I lay on the shower floor until the water ran cold and I was forced to get up. When I stepped out, I saw a neat pile of folded clothes and a neatly folded white towel. I bent down and picked up the fluffy white towel, wrapping it around my small frame. I walked over to the large vanity and whipped the steam away from the mirror with my hand. I stared back at a girl I no longer recognized. The girl I used to know would not act the way this girl was. She would not scream, she would not disrespect others, she would not try to purposely harm another living being, and she would have never had sex at the mere age of 16, especially not with a man so much older, and one that she feared so intensely.

Limp, red hair fell around her once was, could be pretty face. The hair was such a vibrant red that her skin paled in comparison, looking almost sickly white. Her once vibrant eyes were staring back with a blank expression, now turned dull. Through the last few weeks of abuse, all life had been drained from her body, her once happy, laughing self. I definitely didn’t know this girl, yet that girl was me, how could I not even know myself?

I turned away from the mirror and locked the door, not wanting to see anyone, especially that green- eyed monster. I dropped the towel and bent down to collect the clothes that were waiting for me. I took my time to get dressed. As I examined the clothing, I realized that they were the only articles of clothing that I have seen from my previous life. I suppose they took them from the car as they took me though the underwear was new, though that didn’t surprise me. After I had been taken back home, I went on a comfortable, baggy clothing spree, refusing to wear anything remotely form fitting, for fear of being ogled by men, or worse, raped. I went to the mall and bought new underwear, training bras and regular underwear, no lace, no designs, no nothing, I bought everything unattractive I could see. The underwear I was now holding was very pretty, lacy and bright pink, though there wasn’t much to them; they could barely be considered underwear. Though deciding that wearing these would be better than not wearing any at all, I slipped them up my legs. The bra was not much different, hot pink, lacy and a push up. How did they buy these things without being judged by the people at the store? Or did they order online? But then how did they know what size to order? Do they order a variety of sizes for other girls? Are there other girls in the house?

All these thoughts were swimming through my head as I clipped the bra around myself, but my thoughts were cut short as I picked up the Gryffindor shirt that I had gotten at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter when I had gone with my parents last summer.
My parents and I hadn’t always had such a horrible relationship. We used to be like those families you see on TV, happy, eating dinner together, game night, movie night, the works, that was us, the picture perfect family, but everything changed the minute I got snatched. I no longer felt an attachment to them. Don’t get me wrong, I longed to go home, I was dying to get out of this place, but it was not to see my parents, it was to get away from this hell hole that I call my prison.

I brought the shirt up to my nose and inhaled the scent I was hoping was there. It was the laundry detergent I made my mother buy. It was summer in a bottle, my favourite scent in the world. It filled my nose and took over my mind. I was reminded of summer back in Canada, watching the fireworks on July first, lounging by the pool, fishing at the cottage. When I came back to my senses, I felt even worse than I did before, now I was homesick. I slipped the shirt over my head and admired the fact that it still looked as I'd remembered it. I bent down and picked up plain black shorts I was given and slipped them up my legs. Suddenly, I had the urge, an urge I could hardly resist.

I padded my way across the cold tile and up to the vanity once again, opening drawers and rummaging around, frantically searching for the razor that had to be hiding here somewhere. Though each drawer I ransacked, I turned up empty. I stomped over to the shower and wrenched open the door, but once again, I saw no razor. Who the fuck doesn’t have a razor in their bathroom?

My skin was itching, begging for release. Some people were addicted to crack, sex, coke, or alcohol. Me? I’m addicted to cutting, especially when the darkness of my depression started closing in. Now that I didn’t have my medication, the pills that were somewhere in my luggage, were now gone forever and I could feel the darkness closing around my vision. I needed relief and I needed it now. I sat down on the floor, in the middle of the marvellous, pure white bathroom and stared at the door, wondering how long it would be until someone came knocking for me. I soon lost track of time, I had no way of knowing how much time had passed, though it had to have been a long period of time because soft knocks were echoing throughout the bathroom. I ignored each soft knock, not bothering to answer them, I didn’t want to speak or see anyone that was behind that door. I never wanted to see them again. I merely wanted to stay in here, wrapped in my own little world, letting the darkness settle over me.

“Holly? What are you doing in there? It’s been an hour,” silence. “Come on, just open the door.” Yet again, I didn’t move, I didn’t say a word. “Fine, I’ll just go get Shadows! He’ll get you to come out!” He shouted before I heard his stomps fade out and a door slam shut. Though soon more thundering steps were heard, two sets of them.

