Deciding that maybe I really didn’t want to find out what he does in there all day, I walked to the library and picked up a random book that was lying around. I had long since given up on trying to finish one book, I would put it down, or drop it, either way, I would lose it and I wouldn’t be able to finish it. A few months ago, that would have driven me up the wall, but I didn’t seem to care anymore, I didn’t seem to care about a lot of things anymore.

I no longer wondered about my parents, I didn’t seem to care about them as I once had, if they were willing to send me away when things got hard, then they could go to hell. I no longer worried about the petty things like crying in front of people, speaking up, or defying what I was told to do. Everything had changed now that I was here and I didn’t know what to make of it all, was it good or was it bad?

I went about the library, collecting the things that I now used on an everyday basis, a stack of big stuffed pillows, an iPod, and a small stack of books. I walked over to the wall made of glass and made a makeshift nest out of pillows, wrapping my freezing form in blankets, before settling down and sinking into a good book, drowning out the outside noise.

There were a lot of significant changes to me as well, I was always freeing, and no amount of blankets or clothing seemed to be able to warm me up. I felt as if I was standing outside, back home, in the middle of a blizzard. There was no scale anywhere in this house, how these boys, or the girls, could go without weighing themselves befuddled my mind, it drove me mad not knowing, I craved to see that number, I was dying for it and there was nothing I could do about it. Also, this had happened a while back, I had gone through a sort of premature menopause, i didn’t get a period, not that I was really complaining. With periods came pain and the urge to stuff your body full of foods, making you gain weight and my body had apparently rejected that idea, though I didn’t blame it.

I closed my eyes and tapped my feet along to the rhythm, letting it take over. I had always been a big music lover, I could lose myself in it for hours, forgetting about whatever had happened that made me upset. It was more comforting than any friend I had ever had; it brought me a peace of mind. There was a song for every mood, anger, sadness, happiness, and everything in between.

Before I had even realized what had happened, I had drifted off to sleep, comforted by the steady drum beat, only to be awoken from screaming coming from directly above me, but what was up there? Mentally, I made a map of the place, tracing paths and where they would be located on the first floor, finally, I came to my hallway. My room would be before the library even opened, then came Shadows’ overly large room, and beside it, right above me, was his office. I stared at the ceiling for a while, taking out my ear buds and straining my ears, though I could only hear muffled words, and a lot of banging.

Brian’s words rang in my head as I decided whether or not I was going to investigate what was happening up there. As the war subsided, curiosity coming to a vicious victory, I hoisted myself off the ground and made my way out of the library, trough the empty kitchen, into the foyer, up the grand staircase, and down the path that I knew by heart now. As I got closer and closer to the door, the yelling got louder and I realized that Matt was yelling, though it was a one sided conversation, indicating that he must be on the phone. I quietly tiptoed up to the only door in the hallway that I had never gone into, and saw that it was open slightly, not closed all the way. I pushed my finger against it, opening it enough for me to be able to see him, and brought my eye close to the crack, seeing a fuming Matt, screaming into the receiver of a phone.

“Okay, tell me exactly what happened,” he let out a loud sigh, followed by a long pause that must be the explanation. I wish I had access to a phone so I could pick up the other line and hear fully what was happening. “You did what?” he screamed again, if it was me on the other side of the line, I would be terrified. Matt slammed his fists down on the desk as the other person continued talking. “I don’t care how you do it, just do it!” He screamed again, making me jump back in surprise. “Jason, get rid of that body before I get there tomorrow, or you’ll be fucking sorry,” he breathed out in a tone that meant business, one that meant he was not to be fucked with. My eyes went wide and I covered my mouth with my hands as I realized that he was talking about a dead body. When I brought my hand up, my knuckle hit the doorway, making it push open a little more, this wouldn’t have been noticed if it wasn’t for the loud squeak that the door emitted. His head shut up and his eyes met mine for a brief second before I ran away into the only other room in this house that had a door, his bedroom.

I knew it wasn’t a smart idea, considering I knew he had a key, though I ran in, locked the door and squired my way under the covers for protection. I wasn’t scared because of what I had just learned, I was scared because he had just caught me eaves dropping and I didn’t know what he was going to do about it. After a silent moment, the door creaked up and I heard him close it behind him, walking over to the bed slowly.

