I wiped the tear that had slipped down my cheek and slipped out of his bed, quietly padding over the bathroom. I turned on the shower and immediately stepped in, not waiting for it to heat up, I didn’t even bother turning it down when it finally did heat up. I let the steaming water cascade down my body, turning my sensitive skin bright red. I only got out of the shower when the water started cooling down. When I walked into the bedroom again, I wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t in bed, I was anticipating this, I didn’t want him to be in here with me. I put on a pair of shorts and a big t- shirt, ready to lay down and nap, but I couldn’t bring myself too, I couldn’t lay on those sheets. I quickly stripped the bed and bundle the sheets into a ball, holding them in my arms and heading downstairs to find the laundry room. I walked around the house aimlessly, trying desperately, an failing, to find the room; I was ready to give up when I ran into one of the girls, Kendall.

She was tall, lean, and had a gorgeous figure. She had long, chocolate brown hair that hung down her back in perfect curls. Her eyes wear blue, and round; they looked down at me with sadness.
“How ya’ doin, hun?” She asked me in her thick southern drawl, placing a perfectly manicured hand on my shoulder. Her question was directed to how I was doing at this very moment, clearly she could see that I was lost; though there was an underlying message. She wasn’t really wondering how I was doing today, she wanted to know how I was doing with this whole ordeal. Since I hadn’t seen any of the girls in a few days, I’m sure they all had questions for me.

“I’m doing fine, Kendall, but, um, do you know where the laundry room is?”

“Oh yeah, sure thing, doll, just follow me,” she smiled at me, beckoning me after her as she turned in the opposite direction. When we finally got there, I was expecting her to leave especially with this no contact order in place. I went about my business, putting the sheets in the washer and loading it up with extra detergent and fabric softener, when I was finished, I turned it on and went to sit on the stool on the corner, waiting for it to be done, but she was still standing awkwardly in the doorway. “You know, all the girls have been wonderin’ about you, we’ve been missin’ you,” she told me, sincerity filled her voice.

“Yeah, well, talk to Shadows about that one.”

“You know, I’m sure if you just asked to visit, he’d let you.”

“No, he was pretty serious about this whole thing..”

“Girl, you have him wrapped around your pretty little finger, that boy would do anythin’ for you,” she told me, laughing to herself. “Anyways, if I don’t get back Zacky will be wonderin’ where I wandered off to,” she told me with one parting look before heading back to where she came from.
I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, drifting off the sleep in the hour that I had left, when the timer dinged, I slowly opened my eyes, stretched and rolled my shoulders back before standing up and taking the sheets out of the washer and popping them into the dryer. I was just about to sit down again when Jimmy entered, we both stared at each other for an awkward moment before I stood up again.

“Don’t worry, I was just leaving,” I mumbled as I brushed past him, I was almost home free when his arm shot out and latched onto mine.

“Holly, wait,” I stared down at his hand on my arm until he let it go, “Look, I just wanted to say...”

“No, don’t you dare, you don’t get “defend” yourself, what you did was wrong and there’s no excuse for that,” I spat at him, finally looking him in the eyes,

“I know, but...”

“Save it for someone who cares, James,” I spat before storming off.

“How can you even say that? You stayed with your abuser!” He screamed after me, “You slept with the man that beats you, don’t you think that’s a little fucked up?” He asked me, his final words made me stop in my tracks, not because I was angry, but because he was right. I shook off the feeling of failure and marched back into the kitchen as if nothing had happened. I stomped over to the fridge and opened the crisper, pulling out a lemon, and stomping over to the table before slouching down into a chair. I dug my nails into the thick yellow peel and ripped it off, sending a spray of lemon juice everywhere. I continued to peel it until I had a small pile of thick yellow pieces. I ripped the fruit in half and then into quarters and eighths before finally plopping a sliver into my mouth. I bit down and squeezed my mouth shut, savoring the sour, bitter taste before swallowing. Lemons were the one fruit that I didn’t feel guilty eating; it had negative calories. I ate slice after slice before getting up and retrieving another and repeating the process.

I stared at the doorway with angry eyes, popping slice after slice into my mouth. I willed him to come into the kitchen; I willed him to say something else to me, anything so I could retort something mean, but he never came, instead Gates walked in. I stared at him and he stared right back, not making a move to enter the kitchen any further.

“What do you want?” I growled.

“A lemon? Why are you eating lemons?” He asked me, quirking an eyebrow and finally shuffling into the kitchen, heading straight to the fridge.

“Yeah, your point?” I asked him, quirking one of my own eyebrows.

“Someone’s a little touchy today, is it your special time?” He asked me sarcastically.

“No, it is not my “special time,” I sneered, not in the mood for his annoying jokes.

“Then damn girl, you need to get some,” he laughed before finally pulling out a piece of pizza.

“Oh fuck off, asshole.” I yelled before picking up the peel pieces and throwing in the garbage before storming out.

“Now you stop right there, little girl,” he yelled after me.

“What do you want?”