“Holly, you in there, babe? Why don’t you come out? No one’s mad.” His tone was soft and calm, he was trying to be reassuring, but I still didn’t trust it.

“What the fuck did you do to her? Why did she lock herself in the bathroom?” Shadows questioned Zacky.

“I didn’t do anything she didn’t want me to do.” Zacky said smugly.

“What does that mean?” Shadows demanded, his voice becoming a little more threatening.

“Well, she was in the shower, and I just couldn’t resist getting in there with her. Well, long story short, we fucked, in the shower, it was pretty fucking hot and let me tell you that she certainly didn’t try to stop me.” He then began to retell the entire scenario to Shadows, with each sentence that passed; I was feeling worse and worse about myself. I was a whore, a dirty, disgusting whore. Tears welled up in my eyes and nausea set in to the pit of my stomach. I no longer wanted to listen to anything these men said. I covered my ears with my hands and stuck my head between my knees, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out the words. Tears still managed to squeeze through my eye lids and ran down my cheeks, I was begging for this to end. Just when I thought the harsh words would never end, silence fell and the knocking resumed, this time with urgency.

“Come on, babe, we just wanna talk.” Shadows said, calmly, though there was definitely an edge to it. I had no reply; I just looked up and stared at the door, shuddering against the force of his pounding fist. I stared as his pounding became more and more violent. I could tell he was losing his temper. I didn’t even move back as I saw the hinges getting looser. One second the door was up and standing, and the next it came crashing to the floor. My hair blew around my face as Shadows came stumbling in the pure bathroom, Zacky standing tentatively behind him. He stood above me, flaring his nostrils, fists clenched, teeth clenched and red faced, but I didn’t bother to look up at him. “Get up,” he seethed.

“Now’s not the time to be stubborn, Holly. I’d listen to him if I were you.” Zacky said, looking back and forth between him and me.

“I said get up!” He shouted. Before I even had time to react, he snatched my arm up and yanked me to my feet, causing me to yell out in pain.

“Ow! Let go! You’re hurting me!” I screamed at him as he started to drag me out of the room.

“Finally, a god damned response; you’re like a fucking robot!” He huffed out. I dug my feet into the pristine, white carpet, but that didn’t stall him. I tried wiggling and squirming, anything to get him to loosen his hold on my arm, but nothing worked. I forcefully yanked my arm back to my side, forcing him to turn around and glare at me, flaring his nostrils, his pupils dominating his eyes, the once hazel turned almost black.

“Let go! You’re hurting me!” I screamed again, but all this did was make him tighten his grip.

“Good, you deserve it, you dirty whore.” He spat angrily. I internally shrank back, knowing, deep down, that he was right. He pulled me forward, though I refused to go down quietly.

“LET GO!” I screamed, over and over again, making as much noise as I possibly could, though I knew that I would later get punished for it, but at this moment, I could care less. I knew that tomorrow, when I woke up, there was going to be a hand shaped bruise, circling my entire arm.

When we got to the grand door, that was his bedroom door, he dug around in his pocket and pulled out a small ring of keys, he then quickly unlocked the door. Who locks their bedroom door when they aren’t there? Unless he has something, or someone, in there that he didn’t want anybody else to see. He opened the door and made me walk in first. When I was in the door way, he placed two hands, squarely on my back and gave me a hard shove. I came tumbling into the room, crashing into the floor, face first. I quickly righted myself and ran into the nearest corner, cowering as far away from him as possible, though I quickly discovered that this was not my smartest move, as he started advancing on me. He took large strides and he was right in front of me before I even knew what was happening.

I felt his hot breath hit my face as he looked down at me. I quickly shut my eyes and waited for the blow that never came. When I looked back up, he was staring down at me with this weird look. He leaned down and crashed his lips down on mine. I don’t know what came over him, whatever it was, I didn’t like it. I tried to pull away, but I was backed into a corner. When I opened my mouth to tell him off, he stuck his tongue in it. I put my hands on his chest, mustered all my strength, and pushed him off of me.

“What’s wrong with you?” I demanded.

“I just want you, baby.”

“Well I certainly don’t want you!” I said, crinkling my eyebrows.

“Why not, baby?” He said as he started advancing on me. “I want you so fucking bad; don’t you see how much you turn me on?” He then pressed himself against my hip and starting grinding on me. “Is it because you think he’s big, cause babe, let me tell you, I’m the biggest in this whole house. No one can satisfy you like I can. I can make you feel things you’ve never felt before.” He whispers in my ear. I can hardly suppress the grunt of disgust.

“You disgust me.” I spat at him.

