letting him in.

"Hey, have you seen a blue journal around here?" Brian asked seriously. He looked like he was on a mission as he wandered around my living room.

"You mean Morgan's journal?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Yeah, have you seen it?" Brian's face lit up as he stopped his search.

I began walking towards the kitchen where I had left it, "It's in the kitchen, why do you need it?"

"She asked me to get it for her since I'm going to visit her tomorrow" Brian replied, as he found the Journal and examined it.

"Y-You're going to visit her?" I choked. I knew Morgan and Brian had been talking a lot recently, and I had read something in Morgan's journal about how Brian had feelings for her which honestly I expected. I also read about how she had feelings for him but I didn't think anything of it because I trusted Morgan. Hearing what Brian just said though made my heart drop.

"Yeah, it's kind of out of the blue but I want to see her..." Brian said carefully.

"We're supposed to be writing next week though" I argued back, slighltly perturbed.

Brian chuckled slightly, "You guys can write without me, besides I need a break I've been writing for the past month, I'll only be gone for a few days"

I just nodded in acknowledgement. That's not even why I was mad that he was going. I could care less if her wasn't here to write lyrics with us... I just didn't want anything to happen between him and Morgan. I wanted Morgan.

"So, did you read her journal?" Brian asked as he held it tightly closed.

"Yeah, she has some good stuff in there" I smirked.

"She told me not to read it..." Brian sighed as he reluctantly opened up the journal. I grabbed it out of his hands and closed it.

"If she said don't read it then don't" I snapped. Whether or not Morgan still liked me, I respected her and her decisions and Brian will too.

"But you-" Brian began.

"I read it, I know, but I am her boyfriend and sooner or later when things are better between us I'll tell her I read it... besides I already knew everything that she talked about in it" I explained. It was the truth.

"Okay fine" Brian huffed.

"So you're really going to see her?" I reluctantly asked.

"Yeah, my plane leaves tomorrow morning" Brian said awkwardly. The conversation was awkward for both of us.

"I wish there was some way I could get up the courage to talk to her" I admitted.

"She talks about you a lot" Brian looked up at me sympathetically.

"Sh-she does?" My eyes widened, "Then why doesn't she talk to me? or call me?"

"Maybe you have to call her, it is yo-" Brian began to say as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Don't remind me, I know it's my fault." I sighed. I know I should call Morgan first or talk to her first. I just didn't know how to. I fucked up badly. I didn't even know where to begin.

"You know, you don't have to call her…" Brian told me.

"What do you mean by that?" I snapped back.

"I mean, maybe you could just-" Brian began to reply.

"Move on? Is that what you we going to say? You want me to move on so you can have Morgan all to yourself don't you" I growled at Brian as I got up and paced through the kitchen.

"That's not what I meant" Brian argued, he was now standing as well.

"Then what the hell did you mean?" I snarled.

"I meant, maybe you don't have to call her. That's not your only option. You could write her a letter or something" Brian explained, "and Matt, i'm your best friend I wouldn't just go and date your ex-girlfriend. Yes, I have feelings for her. Who wouldn't? But I know you still love her, and I want you guys to work things out…"

"I'm sorry, Brian" I sat down and rubbed my temples. This breakup was messing me up. I
couldn't take it. Brian and I never had fights like that, at least not while we're sober, "I'm going to go write her a letter" I told him as I disappeared downstairs.

I took out the pen that I had used for my songwriting and I grabbed a random piece of paper. The pen hovered over it before I attacked the paper with my words and feelings. I had nothing to lose, because I already lost my world that was Morgan.

Morgan, I don't really know where to start this letter because there's so much to say. I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry for being a jerk and saying all those things to you. I didn't mean any of them. I'm so sorry. You of all people do not deserve to be in this situation. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can give you more than what I can give you. Someone who doesn't yell at their girlfriend and scare her away. I failed you, I never told you this but in the hospital after the incident with Andrew the doctor told me that the one thing you needed was someone to trust, someone who would be there for you. That person was me and I couldn't even do that for you. Morgan, if I could... if you could give me the chance, I would be more than willing to show you that I can be the best boyfriend in the universe. I want to be the one who you trust. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. I want to be the one. I love you more than anything, you're my entire world. I've never felt this way about a girl before. You're constantly on my mind. I would do anything to call you my girlfriend again. I'm sorry, I'm horrible at writing. I'm certainly not as good of a writer as you are. Oh, another reason why I'm sorry. I read your journal. I've been reading it for the past month. I know it's private, but reading it made me feel like I still had a piece of you. I've been a mess for the past month and perhaps that one of the things that has kept me sane, being able to read your words. I'm sorry, I know it's private and you didn't want anyone reading it but I couldn't help myself. This is such a wimpy way to talk to you, but I had to get my feelings out someway. I want to make things better between us, because my life without you is awful. I really want to work things out between us and I want to pick up where we left off. If you don't want to do that though, it's okay. I know I wouldn't want to get back together with a jerk like me. I'll never stop loving you though, you'll always be the one for me no matter where our paths lead us.
Love, Matt

