Scream
Coming Home
Today's the day. It's August 1st, 2010 and I am considered recovered just like Brian. I'm healthy enough to go home with him.
It was a crazy year. In the beginning, I was a handful. I threw temper tantrums constantly and I wouldn't eat or drink until they brought Brian in. A few times it was in the middle of the night. Then after about a month, they got tired of it and started force-feeding me, which I hated. So I stopped getting so angry and just floated on without much interaction with anyone. Then another month went by and I started opening up a little. I gained a few friends. Then they started getting better while I was still the same. One left, then another, and then the last one. I had to get better, it was my only option. Especially if I wanted to go home. And I did for a while.
Then the voices started.
I became extremely paranoid over everything. That Brian was with other girls (even though he always told me he wasn't) or that people were talking about me; so many different things. I was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic even at such a young age since it usually doesn't make an appearance until a person's twenties. But it was possible. When Brian found out, it was heartbreaking. He knew it was his fault.
But medication helped a lot. Therapy and talking helped. It's now to the point where I rarely hear or see anything, which means I can go home. But is that really my home?
After the doctors here had realized what exactly my attachment to Brian was like, it was almost like detox. I could only speak to him on the phone for three months, until the schizophrenia started. They had to bring him in to tell him. But I had special sessions for my kind of situation, to teach myself exactly what was so bad about what I did with Brian. And I completely get it now. Brian must, too, if they're letting me live with him.
I haven't seen any of the other guys, including Matt which hurts. I miss him dearly. But today is the day, everything will be better.
I looked around my now empty room, thinking about the last year. Sometimes I really don't understand how everything happened, or even how it started. I was so dependent on Brian and what we did, it really was sick. But everything will be different now. It'll be normal.
Someone knocked on my open door, so I turned and saw Dr. Serandon standing in the frame. He was here. I picked up my two suitcases and followed her to the lobby. I saw him. I hadn't seen him in two months because of how busy he was with the new album, which was released only a few days ago. He was looking down at his phone but when he heard footsteps, he looked up. The smile on his face was priceless.
Did I mention I was never allowed to hug him? Or hold his hand? Nothing. No contact whatsoever. So dropping my suitcases and running to him with his arms waiting for me? It was the best feeling ever. But it wasn't the same as a year ago, and that made me so relieved. It lasted for about ten seconds before we let go, both of us smiling like idiots. I certainly didn't care, and I don't think he did, either.
He did whatever he had to do to officially get me out of there, and we were on our way home. Neither of us said anything, but it was like we both had permanent smiles on our faces. Both of us had been waiting for this day for so long. We pulled in and I saw two other cars in the driveway, Zack's and Johnny's. Matt's been living with Brian since he and Val broke up not too long after I went to the institute. I knew it was my fault, but what was I supposed to do about it? I didn't like her anyway.
We got out and he grabbed my bags while I ran up to the door and threw it open. The three men were sitting in the living room, knowing I was coming. They all sprung up, anxious for hugs. Then there was a few seconds of emptiness. We were missing someone.
The hospital had allowed for all four of the guys to come inform me of Jimmy's death. None of us had seen it coming, and I had never seen any of them as upset as that day. We all lost a best friend. When the others had left and it was just Brian and me, he told me he thought it was suicide. He showed me the lyrics to one song that Jimmy had written for the new album, entitled "Death" which was later changed to be titled "Fiction." Brian felt like there were too many clues that showed Jimmy had been thinking about it.
Brian walked in, set my bags down, and realized why we were all just standing there.
"He would've been proud of you," he said, "and unbelievably happy to see you." I nodded. They've had months to get used to not having him around, it was going to take me a while.
"But hey, you haven't listened to the album yet," Johnny exclaimed. Brian took my stuff up to my room while I went with the guys downstairs to the studio. Once Brian got there, Matt turned it on and we listened to the whole thing all together. They've been anxious to see how I liked it.
Before track 6 started, Matt paused it.
"You know your brother sucks at song writing, right," he asked with a small smile. I nodded, chuckling. Zack cleared his throat.
"He wrote this one about Jimmy, and it shocked all of us," he said. I looked at Brian, but he kept his eyes down. Matt played it, and it was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. It brought tears to all of our eyes, knowing Jimmy wasn't here. After that, we just let the CD play. When "Fiction" played, Brian had to walk out of the room, but none of us went after him. Once the last track ended, they all looked at me.
"I think it's amazing, guys," I said, smiling. "It really is. But I'm gonna go talk to him." They nodded, and I went upstairs. No one. I went to the second floor, and saw the light in Brian's room on but the door was cracked. I knocked.
"Yeah," Brian asked, sniffling. He was crying.
"Can I come in?"
"Of course." I gently pushed the door open and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the ground. I sat next to him.
"We all miss him," I started, but he stopped me.
"It's not just that, Courtney," he said, wiping his eyes. "This whole last year has been crazy. First with you, then him, and now the album... it's just a lot to take in. Plus the tour..." He slowly looked up at me. It took a couple seconds for me to process that.
"Wait... what tour?"
"The Uproar festival. Us with Bullet For My Valentine, Escape The Fate, Seether, and Three Days Grace." I thought about it.
"I just get home... and you're already leaving?" He looked down again.
"Unless you came with us."