“What, so you’ll fuck Zacky but not me!” He yelled, echoing throughout the entire room.

“Fine be a stupid bitch. You’re going back downstairs!” He shouted in my face. My heart started pounding in my chest, I hated it down there, I did not want to go back.

“No, please, just send me to my room, lock the door, keep me in, don’t feed me, whatever, but please don’t send me down there!”

“Are you fucking crazy? You don’t deserve to be in that bedroom, and now that I know you don’t like it down there, it’s the perfect fucking punishment.” He growled.

“I am not going down there!” I shouted defiantly, standing my ground, trying hard not to show him just how much he scared me.

“You don’t know just how wrong you are, Holly.” He growled, just before he hoisted me up into the air, bringing me down on his shoulder roughly, knocking the air out of me. It took me a few moments to regain my composure, but when I did, I came back full force.

I thrashed around and kicked him where ever my legs could reach. I started pounding on his back and screaming at the top of my lungs. Each blow I delivered, he delivered his own, slapping my ass, harder and harder each time. Though that didn’t stop me, eventually my ass was numb and I just kept kicking.

“Put me down, you big fucking pig!” I screamed. I soon heard footsteps following us, curious to find out what’s happening.

“Oh sweetheart, you can kick and scream all you want, but you’re going down there.” He said in a sickly sweet voice, mocking me clearly. As we got to the hallway before the kitchen, I could hear the scraping of knives and forks stopping. When we walked in, all eyes were on us.

“What’s going on here?” Jimmy boomed, staring at us questioningly.

“She’s being punished,” was all Shadows said as he unlocked the basement door and threw it open. All at once, I heard chairs being scraped against the floor as everyone stood up to see what was going to happen next.

“You disgusting, vile, swine, put me the fuck down you absolute moron.” I screamed kicking even more. “You’re an idiot! You’re a stupid asshole!”

“Curse all you want, pumpkin, but it’s not gonna make me change my mind.” He smirked and as we began to descend the stairs. I heard laughter from the top of the stairs and when I looked up, I saw 4 curious heads staring down at us.

“Go to hell, you conceded duckweed!” I shouted.

“Awe, that’s my little vixen!” Zacky shouted down to us.

“Fuck you!”

“Don’t worry, all in due time, I’ll come for you.” He smirked, before we came to another doorway and I was thrown into the barren room behind the heavy metal door.

“When I think you’re ready to come up, I’ll get you, but for now, sit tight.” He smiled before slamming the door closed, cutting me off from the rest of the world, with nothing else to do, I took in every aspect of the room.

Grey everything, ceiling, floor and walls, even the mattress lying on the floor was grey. It was much smaller than the room I had been in when I had first arrived at this dreadful place. There was a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, but it was burnt out, meaning the only light was coming from the tiny window, and even that light was dwindling. I walked over to the mattress and kicked it with my toe, it didn’t move. The entire thing was covered in thousands of stains. Some were a deep colour, which I could only assume was blood, and there were also some stains that looked like water stains, but I knew that it was something entirely different.

How many other girls had been kept in this room? How many of them suffered in here? How many were beaten to an inch of their life in here? How many were tortured? How many innocent girls had been raped here, had their virginities stolen from them, much like my own? How many girls are in this house right now? So many questions were swimming through my mind, all of them would go unanswered.

Not wanting to sit on the disgusting mattress, I walked into the corner and sank down the floor, which was not much cleaner. I hugged my knees to my chest and laid my head down on my knees, closing my eyes ever so briefly.

Though the next thing I knew, the room was nearly pitch black and I could hear a faint click radiating throughout the room. Not trusting my ability to move, I waited until my eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness. I looked around the room, confused as to where this noise had come from. I stood up and walked over to the door, trying the unlikely. Though sure enough, the click I had heard was the click of a door being unlocked. When I opened the door I saw a hallway I knew too well, and up the stairs, was the door that was used to keep people out and in here, though right now it was ajar, being held open by something I couldn’t see.

I tried to quietly walk up the stairs, but with each step came an ear splitting creak that made my heart beat even harder in my chest. I felt as if it would break through my ribs if it continued to beat this hard and fast. I knew I had to calm down, but in a moment like this, how could I? As I made it to the top of the stairs, I saw that a small rock was placed between the door jam and the door, propping it open. I pushed the heavy door open and walked into the dimly lit, empty kitchen. I looked around and stared at the glowing red numbers on the stove, displaying the time, 2:27 AM. How long had I been down there? Regardless, I walked through the kitchen until I came to a fork in the hallway, it split into three separate hallways and I didn’t know which one I was supposed to take, at the end of the hallway straight ahead, was a grand door, signalling my freedom and I’m not sure why, but something in my gut was telling me to turn left, so that’s what I did. As I made my way down, I realised that I had never been down this way before.

