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Trashed and Scattered

Chapter Eighty-One: The Things We Can't Take Back

“Brian, stop!” Peyton called, quickening her steps until she was shoulder to shoulder with the brooding guitarist.
He snarled, “I’m not talking about this in front of everyone.”
She nodded, falling into a pit of uncomfortable silence as she struggled to keep up with his irate steps. Once she was sure they’d fallen out of view of the audience, she boldly wrapped her fingers around his arm.
“Don’t you touch me,” he hissed, pulling his limb from her.
She sighed, “I understand why you’re upset—”
“Upset?” he hurled back at her. “Upset? I’m fucking pissed, Peyton.”
“I’m sorry,” she stated. “I’m so, so sorry.”
He shook his head, “You fucking lied to me! I asked you if anything was going on and you fucking lied to my face.”
“I know,” she sighed. “But…”
“Don’t you dare try and tell me nothing’s going on,” he warned lowly. “I swear to god, Peyton.”
Peyton pleaded with him for understanding, quietly begging him to show mercy. She’d meant to protect Brian with the lie, not hurt him.
“It happened one time,” she told him weakly. “The day after I got here…And never again.”
Brian cocked a suspicious eyebrow, “For lack of trying?”
Peyton breathed, “Brian…I swear, while you and I were doing…whatever we were doing…nothing was going on with Jimmy. I know my word probably means shit to you now, but I swear on my life.”
It wasn’t as if Brian had never harbored suspicions. He’d seen the change in Jimmy immediately following Peyton’s arrival—and he’d known the serious affect her existence had on Jimmy’s being. But to have her—and his best friend—blatantly lie to him about it was beyond his understanding.
“I don’t know how I can trust you now,” he told her sadly. “You lied, Peyton.”
She nodded, “I know…And I’m so sorry…I really never meant to hurt you. I wish I could go back in time and change it.”
“Change what?” he asked. “What happened with Jimmy or what happened with us?”
Peyton fell into the pit of silence once more.
“I know how Jimmy feels about you,” Brian sighed, trying his best to be a good man. “And I think I always knew…and maybe I shouldn’t have stepped over that line with you. Maybe I’d change what happened too.”
The brunette nodded, blinking away the sting of tears, “That’s fair…”
“I did like you,” he shrugged. “I do like you…But even a friendship needs honesty, Peyton. Do you even know how to be honest? Not just with me…but with yourself?”
She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head to one side.
“He wants you to stay, you know,” he thought aloud.
Peyton shook her head, “No, he doesn’t.”
Brian laughed, “You really can’t be truthful, huh?”
“Brian…” she trailed off, put out by his new form of ridicule.
“We never should have been together,” he said then. “There’s a reason you fell into bed with him, Peyton. You see that, don’t you? And maybe, just maybe, Jimmy’s not the only one that wants you to stay?”
Peyton’s voice weakened, “He would have said something…”
“Does he need to?” Brian challenged. “You wouldn’t have lied about it if there wasn’t something to cover up. A one-night stand is fuckin’ whatever, Peyton. This is obviously…It is what it is.”
“I’m sorry,” she reverted back to, unsure how else to respond.
Brian half-smiled, “Look…I need some time to cool off, okay? Just…let me go be mad for a bit. I just need to work this shit out for myself.”
“I don’t want to leave things like this,” she confessed sadly.
He shrugged, “I’ll be over it by time it’s time to say goodbye…I’ll make sure of it.”
“I really am sorry,” Peyton frowned.
Brian nodded, “I know.”
Without another word, Brian took his leave. Peyton remained stationary as the guitarist retreated back along his trail of footsteps. She was floored by his compassion, enthralled by his kindness. If roles had been reversed, she wasn’t sure she’d have shown the same level of understanding. Nevertheless, she was genuinely grateful.
Peyton eventually sauntered her way back down the street, keeping her gaze focused on her feet as she walked. This day had proven to be full of confrontation and high-running animosities. She’d about reached her quota and had been effectively run exhausted.
By time she returned home, the cars had all disappeared. Jimmy’s black vehicle was still stagnant against the curb, but she could only imagine he was locked away in a tower somewhere, stewing about her accidental betrayal.
She meandered her way back into the house of horrors and was sure to close the door behind her this time around. Clanking in the kitchen elicited her attention.
