"You only wanted me for one reason, Brian, you and I both know that."

Her words echoed in my head for hours after she spoke them.

She actually fucking thought that. She really believed the only reason I took her in after Mom and Dad died was because I wanted to fuck her. I didn't even plan on it at that point, I just... I couldn't even think straight. I was too shocked to say anything else to her. By the time I thought I was calm enough to continue, she was asleep. I got up and pulled my jeans back on, grabbing my smokes off the nightstand and heading outside. I heard a voice as I lit it.

"Syn, what are you doing?" Matt asked, still sitting where we all were before Court got sick. Everyone else was gone, though. I walked over and sat across from him.

"Smoking, why are you still out here?" I asked, taking a drag.

"Just hanging out." He was giving me a weird look. I stared back at him questioningly until I realized what he was thinking. I always used to smoke after I had sex with Courtney, and I just came out of the bus I shared with her with only jeans on.

"Stop, Shads," I said. "Nothing happened."

"Then why are you still up?"

I rolled my eyes. "We had a fight."

"About?"

I took a long drag and exhaled, "She thinks the only reason I took her in was because I wanted to... you know."

Matt's eyebrows raised. "She said that?"

I nodded.

"So she likes to speak the truth when she drinks."

I nodded again. "She's asleep now, so it doesn't matter."

"It kind of does," Matt said. "Shouldn't go to sleep angry."

"Not the same for siblings." I threw the butt of that cigarette on the ground and pulled out another, lighting it instantly. "I couldn't think of anything to say to her. I obviously denied it, because it wasn't true, but I can't believe she said that to me."

"Honestly, are you surprised she thought that?"

I looked at him, somewhat annoyed. "Yeah? She was ten years old and my parents died, too. I just didn't want her going off to east Jesus nowhere with whoever."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I meant, like, after everything. She's probably paranoid."

I shrugged. "I guess, maybe." We didn't say anything else until I finished the second cigarette.

"Val's pissed at me, too," Matt said quietly. I looked at him.

"What'd you do?"

"I'm not sure," he chuckled. "Probably drank too much, I don't know."

"How are you guys doing this time around?"

"All right, I guess. She still kind of blames Courtney for the first time, I think."

"Why would she blame her?" I asked, confused.

"When everything was happening, Courtney came first and she didn't like that. But she doesn't understand what exactly was going on."

I pulled out a third cigarette, feeling my throat scream at me to stop but I couldn't. I lit it. "Do any of the girls know?"

"No," Matt said immediately.

"Do you think you'll ever tell her?"

He met my eyes. "Do you want them to know? Really, it's your secret to tell, not any of ours. Do you want them to see you as... that person?"

I thought about it. What if people did know? What if somehow it got out to the world that I had a sexual relationship with my fifteen year old sister? Two shitty things against me, not just one.

"I don't want them to view me differently," I said, then added, "I know you guys do."

"We don't view you badly, Bri-" he started.

"I didn't say badly, I said differently."

He watched me for a second. "We were scared for Courtney, especially when we thought she was being forced." I cringed internally, remembering when I had to do that to her.

"That's not me anymore," I said simply, putting that cigarette out and standing up.

"We know," Matt said. Without another word I went back into our bus and to our room. She was still sleeping peacefully. It bothered me a lot that she was sleeping so well, but then I remembered all the alcohol in her system probably helped with that. I took my pants off again and laid back down. Thankfully I was out cold in a few minutes.

***

I woke up the next morning and instantly went out for a cigarette. I was taking a few steps back from trying to cut back, but I didn't care even though I knew it would piss Courtney off. It was pretty late, but no one else was up yet. Or they were too hungover to come outside.

I smoked down to the filter and threw it, going back inside. I stepped into our room and saw Courtney taking two pills, presumably Tylenol since the bottle was out. I grabbed a shirt and new jeans before going back into the bathroom to take a shower. I let the water run over me as I thought about what to do.

I wasn't going to be the one that ended that silence.

I've always apologized, even when it wasn't my fault. Not this time.

I turned the water off once I was done, taking my time drying off and getting dressed. I let my hair do whatever the fuck it wanted, I really didn't care at this point. I went back into our room and saw her on her phone. She didn't seem like she was going to say anything. I grabbed my acoustic off its stand and took it to the living area. I needed time to play before tonight, anyway.

That was the entire day. I played a bit, had a cigarette, and came back inside to continue playing. She never texted me or came out to talk. Nothing. Around 7 PM, Escape The Fate started playing so I took my guitar back into the room. She was on her computer. I ignored her as I grabbed my glasses and looked around to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

Now's your chance, Court. Say something.

I waited a couple seconds and left again. I knew I wouldn't see her again until after the concert, but whatever. I had to push her out of my mind. I went backstage and got shit ready, talked with the guys about what songs we were doing and other bullshit. I checked my phone more times than I could count, but nothing from her.

"What's up?" Matt asked, standing next to me. He was referring to last night.

"We didn't speak all day," I said, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

He sighed as a crew member brought my Schecter over to me.

"Just don't think about it," Matt said before walking away. The lights went down and the intro to "Nightmare" started.

Easier said than done, Shads.

