It's been a month since I started college. College is college, just another form of school My schedule is pretty busy, I'm taking a lot of classes, and when I'm not taking classes Im studying, or writing papers and when I'm not doing that I'm exercising. Whatever I can do to get my mind off of Matt, my parents, Andrew. It's been a hard month. I've relapsed with my depression, I've been cutting, I can't drink because, well there wasn't a wine cellar available and i'm not 21. Yahoo. Worst of all though, my bad eating habits are back. I definitely have an eating disorder I just don't know what it is. It's not like bulimia or anorexia it's more like I go on eating binges then once I finally eat, I feel guilty so I don't eat for a couple days. Eating makes me depressed, because I feel like I'm gaining weight although I'm not. Endpoint; It's awful, it's like i'm back to stage 1 before I met Matt.
Every day I think about Matt and how much I miss him. The thoughts burden me. I hadn't talked to him since I said 'I never want to see you again'. Which was probably the biggest lie I've ever said. I wanted to see him and at the same time I didn't want to see him. I wanted to see him because I still loved him. I didn't want to see him because I hated him for saying all the horrible things to me but I want to believe that all the awful things he said were untrue. Every night I would sit on the twin bed in my dorm room with my phone next to me. I wanted to call him. I wanted to text him I just couldn't get up the strength to do so. I decided though that calling and texting is so cowardly, if I talk to him it will be in person face to face. Lord help me.

On the other hand, I talk to Brian almost everyday. We'd text constantly. We'd talk on the phone. He always asked me how I was doing, my answer was always the same; awful. Then we would talk about our days. He would inform me on how Matt was doing, which seemed to always be similar to how I felt. It was never any more than that though. Brian and I became very close over the last month. A part of me was worried that I was falling for him and deep down I loved him madly but I still loved Matt and I wanted to keep loving Matt because in all honesty I wanted to work out what had happened between Matt and I, which I think is pretty generous of me because he's the one at fault for ruining our relationship in the first place.

Today though, was another ordinary friday. I had just come back to my room after a long day of classes. Surprisingly I had nothing to do, no essays to write, nothing to research. What a great way to start the weekend. As I sat in my silence, staring out the window and down the bustling road I heard a faint knock at my door. Of course because my mind likes to play tricks on me the first thing I thought was that It was Matt or Brian. I hopped off my bed and made my way over to the door to see a lanky girl about 5'5 with long brown hair standing there.

"Hi" She waved shyly, she had bags in her hands that contained her belongings I assumed.

"Uhm, hi" I replied quietly, I moved out of the door way and she placed her belongings on the bed that wasn't mine.

"So I guess I'm your new roommate" She smiled.

"I guess so" I said back, trying to sound happy. I liked not having a roommate, having the room to myself for the past month was awesome. I like being alone.

She walked around the bed and started getting her belongings organized.

"Well, I'm Morgan" I introduced myself, "It's nice to meet you"

"It's nice to meet you too" She smiled, "I'm Josephine, most people just call me Jo or Josie"

"Cool" I said, nodding my head. Joe. That was my dad's name, looks like I'll be calling her
Josie. I sat on my bed, scrolling through my twitter occasionally looking at her as she set up her side of the room. I saw her hanging up a small poster next to her bed, I looked closer only to reveal that the picture was of Avenged Sevenfold.

"So you're an Avenged Sevenfold fan?" I smirked.

"Yeah, they're my favorite band" She said in awe as she gazed up at her poster, "Do you know who they are?"

I silently laughed at the question she just asked me. 4 months ago that answer would of been a no, but today it was a definite yes. I know exactly who they are.

"Of course I do, I love their music" I replied truthfully.

"I'd do anything to meet them" She mused, "Have you met them?"

"Yeah, I have actually, I'm pretty close to all of them" I somewhat regretted saying this, I feel like she would just use me to become friends with them which I would not let happen.

"You're lying" She beamed.

"Nope, I spent the entire summer with them" I grinned, recalling all the good times I spent with them. Out on the porch, playing guitar with each other, swimming, going for walks on the beach, our movie nights. I wanted to repeat the summer so badly even if it meant me getting stabbed again, it would be worth it.

"You're so lucky! Who's your favorite?" She questioned as she sat on the edge of her bed intently waiting for my answer. I relaxed and rested my back against the wall, thinking about how I would answer the question. My favorite was obviously Matt, I mean he was my boyfriend... is... was... I don't really know we never broke up. Then there was Brian who was like the older brother I had always waned. And of course, Zacky who was always so sweet to me, every time I thought of him I thought of the first time he introduced himself to me. The of course Johnny, who was always doing something interesting and last but most certainly not least Jimmy, who never failed to make me laugh.

"I don't really have a favorite, they're all my favorite" I shrugged.