“Hey, Princess,” Joanna smirked as her best friend rounded the corner. “Clear up any of that craziness that just went down?”
Peyton sighed, “Not really.”
“What the hell happened, Pey?” she asked breathily. “That was chaotic by any standard.”
The artist nodded, “I told you before…I’ve really made a fucking mess of things.”
“You slept with Jimmy, huh?” she noted, a subtle smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
Peyton pulled up a chair at the kitchen table, burying her head in her inked arms. Regrets flurried through her mind like a darkened blizzard. She’d never be able to wash away the look on Brian’s face. The hurt she’d caused with her indulgence.
“Peyton,” Joanna sighed, sliding into the wooden chair by her friend’s side. “Talk to me.”
The brunette shook her head.
“Peyton, it’s okay,” Joanna smiled, reaching out to rub at her friend’s back. “It’s okay to love him…”
“What?” Peyton hissed, snapping her head up to glare at her best friend.
Joanna pulled back, apparently overstepping her bounds without wasting any time.
“Can we get off of that?” Peyton growled. “That bullshit theory has caused enough fucking damage for one day.”
“Peyton, it’s just that—”
Peyton jumped to her feet, roaring as she sent the chair flying, “Fucking drop it!”
Eager not to destroy yet another friendship, Peyton removed herself from her fiery wrath. She tore through the house and up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door behind her. In a fit of frustrated tears and humiliation, Peyton collapsed into her pillows.
Desperate not to let her thoughts consume her, the artist forced herself into an exhausted sleep.
Joanna kept her movements as silent as possible, knowing better than to poke at an angered Peyton. She worked quietly to clean up the mess the men had left in their wake, nibbling on rogue slices of pizza as she muddled along.
She couldn’t wrap her head around the drama Peyton had created during her time here. Peyton was typically an anti-dramatics type human, craving introversion over the palpable whirlwind of human emotion. She liked to keep her friends close and Joanna had never known Peyton to intentionally cause pain to anyone in her circle. But Brian had been pained—and Jimmy was broken-hearted.
Both of which led straight back to Peyton.
As the house settled into a state of repair and Joanna began to consider creeping up the stairs to wake the beast laying dormant behind a closed door, a rapping at the front door alerted Joanna’s attention. She set her slice of pizza back into the open box and waltzed her way down the hall.
She was stunned by the enormous presence waiting on the other side.
“Hey,” Jimmy said quietly.
Joanna smiled, “Hey yourself.”
“Is Peyton around?” he asked, his eyes subtly darting around behind the blonde.
“She’s upstairs,” Joanna replied with a lazy point over her shoulder.
Jimmy nodded, “Good…Can I ask a favour?”
Joanna was curiously inclined to accept without question, “Sure you can.”
The drummer pulled his hand from his back, a large piece of paper drifting along the evening breeze. Joanna squinted as Jimmy extended it to her.
“What is this?” she asked lightly, wrapping her fingers around the edges. “Is this Peyton’s?”
“Yeah,” Jimmy answered hesitantly. “Her mom drew it…”
Joanna’s jaw hit the floor.
“I, um…took it,” he confessed quietly. “Can you just…can you take it with you? I get the sense that Peyton might need some time and if she’s anything like she was when we were kids, she’s not going to recover any time soon.”
The blonde frowned sympathetically, her eyes tracing the lines of this prolific design.
“I never should have taken it,” Jimmy sighed. “She’s going to fucking hate me.”
“How did you—”
“Taken what?” Peyton’s voice boomed over the two.
Joanna’s eyes widened with horror, trying to quickly drum up a plan to hide the drawing away. Jimmy faltered, his face paling.
Peyton descended the steps slowly, “Taken what?”
Joanna looked to Jimmy for guidance but he’d been rendered a deer in headlights.
Peyton approached her best friend, her green eyes falling over the drawing in her hands. Her brows furrowed with confusion.
“Did you steal one of my drawings?” Peyton asked Jimmy confusedly. “What is that?”
Jimmy hesitated, “It isn’t one of yours…”
“What is that?” Peyton repeated more sternly, ripping it from Joanna’s fingertips.
The second Peyton’s gaze hit the contoured lines; she recognized the handywork. Her reflection stared back at her, her skin flawless and perfect. There were no scars, there were no imperfections in the artwork. The artist had taken utmost care to ensure that Peyton’s brilliance was perfectly reflected in the page, with the trail of ancient violence conveniently neglected. The words that dripped from atop the page ripped Peyton’s stability in two.