“Do you not remember you place here? You can’t talk to me that way, you little bitch. You are just as much mine as you are Shadows, and I think it’s time you have some punishment,” he smirked at me, advancing on me.

“You’re such a dick, you know that?” I said before turning around, but before I could make it even a few feet, Gates caught my hand and spun me around to face him before raising his hand and slapping me, making me take in a sharp intake of air.

“You don’t get to talk to me that way,” he screamed in my face before throwing me over his shoulder and taking me back towards the kitchen, along the path that I had grown to know all too well, kicking and screaming the whole way. “Oh shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I make you, you fucking cunt,” I screamed at me before literally throwing me to the ground in one of the cell- like rooms. With an indignant huff, I stood up straight and shuffled over to the lone, dusty, dirty, and stain- ridden mattress that lay in the corner, no longer caring about what those stains most likely are. When I laid my face over my crossed arms, I nearly gagged at the disgusting smell before rolling over onto my back. I watched the slow fan turn in circles, following a single blade with my eyes; I watched until my eyes started to droop and my mind traveled elsewhere. I didn’t wake up until it was dark out, and only then did I wake up because someone was opening the door, though I was too tired to act like I was awake. I opened my eyes open a crack and saw Shadows kneel down and pick me up, carrying me out of this room and upstairs into his, he laid me down on the bed and pulled the newly washed blankets up to my chin. I rolled over and buried myself deeper into his plush mattress. I felt the bed dip under his weight and heard the clank of his belt buckle hitting the wood flooring as he took off his pants, when he wrapped his arm around me, I took a deep breath.

“Don’t touch me,” I growled before putting my face into the pillow. Soundlessly he took his arm off of me and turned away from me with a deep sigh as I scooted towards the farthest edge of the bed, wishing that I could just be sleeping in my own bed, in my own room, with the door locked right now, before drifting off to sleep. I slept all throughout the night, hardly waking up at all as Shadows got out of bed and shut the door behind him, and sleeping throughout much of the afternoon, until they had decided it was time for me to get up.

“Come on, you’ve slept nearly all day, it’s time for you to get your cute ass up,”Matt said, bounding into the room and jumping unto the bed, nearly hitting me.

“Go away,” I said into my pillow.

“What’s with you, after yesterday you’ve been moody as fuck, what’s wrong babe?” He asked me, rubbing slow circles onto my back.

“I said, don’t touch me,” I growled, turning over and looking at him with stony eyes, wiping the smile right off of his face, without saying another word, he got off the be and walked out, slamming the door shut behind him, I think that the way the walls shook and the way the pictures rattled in their frames spoke enough for him. I slept for the most of the day and for the most of the next day as well.

I would wake up in the morning, stare at the ceiling until I fell asleep again, and that would go on all day until finally, I would fall asleep when it started to et dark, waking up only when Shadows crawled into bed beside me before rolling over and sleeping again. If you asked me how I felt during the few short hour that I was awake, I wouldn’t know how to explain it. It wasn’t sadness, though it was much like that, it was much deeper than that. There was an emptiness inside my chest, any little thing could have gotten to me at that point. At a few points during the day, someone, usually Jimmy, would come in and bring food with him, trying to coax some information out of me. He would walk in when I never answered his knocks, looking at me with sad eyes, and try to talk to me, telling me that he was sorry, asking what had happened between Shadows and I, asking what was wrong, though I never gave him an answer, I would merely stare up at him with my big, empty eyes until he would leave.

To say that I had slipped back into my old ways, would be an understatement, this wasn’t slipping back, this was a relapse. I didn’t have any energy, I could barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom, all I wanted to do was sleep and that’s what I did, until one day.

It was nearly noon when Shadows came storming back into the room, startling me awake. He stared at me with angry eyes as the door bounced off the wall, leaving a slight dent. He glared at me as he marched across the room to the closet, not taking his eyes off of me until he was in the closet. I could hear shoes being thrown, drawers being slammed and hangers clanking together. I was beginning to wonder what he was doing until he reemerged, holding an armful of clothing, dumping it on the bed beside me.

“Get up, get showered and get dressed, I’m tired of you wasting the day like some depressed fucking teenager, we’re going out,” he growled before storming out.

“I am a depressed teenager!” I screamed as he slammed the door shut, clipping my sentence. Even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me not to, I begrudgingly trudged out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the hot water and stripping of my dirty clothing before stepping in. I washed the grease out of my tangled mess of hair, and scrubbed my body down thoroughly before stepping out. I was used to letting my hair dry naturally, letting it do it’s own thing, but now that it was longer, I had to dry and straighten it before it started to look relatively good. I knew that based on the outfit that Shadows had picked out for me, that he wanted me to look relatively nice, though I had no energy to do anything to my hair or put on makeup.

