Scream

I spent the week after in the bedroom. Brian slept on the couch and tried to talk to me but I never responded. Every now and then he tried explaining everything to me again, but I would scream at him to get out. I wasn't sure what everyone was asking him when it came to how I was acting, but I didn't care.

I hated not seeing them perform, so I finally went backstage when I heard them start their seventh show.

"Hey, look who it is!" Valary said cheerily.

"Yay! She's back!" Gena exclaimed, hugging me. I looked out and saw Brian playing, but he didn't look as lively as he did that first show. Everyone else was just as hyped as they were a week ago.

"Are you feeling better?" Lacey asked. I sat down next to her, in perfect view of the stage.

"A little, yeah," I said. We watched them, talking about the signs we saw in the audience or just about the guys in general. During "Scream" when the dancers come out, we noticed that the guys never once looked at them.

"It's purely for the audience," Val noted. I wasn't sure how that made me feel.

Brian did some spins during the second verse, and at one point he looked up and caught my eye. And stopped. He kept playing, but he just stared at me. Matt came by and slapped him on the shoulder, getting him to focus. Just like that, Brian came to life.

He started running around, standing on amps, jumping. Just like the first night. Because I was watching.

In between songs he turned and smiled at me as he got a drink. Then I noticed he was drinking water instead of beer. After an hour and a half, they were done and coming back to us. Brian was on his way over to me before I ran over to Matt.

"Hey, Court!" he said, catching me for a hug, picking me up and spinning me around. "I'm glad you came out, how are you feeling?"

"Okay," I said, feeling Brian's eyes on me.

"Good," he said. "We better get back to the bus, long drive to the next one."

We all walked back and I stayed next to Matt as long as I could until we had to part ways. Brian opened the door for me so I stepped in and went straight to the room, shutting the door behind me. I sat on the bed in time for Brian to walk in and for the engine to start. He shut the door behind him and sat down in front of me. He set my pill bottle back down on my nightstand. He kept it the whole time we weren't talking.

"Was that supposed to be leverage?" I asked sharply.

"It wasn't supposed to be," he said, "but if it worked that way then I guess."

I looked down and hoped he would leave eventually. Instead, he set the ring down in front of me.

"No, Brian," I said.

"Please, Courtney," he whispered. "Please."

"Why should I?"

"Because I love you. And I know you're mad at me, but you love me, too."

"I wish I didn't." That was harsh. Oh well, too late now.

"You don't mean that," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yes I do," I said, looking up at him. "You don't understand. For the last week, no matter what I did, I felt like I had this gaping hole in my chest and it hurt. It hurt so much, more than when I left."

Brian swallowed and looked down. "I'm sorry-"

"You can say that however many times you want, but it won't change anything."

"Please just take the ring."

"Did it hurt that first night? When you were out there and I just screamed all night because I couldn't take it?"

"Yes," he breathed, "it did."

"Good," I said. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. My first instinct was to hug him, but I couldn't. Not now.

"All I'm asking is for you to wear the ring again."

"Why? Why is it so damn important-"

"Because," he said angrily before he took a deep breath. "Because I need you to remember that no matter how upset you are, and mad, and hurt that I love you more than anything. You need to remember that."

I looked down at the ring. I loved him, of course I did, but wearing it felt like I was forgiving him.

"I don't forgive you," I said.

"I don't expect you to," he said, taking my hand. I flinched, but he held on to it. He picked up the ring with his other hand and slipped it on my middle finger. He brought my hand up to his lips and whispered, "I love you, Courtney."

I didn't say anything.

"Do you want me to go?"

My heart screamed no, but I nodded. He squeezed my hand and let go, walking back out to the living area. I sat there for a bit, feeling torn. I wanted him here with me, but it hurt to know I was even in the same bus. I turned the TV on and flipped through channels before I found Silence of the Lambs starting. I began falling asleep not even halfway through it before I heard the door open.

"Courtney?"

"What, Brian?" I asked monotonously. I was too tired to deal with him.

"Can I please sit in here? We don't have to talk."

"I don't care." He shut the door behind him and came over to lay on his side. I moved over so there was a decent amount of room between us.

"Haven't you watched this a dozen times?"

"Didn't you say no talking?" I snapped back.

"Right, sorry."

I knew I was being mean, but I couldn't help it. "I was in the middle of falling asleep," I explained quietly.

"That's fine, go to sleep," he said, watching the movie intently. I shut my eyes and listened to it, not quite getting tired again by the end. He turned the TV off and I felt him looking at me.

"I'm still awake," I muttered.

"Sorry," he said. "Do you want me to sleep out there again?"

I sighed into the pillow. "Doesn't matter." I felt him stand up and for a second my heart dropped, thinking he was leaving. Then I heard him take his shirt and jeans off. He got back into bed but still kept his distance.

