Friends and Alibis

Currently my calendar read Thursday. In two days, a little bit under 48 hours, they would be married.
I had lost.

I had not only lost but ruined any chance at reconciling my friendship with Zack. And from what I had heard from the guys, they were still going strong. No fights. No confessions. No break-up. No called-off wedding.

After what had happened at the beginning of this week, I resumed to bury myself in work. I wrote and finished more than double of articles than I usually did. I hardly took any breaks. I worked overtime. Just so I didn’t have to think about this wedding that was looming overhead.

The last 2 days Alexis and Joe were constantly trying to get me to eat with them. They probably knew something wasn’t right. I probably looked like a hot mess, too, but I was glad they didn’t pester me about details. Although I had a feeling that had mostly to do with Joe telling Alexis not to pry. So… thanks, Joe.

But even though I tried really hard to just let it go, I couldn’t. Of course I couldn’t. I spent most of my adolescence wishing I could get back what I had in California, and now I was the one who had ruined it. I could have been happy with friendship only, too. But I was greedy. And now I paid the full price for it.

I sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and closed my laptop. I was finally tired from overworking myself. I looked around and saw that most of my co-workers had already left, so that probably meant that I should leave, too. I packed up my stuff and left for my car to drive home.

When I made it home I texted Matt.

May 6.45pm
Come over, bring food (preferably ice cream)

I felt lonely. And I really, really, really wanted to spend some time with friends that didn’t shun me.

Matt 6.47pm
actually already on my way, bringing Jimmy, too.

~~

“Thursday. Three days. That’s it. I’ve thought about it. I should leave it like this but I can’t! Three days,” I ranted to Matt who had somehow become my personal agony aunt. Which, as soon as that thought came to my mind, made me feel even guiltier. “God, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t unload everything onto you,” I sighed and let myself fall onto the sofa in my living room, eating a spoonful of ice cream

Matt and Jimmy had insisted on “holding a meeting”. For whatever reason. At least they had actually brought ice cream.

“Okay, listen,” He started with an uneasy glance at Jimmy. “We think that maybe you should give up on trying to split them up. Completely. Because if he doesn’t break it off after he actually cheated on her, he never will.”

“I know,” I whined with the spoon still in my mouth. “I knew that. I just… ugh. It’s not about... forget it,” I concluded. My misery wasn’t about not being able to split them up anymore. It was so much more. And I felt awful.

“No, let’s talk about it.” Jimmy said. “He won’t see reason and won’t listen to any of us. So we’re done. We can’t do much more than what we, what YOU, have done, so let him do what he thinks is right.”

“But he’s gonna be miserable!” I exclaimed.

“Who knows?” said Matt with a shrug. “Maybe she actually makes him happy.”

I gaped at him. “You really don’t believe that, do you?”

“I really don’t know what I should believe anymore, the only thing I know for sure is that he won’t break it off with her,” Matt countered.

I looked away and into my empty ice cream container. Maybe they were right. Maybe the only one who was actually miserable was I.

“I- I’m gonna talk to him,” I stuttered.

“What? No! Just leave it,” Matt said.

“No. I’m just going to talk to him,” I concluded and stood up abruptly. “Maybe that’s what we should have done from the beginning. Not trying to split them up but talking to him,” I pointed out and hurried to put on my shoes.

I didn’t give them a chance to negotiate with me, as I hightailed out of my apartment.

On my way to Zack’s my phone kept buzzing with texts and calls, so I turned it off. I knew what I was doing. At least I hoped so.

There were several things that I wanted to tell him:

Number 1: Your fiancée is cheating on you.

Number 2: Your fiancée is constantly cheating on you.

Number 3: I’m not making this up, she is cheating on you.

Okay maybe there weren’t all that many things that I wanted to tell him. My biggest concern was actually if he would even open the door.

My concerns weren’t necessary as Zack was coming out of his house the moment I parked against the curb.

He saw me, frowned, and made to turn around and walk back in.

“Wait!” I yelled. “Hold up.”

He froze and turned around slowly to face me.

“Why?” He snapped.

“I want to talk to you.”

He looked at me more intently. “I have nothing to say to you,” He decided.

“That’s okay,” I began. “It’s just… You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine, really. I understand that.
Just- hear me out. Please,” I begged.

He looked at me utterly emotionless and nodded. I exhaled and noticed that I had been holding my breath the whole time.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “First of all. I really am. I didn’t want to make things difficult for you. But obviously
I did, so... I’m sorry.

“Secondly, I hope you know what you’re doing. I don’t want you to ever wake up and think that you’ve made a mistake. And frankly, your best friends and I all think this is where this is headed,” I
confessed. “She is cheating on you. I know that you know. We’ve all told you. We have all caught her in the act. And we can’t understand why you still won’t break it off. For most of us this would be… unforgivable.

“But now you have cheated on her, too. With me, no less. Not that she doesn’t deserve it but… is that really the basis you want to build this marriage on? Both of you constantly cheating on each other? I mean at least you had the audacity to feel guilty. She doesn’t feel guilty. Is that what it’s going to be?”

I took a breath and looked at him.

“I know what you’re trying to say,” he began, his eyes downcast. “But it’s not going to change any of my decisions.”

“Okay,” I breathed and nodded lightly. I was not okay with this. “I just really hope you’ll be happy.”

He smiled sadly and finally looked at me. “I hope so, too.”

I nodded and returned to my car but instead of going home, I drove down to the beach and thought about my reasons again.

Number 1: Your fiancée is cheating on you.

Number 2: Your fiancée is constantly cheating on you.

Number 3: I’m not making this up, she is cheating on you.

Number 4: I hope you already know that I am still in love with you.

Notes