“How are you settling in, Marina?” Emma asked, as she fidgeted with her flip knife.
“Fine, I guess,” I smiled, trying to relax. The awkwardness was overwhelming, and I was not feeling particularly grateful to whoever had decided to send me on a supply run with three people that I’d barely spoken with.
“Where you from?” Holden grunted from the driver’s seat, flicking his finished cigarette out of the cracked window as we sped towards our destination.
“Texas,” I answered, clearing my throat. “Near Odessa.”
“Oh yeah?” he replied, weaving around a pile of debris.
“Uh,” I hesitated, unsure if I was supposed to answer him. “Yeah?”
“Nice,” he nodded, glancing at me in the rear view mirror. “My Ma lived in Odessa.”
I smiled politely, unsure of why he was telling me this, “Did she?”
“Yep,” he continued, steamrolling into a long conversation with himself about his late mother - probably the most I’d ever heard him talk. Lincoln turned slightly, smirking as he and Emma exchanged a look, amused at Holden’s gushing. I got the impression that this was a regular occurrence. I leaned back, and fell into Holden’s memories as he rambled away.

“We’ve got a couple on our tail,” Lincoln cut into one of the tales as the car slowed to pull up in a parking lot.
“Well, we got knives, ain’t we?” Holden responded, roughly. “Or how about dem guns? We'll jus’ shoot ‘em.”
“Guns are for emergencies,” Emma reminded him, exasperatedly. Another tired conversation they’d presumably had before.
“And this ain’t one?” he retorted, looking at her in the mirror with narrowed eyes as he steered into the lot.
“No,” she bit back, before imitating him, “this ain’t one.”
“You got attitude,” he scowled, stopping the car brusquely.
“There’s 3,” Lincoln interjected, trying to talk over the bickering. “We should manage alright.”
“We can take 3,” Emma agreed, ignoring Holden’s mutterings about respect. Lincoln glanced back at me and noticed the colour draining from my face.
“You okay?” he asked, peering at me. I nodded back, unconvincingly. He raised an eyebrow. “Have you killed many biters?”
“Some,” I confessed, my voice wobbling a little. “I’m not very good at it, though.”
Lincoln pursed his lips, “Well, that’s got to change, right about now.”
I chewed my lip at his scolding, feeling a little stupid. I’d never bothered to get confident with killing, and the idea still didn’t sit right with me now. I was simply not a fighter unless my life, or Hallie’s, depended on it.

“On three, we get out,” Lincoln called out, startling me out of my daze of worry. I fumbled to pull my knife from its sheath in a panic as he counted down.
“3…2…1… OUT!”
We all threw our doors open and leapt out as three of the infected descended upon us. Lincoln quickly took one out with a knife to the neck. Emma did similar with hers. The final once came at me. I shakily held my knife up as it lurched at me and pinned me up against the car. I held it back with my forearm and fumbled with my knife. In a moment of blunder, the blade jittered out of my fingers and clattered to the floor. Lincoln jumped in instantly, swiftly driving his knife upwards into its neck. I winced as he twisted it, severing the spine with an audible crack. The infected fell to its knees and slumped to the side, its eyes void of life.
“Don’t you dare pull that shit again or you’ll get us all killed,” he spat at me, his face scrunched in fury. “Get. It. Together.”

I awoke the next morning to the sound of bitter words being exchanged in hushed tones. It was early, the sun just barely rising. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, an enjoyable flush tinting my cheeks at the memory of last night. I crept out of bed, pulling on my jeans silently, and head towards the source of the noise – the kitchen. I lingered on the other side of the door, wondering whether to intervene or not. I ultimately decided not to upon hearing my name.
“I don’t give a fuck about you and Marina,” Brian scoffed. I could hear him pacing the kitchen, irritably.
“When are you going to stop doing this?” I heard Jimmy’s distinct voice answer.
“Doing what?” challenged Brian. Jimmy let out an audible sigh.
“Oh, come on, Brian,” he retorted. “Last night, I came upstairs and you nearly jumped on me in anger-”
“I already told you I don’t care about it,” Brian interrupted, his volume increasing by the second.
Jimmy’s volume grew to match him, “Clearly you fucking do, Mr. Interrogation.”
Brian scoffed again, “I do not have a problem, Jimmy.”
“Oh, really?” Jimmy answered, patronisingly, before putting on a voice that was, presumably, supposed to be Brian. “I’m Brian Haner, and I’ve got zero issues. Except no one can be happy around me because my-”
“Don’t you dare fucking say it,” Brian warned, his steps stopping abruptly. “I will kill you if you say her name right now.”
“Whose name?” Jimmy challenged, knowingly. “Oh wait, you mean the person you’ve pushed to the back of your mind?”
“She’s never at the back of my mind,” Brian growled.
“That’s right,” Jimmy replied, coldly. “She’s not in the back of your mind, she’s not in it at all. You’ve forgotten-”
Before he could finish his taunting, there was a thud mingled with a cry of pain from Jimmy. I flung the door open at this point, throwing myself inside to try and stop things escalating.
“Oh, great! You.” Brian quipped at my appearance. He was standing over Jimmy, who was on the floor clutching his jaw, though not for long. He pushed himself to his feet, quick as lightening, and ploughed a fist into Brian’s stomach. For the second time in twelve hours, I watched Jimmy engage in another brawl on the kitchen tiles. The noise levels had risen to an offensive volume at this point, and drawn the others from their beds. Matt shoved his way into the kitchen with a groan.
“For fuck’s sakes! What happened now?” he snapped, diving into the fist fight that was ensuing between Brian and Jimmy. “Zach, Johnny, get the fuck in here!”
Johnny appeared first, looked at the two giants warring and shrugged helplessly. Zach appeared behind him and dutifully stepped in.
“Get out the way, gnome,” he groused, pushing past to apprehend Jimmy. Matt got a hold of Brian, and between the pair of them, they separated the fight. Zach impressively manhandled Jimmy out of the French doors, while Matt berated a retreating Brian as he followed him out of the kitchen. Hallie appeared very briefly in the doorway to see what was happening, but upon catching a glimpse of me, screwed up her face and turned on her heel.
Johnny smirked at me, “Why is it not surprising to find you in the middle of this?”