I dried myself off before wrapping a towel around my frail body, I walked over to the mirror, wiping the steam off before staring at myself with wide eyes, marveling at how much I had changed. I tried to think about the day I was taken, I tried to think of what day of the week it was, what day of the month it was, but my mind came up blank. I knew that it had been December, there had been a lot of snow on the ground, snow that I now missed dearly, though I had hated it at th time. I knew that I had had school that day, but I couldn’t really remember anything after that. It was now April, and the snow would be almost completely melted by now; the girls at my school would be breaking out their shorts and Toms, ready for spring. My parents would be cleaning, going on a cleaning frenzy, emptying out the basement and throwing out everything that we had accumulated over the year.
The Uggs would be put away in your closet, sittin there neatly on the floor waiting for the first blustery day of September. I envied all of those people back home, I longed to be there, getting ready for spring, I longed to be breaking out my uniform shorts, getting ready for the summer heat that was soon to come. But none of that was going to happen, ever again, instead, I was going to waste away here, in the mansion with the people I hated more than anyone else.

I looked at my hair, seeing how much it had grown in four short months. I stared at the big, black bags under my eyes, wondering how someone so young, someone that got plenty off sleep, could look so tired. I looked at my skin, now paler and thinner than it had ever been. I looked into the empty depth of my big eyes and at the slight hollows that were now appearing on my cheeks. I looked down at my body, taking in how the angles seemed to be too sharp. My hip bones looked pointy, my ribs were like piano keys, my fingers fitting into the spaces perfectly. My skin stretched over my bones, so tight that it looked as if it would rip at any moment. I knew that this body wasn’t right, that this wasn’t natural, but I couldn’t help the slight feeling of control and completion that swelled through my chest. I couldn’t help but feel that this was beautiful, bones were beautiful. I stared at the awkward, almost dangerous angles of my body, losing track of time completely, until there was a violent rapping on the bathroom door.

“You have five minutes, you better be downstairs because you won’t like what happens if you aren’t,” Shadows barked, his voice ringing loud and clear, even through the thick wood door. I stared at the door in horror, wondering what would happen if I didn’t show up, though not really wanting to figure that out though. I waited until I heard the other door slam shut before scampering out of the bathroom, quickly rooting through the pile of clothes and slipping on the underwear that he had chosen out for me, it was pink, lacy and the underwear couldn’t really be considered underwear at all, though I was hardly surprised, Shadows had chosen it. I quickly slipped on the dress, doing up the belt, slipped on the leather jacket and shoved my feet into a pair of boots. I practically ran through the corridors, tripping over my own feet a few times before finally making it to the stairs, where I calmly walked down them, pretending that I didn’t notice that every pair of
eyes was on me.

“You’re fucking lucky that you’re on tie, slut,” Shadows spat at me before placing his hand on the back of my neck, forcefully, and leading me out of the house and directly into a car. I was just doing up my seat belt when someone slipped a black bag over my head, when I went to remove it out of panic, my hands were slapped away.

“Can’t take any chances, now can we peanut?” Gates whispered into my ear, biting it gently. He sat beside me the entire way, though he hardly kept his hands to himself. First, he simply placed his hand on the lower thigh, though as the ride progressed, his hand slipped farther up my leg and every time I slapped his hand away, he would growl at me and slap the inside of my thigh. I rested my head on the back of the seat and closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the heat that my breath was creating in the black bag, ignoring the fact that I was really only breathing in my own carbon dioxide.

Suddenly, he car lurched to a stop, I was ripped out of my seat and the bag had been yanked off of my head, blinding my eyes with the sudden brightness of the sun. I raised a hand to cover my eyes, when it was pulled down a street and I was being lead through the throngs of people. I had to practically run to keep up with the men, staring down at the ground, careful not to stumble, I didn’t even notice that we had stopped moving until I crashed into Shadows’ back, making him growl angrily in response.

“Reservation for Shadows, please,” he said politely to the woman standing behind a very large, overbearing desk. She nodded slightly in his direction, before picking up a stack of menus and showing us to a private room, without uttering a single word. In a few short minutes after being seated, a waiter came around taking our orders, Shadows having ordered something for me. The men chatted while waiting for the food to arrive, stopping their conversation only when the food arrived, resuming immediately after the waiters left the room. I ignored them, focusing on cutting my food into smaller and smaller pieces, moving them around, seeming like I had eaten, I didn’t clue in again until my ears perked up to hearing my name.

“Holly? Are you even fucking listening to a single thing we’ve been fucking saying? This concerns you too, you ignorant little bitch,” Shadows growled at me, kicking my chair from across the table.

“Hmm? Oh, no,” I shook my head, pushing my uneaten food around with my fork again.

“Well, like I said, you’ve been too much of a distraction to myself while trying to conduct business, so, we’ve all decided, that perhaps you need to go somewhere else while I catch up on some much necessary business.”

“What?” I asked him, utterly confused, him now having my complete attention.

“Well, we’ve decided to move you to one of our safe houses out in the country.”

“Alone?” I asked him hopefully.

“No, we’re not as stupid as you think we are, Brian here, has agreed to supervise you, don’t worry, it’ll only be for a few months.” I stared at Shadows in horror as his words finally sunk in. No, oh god no!