Friends and Alibis

The positive outcome of my talk with Zack had given me enough motivation to finally do my laundry, so this time around I was actually wearing “normal” clothing. But the nagging feeling of guilt still hadn’t vanished as another 83% of them were still either mad at me or didn’t know how to approach me without having me snap their necks. Joke.

But it was true. (Not the neck part.)

So that’s why I made my way to Matt’s house with a bribe, but since I had a tendency to overthink and make myself nervous I stepped out of my car like I was walking with knees of jelly.

It wasn’t like I was afraid of them. Those guys looked buff, but I knew they couldn’t hurt a fly (I at least hoped). If I had to answer this later on, I would most definitely lie. But in that moment, before I had to ring or knock or for whatever I would set, I was scared shitless they were still mad at me and wouldn’t accept me back as a friend.

They always did when we were kids. But times change and so do people. I just really hoped they hadn’t.

I finally settled for ringing and started the awful wait of not knowing what I was going to face.

What I came face to face with was, however, not Matt like I had expected.

It was Brian.

And as soon as he saw me his nostrils flared and I thought he might have as well killed me then and there with the anger that was showing.

“Oh joy. Look who has decided to join us again.” He spoke without any enthusiasm.

“Brian, please.” I pleaded.

“What do you want?” He sneered.

“I just want to talk, that’s all. I feel awful an-“

“-And you think we’re all just going to drop it and let you waltz back into our lives.” He finished, which made me shut up.

“Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking for. Please, you don’t have to accept my apology but – please – at least listen to me, that’s all I’m asking of you.” I pleaded, tears clouding my vision.

I felt pathetic for almost crying because of this petty fight – but no matter what words we had hurled at each other the days prior, I wouldn’t be willing to accept no as an answer and part ways because of it.

Brian seemed to have gathered that much – that I wasn’t going to give up until he would at least listen to me. So he sighed and slumped his shoulders in what I would guess was defeat.

I breathed a sigh of relief, although I knew the hard part was yet to come.

He glanced back into the house for a moment before returning his attention to me and stepping to the side, so I could enter, which I did – albeit reluctantly.

He pushed past me and went straight outside, while I tried to keep up but also tried not to seem too eager.

I saw the rest of the guys sitting in the living room, although they didn’t utter a word but just looked shocked. They probably didn’t want a repeat of what had happened the last time Brian and I had been alone together in close vicinity.

I followed Brian outside to the small outdoor seating area and timidly sat down. We sat in silence for a few seconds - Brian probably not wanting to talk and me not knowing where to start – which resulted in an awkward silence until he finally uttered “So?”.

I took a deep breath because, frankly, I was nervous. And felt nauseous.

“I’m sorry.” I started, but when Brian tried to stop me I just kept talking. “No! Please. Just let me get this out of my system.

Okay, I’m sorry for blowing up on you like that. I know that was usual for us but what’s usual after not seeing each other for eleven years and I know I’ve got a short temper, but so do you – and don’t you dare deny that.” I rushed out with a small smile so he wouldn’t interrupt me. But he didn’t do such a thing and let me go on with my apology.

“I don’t think you realize how much my life went downhill when I had to move away but to get you guys back was just about the best thing that could happen to me and I really really really don’t want to lose that because of anything. So here I am. And yes, I know I’m really asking to be taken back with open arms but you know me and that’s just the way I would handle such a thing. So please accept my apology because, frankly, if I don’t have any of you guys I might as well become a crazy cat lady now.” I finished with a deep sigh and with my eyes cast downward. I was afraid of his answer. If I even got one.

But when I heard a small chuckle I looked upward to look into his smirking face.

“You definitely will end up crazy.” He said with a shrug and I let my shoulders sag in disappointment again. “And it’s still going to happen, even with us along the way.”

“So, that means you’re not..” I asked, hopefully.

“Oh no, I am.” He nodded grimly. “But I’m also willing to let a piece of my pride go for the greater good.”

“Which is?” I inquired.

“That’s for me to know and you to never find out.” He said, with that stupid knowing smirk. “I still think there are about 2 other guys in there and a girl that was quite sullen because of this quarrel that you need to apologize to.” He said and gave me a look.

I sighed and nodded.

“That’s why I came over anyway. Don’t tell Katelyn that I’m coming over, though. She won’t want to hear me out.” I pleaded.

He nodded and I stood up to go inside to the rest of the guys.

**

Apologizing to them wasn’t as tricky as apologizing to Brian was because they were quite willing to forgive me after I told them my worries about the plan. And even Katelyn had been easier than I had anticipated at first.

So here I was, on good terms with everyone sans Amelia again, but I still didn’t feel too good about it.

I mean I was extremely happy that I had my friends back and that wasn’t what dimmed my mood.

It was the plan, of course. But I had told them that I wasn’t going to continue with it. I didn’t want to be cruel. I DID want them to not be together, but I didn’t want to be known as the freak that broke up a wedding and couldn’t even get the one she was after afterwards.

So I went to bed, sending off a message to the boys sans Zack, telling them that the plan would have failed anyway.

May 11:52 p.m.
It can’t be appearance-wise. The relationship, I mean. He didn’t even look at the dress. There actually has to be something close to substance in their relationship. Sorry.

And with that I tried to fall asleep.

Notes