My daughter.
“Before you say anything,” Jimmy rushed, sensing the impending doom headed his way. “I just—”
“You fucking took this?” Peyton demanded. “Where did you get this?”
Jimmy cringed, “It was in your sketchbook…”
“And you fucking took it?” Peyton cried, blindsided by his motive. “You didn’t think you should fucking mention it?”
“I didn’t want you to destroy it!” Jimmy shouted in a panic. “I wanted to wait until you were in a better place!”
Peyton scowled, “That wasn’t your fucking decision to make, Jimmy! We’re not kids anymore! I don’t need you fucking censoring my life!”
“Censoring?” he repeated with offence. “I was trying to fucking protect you!”
Joanna grimaced, slowly backing away from the two feuding parties. She quietly excused herself, not that either Peyton nor Jimmy noticed her existence at all once the fireworks had started.
“I don’t need your protection!” Peyton hissed. “You don’t think I deserved to know my mother had left me something?”
Jimmy scoffed, “Why? So you could curl up into an existential crisis again? Yeah, that seemed like a good fucking time for everyone!”
“Oh, fuck you,” Peyton growled. “I didn’t ask you to partake in my existential crisis. You fucking came here on your own volition, Jimmy. You’re always here!”
“Yeah, making sure you’re okay!” he shouted. “You’ve made it perfectly fucking clear that this place is hell for you, Peyton! Heaven forbid you actually try and enjoy something for once!”
“I never fucking asked you to step in as some god damn caretaker,” Peyton noted angrily.
Jimmy shook his head, “That isn’t even the worst fucking part! The worst part of all this shit is that you had dragged me into it with you!”
Peyton gasped, “I beg your fucking pardon?”
“You basically ruined my fucking friendship with Brian,” Jimmy recanted angrily. “And then you derailed my relationship and then you went ahead and told Natalie we fucking slept together? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you inherit that horrible fucking quality from your dad or some shit?”
“I didn’t mean to tell her!” Peyton defended weakly. “She fucking tricked me!”
“Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t,” Jimmy shrugged. “But I can’t fucking trust you. You’ve done nothing but rip my fucking life apart since you got here. And for what? For fucking what, Peyton?”
Peyton faltered, her aching heart overpowering her enraged veins in an instant, “Do you seriously think that? You think I’ve ripped your life apart?”
“Well, I’m single, I’m homeless, and my best friend won’t pick up my fucking calls,” Jimmy snarled. “What’s fucking left? You know what, don’t answer that. The only thing left is you…and, spoiler alert, you’re going to rip that from me too.”
Peyton was speechless. Her eyes began to threatened her composure with their bitter tears.
“You know what?” Jimmy decided aloud with a sigh. “Don’t bother keeping your promise to me. You can go whenever the fuck you want, Peyton. Don’t bother saying goodbye. I don’t care. The sooner you leave, the sooner I can get my fucking life together. I’m done with this shit. I’m so fucking done.”
Just as his heart burst at the seams and bubbled up over his blue eyes, Jimmy quickly stormed off.
Peyton couldn’t move. Her feet grew roots into the floorboards as Jimmy’s words ripped her insides apart. The blood pooled beneath her toes as she fell into shambles.
But that sorrow quickly changed to anger. It was the only coping mechanism Peyton had ever learned to adopt—and it fired up with a loud rev.
“Peyton?” Joanna’s voice creaked nervously from behind the artist. “Are you okay?”
The brunette pursed her lips together, blinking back the tears as she instantaneously claimed control over her life. Not just her own, but Jimmy’s too. Maybe he was right. Maybe she’d made a mess of things—and she cared enough for him, despite the rotten thing he’d said, to make an effort to remedy it.
She didn’t care if she ever saw the California sun again.
“Go pack,” Peyton growled, straightening herself out. “We’re leaving.”

Notes

Oh god.....


xx

Comments

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@fyction
It is one of my favourite things. I melt every time!!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
6/11/19

@kiss my sas
I know! Isn’t it sweet?! Guh. Pellivan <3

fyction fyction
6/11/19

@fyction
BUT PELLIVAN IS TRUE LOVE!!!
I still get giddy when Peyton says 'I love you' to Jimmy... urgh! Such a long time coming!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
6/11/19

@kiss my sas
I mean.... Breyton could be revived... never say never ;)

fyction fyction
6/11/19