Trashed and Scattered

Jimmy scowled, peering around the doorway into the empty second bedroom. Peyton nudged him warningly as an audible groan escaped his throat.
“What do I need a second bedroom for?” he challenged her quietly.
She shrugged, “I don’t know. Put your drums in here.”
“You want me to put my drums in a cramped ass apartment? Yeah, the neighbors will love that shit.”
Peyton rolled her eyes, “Optimism!”
“Whatever,” he grumbled, following her down the hall and into the bathroom.
As she flicked the light on and it simultaneously burnt itself back out, the friends exchanged knowing looks.
“I think I’ve seen enough!” Jimmy declared with a clap of his hands.
Peyton sighed, feeling like she’d somehow failed him. Nevertheless, she followed him back through the tiny apartment and passed the landlord lingering in the kitchen. They thanked her politely before making haste in their departure.
The very second Jimmy was back in the car, he let out a defeated sigh.
“I told you it would suck!”
Peyton laughed, “I had such high hopes.”
“Rookie mistake,” he noted.
“You know,” she thought aloud as Jimmy pulled the car into motion. “you made a good point in there. You can’t get an apartment—I mean, unless you’re willing to soundproof it or something.”
Jimmy was quiet.
“You need a house,” she informed him. “Somewhere to play your drums.”
“I can play them at Brian’s,” he shrugged.
Peyton whined, “You’re so frustrating. Let me help you!”
“I’m in no rush to move out of my parents’ house,” he informed her smugly. “As long as you’re next door, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
She relaxed into the seat, letting his words caress her wounds until reality set in once more.
“Pull up over there,” she instructed him. “We’re grabbing a newspaper.”
Jimmy smirked, “You really are deaf.”
“I’m not,” she laughed. “I’m stubborn. And you’re homeless.”
He grumbled something unmentionable but did as instructed. Peyton quickly jumped out, depositing a quarter into the machine and pulling the day’s paper from its jaw. With the crinkled white and black gripped in her hand, she climbed back into her passenger’s place.
She unfolded the paper as Jimmy drove aimlessly around the city.
“Anything not shitty?” Jimmy asked halfheartedly.
“A house! Just off Main!” she gasped excitedly.
Jimmy’s interest was piqued, “Main, huh? Talk to me, Winchester.”
“Three bedrooms,” she read aloud. “Small yard, steps from the beach.”
“We both know that’s a lie,” he laughed.
“Lake Street,” she smirked.
He grinned over at her, “I could live on Lake.”
She nodded, pulling her phone from her pocket, “I’m calling them.”
Jimmy adjusted the volume of his stereo accordingly, listening affectionately as Peyton used her I’m calling a stranger voice. He tried and failed to piece together their conversation from Peyton’s contributions alone. He hated to be outside of the know.
“Twenty minutes?” she spoke, glancing over at her driver. “Yeah, we can be there in twenty minutes.”
As she hung up the phone, she smiled triumphantly over at her other half. He looked at her curiously.
“Well you heard me, I’m sure,” she teased.
“Are you a wizard or some shit?”
She scoffed, “Hardly.”
“If it sucks,” he warned her, “like that god awful restaurant you dragged me to before that horrendous fucking apartment, I swear to god I’m going to sacrifice you to the gods.”
Peyton grinned, “Careful, Jimmy, your lisp is showing.”
He gasped at her, “Peyton Alexis Winchester, don’t you harp about my super sexy speech.”
“Oh my god,” she cackled, kicking her feet against the floormat. “Stop!”
“Stop?” he grinned, throwing an extra emphasis on his ‘s’.
Her smile spread from ear to ear, “Fuck, I could listen to that stupid sound forever.”
“You basically have,” he shrugged.
She nodded, “We still have a while to go though.”
Jimmy wasn’t sure if she meant separately or collectively. Another reminder sank in that their time together was nothing short of temporary. At the very least, he told himself, if she helped pick out a new place to live, at least he could rest assured that she’d seen it. He could lace pieces of her existence into the walls and lean into them when the void grew too strong.
“So,” he spoke slowly. “Have you told Jonas you’re leaving yet?”
She hesitated, “I mean…Jonas always knew I’d be going home.”
“You know that isn’t what I meant.”
“I haven’t picked a date yet,” she sighed. “So…No.”
He tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel, searching his mind for a shred of the confidence he’d had earlier in the day. There were so many questions gnawing at his skull—but he couldn’t seem to snatch one out from the pond.
“I don’t want to think about that right now,” Peyton sighed, moving her gaze out the window. “It’s…Well, it is what it is.”
“Do you not want to go back?” he asked carefully.
She mulled that over, daring herself to look at the drummer. But even under a fraction of his attention, Peyton couldn’t find an answer.
“I do,” she answered but it came out like a question.
He smiled faintly, “Convincing.”
“New York is my home,” Peyton stated.
Jimmy turned onto the Pacific Coast Highway, letting his eyes flutter over the clusters of people flocking to the city beach.
“So is Huntington,” he whispered.
Peyton strained to hear him, leaning over ever so slightly, “Did you say something?”
Jimmy cracked a smile as he shook his head, “Nope.”
“So, can I ask you something?” Peyton eased.
He nodded.
“Where’s all your stuff? Is it still at your…apartment? House? Whatever you lived in with Natalie?”
He smirked, “Yeah.”
“And you’re sure she hasn’t thrown it all out a window in a fit of rage?” Peyton pressed.
Jimmy chuckled, “I mean, no I’m not sure…But I doubt it.”
“That’s sad,” Peyton decided with a frown.
He studied her briefly, “Is it?”
“Of course it is,” she breathed.
“It’s not so bad,” he replied simply. “I’ll get it all back eventually.”
Peyton was surprised by his casual approach to the break up. All break ups were tricky—and couldn’t believe he’d be so calm and collected about it. She was nothing short of suspicious.
“Why are you the one moving out?” she asked him cautiously.