"Are you tired?"

"Not really. Why?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. When he did speak again I could barely hear him. "When do you think we'll talk normally again?"

He legitimately sounded upset.

"I don't know," I sighed. "When we figure things out, I guess."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know, Brian."

"The night everything happened," he said quickly, as if he wanted to say it all before I could cut him off, "I stayed outside the door until you fell asleep. It killed me, Courtney. And I came in to make sure you were okay once you were sleeping. Then I went to the bar."

"You just got done puking from drinking too much, so you went to the bar and drank more?" I asked.

"Yes. And I realized drinking has caused problems my entire life, so I'm done."

I looked at him. "What?"

"I'm done drinking. I might have one or two when I'm with the guys, but otherwise I'm done. And I wanna cut down on smoking, because I know you hate it."

I didn't say anything. I didn't really know what to say.

"Courtney?"

"Yeah, I'm up. I'm just... surprised, I guess."

"I'm willing to do anything to make this work. I need you in my life more than you can even comprehend. I can't stand you not talking to me or hurting because of me. I've done so much of that and I can't take it anymore."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay," I repeated.

"Do you hate me?"

I groaned. "I don't know, Brian. I'm really fucking upset. That's about it."

"I loved you so much," he said. "I didn't know what else to do."

"I loved you, too, but I was stuck in the hospital with just my thoughts. And you promised me you wouldn't date anyone else."

"I wasn't dating her, I was using her," he defended.

I stared at him. "Because that makes it any better?"

"It doesn't, you're right," he said. "I can't deal with you ignoring me, though. If you don't forgive me, just stop shutting me out."

"Under one condition," I sighed, looking at him.

"Anything," he answered instantly.

I smirked. "No school."

He actually laughed out loud. "Yeah, okay. Nice try, funny."

I smiled with him, "it was worth a shot."

"Not good enough, sorry babe." He moved my hair out of my face and caressed my cheek. I rested my hand over his.

"I missed you," he whispered. I kissed his wrist and his smile grew. "So what have you been doing this past week? What have I missed out on?"

"Funny you should ask," I said, "but I found this website."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Well, I never knew what 'fan fiction' was..."

"Oh my god, Courtney, please tell you didn't read any of it."

I started laughing as I said, "There are girls obsessed with you, Brian!"

"I know, I know," he said blushing.

"And some of it's pretty good!"

"Oh god, stop!" He buried his head in his pillow to shield his embarrassment.

"Who knows, maybe I'll write one of my own," I said. He looked at me.

"I mean, no need to write about me considering I already know you're my biggest fan," he said. I laughed more as I playfully shoved him.

"Not about you! Well, maybe."

He kept his smile as he watched me. "Is that what you want to do? Write?"

"I haven't tried it, but in the hospital they encouraged stuff like that. It could help."

"I bet you'll be awesome at it." I smiled at him so much my cheeks hurt, but I was so happy just sitting there with him after staying away from him. We just laid there and relaxed, feeling the bus move under us.

***

"So this is middle C," Adam Gontier explained to me. I was hanging out backstage with him and Three Days Grace while they rehearsed a little bit. I was sitting with him in front of the piano. I placed my hand over the key he said.

"Then it goes down from there?" I asked.

"Yeah, as long as you know where middle C is, you're good."

"What's going on back here?" Brian asked, walking over with Johnny.

"Adam's teaching me piano 'cause you won't," I said.

"Because you've never asked," he mocked. "Anyway piano is Matt's thing, not mine." Adam had been playing something that I thought was familiar and it dawned on me.

"I'll be the first to say that now I'm okay," I sang. Adam smiled and joined in with the rest of the verse.

"And for the first time I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know."

"Fuck the instruments, man," Adam said, looking at Brian, "get her singing, that's where she belongs."

"Yeah, I've noticed," he said, giving me a small smile.

The intro to "Issues" was being tested, which meant it was almost time for Escape the Fate to go on. The women of Avenged Sevenfold were staying back in the buses tonight, so I hung out by myself and just watched everything with Brian walking past me every so often and winking or just giving me a smile, whatever he could to remind me that he was thinking of me even though he was so busy.

As always, Brian and the guys were great. At one point while Matt was getting a drink, Brian started playing "Girl I Know," turning and winking at me before anyone noticed. I really fucking loved him.

"Gates, if you wanna fuck around then play something good," Matt said into the mic. Brian went into "MIA," getting the whole audience to freak out since they hadn't played this song live in years. Matt went with it, they stayed on for another five or so songs before ending with "A Little Piece of Heaven" and bringing another show to a close.

"And on to the next one," Matt said to me, giving me a high five. We started walking back to the buses while Brian and Zacky put their equipment away. Johnny made a joke about there being a scratch on his bass after one of the crew members put it away so now they were paranoid.