I pushed past him, heading back to my new room. Pressing myself against the bay window just about gave me a view of the pool area. I could see Jimmy and Zach’s heads over the fence. Jimmy was pacing, animatedly throwing his arms about as he ranted while Zach looked on, patiently watching his friend go back and forth. I watched the scene continue that way for a minute before pulling back from the window. Was this my fault? Had the group worked together seamlessly before mine and Hallie’s arrival? I was clearly sparking high emotions in Jimmy, but it also seemed that no one else was short of energy for retaliation.
“Marina?”
I snapped my head towards the doorway where Matt, still bleary eyed, stood.
“Can I come in?” he asked, hovering at the threshold.
“Of course,” I nodded, turning to face him. He slipped into the room, only coming in as many steps as he deemed necessary.
“We need to talk,” he informed me, his mouth twisting in mild embarrassment.
“About?”
“You,” he answered, slowly. “And Jimmy. This… thing-”
“What thing?” I questioned, frostily, narrowing my eyes at him.
He scowled at me, “Don’t play games with me, Marina. This thing between you and Jimmy.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I shot, shrugging at him.
“Marina, it stops now. Look at all the shit that’s happened since yesterday. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you and Jimmy getting cosy,” he spat, accusingly.
“I don’t know how it’s any business of yours-” I began, but Matt talked over me.
“It stops now,” he growled. “Or you leave.”
I fell silent, his authority ruling over me. His words seemed to echo around the room, seemingly stunning the both of us as he was looking slightly shocked at his outburst as well.
“Okay,” I answered, quietly, looking away from him. He hung around for a moment, as if he wasn’t finished, but thought better of it and made a swift exit.

I collapsed onto my bed, laying back with my arms over my face. An anchor of bitter disappointment weighed down in my stomach as I thought about Matt’s words. I barely heard the gentle footsteps over to my bed, only noticing him when he sat beside me. I pulled my arms away from my face and sat up.
“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching over to touch my cheek. I backed away from him, and his face fell.
“Jimmy, is this really such a good idea? Do you always fight with them like this?” I quizzed, wearily.
He winced at my words, “Are we back to this already?”
“It’s just that Matt was in here,” I began, giving Jimmy an apologetic look. “He clearly thinks all this fighting is because of us, because of me. I have to say Jimmy, he’s not wrong is he? He said that… that if we don’t call things off, then I’m out.”
“I don’t fucking believe this,” Jimmy snarled, springing up from the bed. He stormed out of the room with a purpose, so I jumped up and hurried after him. He burst into the lounge next door, where the rest of the crew were assembled.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he hissed at Matt. Matt looked at Jimmy, then at me and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I’m trying to keep the damn peace, Jimmy. We’ve got enough shit to deal with without you starting a fight every other second,” he groaned. Jimmy scoffed.
“I’m not starting them,” he protested with shrug. “I’m just finishing them.”
He glared at Brian, who stood from the sofa with a fiery look.
“Don’t fucking start,” Matt scolded, also getting to his feet, ready to intervene. “Just leave things alone and we won’t have any problems.”
Jimmy scrunched up his face, “So no one is allowed to do anything because Brian can’t get over Blair?”
This was the last straw for Brian, who threw himself at Jimmy with a strangled cry.
“I told you not to say her name, you fucking asshole,” he roared, knocking them both to the floor.
“Are you kidding me?” Matt hissed, looking upwards in disbelief.
“She’s fucking gone,” Jimmy yelled, as another fight broke out between them. “Get over it, Brian.”
“Get over it?!” Brian raged, “Get fucking over it?! She’s my wife.”
“She was your wife,” Jimmy corrected with a snarl, earning himself a jab to the face.
Once again, the two were pulled apart by Matt and Zach.
“Where’s all her shit, Brian?” Jimmy shot as Zach held him back. “Still fucking locked away to gather dust? She deserved better than this. She deserves to be remembered.”
Brian struggled against Matt’s grip as he bellowed back at Jimmy, “Fuck you!”
“You’ve forgotten her,” Jimmy accused, fighting against his own restraint. “How could you?”
Brian finally stopped his writhing and crumpled. The room fell still, even Jimmy ceasing his yelling, as Brian broke into tears.
“I haven’t forgotten her,” he whispered, sliding down from Matt’s grip to the floor. “I haven’t.”
Everyone was frozen in place as the hostile atmosphere transformed into one of aching loss. I wanted to rush over and envelop him in my sympathy, but I stayed glued to the spot, sensing my presence was probably still not welcome.
Johnny nodded his head at Matt and Zach, and quietly they all left the room, leaving just Jimmy, Brian and myself. Sensing he’d gone too far with his attack, Jimmy approached Brian cautiously, but was met with no resistance as he knelt beside him and slipped an arm around his shoulder. Brian leaned into him as he sobbed, their harsh words to each other already forgotten. I turned away from them, feeling as though I was imposing on their intimate moment of grief. Leaving the room, I cast one last glance back at them, even more unsure of my standing in this house.
Perhaps this was all my fault.

Perhaps I should just leave.

Notes

Sooooo much drama. Poor Brian </3