”I don't even know what I'm doing,” Brian whispered quietly.

He pulled his hands away from me, leaving me speechless. I didn't know what to say because neither did I know what to do. I had never before done it – I had no idea how to have sex.

I looked at my boyfriend's lanky body in front of my eyes. Brian didn't have his shirt on and it was the first time I had ever seen a man so naked. He was only in his boxers, laying across the dark blanket. I shivered as I thought of it, the whole moment, and realized that I was about to have sex with a boy, yuck.

But Brian was my boyfriend of almost two years and I liked him more than I liked any other boy. Brian was always so nice to me and he thought I looked pretty without any make up on or in my pajamas with a messy hair. He always made me feel special and I believed he truly cared about me. He wasn't like the other boys, he was really extraordinary.

But even though we had been dating for two years, we had never slept in the same bed. I had never seen him without his clothes on, and he had never seen me in nothing but my underwear.

I couldn't help but cover myself, even though I was wearing my bra and panties, as Brian looked at my body. I was straddling his waist, sitting on his waist as he held on to my hips.

The air was getting colder and it was already dark outside and we hadn't even done it yet. I was nervous and my palms were sweaty. I could barely open my mouth and talk because I was so scared. I slowly leaned closer to him and pressed my hands against his warm chest. He reached closer to my face to push my hair away from my face before touching my cheek with his long fingers.

Even though I was really scared and didn't know what to do, I really wanted to do it. I wanted to know what it felt like to have somebody inside of you. I wanted to know what was so special about sex and why people were so crazy about it. I wanted to be able to say that I had done it, that I'd had sex with a boy.

”You look beautiful,” Brian whispered and flashed a quick, nervous smile.

If it hadn't been so dark outside, he would've seen the pink blush on my cheeks. I relaxed a bit, knowing he thought I looked pretty, and let my hands down. Brian's eyes went to my chest and after hesitating a moment, he lifted his hands up and took them behind my back. He unhooked my bra and pulled them off. I blushed madly and was glad he couldn't see it. He looked at my breasts for a moment before grinning sligtly and looking at my face again.

”Is it going to hurt?” I asked, whispering the question.

My mouth felt dry and I felt the need of some liquid confidence.

”I don't know,” he admitted.

I shivered at the thought of pain and took a deep breath in as the cold autumn breeze hit my face. I looked around us, seeing nothing but our house, tons of sand and the sea.

”Sophia? We don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he told me quietly but I could tell he sounded disappointed.

He wanted to do it, he wanted to have sex. I looked down at him and bit my lip before nodding.

”I want to do this,” I whispered.

I could see a small smile on his lips before he took a hold of my head and pulled me closer to him. I felt his hot breath on my face before his soft lips touched my cheek. He kissed me softly and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling.

”Are you scared?” he whispered against my skin before continuing to kiss my neck and cheek.

”No,” I whispered but it was a lie.

Of course I was scared. I was scared that it was going to hurt and be absolutely awful. I was afraid it wasn't going to be worth it.

”Good,” he mumbled before kissing my lips gently.

I parted my lips, allowing him to kiss me for a moment. While he did that, he moved his right hand to my thighs and touched what was between them. I gasped at this, but he covered my mouth with his lips, making it impossible for me to chicken out of it.

After a moment of kissing, I leaned up slightly, allowing him to pull off my panties. He carefully placed them next to us on the blanket before pulling his boxers down to his ankles.

I was even more scared than before and was practically shaking as he started positioning himself between my thighs. For a moment there the whole situation felt heated but as he thrust himself slowly into me, I felt nothing but pain.

I winced and moaned in pain and wanted him to stop but I was too scared to open my mouth. I buried my face against his neck and took a deep breath in. I felt his hands held on to my hips tightly as he held his breath. He seemed to be scared of hurting me and, to be honest, he really was hurting me. I didn't enjoy it at all.

Instead of pulling away from me, he thrust deeper and I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't have started crying. I wrapped my arms tightly around Brian's neck, holding him tightly as he started pushing in and pulling out, really really slowly and carefully.

It got a little more comfortable after a while and I could relax slightly.

”Does it still hurt?” he whispered into my ear.

”A bit,” I admitted and closed my eyes again, taking a deep breath in.

But even though it hurt, I was actually doing it. I was having sex with a boy. I had officially lost my virginity and I was proud of it, even if my parents weren't going to be.

After we stopped having sex, we laid there for at least another hour until it got so cold that we had to get up and go inside.

And after that day, I felt like I was really in love with Brian. Every time I looked at him, all I could think about was the sex we'd had and how I really, truly loved him.

And that was the most meaningful night of my teenage years. If it hadn't been for that night, I would've never really fallen in love with Brian and he would've never broken my teenaged heart.

But at least I got to have sex and lose my virginity to him at the age of 16. At least I had sex on the beach and I wasn't even talking about the drink.