It was a crazy year. In the beginning, I was a handful. I threw temper tantrums constantly and I wouldn't eat or drink until they brought Brian in. A few times it was in the middle of the night. Then after about a month, they got tired of it and started force-feeding me, which I hated. So I stopped getting so angry and just floated on without much interaction with anyone. Then another month went by and I started opening up a little. I gained a few friends. Then they started getting better while I was still the same. One left, then another, and then the last one. I had to get better, it was my only option. Especially if I wanted to go home. And I did for a while.
Then the voices started.
I became extremely paranoid over everything. That Brian was with other girls (even though he always told me he wasn't) or that people were talking about me; so many different things. I was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic even at such a young age since it usually doesn't make an appearance until a person's twenties. But it was possible. When Brian found out, it was heartbreaking. He knew it was his fault.
But medication helped a lot. Therapy and talking helped. It's now to the point where I rarely hear or see anything, which means I can go home. But is that really my home?
After the doctors here had realized what exactly my attachment to Brian was like, it was almost like detox. I could only speak to him on the phone for three months, until the schizophrenia started. They had to bring him in to tell him. But I had special sessions for my kind of situation, to teach myself exactly what was so bad about what I did with Brian. And I completely get it now. Brian must, too, if they're letting me live with him.
I haven't seen any of the other guys, including Matt which hurts. I miss him dearly. But today is the day, everything will be better.
I looked around my now empty room, thinking about the last year. Sometimes I really don't understand how everything happened, or even how it started. I was so dependent on Brian and what we did, it really was sick. But everything will be different now. It'll be normal.
Someone knocked on my open door, so I turned and saw Dr. Serandon standing in the frame. He was here. I picked up my two suitcases and followed her to the lobby. I saw him. I hadn't seen him in two months because of how busy he was with the new album, which was released only a few days ago. He was looking down at his phone but when he heard footsteps, he looked up. The smile on his face was priceless.
Did I mention I was never allowed to hug him? Or hold his hand? Nothing. No contact whatsoever. So dropping my suitcases and running to him with his arms waiting for me? It was the best feeling ever. But it wasn't the same as a year ago, and that made me so relieved. It lasted for about ten seconds before we let go, both of us smiling like idiots. I certainly didn't care, and I don't think he did, either.
He did whatever he had to do to officially get me out of there, and we were on our way home. Neither of us said anything, but it was like we both had permanent smiles on our faces. Both of us had been waiting for this day for so long. We pulled in and I saw two other cars in the driveway, Zack's and Johnny's. Matt's been living with Brian since he and Val broke up not too long after I went to the institute. I knew it was my fault, but what was I supposed to do about it? I didn't like her anyway.
We got out and he grabbed my bags while I ran up to the door and threw it open. The three men were sitting in the living room, knowing I was coming. They all sprung up, anxious for hugs. Then there was a few seconds of emptiness. We were missing someone.
The hospital had allowed for all four of the guys to come inform me of Jimmy's death. None of us had seen it coming, and I had never seen any of them as upset as that day. We all lost a best friend. When the others had left and it was just Brian and me, he told me he thought it was suicide. He showed me the lyrics to one song that Jimmy had written for the new album, entitled "Death" which was later changed to be titled "Fiction." Brian felt like there were too many clues that showed Jimmy had been thinking about it.
Brian walked in, set my bags down, and realized why we were all just standing there.
"He would've been proud of you," he said, "and unbelievably happy to see you." I nodded. They've had months to get used to not having him around, it was going to take me a while.
"But hey, you haven't listened to the album yet," Johnny exclaimed. Brian took my stuff up to my room while I went with the guys downstairs to the studio. Once Brian got there, Matt turned it on and we listened to the whole thing all together. They've been anxious to see how I liked it.
Before track 6 started, Matt paused it.
"You know your brother sucks at song writing, right," he asked with a small smile. I nodded, chuckling. Zack cleared his throat.
"He wrote this one about Jimmy, and it shocked all of us," he said. I looked at Brian, but he kept his eyes down. Matt played it, and it was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. It brought tears to all of our eyes, knowing Jimmy wasn't here. After that, we just let the CD play. When "Fiction" played, Brian had to walk out of the room, but none of us went after him. Once the last track ended, they all looked at me.
"I think it's amazing, guys," I said, smiling. "It really is. But I'm gonna go talk to him." They nodded, and I went upstairs. No one. I went to the second floor, and saw the light in Brian's room on but the door was cracked. I knocked.
"Yeah," Brian asked, sniffling. He was crying.
"Can I come in?"
"Of course." I gently pushed the door open and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the ground. I sat next to him.
"We all miss him," I started, but he stopped me.
"It's not just that, Courtney," he said, wiping his eyes. "This whole last year has been crazy. First with you, then him, and now the album... it's just a lot to take in. Plus the tour..." He slowly looked up at me. It took a couple seconds for me to process that.
"Wait... what tour?"
"The Uproar festival. Us with Bullet For My Valentine, Escape The Fate, Seether, and Three Days Grace." I thought about it.
"I just get home... and you're already leaving?" He looked down again.
"Unless you came with us."
Notes
kayy so you guys are officially caught up to the Mibba version, yaaaayFollow? Sometimes I post about my progress for new chapters
I so glad theres sequel!!!!
10/11/16