I walked into the room Donna was in and sat where I was before. The only thing missing was Courtney. A short wave of depression washed over me.

"Ready to talk," Donna asked. I had a bad feeling about this already.

"No," I said simply. "I do not need to be here."

"Why not?"

"I'm not sick."

"How do you know that?"

"I would know if I was sick-"

"Don't you think what you do with Courtney is wrong?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Don't you think it hurts her?"

"I know it does, but-"

"Do you want her to be lost when she doesn't have you around anymore?" Anger flared in me at that question. My tone rose.

"I will always be here for her, I'll always be around, even if she doesn't want me to be."

"So when she wants you to leave her alone even if it's only for a couple hours, you won't?"

"That's different," I said sternly, making sure she wasn't going to interrupt again. "If she wants to be by herself, then fine, but I'm going to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

"What would she do that's stupid? Call the cops?" I didn't say anything for a second, a bit shocked she would say that.

"She would never do anything to get me in trouble," I said quietly, but my voice went back to it's normal agitated pitch. "She would cut herself, she would burn herself, she would try jumping off the roof-"

"Has she done all of these things?" I nodded. "What was the first thing she's ever done like that?"

"She cut."

"Do you remember the first time she did that?" I froze. I remembered all too well.

"Courtney, baby girl," I called throughout the house. I couldn't find her anywhere. "Courtney!" She wasn't anywhere downstairs, and I just checked her room. All that was left was the bathroom. The door was shut, and the light was on. I felt so relieved. I knocked on the door. "Courtney, hun, what's wrong?" No answer. I opened the door slowly, looking in. "Babe, please talk to me." I opened it all the way, and I gasped.

She was sitting on the floor against the tub, slits across her wrists and little pools of blood under both of them. She was unconscious.

I ran over to her, checking for a pulse. It was there, but weak and faint.

"Courtney, no! Wake up," I yelled, opening her eyelids. Her eyes were half-rolled back. I looked down to her arms. The cuts must have clotted, because they weren't bleeding anymore. I had no idea how long she had been sitting there. I pulled out my cell and called Matt.

"Hello," he asked tiredly. It was about 1am, I had already fucked Courtney and I left her alone in her room afterward.

"Matt," I said panicking and clearly upset along with scared. "Courtney, sh-she cut herself, an-and-"

"Call 911, I'll be there," he demanded and hung up. I did as he said and tried my hardest to stay calm while telling the operator what had happened. I didn't say why she would've done this.

I hung up the phone one second before Matt ran in. He sprinted up the stairs and found me with Courtney. She was still unconscious.

"What happened," he said almost in a growl. His eyes showed nothing but fear.

"I-I don't know, she's been in her room all day, a-and-" I stopped when I saw Matt was checking her pulse.

"The bleeding stopped," he murmured, "and her pulse is constant. She'll need stitches, but she should be okay." We both stared at her as we could hear the ambulance sirens outside.

"So you know why she cut," Donna concluded. I nodded.

"It was only the second or third time we'd done it," I whispered. "She screamed and cried the whole time, begging me to stop."

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't care." I kept my voice low with the memories flashing in my mind.

"Why not?" I shrugged a little.

"I don't know. I was selfish, I wanted pleasure from the most beautiful girl in the world and I got it."

"You think Courtney is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I nodded.

"Gorgeous. Never seen better."

"What about MIchelle?" Matt must have told her about that bitch.

"I left her for Courtney. Plus she was a bitch. By the end of the relationship, I hated her."

"How long after you two broke up that you had sex with Courtney?" I wanted to scream at her, Stop saying I had sex with her, I fucking raped her, you know you want to say it!

"I don't know. A month, I guess."

"Why so long?"

"I was trying to get a feel of exactly how she felt around me."

"Did you think she felt the same way toward you that you felt toward her?"

"No, definitely not. I knew she didn't feel like that." She wrote stuff down for a couple seconds. She did that the entire time I was telling her the flashback.

"How often does your mood change?" That's a bit of a subject-changer.

"I dunno. A couple times a day, I guess?" How I said it made it come out as a question.

"Do you notice when it does?"

"Not at first. Once something is actually going on that makes me realize what I'm doing, then I try to go back to normal."

"What exactly is normal?"

"Not a total asshole, more sweet than jerkish."

"What usually happens to make you see that your mood isn't right?"

"Something with Courtney. Always."

"Why is that?"

"I guess... when I'm angry, I take my anger out on her. When she starts getting really scared, I notice."

"What do you do to calm her down?" I thought about that for a few seconds.

"Sweet-talk her. Soothe her. Do whatever I can."

"Has there ever been a time when you didn't even bother?"

"Yes. Plenty."

"How do you feel afterward?"

"Terrible." I rubbed my eyes and continued. "Guilty."

"Guilty why?"

"I know I make her feel like shit. I try making her feel amazing, like the best girl in the world, but the opposite happens."

"How do you feel after the times when you don't scare her?"

"You mean when she likes it?" Donna nodded. "Better. Loved... in love."

"You feel like you're in love with your sister after having sex with her because she liked it?" After she put it that way, I realized how wrong it sounded. I hung my head in my hands.

"I'm a terrible person," I said in a bit of a whining tone. Donna sighed, closing the folder.

"No, Brian," she said. "You're a sick person."