He shrugged, “Because I’m the one that fucked it up.”
Peyton was stunned into silence.
Jimmy glanced over at her, a smile daring to show itself, “It was her house first. I moved into it. Which, in hindsight…not such a good move.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back,” Peyton thought aloud.
He furrowed his brows, glancing at her from the sides of his eyes as he tried to focus on the road before them, “Failing to see the connection, Lex.”
“If…If I’d just told my dad to fix his own fucking mess,” she mused, “then your life would still be intact. You’d still have your house and your girlfriend and your life…It’s my fault you’re stuck on your parents’ couch.”
“Hey,” he laughed, “I’m not on the couch.”
“Your life would have been simpler if I’d just stayed in New York,” Peyton frowned. “I’m so sorry, Jimmy.”
He took a left onto Main, “Maybe it would have been simpler, sure. But…I wouldn’t change it.”
She scoffed.
“I wouldn’t,” he insisted. “This last month with you has been worth more to me than the three years with Natalie…I wouldn’t give it back. None of it.”
“Not even the part with Brian?” she asked quietly.
He groaned, “Why’d you have to go and bring that up? We were having a moment here.”
“You were having a moment,” she smiled. “And it seems like we’re airing some shit here…Call me an opportunist.”
Jimmy sighed, “Where am I going?”
“1826,” she replied flatly.
As he navigated his way up toward their own neighborhood, his mind began to wrap itself around the Breyton conundrum. He could think of a thousand other starting points for rifling through their history—why did she have to start with Brian? Though, perhaps, he figured, he shouldn’t have been surprised.
Her interest in the topic of Brian was why the situation existed in the first place.
“I guess my answer depends on yours,” Jimmy spoke softly.
Peyton shifted in her seat, “What do you mean?”
“Do you still…like him or whatever?” he asked, doing his best to feign disinterest in her response.
Her eyes fell to her hands as she ran her thumbs along her fingertips, “I…”
As an introspective silence fell over the brunette, Jimmy’s heart nearly burst in his chest. That familiar surge of jealousy revved up its engine.
“It’s different now,” she said quietly. “I mean, I like him…He’s a nice guy…But…”
“But?”
She chewed at the inside of her lip, resistant to give too much away. It was all she could do not to build of permanency. She knew she had to be careful what she said.
How she felt.
“You already know, Jimmy,” she practically whispered.
He squinted over at her, “What do I know?”
She was weakened, “…You know.”
Sensing that Peyton wasn’t going to offer up much more than vague subtleties, Jimmy leaned into himself once more.
“Did that not warrant a response on your end?” Peyton challenged, regardless of Jimmy’s brooding.
He shrugged, throwing one hand over the other as he took a right onto Lake Street. He squinted out the window as they passed rows of houses before Peyton finally pointed with a triumphant yelp.
Once they were pulled over and the car had been silenced, the pair climbed out. Peyton sauntered out before Jimmy, sparing no thought on the anxieties that came along with stepping foot onto other people’s property.
“You know,” Jimmy sang from behind her.
His voice acted like chains, its hooks digging deep into her skin and ripping her flesh to a halt.
“Whatever’s happened while you’ve been back,” he said, glancing back and forth from the concrete to her green eyes, “it got us to where we’re at now…And I like this spot.”
“Me too,” she smiled.
He held an arm out, offering a mischievous grin, “Well, come on then.”
This house definitely didn’t suck. It was small enough not to suggest Jimmy was grasping outside of his means but large enough that he could have a bit of fun with the opportunity. Jimmy’s lips were carved into a permanent smile as he meandered around the house.
“Look at all the natural light in here!” Peyton gushed as they meandered into the third bedroom, tucked away at the back of the home.
Jimmy leaned against the open doorway, admiring the brunette as she leaned toward the window to investigate the view. He could almost picture her hunkered down back here, a drawing table pushed into the corner and her supplies piled high onto white shelves. Peyton, without knowing, had breathed inspiration and life into the room.
“Your drums could fit in here,” she grinned over her shoulder at him.
He nodded, still enamored by the view of the future he’d never have.
“Well?” she prodded when he still hadn’t spoken. “What do you think?”
He smirked, “It’s nice.”
“Nice?” she groaned. “It’s perfect, Jim. It’s perfect. I’ll paint you some super creepy Jacob’s Ladder inspired mural on the living room wall!”
Jimmy’s smile faded out, “Probably wouldn’t move in until after you’re gone, Lex.”
“Oh,” she replied, her excitement dying out in one fell swoop. “Right…”
“You’ll just have to come visit,” he suggested weakly. “And you can earn your keep.”
Peyton nodded, trying her best to recoup her enthusiasm, “We’ll figure it out…But…What really matters here is do you like it?”
“You seem to,” he chuckled.
“I’m not the one living here,” she reminded him playfully.
He stared at her for a quick second before finding his place in her life. He was disheartened to find it was the same place he’d been for the past thirteen years.
“I dig it,” he finally said. “Let’s go fill out the application or whatever renters do.”
Peyton watched as Jimmy disappeared, presumably to strike up conversation with the landlord. Jimmy was so damn loveable that she was sure he’d talk his way into a set of keys within a few minutes.
She let herself linger in that back bedroom, forgetting her place for a second as she imagined her paints lined against the wall. She could almost feel the top of her drawing table and the endless string of pencils she kept on hand. The natural light that swam through the window would make for perfect inspiration. For that quick second, Peyton was almost sure this was meant to be her future.
But she blinked and the moment was gone.

Notes

xx