Trashed and Scattered

Another week had come and gone, bringing with it no more peace than any week before had had to offer. Peyton begrudgingly climbed the stairs of her building, her messenger bag hindering her tired steps. She adjusted the book beneath her arm as she fiddled through her sweater pockets to find her keys. It was another damp and dreary New York evening, like all the others. She longed for sunshine.
As she slid into her apartment, she found herself alone. She sighed loudly, not entirely sure why she was surprised. Joanna had been a ghost the previous few days, disappearing at all times of day and night. Peyton had never minded a bit of solitude, but with everything that had happened in the past few months, she found herself longing for companionship.
Her mind had obsessed over Jimmy—and when it wasn’t depressing itself with his crooked smile, it moved along to her mother. And then to her father. And then along to every other charming face she’d left behind when she’d spitefully abandoned the California coast.
Her father had attempted to contact her with panicked frequency but it had all but died out. Peyton assumed he’d finally gotten the message. She wasn’t ready to forgive him and she certainly wasn’t ready to discuss his betrayal. The pain was still fresh and she hadn’t properly devoted enough time to licking her wounds yet.
She dropped her bag against her bedroom wall, flopping down onto her mattress with a frazzled groan. Her fingers ran themselves through her brown hair as her brain began its hourly routine.
Determined to break the cycle, Peyton abandoned her horizontal post and fled to the shower. Perhaps the steam could help to ease her burdened soul. But, despite the hot water streaming down her body, Peyton still couldn’t shake the inevitable grief.
She missed Jimmy more than she’d ever missed anyone or anything. Wiley included.
She had half a mind to hop out of the shower and book a one-way flight to California. Unfortunately, like every other time she’d considered tracking him down, she wasn’t sure what she’d say if ever she really found the nerve. What was there to say? How could she possibly bridge the divide? She’d tried to confess her feelings and Jimmy had shut her out.
Maybe, she thought, she needed to find a way to let him go. Once and for all.
The coyote tattoo carved into her back acted as a counterweight to her motive, but with enough conviction maybe she could pretend it didn’t exist. She could pretend none of it existed—nothing had happened. She’d never found love and she’d never lost it either.
Peyton stepped out from the shower, drying herself off without paying any attention to her muscle memory. That was her signature move those days, going with the motions. Her mind was endlessly someplace else. As she stepped out from the steamy bathroom, a bubbly voice greeted her.
“Good, you’re clean!” Joanna smiled.
The brunette narrowed her eyes, casually strolling passed her friend.
“Get dressed and make your face pretty,” Joanna instructed happily. “Or prettier anyway. You know you’re always beautiful, bitch.”
Peyton laughed, “What’s with you?”
“Nothing,” Joanna shrugged, following her friend into the bedroom like a puppy. “But Jonas sent me these really incredible tickets to a private event tonight. We’re going.”
“How are you guys going?” Peyton asked confusedly. “Jonas is flying in from Fountain Valley to go to an event?”
Joanna rolled her eyes, “No, you dumb slut. You and I are going.”
“I don’t want to go,” Peyton objected.
“You don’t even know what it is,” Joanna giggled.
Peyton raised her brows by mean of request for explanation.
“It’s a comedy show,” Joanna smiled.
“No,” Peyton stated, rummaging through her baskets of unfolded clean laundry.
Joanna furrowed her brows, “Peyton. You’ve done nothing but sulk and work for two months. You need to get out and enjoy life. How better to do that than with a comedy show? Don’t you like to laugh? You too depressed to laugh now, Pey?”
The artist sighed, “If I go, will you leave me alone for another two months?”
Joanna considered the proposition, running her fingers along her invisible beard, “Yes!”
“Fine,” Peyton conceded, under duress no doubt.
“Dress cute!” Joanna instructed as she headed for the door. “We’re leaving in an hour!”
Peyton rolled her eyes as her best friend closed the door behind her. While she certainly was in no mood to go out into the world, she figured the blonde had a point. She couldn’t keep locking herself away with her sorrow; at some point, she’d need to get back into the swing of life. There was, quite simply, no time like the present.