“What did you hear?” He asked me, knowing where I was, not that it was very hard to see that there was someone under the blankets.

“Nothing,” I squeaked out, trying to sound convincing.

“Does it make you scared?” He asked me, knowing exactly what I had heard, trying to keep his
voice calm and gentle.

I thought about it for a moment before giving my honest answer of no. He let out a sigh of relief before taking off his shoes and climbing onto the bed, lying down beside me. Even though I couldn’t physically see him, I could feel him staring at me through the big duvet.

“What are you doing?” He asked me, when he saw that I refused to come out of hiding.

“Nothing,” I responded quickly.

“Are you hiding?” He asked me, not believing a word that came out of my mouth. Slowly, I nodded my head, making the covers crinkle around me, “From whom?” I could picture him cocking his eyebrow at me, patiently waiting for my answer, though when I didn’t answer, I knew he had his answer. “Why are you hiding?”

“Because you’re mad at me for doing what I was doing, and I didn’t wanna get hurt,” I whispered the last part, hoping that he hadn’t heard, but of course he had, he had like supersonic hearing.

“I thought we talked about this...” he trailed off, trying to gently pull the blankets off of me, though my grip was too strong. I just shrugged in response, not exactly knowing how to answer that, though the blankets only moved slightly. “Will you just look at me?” he whispered, making me shake my head. ‘“Fine, if you aren’t gonna come to me, I’ll go to you,” he stated before climbing under the sheets and laying his head down beside me, looking me in the eyes. “It’s really fucking hot in here,” he laughed, making me giggle.

“I know,” I said, lowering my eyes.

“Then why don’t you come out?” He asked hopefully, making me shake my head again, “And why not?”

“I feel safe here,” I whispered, trying to keep my voice low and gentle. Whenever I hid under the blankets back home, it always made me feel so serene and calm. I felt like the environment around me was so gentle and peaceful that even raising my voice a small amount would break the silence.

“But I want you to feel safe everywhere,” he whispered back, rubbing my arm, trying to comfort me.

“I don’t feel safe anywhere,” I told him truthfully, raising my eyes to look into his once more. I let him bring me into his chest, wrapping his big, burly eyes around my small frame. He lifted the blankets off of our faces as we buried ourselves deeper into the bed, clinging to each other. I buried my head into the crook of his neck and slowly closed my eyes, breathing in his soothing and intoxicating scent. I don’t know if he ever fell asleep, but shortly after my breathing became constant and my heartbeat slowed, signaling that I was falling asleep.

When I woke up, I was still wrapped in his arms, though he was lying wide awake. The room was dark and I didn’t know what time it was, though it must be sometime in the late evening, how long was I asleep for? even though I was wide awake with no chance of falling asleep again in the near future, I found myself not wanting to move a muscle, I just wanted to lay here in his arms forever. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, planning on just lying here for a while, though it seems like he had different plans.

“I know you’re up,” he whispered, laughing to himself quietly, though determined not to move, I stayed still and tried to steady my breath. “Come on, it’s 8, time for dinner, the guys called saying to get our asses downstairs, they made food. So let’s get up,” he said, getting up off the bed, making me fall back and let out a groan.

“Why,” I whined, curling up into the blankets and holding on tightly.

“Because it’s time to eat lay bones, so get up,” he shouted playfully, grabbing the bottom of the blankets and yanking them off of me. He took my hand in his and dragged me off the bed, forcing me to stand on my feet.

“I don’t wanna walk,” I whined again, dragging my feet.

“Fine, get on,” he huffed, stopping in front of me and crouching down.

“Really?” I asked excitedly as I hopped onto his bed, letting him take me down to the kitchen. As soon as we got near it, I could smell the food they said they had made. When we walked in, I saw them all sitting around the table with several plates of ribs in the middle.