The walls soon turned a bright pink, why does a house full of men have a hallway painted pink? This hallway never seemed to end, but I could see a set of doors, many of them, all lined up on either side of the wall. As I stopped in front of the first door, I realised that they all had girls’ names on them. Piper and Scout, Effy and Kyla, Nova and Allison, Coralie and Bennett, Arron and Skylaar, Analeigh and Kendall, Crimsin and Fallon, Ethan and Kieran, Flora and Vanessa, Stephanie and Hazel, ten doors, twenty girls, four for each man. This thought astounded me, why does one man need four different women? I walked half way down and open the door that read Crimsin and Fallon.

The door was unlock, complete trust in these girls. Were they “broken,” did the guys believe that they were too scared to try to run away? The room was very nicely decorated, split directly down the middle, signalling the side for each girl. Half the room was pink and the other half was a deep purple, each side decorated accordingly, half girly and half eclectic, mix and matched, nothing matching. Each girl had their own double bed, in one bed, there was a sleeping form, a light breathing could be heard throughout the room, but the other bed was untouched, no sleeping girl.

“What are you doing?” The sound of another voice made all the muscles in my back tense up, making me stand up straight. When I turned around, I was met with another girl, a few years older than me.

She was quite tall and very slim. She had porcelain skin, a flawless complexion with a single silver hoop through her nose. She had long, bleached blond hair that was messy, as if she had just gotten up. She had chocolate brown eyes that were framed with thick lashes, though sleep clouded them. She wasn’t wearing much, a small Pink Floyd t- shirt and some boy short underwear. She was holding a small cup of water.

“Who are you?” I stammered, scared she was going to yell or hit me.

“I’m Flora,” she said in a heavy English accent. “Who are you?” She asked, scrunching her eyebrows together.

“I- I’m Holly,” I stuttered.

“Oh you’re the new girl!” She practically shouted at me. “I’ve heard all about you! Apparently you’ve been causing quite the commotion over the last few days. We could all here you shouting and cursing this afternoon, not that we exactly blame you, we’ve all been there before.” She smiled, as if this was a completely normal conversation to have. “Don’t worry though, you’ll learn soon.”

“What do you mean, I’ll learn?” I questioned her.

“As in you’ll learn that it’s not so bad hear. I mean it’s actually pretty good once you get used to it.” She said matter- of- factly. “How old are you anyways?”

“Um, 16.”

“Oh geez, you’re just a little one aren’t you? I think you may be the youngest we’ve ever had. No, wait, there was Maddie, she was 15, but Shadows got a little carried away one night and beat her to death after she bit his penis while giving him head. I’m 21, I’ve been here nearly 3 years, and I love it.” I was stunned to silence, how could she be so okay with this? How could she think it was okay to have a girl beaten to death? How could she think it was okay that she was here right now? I didn’t understand any of this; all I knew was that I had to get away from this mad woman. I started to back away slowly and when I didn’t think she was paying attention, I turned around and ran as fast as I could, I didn’t stop running until I had gotten lost in this maze.

I wandered around the house for a while until I finally came to a hallway I knew. I walked up to Shadows doors and pulled them open quietly, though I soon stopped in my tracks at the sight in front of me. There was Shadows, on his bed, with a petite, blacked haired girl bouncing on top of him wildly. I listened to her loud moans and his soft groans of pleasure.

“Yeah, you like that, Shadows? You like it when I bounce on your dick like this?” She said, bringing her hands up to grope her own breasts. “You like watching me feel myself up?” She said as he let out a loud moan. “I like to feel your big cock writhing inside me. I love it when you fill me up to the brim; I love it when you hit my spot.” She groaned as his hands were on her hips, helping her grind against him. “Oh yeah, right there, right fucking there.” I shouted out in pure ecstasy. I hadn’t even realized my mouth was hanging wide open, i didn’t even feel the tears well up inside me until the first one leaked out. He didn’t even realise I was standing in the doorway until he sat up to feel her up. He looked up at her and then looked over to the door and saw me standing there.

“Holly?” He questioned, as if he didn’t know if it was me or not. He then pushed the girl off, not without a huge sigh of disappointment.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished.” She shouted after him as he quickly put on a pair of underwear.

“Not now, Crimsin,” he barked. He took one small step towards me and I took off running.