Joanna had maintained some strange pseudo-maybe-relationship with Jonas and despite the many miles between them, Joanna never skipped a beat. There was no way she didn’t long to see the man, but you’d never know judged by Joanna’s everyday attitude. She was still as happy as ever, as plucky and upbeat. Peyton decided to take a page out of Jo’s book and try her best to be a real person.
Peyton made herself presentable—far more presentable than she’d been in months. She slaved to hide the bags beneath her eyes and she pulled light shadow across her lids to bring her dead eyes back to life. Joanna arrived at Peyton’s bedroom door exactly when she’d said she would, as punctual as ever.
“Final approval,” Joanna declared as she marked her presence.
Peyton held her arms out by her sides, shrugging her shoulders a bit as Joanna examined her.
“Yeah, you’re cute,” the blonde grinned. “Let’s go make you fun again!”
The brunette sighed, reluctantly following behind her friend. As they collected their purses and Peyton pulled money from her wallet to stash in her pocket, Joanna smiled.
“Maybe we’ll meet you a new boy tonight,” she suggested.
Peyton recoiled, “I think I’m done with men for the foreseeable future, Jo.”
She nodded, “A girl’s night then. No men allowed!”
With that declaration hanging in the air, the women set out onto the town. They hailed a cab, Joanna barking directions into the driver’s ear. The rain pelted the window as the yellow car navigated the women through the city. Peyton watched as couples clung to one another, hiding beneath big black umbrellas to escape from the rain.
It hardly ever rained in California.
“Hey,” Joanna eased knowingly, nudging her best friend. “We’re going to have fun, okay?”
Peyton nodded, forcing a smile.
“Where are we going?” the artist asked.
Joanna hesitated, “Kraine Theater.”
Peyton scowled, her entire face grimacing at the thought, “Oh, god. It’s some improv group’s performance?”
The blonde laughed loudly, “No, Peyton. Can you stop being a killjoy? You’ll have fun, I promise! Just loosen up for heaven’s sake!”
The drive was short, which didn’t provide Peyton much time to properly voice her opinion about the immense amount of terrible productions Joanna had dragged her to in the past. Joanna was willing to sample anything and everything—and Peyton was typically subjected to the blonde’s wonderous nature. But Peyton wasn’t so easy to impress.
Nevertheless, when the cab pulled up to the curb outside the red door of the theater, Peyton followed Joanna out into the street. Joanna linked her arm with her best friend’s, prepared for the whirlwind of shit she was sure she’d be in any minute from now. But this was all for Peyton’s own good and Joanna was dedicated to the cause.
The blonde led the way, holding the door open while Peyton slid inside. Peyton glanced around the tiny entranceway, surprised to find it empty of souls. The door clanged loudly behind Joanna, who shook off the damp drizzle from her bare arms.
“Uh…You sure you have the right date, Jo?” Peyton asked skeptically. “No one’s here.”
Joanna’s face screwed itself up with puzzle, “Weird…Maybe we’re late. Oops!”
She skipped off to the main door, pulling it open with ease. She disappeared quickly through it, only to reappear before Peyton dared to go after her. Joanna was fearless about invading crowds; Peyton was socially terrified.
The blonde smiled, “We’re right on time!”
Peyton tightened up with uncertainty.
“Seriously, Pey,” Joanna assured her. “I know you’re weird about being late to things but it’s fine! The show hasn’t even started yet! Come on!”
With a stern pull, Peyton reluctantly followed Joanna through the heavy door. The cramped theater was dim, the red seats appearing impossibly burgundy under the darkness. But as Peyton glanced around, her heart stopped in its cage.
There, atop the black stage, was a grand piano. And under the brilliance of a single white light, was Jimmy.
“Told you,” Joanna whispered, a cheeky grin plastered to her face. “Right on time.”
She winked subtly as she slipped her hand from Peyton’s arm. She gently pushed her best friend into a red chair before quietly retreating back through the door.
Peyton was stunned; unable to speak, unable to move. All she could do was stare—her mind racing a mile a minute.
“Hey,” Jimmy said into the microphone.
Her throat ran dry with the shock.
“I know you said I’m always ruining your favourite songs,” he smiled nervously. “But…I hope you don’t mind…I came all this way to ruin just one more.”
Peyton swallowed hard, trying her best to conjure up some sort of sentence. A word would have been fine. Anything. She came up absolutely short.
Jimmy nodded to himself, affixing his hands to the piano keys as he pulled the air from the room and into his chest. He’d performed a thousand times and had never skipped a beat. He’d rid of the pesky nervousness ages ago—but there, in that small space, with an audience of one, Jimmy was absolutely terrified.