“On today’s menu, ribs, and a lovely salad for our little leaf eater over there,” Jimmy laughed out, though I refused to look at him, still angry at him. I watched in disgust as each of the men grabbed platefuls of ribs and started digging in, barbecue sauce covering their fingers and faces, the sight nearly made me gag. I gingerly picked up my fork and speared a slice of cucumber, nibbling on it slowly. When the meal was finished, or rather when the men had had their fill of meat, we moved off into the living room and watched a movie. The Fast and the Furious, typical guy movie, after they had put it in, I found myself drifting back to sleep, really not interested in what was happening on screen. I had my head buried in a pillow, and my legs strewn across Matt as my mind began to shut off and my eyes started to close.

The next thing I knew, Mat was shaking me awake urgently, whispering to me harshly to get up. “No, just let me sleep,” I answered groggily, swatting him away and rolling over.

“No, you have to get up, the police are here,” he whispered yelled to me, making me instantly alert and on my toes.

“Why,” I asked him as he was ushering me out of the room. Through the windows out front, I could see the red and blue flashing lights. He took me through the kitchen and the surroundings looked subtly different, not anyone from the outside would notice, but if you had lived here for months you would notice immediately. “Hey, that bookcase wasn’t there before,” I said, pointing to one that clearly didn’t belong.

“I know, it’s blocking the hallway to the girls’ rooms,” he stated as if it was no big deal.

“Does this happen a lot,” I asked him as he continued o pull me through the halls.

“Occasionally, but we’re prepared,” he shrugged, coming to a stop in front of a cupboard under the stairs near the front door. He opened the door and looked at me expectantly.

“You’re kidding right,” I laughed at him.

“Look, I don’t have time for this shit right now, just listen to me for fucking once and get in the damn closet,” he demanded. I shuffled into the closet, having him slam the door, that didn’t really look like a door, behind me. I crossed my arms and huffed out, clearly frustrated at his words, but none the less, I pressed my ear against the door and strained to listen to their muffled conversation.

“What can I help you with, Officers,” Matt’s smooth and calm voice asked.

“We’ve just come to ask a few questions. Have you noticed anything suspicious around the area lately?”

“No, not that I can think of, what’s happened?” Matt asked again.

“Well a body has been found just down the road, but not to worry, we’ve got it all under hand,” Officer 2 answered, trying to sound reassuring, though I think everyone in the room knew that he was spewing out complete bullshit. “Alright, well thank you for your time, give us a call if you can think of anything.” Someone closed the door, though it was sometime before my closet door opened again.

“Brian, Zacky, go deal with Jason, make sure he knows that I am not to be fucked with,” Matt said before his footsteps grew louder and louder. He stood, looking down at me with his most charming smile. I stood up, and walked out, not particularly fond of him shoving me in a closet.

“Don’t talk to me,” I huffed out, stalking past him and storming up the stairs.

“Awe, baby, don’t be like that! I had to do it!” He yelled after me, chasing me up the stairs. I could hear his thundering footsteps coming up after me, making me laugh and take off running. I felt his hands brush against my arm, which only made me push myself harder.

“You’re going to have to catch me!” I called out, turning my head to the side and seeing him not far behind me. I was certain that I could out run him because when I was at home, I was on the track team, winning every race and sprint I had been in. Running had been my passion, between music, and books; running was the only other thing that I could lose myself in. When I was on the track, I would lose myself, concentrate on the burn in my muscles, my heart pounding against my ribcage, the burn my throat felt when it was begging me for water. It wasn’t hard to win; you just had to dedicate yourself, that’s the only thing I had actually given my all.

I wove my way through the hallways, confident in the fact that I had lost him when I could no longer hear his footsteps anymore. I slowed down a bit as I turned slightly to see if he was there. When I couldn’t see him anywhere in sight, I came to a stop and caught my breath as I took in my surroundings. I hadn’t been down this way before, though it looked exactly like all the other hallways, even though it looked the same, I knew it was different because there were fewer and fewer doors in the following corridors. I walked up to one door, the only one in the whole hallway, and wrapped my hand around the cool doorknob. I was so intent on what I saw doing, that I didn’t even hear the footsteps that were approaching and when two arms wrapped around my waist, hoisting me into the air, I let out a shriek of terror. I was panicking until I heard his distinct rumbling laugh.

“You asshole!” I shouted, swatting his chest when he put me back on the ground, “You scared the shit out of me!” I yelled as I watched him grip his stomach as he roared with laughter.

