Baby Don't Cry
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life.
I had always thought that I was a very nice and kind person. I'd always thought that I would never do anything to hurt anybody. I never wanted anything bad to happen to anybody and I didn't want to cause any drama.
That's what I thought of myself and never had I once thought that maybe it wasn't all true. Because maybe I really was a person that wanted to create drama around me, and maybe I was a bad person.
Lately I had been having thoughts about Brian and Michelle's marriage, and the fact that I was the reason that they were facing a divorce, only a bit over a month after actually getting married. If I really thought I was a kind person, why did I suddenly find myself in that situation? Why had I ruined somebody's marriage?
I felt bad about it, I really did, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't make them get back together and I most definitely couldn't change the past. What was done was done and that was that. And the worst thing was, I had put my own happiness above somebody else's happiness which had led to a break up. I wanted to be with Brian so badly that I didn't allow Michelle to have him all to herself.
What was there to do, then? I mean, I could've surely stayed away from Brian, just like Michelle had told me to. But the thing was, and maybe I didn't have any heart at all and maybe I was selfish, but I couldn't stay away from him. I was in love with him and I had to see him. It didn't help at all that he was attracted to me, too.
I didn't know what was going to happen with Brian and Michelle, and I had no idea if they were actually going to try and talk things through and maybe try to rebuild the trust and end up getting back together, and I thought that I had to have a chat with Brian about it. And later that day, we had a very long talk about it. And he told me some heartbreaking news.
Brian and I sat outside at the beach. It was a very cold day and there was pretty much nobody at the beach. The water looked ice cold and the sand felt cool under my bare feet.
I looked to my side and saw Brian who was staring at the water with empty eyes. I tried really hard but couldn't read his face.
”What are you thinking about?” I asked quietly.
I let the cold sand fall down from my hands as I reached closer to Brian. I touched his thigh gently.
”Michelle called me last night,” he told me, ”She's really not doing okay. I might... I might have to stop seeing you like this. If I ever want to fix my marriage, I have to stop seeing you, Sophia.”
”Oh, uh... Is this like a goodbye, then?” I whispered and my face fell.
All of the happiness had disappeared and all that was left was disappointment and sorrow. It's rather depressing, to be honest, when somebody tells you that they're going to have to stop seeing you.
”I don't know,” he sighed, ”I guess so.”
”You have to do what's best for you,” I mumbled quietly and looked away from his face.
My eyes went back to the sand that was between my toes. I started moving around my feet in the sand, trying to think of what to say to him.
”Look, Sophia... You have to understand that I have to think about my family,” Brian told me.
”I do understand that. But why did you get my hopes up? Why did you let me fall in love with you if you weren't going to have a future with me?” I asked him.
”I... I don't know. I care about you and if the situation was any different, I'd take you,” he told me.
”Well, at least we didn't have sex yet. That's the only positive thing in this,” I said and tried to laugh but ended up sounding like a miserable cow.
”Sophia – ”
”No, please, don't say anything,” I cut him off, ”Please.”
”I'm sorry,” he sighed and tried to put his arm around me. I pushed it away and got up on my feet, brushing the sand off my jeans.
”You know what, I think things were better off this way. Because now I can maybe try and move on,” I said with a shrug, ”Yeah, I'll be down for a few weeks but after that I can maybe try to get over you. For good.”
”Sophia...”
”Go home to your wife. Make her happy. Have kids with her and start a really cute family. Do what makes you happy. But please, please don't ever come back to me if you're not serious about it,” I told him, ”Goodbye, Brian.”
I turned around and started walking toward my house.
”Sophia! Sophia!”
Brian was shouting after me but because of so many reasons, I decided to ignore it and keep walking. I completely ignored my surroundings until I reached the back door, got in, locked the door, sat down on a couch and stared at the empty walls for a moment. And then the tears started streaming down my face.
For the next 12 hours I did nothing but cry in bed and eat a shitload of ice cream. I tried my best not to think about Brian and how much I really loved him, even though he hadn't chosen me, and I ended up failing miserably. I just couldn't get my mind off him and there was nothing worse than that.
The very next day I had to force myself up and go to work. I took a long shower and put on loads of makeup, trying to cover my puffy and red face. I didn't have time to eat breakfast and I got to work at 7 in the morning. I opened the flower shop and acted like nothing had happened the previous day. I acted like somebody hadn't just broken my heart and it all worked well until Jimmy walked into the shop, only a few moments before my lunch break.
