Trashed and Scattered

The sun dipped below the skyline, splashing the sky with radiating reds. Peyton lingered at the back window, marveling at the scene. It took her breath away.
Her hands scrubbed at themselves as if they had a life of their own. When it came to spending time near Brian Haner, they did. She found herself conjuring up any and all excuses to touch him. Although she eventually became aware of what she was doing, she couldn’t help herself. He was just so…touchable.
“Brian,” she called over her shoulder, eyes still fixated on the sky as she turned the taps and shook the water from her paint-stained hands. “Come see this!”
He appeared quickly, as if he’d been waiting for her call all his life. She gestured out the window.
“What?” he laughed. “Did you crack the glass with your withering stare?”
She rolled her eyes, “No. Come here.”
He obliged her, placing himself by her side. He was comfortable there; more relaxed than he’d been in a long time. His eyes followed her pointed finger out into the cascading sunset. Despite the fact Brian had seen the same scene all his life, it appeared to him then as the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
The fading light glimmered against Peyton’s smile, stealing the breath from Brian’s lungs. She was exquisite.
“Isn’t it gorgeous?” she sighed contently.
His eyes still fixated on her features, he nodded, “Yep.”
She could feel his gaze burning a hole in her cheek. It singed, filling the room with a hazy smoke. She knew she’d have to remove herself or risk dying of smoke inhalation. Her lungs were already rebelling with the unfamiliar crackle of the fog. Despite the danger, she allowed herself to linger on.
“So,” she spoke, clearing her mind of the California sky’s beauty and focusing, instead, on Brian’s, “what’s next?”
He smirked, “You’re the boss. Where’s your checklist?”
“Checklist,” she scoffed. “Do I look like a planner to you?”
“Honestly?” he smiled, melting Peyton’s icy heart. “Kind of.”
She chuckled, “I totally am. Hold on, I’ll go get it.”
Brian laughed sharply, grinning from ear to ear as Peyton darted away. They’d spent nearly the entire day together but somehow it felt like no time had passed. They’d turned the clocks back, willing the universe to grant them an elongated opportunity to bask in their new friendship.
Brian couldn’t help but wonder if it could be more. The feelings encroaching his bachelor lifestyle were anything but familiar. He’d never felt a pull as strong as the magnets tucked into Peyton’s emerald eyes.
Peyton returned, holding a sheet of paper with both hands. She flashed it at Brian with pride, bouncing her brows up and down.
“So,” she eased passed Brian and set her list down onto the table. “We did this…And this…Oh, and that.”
Brian lingered over her shoulder, leaning in until his chest lay snug against her back. He was sure he’d heard her brain fumble.
“A-And that,” she stuttered, caught off guard by the instant heat the flowed freely through her veins, setting her skin ablaze.
Brian reached beside her arm, grazing her bare skin as he dropped his hand onto the paper, “This too.”
“When did you do that?” she asked with a bewildered laugh.
“While you were doing that,” he smirked, meeting her gaze as she peered up at him over her shoulder.
Peyton’s heart skipped two beats. One for Brian and then one for herself. She felt her longing catch in her throat as words failed her. Brian’s doe eyes bore into her soul, begging for familiarity and accommodation.
“Looking really good as you did it, too,” Brian growled quietly, his eyes lingering over her bottom lip.
She felt herself nearing him, as if some magnetic force was overthrowing her free will. His lips parted ever so slightly, buckling Peyton’s knees.
“Is that right?” she tried to sound coy but it came out weak and off-kilter.
He nodded slowly, “That’s right.”
As Peyton blinked, warring with herself quickly over the proper course of action, Brian stifled himself. Her green eyes shifted rapidly to blue, icing over in a crystal glaze. He stared into his guilt, challenging it with everything he had. But it was unrelenting in its power, pulling Brian from his lusting high and back into the reality of everything. Brian wasn’t a bad person; and he was an exceptionally good friend.
Kicking himself as he did, he pulled away from her.
“So,” he said with a clear of his throat, “we could get started on, um, on this.”
Peyton faltered, embarrassed by the almost rejection. Had she imagined the moment? Surely Brian hadn’t crept out from the fireworks completely unscathed. She scanned him over for flesh wounds.
“Or,” Peyton countered, purposefully leaning closer into the guitarist. “We could work together on this.”
Although her finger was dancing atop a string of words she’d scribbled in the world’s scariest cursive, Brian couldn’t help but bite at the words. He held them in his teeth, savoring each and every drop of flavor.
His finger brazed the top of her hand, pulling it downward to the bottom of the long list. They each reveled in the touch.
“This one,” Brian said firmly. “I love electrical.”
She grinned, “I’ll bet you do.”
As they squared off in another tango of do we or don’t we, it was Peyton’s turn to slide into the dreary land of the dead. Brian’s touch flooded her with memory—of Jimmy. The way he’d forcefully held her hips, the lust in his eyes as they fought for dominance; and he’d ultimately won. The way he’d sunk his teeth into her lip and pulled a moan from her throat.
The way the stars had aligned for one night—and for one night only.
Peyton sighed to herself shakily, stepping out from Brian’s reach. He watched her with frozen curiosity, afraid to pry too far into what had happened.
