We loaded up the car with as much as we could carry, but this was no fun family road trip. Viola and I worked swiftly, in a silence that spoke a thousand words - all of them of fear and worry and apprehension. As we pushed the last of the bags into the trunk and closed it, Viola’s eyes found mine. She was scared, and wanted permission to feel that way. We were adults, but felt like little children cowering under the blankets to escape the monsters under the bed. I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Let’s get the kids,” I prompted, giving her a tug towards the house. She trailed behind me slowly, trying to provide herself with a little more time to pluck up her courage before we left. I knew exactly how she was feeling. The same doubtful thoughts had been flowing through my head the entire time we’d been packing the car. I was fairly certain of one thing, we’d never get to see California. We'd never make it that far.
“Hallie, Esther,” I called out softly to them, rousing them from their sleep. “It’s time to go.”
They both rubbed their eyes, groggy from the sudden wake up. As soon as they were awake enough to stand, I scooped Esther up and took Hallie’s little hand. Viola met us as we reached the top of the stairs and held her arms out to Esther, who needed little convincing to leave me. Hallie kept hold of my hand tightly, though. I knew she must have seen some of what we passed to get back here and was no doubt petrified. I got down on my knees and looked her in the eye as I held her by the shoulders.
“Hallie, listen to me. I know you’ve seen things and you’re probably scared, right?” I asked softly, to which she nodded. “Well, I need you to be a big girl for me and help your mommy look after your sister, okay? I promise I’m going to do my best to keep you all safe. Everything will be okay, but you have to listen to me and do whatever me and your mom say, even if it’s hard. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Auntie Maz,” she spoke, softly. She was trying to hide her fear from me, but it flooded out from her eyes, breaking my heart. They’re just children.
“How much gas is in the tank?” Viola asked, leaning over from the passenger seat to inspect the gauge. We’d decided that she’d be the better choice to be on hand for the kids and so I was behind the wheel. I’m also a better driver by far, but I thought better of pointing that fact out.
“Just over half a tank,” I grimaced, knowing it wouldn’t get us far. “We might find more along the way.”
She hummed in reply, clipping her seatbelt in as I roused the engine. It sputtered a bit, then cut out. I tried again, but the same thing happened.
“Fucking battery,” I muttered under my breath. I tried again and again to start the car, all to no avail.
“What do we do now?” Viola asked, panic leaking into her voice.
“Push start,” I replied quickly, pushing the door open and springing out of the car. “You get in the driver’s seat and I’ll push. You know how this works, right?”
“Yep,” she answered, ducking back into the car on my side. Digging my feet into the ground, I put all my weight into the back of the car. I clenched my jaw and a grunt burst from my chest as I pushed my trainers into the dirt. I could feel the car starting to shift. There were beads of sweat forming on my forehead and running down my temples but finally the car was inching forwards. Once it had started rolling, I put the last of my energy into building the speed up until Viola called out ‘Clutch!’, and I neatly stepped out of the way. The world was on our side, and the car fired up. I ran alongside Viola’s slow crawl until we were certain that the engine was steady.
“I think it’s good,” Viola smiled, slowing to a stop. She stepped out of the driver’s seat and we swapped sides, both buckling up once we were sat comfortably.
“Ready?” I asked, putting my hands on the wheel. Viola looked up at me with a small smile, but her eyes quickly focused on something behind me in the window and her mouth dropped. I didn’t have time to ask as her hands flew up to shield her face. A huge thud against my window jolted the car and nearly stopped my heart. I whipped around to face the sound and my breath hitched as I locked eyes with a woman. Hers were bloodshot and her jaw was contorted as she scrabbled at the window in a frenzy. The overwhelming fear paralysed me, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly in terror.
“Go!” Viola screeched from next to me, snapping me out of my trance. I threw the car into gear and pushed the gas pedal all the way down, wasting no time in bringing the clutch up. The car screeched forwards, leaving our attacker in the dust. I didn’t ease up on the gas until she was completely out of sight. Trying to level my breathing, I turned to Viola who was trying (and failing) to calm her daughters.
“Holy crap! Did you see that? What do we do? I don’t know what to do,” I babbled, my words mushing together as I rushed to get them out.
“Drive east,” Viola replied, simply and firmly.