”Sophia?” I heard his voice coming from the doorway. I turned around and saw his grinning face looking at me.
”Hey,” I mumbled and cleared my throat.
”I talked to Brian last night,” he said and his face fell, ”He told me to make sure that you're okay.”
”I'm okay,” I nodded.
”Are you really? Look... I know that you really liked him,” he said quietly, ”So, uh... Do you want to talk about it?”
”Nope, not really.”
”Come on, Sophia... I can see it's bothering you. Please, just, talk to me,” he begged. I bit my lip and looked at his face for a while.
”Why should I talk to you, out of all the people? You're Brian's best friend and he left me, so why would I trust you?”
”Because I'm not him. I can't change what he did to you, whatever the hell it was, but I can be there for you if you want me to,” he told me.
How could I possibly say no to him after that? He was such a nice and honest guy. He actually wanted to help me and was willing to listen to my problems. What an amazing man.
”Ugh, okay,” I sighed, ”Let's go out on a lunch, then?”
”Sounds good to me.”
Jimmy and I went to a quiet restaurant. We ordered our foods and sat there in silence for a few minutes.
”So, what exactly happened?” Jimmy asked me finally.
”Well... Brian told me that he has to stop seeing me. We said our goodbyes.”
”So does that mean that you're not going to see each other again? Ever?”
”That's exactly what it means,” I said with a sigh, ”You have no idea how miserable I've been. I... I really love him, Jimmy.”
”What are you going to do?”
”I'm going to move on and forget about him,” I said and shrugged, ”That's really all I can do.”
”But that's not what you want to do, is it?”
”No but that doesn't matter. I shouldn't have stuck my nose into their business in the first place,” I said.
”Do you blame yourself for this?”
”Of course I do. Not only did I ruin their relationship but I also got my heart broken, once again. It was all my own fault.”
”Sophia... Should I take you out tonight? Do you want to get wasted?”
”I don't know... Maybe that's not a very good idea...”
”Well, either way, I'm taking you out. I'm sure it'll cheer you up,” Jimmy said and flashed a smile. I shrugged and sighed.
Maybe it would cheer me up, maybe he was right.
That's what I thought of myself and never had I once thought that maybe it wasn't all true. Because maybe I really was a person that wanted to create drama around me, and maybe I was a bad person.
Lately I had been having thoughts about Brian and Michelle's marriage, and the fact that I was the reason that they were facing a divorce, only a bit over a month after actually getting married. If I really thought I was a kind person, why did I suddenly find myself in that situation? Why had I ruined somebody's marriage?
I felt bad about it, I really did, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't make them get back together and I most definitely couldn't change the past. What was done was done and that was that. And the worst thing was, I had put my own happiness above somebody else's happiness which had led to a break up. I wanted to be with Brian so badly that I didn't allow Michelle to have him all to herself.
What was there to do, then? I mean, I could've surely stayed away from Brian, just like Michelle had told me to. But the thing was, and maybe I didn't have any heart at all and maybe I was selfish, but I couldn't stay away from him. I was in love with him and I had to see him. It didn't help at all that he was attracted to me, too.
I didn't know what was going to happen with Brian and Michelle, and I had no idea if they were actually going to try and talk things through and maybe try to rebuild the trust and end up getting back together, and I thought that I had to have a chat with Brian about it. And later that day, we had a very long talk about it. And he told me some heartbreaking news.
Brian and I sat outside at the beach. It was a very cold day and there was pretty much nobody at the beach. The water looked ice cold and the sand felt cool under my bare feet.
I looked to my side and saw Brian who was staring at the water with empty eyes. I tried really hard but couldn't read his face.
”What are you thinking about?” I asked quietly.
I let the cold sand fall down from my hands as I reached closer to Brian. I touched his thigh gently.
”Michelle called me last night,” he told me, ”She's really not doing okay. I might... I might have to stop seeing you like this. If I ever want to fix my marriage, I have to stop seeing you, Sophia.”
”Oh, uh... Is this like a goodbye, then?” I whispered and my face fell.
All of the happiness had disappeared and all that was left was disappointment and sorrow. It's rather depressing, to be honest, when somebody tells you that they're going to have to stop seeing you.
”I don't know,” he sighed, ”I guess so.”
”You have to do what's best for you,” I mumbled quietly and looked away from his face.
My eyes went back to the sand that was between my toes. I started moving around my feet in the sand, trying to think of what to say to him.