“Brian,” she said, running a hand through her hair.
He smirked, “Peyton.”
“Am I imagining this?” she asked bluntly, gesturing back and forth between them.
His head tilted, “What? Like, am I a hallucination?”
“No,” she half-laughed. “This…tension. It’s not totally in my head, right?”
She knew she was killing the mood by vocalizing it, but at that particular moment, she had to. Peyton knew fully well that the second she gave in to her blossoming desires for Brian, she would seal her fate forever. Perhaps not with Brian, but with Jimmy. He would never look at her the same way if she’d slept with his best friend. He’d never be able to love her.
The way Brian would likely crack if he knew the truth about what she’d done with Jimmy.
And how fucking happy she’d been.
The way Brian looked at her had her doubled over in humiliation.
“Sorry,” she rushed awkwardly. “My bad. I totally misjudged the situation. Forget I said anything.”
She quickly scrounged up her list and made a move to dash away quickly, so she could cower in a corner somewhere and regroup. But Brian stopped her, latching onto her arm softly as she tried to maneuver away from their chemistry. She flinched from the touch.
“You’re not imagining it,” Brian told her lowly, as if it pained him to admit it. “But…”
“But Jimmy,” she suggested, hopeful it was the right assumption.
His nod relieved and disappointed her simultaneously.
Brian’s touch lingered against her skin, savoring each sensation as if it was the last. They exchanged a knowing look, filled with regret of what could have been…What could still be, if they really wanted.
“I…We…” Brian tried and failed.
She nodded her head, “I know.”
“It isn’t that I don’t want to,” he told her through frustrated grit teeth. “Because, fuck. I really want to.”
“Want to what?” Peyton dared, toying with the boundary as if it were a whim.
He stepped an inch closer, “I want to kiss you…And I want to hold you…And I want to tell you how incredibly sexy you are…I want to feel you…Know you…”
He wanted to do all of the things that Jimmy refused to. He wanted her in her entirety, without convictions. The devious grin that slipped over her lips was an indicator that she reciprocated the hellish lust.
“You can know me,” Peyton replied, hey lashes lingering against her cheek. “Any way you want, baby.”
If she looked into his deep eyes now, she’d be lost forever.
As luck would have it, he reached over and gently lifted her chin. She reluctantly cast her jade eyes up, forfeiting her strength under the weight of his chocolate brown eyes.
He bit at his lip, “This is fucking torture.”
She nodded, “But…”
“I know,” he sighed, letting his fingers slip away and back to his side.
“It isn’t like we owe him anything,” Peyton thought aloud. “He and I are just friends.”
Brian pursed his lips.
“What?” she asked flatly.
“Well,” Brian hesitated, unsure how to word the pending doom eloquently. “You’re Lexi.”
She opened her mouth to object but he stopped her.
“To Jimmy, that’s everything,” Brian added cautiously. “You were everything…And I can’t cross that line until I know that you aren’t anymore.”
Although she hated to be split and merged like an atom’s evolution, she reluctantly admitted to herself that Lexi and Peyton were the same person after all. Not only when it was convenient, but endlessly. And if she was still Lexi, then Jimmy was still Wiley.
Lexi owed everything to Wiley.
“Judging by your face,” Brian added with a faint smile. “You agree.”
She huffed, “Yeah…”
“Does this change shit?” he asked curiously, hoping desperately that it didn’t have to.
Beyond his unwavering attraction to her, Brian found he genuinely enjoyed her company. He liked the way her mind worked; he admired the intellect she held with modesty. She was effortlessly brilliant and it inspired Brian to be better. They clicked so quickly that it felt as if they’d known each other forever.
Perhaps, Brian reasoned with a little resentment, that was because she was part Jimmy. He would always have that over Brian—and it would always be a thing.
“No,” Peyton smiled. “We can be friends, right?”
Brian returned the fondness, “Fuck yeah, we can.”
“Good,” she nodded sternly. “Because I’m too short to reach the stairwell light…So…”
Brian laughed, “Message received.”
“And,” Peyton added slowly, her feelings showing as rosy blemishes atop her cheeks, “I…Kind of enjoy your company, I guess. So…I’d kind of feel robbed too…You know, if we…couldn’t be friends.”
There was the classic Jimmy/Peyton ramble come back to haunt Brian.
He stopped her with a smirk, “You like me, I get it.”
She cringed at the words.
“It’s mutual, Peyton,” he assured her lazily. “Now…Let’s stop talking about our feelings and go change out some electrical.”
Brian disappeared down the hallway, leaving Peyton lingering behind. She thought about the choice she’d just made, irritated to find herself regretting it already.
But they both knew it was wrong—they both knew they couldn’t come back from that decision if ever they changed their minds. Peyton couldn’t entirely shake that sinking feeling that what she’d shared with Jimmy in the last few days had meant something. As if, for the first time in her life, the stars had aligned perfectly and were finally granting her a moment of peace.
Given that things between Jimmy and Natalie were less than steady, Peyton didn’t think it was a good time to start entertaining the idea of Brian. No matter how very, very tempting he was…Or how inclined she was to indulge.
Without a sure sign that Jimmy wouldn’t somehow mold himself back into the place by her side where he belonged, Peyton couldn’t move on. So, until that sign came, she’d resign to friendship with Brian.
Because friendships intertwined with lust always work out well.

Notes

Hmmm.

xx