“Hey, you started this!” He laughed again, taking me by the hand and leading me back the way I came.

“I’m still mad at you,” I huffed out as he laughed.

“I know you are,” he patronized me, placing a kiss on my temple. He led me all the way back to my room, which was a surprisingly long way away. When we got back there, he walked into my closet and picked out some pajamas out for me. He looked at me expectantly as he placed the clothes on the bed for me. “Are you going to get changed?”

“Not with you watching me,” I told him.

“Come on, it’s not like I haven’t already seen it all,” he told me truthfully, making my cheeks burn.

“In my defense, you saw everything without my consent,” I answered truthfully, though I could see that it hurt him a little to bring that up.

“Fine, fine,” he put his hands up in defense and I quickly stripped of my clothing and bra, immediately replacing them with the pajamas that he had given me.

“You can turn around now,” I told him as I laid down on my bed. He walked back over to me and tucked the sheets in around me. “I’m not tired,” I told him, as he placed a kiss to my forehead.

“You need to sleep, you have a big day tomorrow, Jimmy’s gonna teach you how to swim.”

“I don’t want to spend the day with him,” I complained, not really fond of the thought.

“Well, the guys and I have to go deal with some business tomorrow, so Jimmy’s staying with you, it’ll be a perfect opportunity.”

“What kind of business?” I asked him curiously.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told me before leaving my room. I lay awake for what seemed like hours, after already having two naps my body was not accepting anymore sleep, though I begged it to. Just when I thought I was never going to sleep, my mind started shutting down, letting me slip my eyes closed and fall into a silent slumber.

When I woke up the next day, the first thing I saw was a pair of crystal blue eyes staring down at me, making me flinch back into my mattress from surprise. Without a word, he handed me a small paper cup and a big glass of water.

“I’m not taking these,” I said, shaking my head and thrusting them back into his hands.

“Oh stop the fuss, take them, we both know y like it better when you don’t hate yourself,” he said matter of factly, as if he knew me more than I knew myself. He shoved them back into my hands, which made throw them across the room, stating my previous statement again.

“Fine, I don’t really care if you take them or not. Come on, I’m gonna teach you how to swim!” He shouted at me, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I scoffed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he threw himself down on my bed.

“Nothing I want to talk with you about,” I shook my head at him.

“Come on, just tell me what I did so I can say I’m sorry!” He pouted.

“Oh, you know exactly what you did, you knew exactly what you were doing as you watched me every day for a month, you knew exactly what you were doing when you drugged me before stashing me away in your fucking creeper van.” I shouted, tears slipping down my face.

“Oh,” was all he said as he looked down at my comforter and fiddled with it.

“Oh, it that all you can fucking say?”’ I screamed at him, jumping out of bed. “I fucking trusted you! And I find this out from Brian; you couldn’t even grow the balls and tell me yourself!” I screamed louder.

“What do you expect me to say?” he exploded; “Of course you can’t fucking trust me, I’m you god damn kidnapper! It was a fucking job, I saw a girl and picked her, I didn’t know she was you.” He screamed back, his voice getting louder and louder, “you need to get off your fucking high horse, Holly, you need to learn where your fucking place is!” He screamed out before lifting his hand up and slapping me across the face, sending me sprawling to the floor. I gripped my cheek and stared up at him in horror as the tears fell even faster than before.

“Get out,” I said with as much venom as I could muster.

“Holly, I didn’t mean to,” he pleaded with me, taking a step towards me,

“I SAID GET OUT!” I screamed out, picking up a book off the floor and flinging it at him. When he didn’t leave, I stood up and ran out of the room, eager to get away from him as soon as possible. I ran straight into Matt’s room and slammed the door shut, locking it quickly before throwing myself onto the bed and crying into the pillow. After the tears had dried, I shifted over to my side of the bed and reached my hand under the mattress, desperately looking for what I knew was hidden there. I felt my heart soar as my fingers brushed against the cool metal, quickly pulling it out. I stared down at the small razor blade before pulling up my shirt and my shorts down, pressing it against the tender skin of my hip. My wrist was too obvious; I had to do it somewhere they wouldn’t find. I made one clean line, not light enough not to do any real damage, but deep enough to feel the pain. After making a few short lines, i pulled my shorts back up, and snapped them over the fresh cuts, reveling in the burn.

