”I have a feeling that I might be pregnant,” I told Brian one Saturday morning.

We were sitting in the kitchen and having breakfast. It had been a whole month since getting engaged and we had been trying to make a baby for four weeks already. And now I finally felt like it had happened – that I was finally pregnant.

As we had been trying get me pregnant, it had sort of become an obsession to me. All I ever thought about was having a baby and how badly I wanted to be a mother. I couldn't wait to be able to have children.

”Really?” Brian asked as he looked up from his phone, ”Are you sure?”

”Well I'm not sure but I feel like it,” I said and shrugged.

”Good,” he nodded and flashed a quick smile before looking back at his phone.

We had been organizing our wedding at the same time. But we didn't want to rush into anything so we hadn't picked a date or anything yet. We just thought that once it felt right, we would get married. Neither of us wanted anything big or really expensive so we would only invite the closest people to the wedding. And by closest I meant all of Brian's ”closest” friends (meaning all of his friends that he had met through music and everybody that had something to do with their band) and of course our families would be there, too.

”I'm going to buy a pregnancy test today,” I told him as I got up from my chair.

”Uh huh...” Brian wasn't paying much attention to our conversation. His eyes were glued on his phone.

”What are you doing?” I asked.

”What?”

”What are you doing with your phone?”

”Oh. My mom asked if it would be okay for us to get married in Hawaii next month. She said she knows some beautiful place there and it would be perfect for the wedding,” he told me. I furrowed my eyebrows.

”Next month already?” I asked, ”Isn't that a bit soon, though? And, I mean... I thought I would be pregnant by the time we get married.”

”I thought you said you felt like you were pregnant, huh?”

”I mean, that's what I feel like. But I can't know for sure...”

”Babe,” he sighed, ”There is no rush to have a kid. But I want to marry you as soon as possible. I want everybody to know that you're mine. I want to make it official.”

”I know,” I nodded, ”And... Well, if you want to get married next month in Hawaii... I guess it's okay with me.”

”Thanks,” he said with a grin, ”I'll let my mom know. And go get that pregnancy test!”

After buying the pregnancy test and returning home, I was a little scared. What if I actually was pregnant? My life would change. But it would be a positive change, I was sure of that. I could finally get the family I had always wanted.

I drank tons of water before finally having to pee. I went into the bathroom and peed on the little stick and for the next few minutes, I could barely breathe.

But as minutes passed by, a pink little plus didn't appear on the test. My face fell and I stared at it for a long time. I wasn't pregnant. Even though it was only the first test, it crushed me completely. The thought of never having children scared me to death. I didn't want to live my life without children. I didn't want to live if I wasn't ever going to be a mother.

A moment later I stormed out of the bathroom and went into the kitchen where Brian was. I threw the test in the trashcan and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked out of the window until Brian opened his mouth.

”It wasn't good, was it?” he asked quietly.

I soon felt his arms on my waist as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my back against his body. He rested his head on my shoulder and sighed.

”Babe...” Obviously Brian didn't know what to say so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

”I'm so disappointed,” I admitted finally.

”Why?”

”Because I'm not pregnant. It's been, what, four weeks already. How come some people get pregnant just like that? How come I'm not one of those people?” I muttered.

”It's only been four weeks. We just have to have sex more often,” he said.

He chuckled quietly and kissed my neck before pulling his body away from mine. I sighed.

That night, as we both laid in the bedroom in the darkness, not much was said. I knew it wasn't the end of the world that I wasn't pregnant yet, and I knew it was going to happen. I was going to get pregnant, I was sure of that. But it was crushing because I wanted it so much. There was absolutely nothing I wanted more.

”Sophia?” Brian whispered quietly.

”Yeah?”

”I love you.” His voice was soft and calm. I could feel his hand on my bare stomach as he cuddled closer to me and kissed my cheek.

The next morning as I woke up, somebody was at the door and ringing the doorbell. Brian promised he would get up, which he did minutes later, and disappeared out of the bedroom. I closed my eyes again but couldn't get sleep anymore so I went to pull on some comfortable clothes and walked downstairs to find Brian's parents there.

”Good morning, Sophia!” Brian's mother chirped when she saw me.

She rushed to hug me and if I had been feeling a bit blue earlier, a smile was making its way to my lips by that time. She was such a lovely person that there was no choice but to smile when she was around.

”We're here to talk about the wedding,” she told me.

All of them sat down but I stayed in the doorway and watched as they chatted. Apparently we were going to get married in three weeks. Honestly, I didn't mind it. Everything was happening so fast, the wedding, the whole baby thing... All I cared about was getting a baby.

”Are you alright, honey?” Brian's mom's voice pulled me out my thoughts, and I nodded.

”We're just having a little trouble with... With getting her pregnant,” Brian whispered quietly to his mother.

Her face fell and she looked at me like she felt really sorry for me. It was a bit too much for me and I had to leave the room. I didn't want to be rude but the last thing I wanted was people to feel sorry for me. As if it wasn't my problem already but now it was theirs, too. Now they had to worry about it too.

Because it was Sunday, it gave me the right to stay in bed all day. After Brian's parents had left, he drove back to his old house and continued packing his stuff. He had been moving into my house (well, it was his now since he had bought it from Jimmy) for a month already but because he didn't have that much time on his hands, it took a really long time for him to completely empty his house. But when his house was finally empty, he would sell it and we could really live together in our house.

Brian didn't come home until late that night. I was laying in the bathtub in a really warm water and trying to relax. He opened the door into the bathroom and when he noticed me, he stared at me for a moment.

”How are you?” he asked me quietly and bit his lip.

”How am I? I don't know,” I shrugged, ”Not bad, not good... I'm not sure.”

”Should we try now?”

”Try what?”

”Try to make a baby.”

”I don't know...”

”How do you think it's going to happen if we never even have sex?” he asked and furrowed his eyebrows. I sighed and rubbed my face with wet hands.

”Sophia, I'm not trying to pressure you but if you really want it that bad, you have to do something about it,” he told me.

”I'm sick of trying so hard,” I muttered really quietly.

”What?”

”I'm sick of trying. I want something to happen already,” I said, a lot louder this time.

”It's only been four weeks, baby.”

”Yeah, whatever.”

As I didn't say anything else, Brian let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

”Pull yourself together, Sophia. I hate seeing you like that. And tomorrow, we're going to send invitations and plan the wedding, okay? Okay?”

”Fine, okay.”

In all honestly, I couldn't have cared less about the wedding anymore and I felt bad for being so rude to Brian. He wanted the wedding more than the baby and I wanted the baby more than the wedding.