”Look, Sophia... You have to understand that I have to think about my family,” Brian told me.
”I do understand that. But why did you get my hopes up? Why did you let me fall in love with you if you weren't going to have a future with me?” I asked him.
”I... I don't know. I care about you and if the situation was any different, I'd take you,” he told me.
”Well, at least we didn't have sex yet. That's the only positive thing in this,” I said and tried to laugh but ended up sounding like a miserable cow.
”Sophia – ”
”No, please, don't say anything,” I cut him off, ”Please.”
”I'm sorry,” he sighed and tried to put his arm around me. I pushed it away and got up on my feet, brushing the sand off my jeans.
”You know what, I think things were better off this way. Because now I can maybe try and move on,” I said with a shrug, ”Yeah, I'll be down for a few weeks but after that I can maybe try to get over you. For good.”
”Sophia...”
”Go home to your wife. Make her happy. Have kids with her and start a really cute family. Do what makes you happy. But please, please don't ever come back to me if you're not serious about it,” I told him, ”Goodbye, Brian.”
I turned around and started walking toward my house.
”Sophia! Sophia!”
Brian was shouting after me but because of so many reasons, I decided to ignore it and keep walking. I completely ignored my surroundings until I reached the back door, got in, locked the door, sat down on a couch and stared at the empty walls for a moment. And then the tears started streaming down my face.
For the next 12 hours I did nothing but cry in bed and eat a shitload of ice cream. I tried my best not to think about Brian and how much I really loved him, even though he hadn't chosen me, and I ended up failing miserably. I just couldn't get my mind off him and there was nothing worse than that.
The very next day I had to force myself up and go to work. I took a long shower and put on loads of makeup, trying to cover my puffy and red face. I didn't have time to eat breakfast and I got to work at 7 in the morning. I opened the flower shop and acted like nothing had happened the previous day. I acted like somebody hadn't just broken my heart and it all worked well until Jimmy walked into the shop, only a few moments before my lunch break.
”Sophia?” I heard his voice coming from the doorway. I turned around and saw his grinning face looking at me.
”Hey,” I mumbled and cleared my throat.
”I talked to Brian last night,” he said and his face fell, ”He told me to make sure that you're okay.”
”I'm okay,” I nodded.
”Are you really? Look... I know that you really liked him,” he said quietly, ”So, uh... Do you want to talk about it?”
”Nope, not really.”
”Come on, Sophia... I can see it's bothering you. Please, just, talk to me,” he begged. I bit my lip and looked at his face for a while.
”Why should I talk to you, out of all the people? You're Brian's best friend and he left me, so why would I trust you?”
”Because I'm not him. I can't change what he did to you, whatever the hell it was, but I can be there for you if you want me to,” he told me.
How could I possibly say no to him after that? He was such a nice and honest guy. He actually wanted to help me and was willing to listen to my problems. What an amazing man.
”Ugh, okay,” I sighed, ”Let's go out on a lunch, then?”
”Sounds good to me.”
Jimmy and I went to a quiet restaurant. We ordered our foods and sat there in silence for a few minutes.
”So, what exactly happened?” Jimmy asked me finally.
”Well... Brian told me that he has to stop seeing me. We said our goodbyes.”
”So does that mean that you're not going to see each other again? Ever?”
”That's exactly what it means,” I said with a sigh, ”You have no idea how miserable I've been. I... I really love him, Jimmy.”
”What are you going to do?”
”I'm going to move on and forget about him,” I said and shrugged, ”That's really all I can do.”
”But that's not what you want to do, is it?”
”No but that doesn't matter. I shouldn't have stuck my nose into their business in the first place,” I said.
”Do you blame yourself for this?”
”Of course I do. Not only did I ruin their relationship but I also got my heart broken, once again. It was all my own fault.”
”Sophia... Should I take you out tonight? Do you want to get wasted?”
”I don't know... Maybe that's not a very good idea...”
”Well, either way, I'm taking you out. I'm sure it'll cheer you up,” Jimmy said and flashed a smile. I shrugged and sighed.
Maybe it would cheer me up, maybe he was right.
You made me cry!:(:(:(
I loved the story, right from the first chapter. Sofia and Brian's first time, them separating, Brian marrying Michelle, Jimmy having feelings for Sophia, Sophia falling for Brian, Brian getting a divorce and marrying Sophia, the couple losing their child, and finally separating.
Loved it! But ending was really sad:(
10/25/15