Once I had calmed down, I stood up and decided to explore his room, seeing as I had never been in here alone for any extended period of time. I walked into his closet and saw nothing out of the ordinary, clothes and shoes, nothing else. I walked over to his desk and started opening the drawers, rifling through them, these items were more out of the ordinary, a gun (no one keeps guns in Canada), a knife, pepper spray, a ring of keys, and a variety of prepaid cell phones. Next, I walked over to his bedside tables and opened up the big bottom drawer, hidden behind the cupboard door stood a bottle of Jack Daniels, the amber liquid stared back at me, begging me to take a sip. I had heard stories about what it tasted like and what it did to people, but I didn’t really care. Slowly, I unscrewed the cap and took a big swig, screwing up disgust at the taste and the burn, but loving the warm feeling that spread through my insides. Immediately, I brought the bottle up to my lips again, wanting to get nothing less than completely smashed tonight.

Matt’s POV (A few hours later)

As soon as I walked through the doors, I couldn’t wait to go up and see Holly, it was about midnight so I had no doubt that she would already be in bed. I was on my way to the stairs when Jimmy called out for me.

“What’s up man?” I asked him, ready to get this over with. Though when I looked at him, confusion flooded my brain, he looked distraught, absolutely flustered. “What happened?” I asked him again when he had yet to answer me.

“I did something and I totally didn’t mean to!” he yelled out, all in one breath.

“What did you do?” instantly getting angry.

“Well, Holly and I got into a heated argument and I exploded...” he trailed off, mumbling the last part so I couldn’t really hear it.

“Speak up Jims, I couldn’t hear that.”

“And I hit her, okay? I swear I didn’t mean to! I don’t even know where it came from, it just happened!” He yelled out, the next thing I knew, my fist was swinging out punching him squarely in the jaw. I was seething as he gripped his jaw in pain.

“Okay, I guess I deserved that,” he said nodding.

“You’re fucking right you deserved that! I swear to god, if you lay a single fucking finger on my
girl again, you’ll regret it, apologize!” I screamed out at him, losing control.

“I tried, but she ran out, slamming and locking herself in your room, she hasn’t come out yet.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable!” I yelled as I stormed up the stairs. When I got to the end of the hallway, I immediately saw my door wide open, I checked her room, but she wasn’t in there either. My heart sank as I wondered where the hell she could be. “HOLLY!” I yelled out for her, running throughout the halls.

Holly’s POV

I didn’t know what time it was, but I didn’t really care right now. I stumbled around the halls, completely lost, tripping over my own feet. My mind was buzzing and I could no longer feel my body, I felt completely dejected. My feet had a mind of their own as I tripped over the flat surface, falling face down onto the hard wood flooring. I giggled as I picked myself up, desperately trying to find my way back to Matt’s room. I dragged my hand against the white halls to keep myself rounded, though my fingers were going numb and I didn’t know if I was still touching the wall or not. My heart jumped with joy as I came into the familiar hallway. I ran as best as I could into Matt’s room when I saw him lying on his bed with his eyes closed, still fully closed.

I stumbled into his room and tried to carefully and quietly climb onto him. As soon as I touched him, his eyes snapped open, watching me curiously as I clumsily climbed on top of him.

“I missed you,” I whispered, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips.

“Oh my god, your breath stinks, what did you drink?” He asked me, making me giggle. I shrugged my shoulders, grinding my hips against his. I put my hands under his shirt and raked my fingers across his chest, kissing his neck. “Holly, stop, seriously, what the fuck did you drink?”

“Nothing,” I giggled again, making me hiccup.

“Are you drunk?” he asked me, completely, unbelieving.

“Shhhhhh...” I told him, pressing a finger to his lips, laughing loudly.

“Stop, get off of me,” he told me sternly, trying to push me off.

“Why won’t you have sex with me?” I pouted. “Is it because I’m not pretty enough?” I cried out.

“No, we aren’t doing this because you’re smashed and you’ll regret it later, maybe when you’re sober, babe.” I started to protest when I slumped onto his chest, knocked unconscious.