"Tonight was a fun one," I said.

"Yeah, but I feel like I'm never seeing you anymore. Luckily tonight is a shorter drive and then we have a day off, so maybe we can all hang."

"That'd be cool," I said as Zack and Brian chased after Johnny, realizing what he did.

"Your legs are too short, Christ!" Matt yelled. The two taller men caught up with Johnny easily, messing up his mohawk and spraying a water bottle at him.

"Douchebag," Zack said, laughing.

"But really, everything is going okay?" Matt asked quietly.

"Yes, Matthew," I said, looking at him with a smile.

"I'm just making sure!" he laughed. "Chad hasn't reported anything-"

"You have our driver spying on us?" I stopped in my tracks. "Really, Matt?"

"I felt better that way," Matt said, stopping with me. "Just reassurance, okay? I'm worried about you, kid."

"I would tell you if anything was wrong. I promise."

"Let's go, ya pansies!" Brian called out the door.

"We'll talk more tomorrow," Matt said, splitting off to his bus. I walked up to ours.

"What was all that about?" Brian asked as I walked in.

"I'll tell you later," I said to him, faintly aware of Chad's presence. We both walked into our room and started getting changed for bed after shutting the door.

"Is everything all right?"

"I don't know. Matt said..." I lowered my voice, "he said Chad is, like, telling him what goes on with us?" I tossed my shirt on the bed and turned so my back was to him as I took my bra off.

"Do you believe him?" he asked, unbuckling his belt.

"Kind of, yeah. Do you?"

"Not really. Does he think something is going on?"

"I'm not sure." I pulled on one of Brian's Metallica T-shirts and took my jeans off. I laid in bed under the covers and watched Brian finish undressing.

"What exactly did you say?"

"I said I would let him know if something was wrong," I recited. He looked at me with an unsure expression. "What?"

"I dunno," he said, laying down next to me. "It does suck to lie to him."

"But we're not."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing is wrong, per se," I said, smiling. He leaned over and kissed me.

"You're right," he said. "Everything is absolutely perfect."

"So, I had a question."

"Oh jeez, what?" He was flipping through the channels on the TV.

"During the concert, you were singing about this girl you know..." He looked at me with a smirk and lust filled eyes.

"I was," he said slowly. "What about her?"

"You said she comes alive when she does what?" He turned the TV back off, threw the remote onto the ground, and grabbed me so I was against him.

"Why don't I show you?" His hands drifted up my shirt and yanked it off. He kissed me again much rougher and pushed me back down onto the bed, kissing down my chest to my panties. He slid them off and put his head between my legs.

"Brian," I said, realizing this was something we'd never done before.

"Shut up," he said before running his tongue over my clit and my body jerked. His hands held my hips down as he started tracing different shapes with his tongue and flicked. It only took a minute or two for me to come and it felt different from the other times, but it was still amazing.

"Shit," I hissed, biting my lip and gripping his arms. A few moans escaped until he felt I was done and he positioned himself over me.

"How was that?" he asked, reaching into his nightstand for a condom.

"Incredible," I said, running my hands up and down his muscled chest. He leaned back to put the condom on.

"Brian?" I asked. He glanced at me, opening the plastic. "Did you wear one with her?"

"Courtney, don't do this," he said, rolling it on and leaning back down so his face was only a couple inches from mine.

"Tell me."

"Of course I did," he whispered, running his thumb over my cheek. "You are the only girl I have ever not used one with."

I smiled. "Okay."

His hand drifted down to my neck. "Now shut. Up." He squeezed gently, but I still grasped his wrist as my other hand wrapped around his shoulder. "Look at me."

I did as he said and stared straight into his eyes as I felt him at my opening. My nails dug into his skin reflexively and his hand that was on my neck took both of my hands and pinned them down above my head. His other hand traveled down to my waist and held it as he pushed in. My body tensed and I looked down.

"What did I say?" he said. I looked back at him and he smirked. "Good girl." More moans escaped as he thrust faster and my back arched against his chest.

"Kiss me," he said. I brought my lips to his and he slipped his tongue in my mouth, going along with his lower movements. He shoved harder and my arms tried to pull out of his hands.

"Aw, do you want out?" I bit my lip as he put his mouth right next to my ear and said, "too bad." With that he slammed over and over into me as I gasped with each one.

"Jesus Christ," I moaned, and that finished him. He went faster and harder than I thought possible, gripping my wrists tight and holding me against him. He slowed down and came to a stop, breathing heavy.

He rested his forehead against mine. "I fucking love you."

Notes

Chapter title credit: Avenged Sevenfold
I told y'all I loved them together.
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Thanks for reading.