“Road?”
“Nope.”
“Rain?”
“Uh-uh.”
“River?”
“Try again.”
“Uhhhh… rainbow?”
“Where do you see a rainbow?” Brian asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hallie shrugged, “I’m kind of out of ideas.”
“You want a clue?” Brian offered, and she nodded eagerly. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Your line of thinking is all wrong.”
“What kind of clue is that?” Hallie retorted, curling her lip before looking back out of the window. “Is it a rock?”
“Nope,” Brian answered, smugly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the van side, listening to Hallie grow more frustrated and Brian grow more amused. I felt seriously guilty; when was the last time I’d played a game with Hallie? I don’t think I had done even once since all this had started. I’d been so focused on our goal that I often forgot about the fact that I had a girl with me. A young girl who had a need for childish innocence and fun. I wondered for a moment if I’d stamped that out with my obsessive ‘survival’ attitude, but she seemed to be adapting to Brian’s attempt at entertaining her well enough.
“A rabbit?”
“Oh pull the other one, Hallie. Where do you see a rabbit? Now you’re just making shit up,” he snorted with laughter, and she did too. Her squeaky giggle cut me deeply. I’d not made her laugh for a long time. I’d not let her laugh. I’d forced her to be this serious adult because I thought that’s what she needed to be; and in the process, I’d completely neglected this part of her soul. I sighed, disappointed in myself and my choices yet again.

“Everything okay?” a deep voice from beside me spoke softly into my ear. My eyes flickered open and I turned to face its owner.
“I don’t know. Are things ever okay anymore?” I forced a weak smile at him.
“Rarely, I’ll grant you that,” Matt returned the smile, though his had a sympathetic edge to it.
“Where are we going?” I asked, looking towards the front of the van.
Matt shrugged, “There’s really no telling with Jimmy, but probably back to base.”
“You have a base?” I questioned, finding myself incredibly curious.
“Yeah, back home in Cali. It’s a bit of a drive from here. We’re having to go further afield for provisions all the time,” he grumbled, gesturing to the boxes under the seats which were presumably loaded with food and medical supplies.
“We’ve never had a base. We’ve just gone from town to town, holing up wherever we can. Trying to walk a little bit each day. We stopped in El Paso for a bit because… because of a hold up. But otherwise we've kept moving. We were heading for Washington, but well…” I trailed off, blushing at the memory of his cruel tone. I let my eyes flicker over to Matt. He was blushing too.
“Yeah, about that, I wanted to apologise. I've kind of gotten used to people being assholes, so I just treat every stranger like an enemy, you know?” he explained, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. “We’ve been had a couple of times by people who scout out what we have and then come back with a full on raid group.”
“You don’t have to explain it to me. I’ve been there, done that,” I shrugged, “We’ve made it a rule to not travel with others as well. Uh, until now I guess,” I caught myself smiling at the irony.
Matt nodded back at me and smiled.
“It’s the fucking rope!” Jimmy shouted from the front, interrupting our conversation and (thankfully) ruining the latest never-ending round of I-Spy.
“Jimmy!” Brian scolded, throwing his arms in the air.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Jimmy shouted with glee. “See? Psychic link!”
Hallie giggled at Brian’s discontentment before accosting him with another round, “My turn!”

I was jolted awake as we jerked to a stop, not even realising that I’d fallen asleep at first. The only inkling that time had passed was the sun hanging low in the sky. I picked my head up and was mortified to realise it had been resting on Zach’s shoulder.
“God, I’m so sorry,” I mumbled, trying to rub the drowsiness from my eyes.
“It’s cool,” Zach returned, his green eyes crinkling with a smile.
I blinked a few times and looked around, “Why have we stopped?”
“Fuel run,” he answered, getting to his feet. Hallie was laid across the seats opposite me, snoozing away. She was obviously tired out as well. “You two wait here. We won’t be long.”
He disappeared, closing the door behind him, before I could say a word. It struck me just how confidently and casually they’d left the van, as though they were just going for a leisurely afternoon walk. They obviously knew what they were doing, or thought they did at least. I felt an envy rise up in me. I’d spent the last two years living in fear and hating every second of my life. I wanted that carefree attitude that they had. They were so sure of themselves, of the way they moved and the things they did. They didn’t have a child to worry about though, I suppose. It had been impossible for me to ever relax or let my guard down, especially after Viola. I’d promised that I would look after Hallie and protect her, something that I’d just about managed so far, albeit poorly. We were both alive though and in one piece, so that had to count for something.

I leaned back against the side of the van, gently sliding my boots off. My feet were in complete agony still, even more so after our earlier sprint. I wasn’t sure if they would ever heal properly. As I flexed and curled my toes with a wince, I prayed that I wouldn’t be hobbling around forever. That would just be the kicker to all of this, to end up walking like Dr House for the rest of my life. I made a mental note to rest my feet as much as possible over the coming days and then laid back on the seats, letting my mind wander back over the events of the past day.

Notes

I'm still no closer to working out a love interest! I'm just not feeling the vibes from Mattrina yet. Maybe they'll come after some work, or maybe Marina's just destined to be with someone else. I wonder if his name begins with 'A'? Just kidding - I don't want to get lynched!