***

Tonight after the show we decided to meet with some fans. This crowd was rowdier than the others and we loved the atmosphere. We made our rounds along the barricades, taking pictures and autographs and whatnot, but my mind was still on Courtney.

"Synyster fucking Gates!" a guy yelled. I walked over to him as he held out a shirt with a marker.

"What's up man?" I asked, trying my hardest to be friendly when I really just wanted to leave.

"Do you think you could hook me up with your sister?" My heart stopped and my hand froze in mid-air. I looked at him, thinking I heard him wrong.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

"Courtney, right?" he asked with a smirk. "I bet she's amazing in bed, I wanna find out."

I started backing away. I couldn't do this right now.

Then he said it.

"I'm sure you've fucked her before."

And I swung.

I didn't even think about it. The second those fucking words left his lips, my fist swung full force at his eye. I felt someone pulling me back and all I heard was screaming. I looked behind me as I felt cold metal lock around my wrists. Fucking cops. They were leading me away and Matt ran after us.

"Syn, what the fuck-" he started but I cut him off.

"Get me out and don't bring her!" I managed right before they shoved me into the back of the car. I saw through the window that they were arresting the other guy, too. I wanted to kill him.

The cop started driving and I zoned out until we got to the station. He pulled me out and inside. Uncuffing me, they took my fingerprints and mugshot, then shoved me in a holding cell. About ten minutes later, that fucking kid came through.

"Get him out of here!" I screamed at them.

"Hey, best friend!" he said as they put him in the cell next to mine.

"I will kill him if you keep him in here!"

"Is that a threat?" one of the cops asked.

"No, it's a fucking promise," I seethed. I felt the kid smirking at me.

The cops laughed and walked away. I rested my forehead against the cold bars and shut my eyes.

"Stop fucking looking at me," I growled.

"But she looks like you, doesn't she?" he asked innocently.

"I swear to god-"

"Brian!" a girl screamed. My head shot up and I glared at Matt.

"I said not to fucking bring her!" I yelled as Courtney ran over to me. Matt turned away and talked to a cop at the desk.

"What the fuck did you do?" she hissed at me. "Do they know?"

"No," I whispered, "it's nothing like that-"

"Hey baby!" the kid said to Courtney.

"Don't fucking talk to her!" I yelled.

"Wanna come home with me when I get out?" he asked again. She stared at him for a second before looking back at me.

"Did you hit him?" she asked in a hushed tone. I nodded.

"He wouldn't stop saying shit about you," I replied with my teeth clenched.

"Come hang out with me," the guy whined.

"I will fucking kill-" I started but Courtney took the hand I had wrapped around a bar.

"Stop!" she said, "or you won't be able to come home." I looked to the desk where Matt had his back to us.

"Matt, get me the fuck out of here!" I yelled.

"I'm working on it," he called back. I rested my forehead against the bars again.

"I thought someone found out," she murmured.

"Honestly, it might be suspicious now considering how I reacted," I muttered back.

"You're my brother, aren't you supposed to react like that any time another guy gets involved?" I couldn't help but smile a little.

"I guess."

"How much did you drink?" she asked, trying to distract me from the presence I was fully aware of. I held up two fingers.

"Two beers?" she asked. I nodded.

"Free to go, Mr. Haner," the cop said, unlocking the cell. I rushed out and hugged Matt, but just squeezed Court's shoulder. I was still unbelievably pissed. The three of us walked out, but I saw Courtney flip off the guy before we were out of sight. Matt walked over to a car and got into the driver's seat.

"Whose car is this?" I asked as we got in.

"Borrowed it," Matt said. I couldn't tell how he was feeling. I didn't know if he heard what the guy said.

"I'm sorry, man." He shrugged.

"I would've done the same thing." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. None of us said anything else until we got back to the venue and the guys were hanging out in the middle of all the buses. As we got out they all watched me but didn't say a word.

"Off to the next place, let's go," Matt said, breaking everyone up. We all climbed onto our buses without protest.

I went straight back to our room, knowing Courtney was following. She shut the door behind her.

"What did he say that made you do that?" she asked. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"That he wanted to sleep with you," I said, "and that he would bet I did, too."

Her jaw dropped. "He said that?"

I nodded. "And considering I wasn't exactly in the best of moods, a punch in the face is getting off easy."

She sighed as she sat on the bed. "Are you still mad about last night?"

I felt my eyes widen. "Are you serious? You have to ask me that?"

"Brian, I was drunk-"

"You wanted to-" I cut myself off to lower my voice. "You wanted to have sex while you were drunk, Courtney. Don't use that excuse."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Did you mean it?"

She looked down. "It was something I always wondered."

"Did you believe me last night?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's a hard situation."

For the first time ever I think, Courtney actually looked her age. She looked like a lost, confused teenage girl that didn't know what to do.

I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

"I know," I murmured. "But the bright side is I'm here going through it with you, so you're not alone. Okay?"

She looked up at me and nodded. She rested her head against my chest and I kissed her forehead, feeling at ease for the first time in twenty four hours.

Notes

Chapter title credit: Seether
Thank you guys for commenting with your ideas, I'm happier with this chapter than the other version I wrote (in Courtney's POV).
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Thanks for reading.