“Oh good, your awake!” a chipper voice broke my silence. I looked to see a female nurse who looked to be in her early 30s.
“Where is everyone?” I asked the medicine in my system masking the hope in my voice.
“Well they are in the lobby waiting, visiting hours haven’t started yet an-”
“I don’t give a rats ass if visiting hours haven’t started…I just woke up all alone in a fucking hospital now you send my friends in or so help me!” I couldn’t think of what to say next, I think that was only because of the medicine and because of how angry it made me to have just woken up all alone. The women scrunched up her nose ever so slightly at my attitude but indulged my request.
It wasn’t long until my hospital room was filled with people. Matt, Val, Zacky, Gena, Johnny, Lacey, Jimmy, Lena, Benji, and Joel too. They all brought me something, flowers, a teddy bear, a ‘get well’ balloon which made me laugh. In the midst of talking I couldn’t help but ask,
“Um is Brian alright or is he in another room here?” I asked curiosity in my voice. I was hoping he was alright and was just outside for a smoke. I was already sad enough, I had asked Val when they all came in here if they had said anything about my baby girl. It was stupid to ask I already knew she was no longer inside of me, I felt lighter than usual. I was hurting yes, but I saw no need in making myself crazy over something that couldn’t be changed. I would move on from this, we all would. I would always remember what it was like having her grow inside of me but she’s gone, it’s sad yes but it was already her time. I had to say goodbye to her before I could properly say hello.

“He’s still in the waiting room…” Jimmy trailed off, a sad look on his face. “He’s afraid to come near you, he blames himself.” I sighed after hearing what Jimmy told me, as a tear rolled down the side of my face.
“Is he alright?” I asked looking out the window.
“He had a couple of bruises and some scraps here and there. You both got lucky…” I didn’t pay attention to who was speaking.
“He won’t come in and fucking see me?” I asked annoyance clear in my voice. Nobody answered me. “Fine. I’ll get my ass up and fucking go see him then.” I pulled the covers off of me to see I had a cast on my right leg and some bandages on my left. “Fucking great!” I was surprised at how little I actually hurt as I moved to get up. Although I had a little voice nagging in the back of my head that I wasn’t fucking super-woman and that it was just the pain medicine. Either way I was going to go see Brian.

“Are you just going to fuckin’ leave me alone in that fucking hospital room? Hm?” I asked aggression laced in my voice. He looked up at me, his eyes were so sad. I felt bad immediately after I saw them, “Brian…I- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” I said as I sat down next to him.
“You have every right to be upset with me Aidan, I should have been in that room when you woke up, but I-” he paused, sighing looking from the ground to me. “I feel guilty, ashamed, like this is all my fault.”
“Brian, baby, it’s not your fault. If anything it’s mine, I insisted we take the motorcycle when we should have taken the car.” I grabbed his hand as the sadness finally started to sink in.
“No. No, no, no, no Aidan. It’s not your fault at all!” he pulled me into his arms as I finally started crying, I could feel him shake as he let out a few pitiable sobs.
“I’m sorry Brian, I let you down, I let everyone down, and I let her down. I’m already a fuck up as a mother, I couldn’t even protect her.” This just cause Brian to hold me tighter,
“Shh, Baby. Don’t be like that. Shit just happens. Now come on, you need to go back to your room so you can rest.” I just nodded as I let out a soft sob.

____________

The healing process took a little longer then I’d have liked, it’s been about a month. Today I was able to get the cast taken off my leg so we were all going out to the beach to celebrate.
“Get your ass downstairs Aidan!” Val shouted, along with Jimmy. I chuckled as I walked downstairs. It was great to no longer have that cast on, and to not have to use crutches anymore. I was excited to be spending the day with everyone at the beach. Things hadn’t been going so smooth lately. Brian and I had been arguing a lot, but we always made up after words.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m coming down now!” I shouted, taking the stairs two at a time, and jumping over the last one like a little kid.
“Don’t you look spiffy!” Val stated,
“Please, I’m always spiffy.” was my reply as I winked at her, she just rolled her eyes and laughed.

We had been at the beach for about an hour, I was sitting with Val and the other girls while Jimmy and Johnny were fighting in the water and the rest of the guys were tossing a ball back and forth. That was when I looked up to see Michelle walking towards us. I suddenly began to get nervous. I was not in the mood to deal with whatever she was about cause. She stood by us awkwardly until everyone looked up at her.
“Hey.” Her voice was timid, this was a completely different Michelle then before.
“Hey Chelle.” Val was the first to greet her.
“Um…Aidan can I talk to you?” I looked at her, her face held nothing but honest sincerity so I agreed. I got up and walked a few feet away from everyone else with her. I could hear that the guys had stopped messing around and were probably watching Michelle and I closely in case anything broke out.

“So you are probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you.” Michelle stated once we stopped walking.
“Kinda I mean, I figured you hated me with a fiery burning passion.” I stated, amusement in my voice.
“I won’t lie I did at first, but I moved on from Brian. I have, honestly. I met someone else too.” She smiled shyly, obviously thinking about her new guy.
“Well that’s really good Michelle. I’m glad.” I smiled.
“Yeah, and you are more then welcome to call me Chelle like everyone else. I’d like to hope we could be friends you know?” I saw the honesty in her eyes, and I couldn’t help but agree.
“I’d like that Chelle.” I smiled and then was caught off guard when she gave me a hug. As she was hugging me, she whispered in my ear,
“I’m really sorry about your baby Aidan. I truly am.” I gave her a tight squeeze.
“Thank you Chelle. That means a lot.”