"Yeah, I mean I love them all but I guess my favorite would probably be Johnny"

"Short shit! I love him" I laughed.

"Oh" She seemed a little taken back for some reason.

"No not like that, I love Johnny as a friend, nothing more" I reassured her.

She looked satisfied, not that I was going to introduce her to them. I really had no intentions of even becoming that close to her. I'm not one to become close to people or open up to people. Matt and Brian are exceptions.

"So… where are you from?" She asked, continuing our conversation.

"Boston, you?" I replied.

"Venice, Florida" She said.

I was shocked she had travelled so far, but Boston does have some of the best colleges in the world.

"Well, i'm going to go explore, I'll see you when I get back I guess… roommate" She teased.
I just nodded. As she shut the door I felt my phone vibrating next to me. Brian was calling.

"Hey Bri" I answered.

"Hey you" He greeted me, "What's up"

"I just met my roommate" I said slyly.

"is that a good thing?" He let out a laugh.

"I don't know, she's a big fan of you guys though" I admitted.

"Well, we're just that good"

"You're so modest"

I got up and walked around the room as we talked about our days, I eventually left and made my way outside to the courtyard that was on campus. It was brisk out, it felt like fall. The leaves on the tree's were changing colors and blowing through the air.

"So I have news, I don't know if it's good news or bad news" Brian said somewhat uneasily.

"Shoot, I'm all ears"

"So today I spontaneously bought plane tickets to Boston, because I miss you." He said shyly.
"That's the best news I've heard in a month! " I replied happily. I missed Brian too. It would be nice seeing him, I was starting to get lonely.

"I'm glad you're excited, I'm coming tomorrow"

"Even better, I don't think you can stay in my dorm… so…"

"Way ahead of you"

"Good"

"I'm honestly so excited to see you, I need a break from all this song writing I think"

I laughed at his comment.

"How is the album going"

"Pretty good I guess… Matt actually has a lot of songs that he wrote.. I think the fight you guys had gave him some inspiration, no offense."

"None taken" I quickly replied.

"But it's going well, I think it's going to be our best album yet"

"I can't wait to hear it." I replied honestly.

"So I better go to sleep cause I have an early flight tomorrow morning...Love you" He said sincerely.

"Love you too"

I hung up the phone and walked off the campus and out into the city. I walked towards Fenway Park thinking about our conversation. I was so excited that he would be here tomorrow. I was nervous though, I had this thought in my mind that our friendship might become something more soon. I didn't want it to, but I did at the same time.

I let my thoughts wander, they eventually went to the subject of Matt. I wondered how he was, what he was doing, who he was with. Brian hadn't mentioned him this conversation which made me think the worst. I figured he probably had a new girlfriend and Brian just didn't want to tell me although that wasn't the case. I wish I was going to California. I just want to clear the air with Matt, and either move on with our relationship and end it for the time being. I didn't know which I wanted though, maybe that was what was holding me back from going there.

I wandered through some alleyways, eventually making it back to the dorm. Josie was already back, she sitting on her bed doing something on her computer.

"Hey" I said quietly, walking over to my side of the room, before plopping down on my bed.

"Hey, where were you?" She asked. Was she trying to make conversation? or did she actually want to know. I already missed having the room to myself. I tried to not let myself get annoyed.
I quickly replied, "Oh I was just out for a walk"

"Oh cool, so what are you studying at the moment?"

"Well, it's my first year here so I'm just taking prerequisite courses, like math and english… I don't know my major yet, but I think it will be something in the environmental science field" I explained.

"Oh that's cool, I want to be a teacher so that's why i'm here" She smiled.

"Cool, teaching is fun" I tried to make conversation.

"Yeah…" Her voice faded off as she was pulled away from the conversation by her computer. I decided to write in my journal, something I hadn't done in a while. My journal was something I've had for the past 5 years, I bring it everywhere and write in it as often as I can. It's an outlet for stress. I rummaged through my bags but I couldn't find it.

"Shit" I whispered to myself. I must of left it at Matt's house. Great, that's just what I needed, him reading that. I hand't even thought about it in a month… but I had this sudden urge to write. I needed that journal now more than ever. I quickly texted Brian hoping that he would respond.

Hey so, I have a hug favor to ask. Can you go to Matt's house for me and look for a blue journal that I left there. I really need it, please don't read it. Thanks :)

He replied quickly.

I'll go over right now. Don't worry, I'm not nosy. You can trust me ;)

Thank god.
I eventually went to sleep, looking forward to seeing Brian and not having to spend it alone and lonely.

Notes

YAY Sequel!!! Haha :)
So this first chapter is pretty suckish. Apologies. The story will get more interesting as it progresses, I assure you all :)
I don't know exactly when I'm going to be updating, but i'll try to update as often as possible :) It's hard with school and stuff :|
Feedback is wanted!