When we got out front of the hospital, it was dusk. She had spent the entire day by my side. That just made me feel ten times worse. She helped me into the car and pulled the seat belt around me. I could tell that she saw the look of disgust on my face.

"It's gonna be ok, baby." she said before kissing my forehead and closing the door. I watched her walk back around and get in the driver's seat. I hated myself even more now that I knew that she had sat there with me all day. I took time away from something that she could have been doing. I wondered if she had eaten anything.

"I'm kinda hungry." I said, wanting to know if she had of not. She looked over and smiled.

"You think you can handle something right now?" she asked. I smiled.

"I'll be fine. I'm starving." I reassured her. She smiled.

"Well, If you think you can handle it then, what are you in the mood for?" she, asked.

"Hmm. I don't know. You pick." I stated. I didn't really care. I knew that she hadn't eaten and I just wanted to know that she got something.

"Well there's a few places. We don't need to give you anything too greasy. You may get sick later." she stated. This pushed me over the edge. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What the fuck and I supposed to eat then? Fucking grass?" I shot at her, before I realized what I had done. At that point I didn't really care if it hurt her. I was sick. I felt that I had every right to be pissed off about it. "This fucking sucks!" I hit the dashboard.

"Zack, calm down." she said, trying to get me to settle. I wasn't budging. I hated, myself, the world, and everyone in it. I was looking for a fight.

"I'm fucking calm!" I yelled. "What are you gonna do; start treating me like a fucking baby and monitor every little thing that goes in my mouth?" She pulled the car over.

"No, I'm not. Eat what you want. Where do you want to go?"

"I want to fucking go home. Just go home. Fuck the food." I spat. She turned back to the wheel, gripping it.

"Fine! We're going home. I sat there with you all fucking day and you..."

"Oh is that a fucking problem for you?" I cut her off. "Are you fucking bitching about it? It sounds like you are."

"That's not what I'm doing at all." she stated.

"Then what the hell is it?" I asked. "If you don't want to take care of me then I'll find someone who will. No, Wait. I'll just fucking die alone."

"Zack. I'm gonna take care of you." she said.

"Then complain about it." I pulled the seat belt closer into my neck as I looked out the window. Silence filled the car for a few minutes.

"Zack, I'm sorry. Ok?" she said. "I didn't mean for it to come out the way that it did."

"Well it did." I shot, still looking out the window. I heard her let out a long sigh.

"I don't know what to say to you anymore, Zack." she stated. "You're so godamned edgy about shit."

"Edgy? You think I'm edgy?" I shot. "Just wait until I wither away to nothing and your looking at pretty much a corpse." She slammed on the brakes, bringing us to an abrupt hault. She looked over at me with tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe that you said that. Just yesterday you were telling me that you were gona fight it for us and now it's this." she sobbed. "I love you, Zack, but I will not stand around and let you talk like that. You want someone to take care of you? I'm here, but how am I supposed to love someone and take care of them, when they act like they don't want it?" I could see the hurt in her eyes, and I knew the I had fucked up big time.

"I think I'm gonna go stay at your sisters tonight. I can't deal with anymore of this. I don't need it right now." Fuck! There it was. The "Captain O" of "You've really fucked up, Zack."

I didn't know what to say at that point. I felt that my entire life was crumbling down around me and it was all because I was fucking sick. I sat that and stared out the window without a word until we got home.

We pulled into the driveway and I knew better than to ask her to help me out. I didn't need her to help me. I reached up and grabbed the handle and tried to pull myself up out of the car. I couldn't. I noticed her walk around to my side of the car. She stood there waiting for me to do it on my own. I knew that wasn't gonna happen. I let out a sigh, then reached up and grabbed her hand, allowing her to help me out of the car and into the house.

She put me on the couch and headed upstairs. I assumed that she was going to pack her things to go to my sisters. My heart dropped as I looked up and saw her coming down the stairs with a bag. I didn't want her to go, but I knew the reason why was my fault. I didn't say anything.

She grabbed the remote and phone, throwing them onto the couch beside me. "You can call your brother if you need help." she snarled.

I opened my mouth to say something, but it was too late. I knew that this was for real. She had already turned to the door and made her way out, without even thinking twice about it.

This was my worst nightmare. I felt that she meant to do me this way.

I laid my head onto the back of the couch and let out a long sigh along with a groan. I picked up the phone and called my brother.

"Hello?" I let his voice enter my ears.

"Hey man. I need your help." I stated, trying to hold back tears.

"Zack? What's going on, man? Is everything ok? How did the treatment go?" I could tell that he was worried.

"It went fine. Kay left me."

"What?! What happened?" He asked. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"We got in a fight on the way home and she said that she couldn't take anymore of it, and that she as going to stay at Zina's." I sobbed.

"It's gonna be ok. I'll come stay with you." he said.

"I'm so scared, Matt. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't do for myself. I'm fucking useless."

"Don't be like that. I'll be over in a few and stay with you. Don't stress over it. It's no big deal.

I'm not doing anything anyway." He reassured me. "I'll be there in a few."

"Ok." I said before ending the conversation and hanging up the phone. I couldn't do anyting but sit there and wait for Matt to get there.

All I could think about was how the one person that I thought was gonna be there through everything had up and left me. It made me feel really insecure. I felt that me being sick was not only ruining my life; It was gonna ruin my marriage. Everything that I had worked so hard for, right down the drain.

Matt finally showed up and we ordered some pizzas. It went against everything that she had said about me getting sick. My stomach was fine. My ego was what was hurt the most. I was broken so after a couple of movies, I decided that it was time to turn in for the night.

Matt helped me up the stairs, and into the bedroom. I didn't even worry about taking a shower. I pulled the blankets over me. Laying there, all I could think about was what was gonna happen next. Why did this have to be so hard on everyone. I was the one that was sick.

I rolled over onto my side. Tucking a hand under the pillow.

Maybe tomorrow will go better than today.