I finished writing, with tears pouring out of my eyes and onto the page. There were drops all through the margins and across my sea of words. My writing was crappy but the point of the letter wasn't to write like Shakespeare, it was to tell Morgan how I felt and I did that. This is the easy part, her response is going to be the hard part.

I made my way upstairs. Brian had made himself comfortable on the couch and he was watching VH1.

I slowly handed him the letter, "Here, you can give this to her"

Brian nodded, and gave me a sympathetic smile, "Everything's going to work out"

"I hope so" I mumbled.

"I better get going, it's getting late and I have a plane to catch" Brian said his goodbyes as he left with a journal in one hand and the letter to Morgan in the other.


***Morgan's POV***


I jolted awake to the sound of my door being slammed shut, by Josie. I was not used to having a room mate yet. I attempted to fall back asleep but couldn't because I was reminded by the sticky note on my wall that Brian was coming today.

I forced myself out of bed around ten and decided to take a walk through the city. It was cold but the crisp air was refreshing. Clouds covered the sky. These types of days were my favorite. I walked down the street, there weren't a lot of people out. A few tourists here and there. It was quiet for the most part. I decided to cut through a side street to kill some time. I had a certain route I took every morning but I decided why not go a different way; and so I did. As I was walking down the street I heard a male voice shout, "Hey"

I turned around and rolled my eyes at the man who was clearly checking me out. I kept walking, picking up my pace slightly. I felt a hand start to grasp my arm and quickly pull away as I locked eyes with the man.

"I said hey" He snapped. As if I was supposed to say hello back to him.

"and I say good bye" I retaliated. I kept walking. I could hear his footsteps following me farther down the street.

"Can I help you?" I snapped.

"Well actually…" He smirked. I turned on my heels and started walking away again when he grasped my arm, this time not letting go.

"You can help me" He smiled, as he pressed my body up against a wall and leaned in towards my face. I shrunk backwards and started to push him away with all my strength.

"Feisty, I like it" He maniacally laughed.

"Get a life" I snapped, as he continued holding my arm. I was getting desperate now. My arm ached and I didn't know what my escape was going to be. I squirmed slightly, as he kept his eyes locked with mine. I looked away, trying not to give in. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar man with spiked hair, a leather jacket, black jeans and doc martins walking down the street. It was Brian. His plane must of landed, and he must be walking towards Northeastern. Just then I yelled, "Let go of me!"

My plea echoed through the walls of the building. Luckily, I caught Brian's attention. Realizing it was me, he didn't take 2 seconds to punch the man harshly in the face. The man ran away and I was left slouching against the wall in the shadow of the building. Brian came over to me and lifted me up as he pulled me into his strong embrace. I was shaking slightly from what had just happened, but being in Brian's arm's made me feel safer than ever.

"Brian, I missed you so much" I mumbled into his chest.

"I missed you more, are you okay?" He asked, as he pulled out of the hug, keeping his body close to mine.

"I am now that you're here" I smiled shyly.

He returned the smile and wrapped his arm around me as we walked down the street. I was so happy that he was here. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked him.

He looked down at me, "I don't know, but I have something at my hotel room for you"

Oh god, I thought to myself. I immediately thought he brought Matt, because Brian would do something like that and honestly I wouldn't mind seeing him.

"What hotel are you staying at?" I questioned.

"Some Marriot, down the road a little ways." He pointed before s he pulling out a pack of
cigarettes, and lit one up. I had always like the smell of cigarettes, "You want one?" He offered.

"Nah, I don't smoke" I chuckled.

We started walking towards the hotel though the gloomy morning. Brian had one arm around me and he held me close to him. It was cold and windy so his body heat was comforting. I'm not gonna lie, it was nice being that close to him.

Notes

IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING

school has like eaten my life. and it sucks. I have so much homework.

trust me on this, I want to write the chapters as much as you guys want to read them :')

But anyways, here's an update :) Finally! haha. I'll try to update as often as I can.
Feedback is wanted :)