I ran throughout the entire house, letting my feet take me where the wanted to go and within minutes, I was in the kitchen, ripping open the glass doors. I could tell he was hot on my heels when I heard the back doors open and close again. I just kept running, not bothering to look back and wonder if he was following, not caring how close he was to me, I just wanted to get away. I ran through pine cones and brittle sticks, cutting my feet along the way. I ran into the giant forest behind the house. I ran so deep that there wasn’t even any moonlight to guide my way. I ran until I found the perfect tree and started to climb up.

Getting higher and higher, as high as the branches would take me. I sat here, perched on branch for a few minutes before I heard several pairs of footsteps, then I saw the top of the bodies of three men, Shadows, Johnny, and Gates.

“Don’t worry man, we’ll find her.” Gates said reassuringly.

“I just can’t believe she saw that.”

“Well, we’ll get her back. It’s not like she can get very far, the fence is electrocuted, and she’ll die before she reaches the top.” Johnny said.

“Okay, let’s split up and look.”

After I heard their footsteps walk away, I let myself breathe. Climbing trees was like my safe haven, if it wasn’t books, it was trees. Whenever my parents used to fight when I was younger, I would run out of the house, tears streaming down my face and walk to the nearest forest. I learned to bring a back pack with me, filled with things I might need, house keys, granola bars, a flash light, and of course, a book. I would walk to deep into the woods that I wouldn’t be able to tell which tree was which, which way was north, which way I had come from. I would then find a nice sturdy tree and I would climb, climb so high that if I fell, I would certainly die. I would sit in the one tree all day, until the sun started to set. I would read, and listen to my walkman, and take pictures of all the neat things I’d find. I did this nearly every day, whenever a new fight would arise, I’d set out on my way, ready for a new adventure. I did this every summer. I wouldn’t have to think about anything at all, I did it up until the winter came, including the last summer. It was odd to say, but being high up in the trees was like my second home.

I waited and strained my ears, waiting to hear the snap of a twig, someone’s breathing, anything that would tell me that someone was nearby. After a few moments, I heard nothing, so I started shimmying down the trunk of the tree, when I was a few feet up, I jumped down, the leaves crunching quietly beneath my bare feet. I had just stood up straight when I heard a loud click that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

“You move and I’ll blow your fucking brains out,” a voice sneered behind me. “Turn around;
I want to see the fear in your eyes.” When I was hesitant to move, he pressed the cool metal of the barrel on the back of my head. “I said turn around,” he growled. When I finally spun on my heel, my eyes met those of a short man, one that I recognized as Johnny, the man that had taken me out of the pool this morning. How could someone go from saving someone, to wanting to blow their brains out in a day? I stared into his eyes and waiting to hear a bang, but it never came. He cocked his head to the side and I squeezed my eyes shut, ready for death. I wouldn’t be over distraught if he shot me, right here and now. I was ready, when I was literally swept off my feet.

Big arms wrapped around my torso and squished me in a bear hug. My eyes shot up and I saw Shadows burying his head in my neck. I felt hot tears run down my skin, though they were not my own. How had I reduced this big, manly man to tears? I didn’t even think he had tears ducts...

“Please, baby, don’t ever do that again! You scared me to death!” He sobbed.
“Um, can you please put me down?” I squeaked out and a moment later, I was back on my feet and I was facing the sobbing Shadows.

“I take it all back, I was just mad at you, I never meant to do that. I just got swept up in the moment, if I could take it all back; I would, in a heartbeat!” I stared up at this man, and I felt my lip quivering and I felt my eyes gloss over with tears. I don’t understand what was happening to me at this moment, why was I so upset? As I watched him look to the ground, fumbling with his hands, I felt a few stray tears fall down my cheeks, and when he finally looked up at me, I lost it completely. Tears started pouring from my eyes in a non- stop constant flow. I felt a distressed choke pass through my trembling lips.

He opened his arms to me and I quickly ran into them, burying my head in his chest. He let me cry and sob, not caring that we had a crowd, not caring that my tears were now trailing down his bare chest.

“Why?” I sobbed out, repeating that one word over and over again.

“I don’t know why, babe, I don’t, but I’m really sorry.” He cried as he stroked my hair softly.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so distraught? Why do I care that this man slept with someone else? Why am I crying over a man that had kidnapped me? Someone that abused me, locked me up, and often showed me that he didn’t care two fucks about me? Why? Why? Why?

One thought occurred to me, but I didn’t think it was possible. How preposterous, implausible, impossible, but as I thought more, my heart kept telling me.

I was falling for this man, without a doubt, it was true. I was falling in love for the first time in my life.