With one deep exhale, Jimmy pushed his fingers down into the ivory.
“Loving you is easy, I can do it in my sleep,” he sang shakily, refusing to meet Peyton’s gaze. “I dream of you so often it's like you never leave.”
Peyton’s heart fluttered as she slipped into recognition. If Bright Eyes weren’t her realized favourite band before, they certainly were now.
Jimmy’s lips curved into a subtle smile, “But you're gone below the border with a nightmare in between. I'm sending a coyote to bring you back to me.”
Peyton’s eyes began to brim with bittersweet tears as the drummer professed his love in the best way he knew how: theatrics.
“There's a fancy hotel waiting in south San Gabriel, where the movie madams sunbathe, the playboys para-sail. And I know you think I'm crazy, but most people they can't tell. So I'll meet you there tomorrow if I can have you to myself.”
Jimmy dared to glance over, unable to hide the desire to know whether or not Peyton had stormed off. He wouldn’t blame her if she did—he’d said some unforgivable things. But he hoped she might, at the very least, hear him out. He could beg forgiveness after.
He was beyond relieved to find her still in the audience, albeit on her feet now.
“Inside the time I tried to occupy or waste since you've been away, it's hard our plans are stalled on calling cards and I can't see your poker face while your voice is sounding so brave.”
Peyton slowly made her way toward him, like a siren song calling her home. She held her hands at her chest, her eyes fixated on the man before her.
“Our Lady Guadalupe in plaster on the wall, Joseph Smith saw Jesus in America. Well I don't know much about it, it doesn't matter much at all. Just keep your head down, lady, as you travel through the dark.”
She leaned herself against the third-row seat, steadying her trembling body as Jimmy smiled at her. Her knees nearly buckled right then and there.
“And if I should seem distracted by the color of the sky, as a copper wire sunset plays a lullaby, it's just to know they've stolen another day from you and I. It gets me feeling low down when the moon is full and high.”
Jimmy’s voice lifted itself as Peyton smiled back, her eyes glistening in the reflection of the spotlight. They fell into a world all their own as he sang specifically for her.
“They bait the route to take the place that's safe, that you might wait a day. A lonesome broken dawn that finally comes just as I was losing faith…You keep every promise you make.”
Peyton took three steps forward, lingering along the sea of chairs as her heart caught in her throat.
“Loving you is easy, I can do it in my sleep. I dream of you so often it's like you never leave. But you're gone below the border with a nightmare in between, so I'm sending a coyote to bring you back to me.”
He grinned at her, slowing his fingers as his heart continued to beat rapidly in his chest. Peyton was a puddle on the floor.
“Yeah, I'm sending a coyote to bring you back to me.”
As he pulled his hands back into his lap and turned to face his audience, Peyton burst into tears. She cried with relief, with regret, and with absolute astonishment.
“Oh, please don’t cry,” Jimmy half-laughed, hopping down from the small stage. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
She shook her head as Jimmy reached out to wipe her tears away with a light brush of his thumb.
“I’m sorry it took me so long,” he said quietly, taking a step closer to her.
Her green eyes beat up into him, begging him for more. The last two months of existential suffering quashed in both souls with one touch.
He slid his fingers along her jaw, cupping her face in his hands, as his oceanic blues begged for requital, “I love you.”
Peyton’s shell shattered into a thousand tiny pieces as Jimmy forcefully closed the gap between them, pushing his lips to hers in a whirlwind like they’d never known. All in an instant, the damage they'd inflicted seemed to mend. Their was no more aching; the loneliness and regret effectively abolished.
Pulling reluctantly away from the coyote she’d always adored to wrap her arms around him and bury her face into his neck, Peyton said those words she should have said thirteen years before—and every day since. Beneath Jimmy's arms, there was nothing in the universe Peyton could possibly fear. She closed her eyes and breathed him in.
“I love you.”

Notes

I think three chapters in one day might be a record--even for me. But I'm disappearing for a few days and thought it would be cruel to leave you all on the cliff.

BUT I FIXED IT.

TEAM PELLIVAN REJOICE.

xx