Coralee had been so kind as to provide some clean clothes for me. I’d changed into them and was just scraping my hair back into a ponytail as a soft knock came at the door. Hallie didn’t even stir at the noise, she was dead to the world. I tiptoed over and cracked it open, finding Jesse on the other side.
“Oh hey, you’re up,” he whispered, mildly surprised. He looked me up and down, “And you’re ready!”
“I am,” I smiled, glancing back at a sleeping Hallie quickly before slipping out of the door. “I don’t sleep too well so I was already awake when I heard you up and about. The walls in this place are kind of thin.”
“Yeah, you get used to it though,” he reassured, leading me down the stairs. “We’ve got a busy day ahead, glad to have you here to help out.”
“I think I get the better side of the deal,” I laughed softly, “I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have food and safety.”
“How long have you been on the road for?” he asked over his shoulder.
I grimaced as I reached the bottom of the stairs, “Too long. Pretty much since the start of everything.”
“Christ, and not a scratch on you,” he raised an eyebrow, looking me over.
“Not completely true,” I shrugged, pulling my sleeves up. He gaped at the long scar running down my arm, and the angry looking, partially healed wound on my hand as I explained, “glass door and a run in with a cleaver.”
“Ouch, that one looks pretty recent,” he screwed his face up as he gestured to my palm.
“Yeah, it was. A lucky escape,” I replied, as he held the door open for me. I stepped out into the refreshing morning air.
“And your arm?” he asked, following me outside. “That must have bled something awful.”
“You bet it fucking did. My sister’s a nurse though, so she stitched me up. Probably saved my life,” I finished, trailing off as thoughts of Viola hung around me in a fog.
“Your sister?” he probed, looking at me curiously. I let him lead me away from the building as we made our way to a large area of dirt.
“She’s dead,” I answered, shortly. I let my tone do the talking, and he seemed to get the hint.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I waved him off, “it’s in the past.”
It most certainly wasn’t in the past, though. Viola followed my every move, eternally hanging over me, reminding me of her ghostly presence in my mind.

Toil and hard graft soon brought the high sun around, meaning noon was here. I leant against my spade, panting as I wiped the sweat from my brow.
“Marina,” Jesse called over, “we’re breaking for lunch.”
“Okay, I’ll be right there,” I shouted back, patting the soil back around the seeds I’d planted. I dug my spade into the earth and left it behind as I ambled over to the group. There were seven of us on planting duty. I’d learnt names, but the morning’s work had left no time for more than that. I suppose I had plenty of time to get to know people, I was already comfortable here. I joined them as they trooped towards the campfire area where a few people were flitting around, preparing food. We all took our places around the fire as bowls of rice and vegetables were handed out.
“Have you guys thought about keeping animals?” I asked, pondering the idea.
“It would be hard to keep up with,” Jesse answered, accepting a bowl. “Aside from having to find them, we’d have to feed them. And then there’s the preparation - none of us know how to butcher them.”
“Right,” I nodded, “that makes sense.”
A steaming bowl was handed to me, which I eagerly accepted. Two hot meals within 24 hours was like heaven to me. I got to work on the rice as Jesse turned to me.
“So, you had many run-ins with biters?” he asked, popping a forkful of veg into his mouth.
“Biters?” I repeated, before realising what he meant. “Oh, right. A few,” I answered, vaguely.
“Cole said you guys got ambushed yesterday,” he mumbled through his mouthful.
“You could say that,” I replied, stirring the rice around in my bowl mindlessly.
“They’re clever,” Jesse swallowed his food and pointed his fork at me. “They’ve nearly had me a couple of times. One by itself? No problem. A group of them, though? That’s when you’re in trouble.”
I hummed in reply, not particularly engaged in his topic of conversation.
“It took us a while to realise that they still have the ability to act as a pack,” he continued, “and they make good hunters, especially when they’re starving and near death.”
“Death?” I asked, as he finally caught my attention.
“Yep,” he nodded, loading his fork up again.
“They die?” I persisted, dumbly. Simple as it seemed, it had never occurred to me.
“Yep,” he repeated, as he crammed the fork into his mouth. He continued on through his mouthful of rice, “they’re just like us, just more… primal. From what we’ve seen, they’re still human, but their instincts are more animal. In fact, we think they still have human memories.”
“Memories?”
“You ever been to a grocery store, seen them hanging in the aisles like they’re looking for something? Or seen them loitering outside specific houses?” he asked, as I thought back.
“I can’t say I’ve watched too closely,” I admitted, with a shrug. We went back to our lunch as I ran over his words in my mind.
“So, they still need to eat regularly,” I murmured, quietly. It was more to myself than him, but he took it as an invitation to continue.
“That’s right,” he confirmed. “If you come across one that’s hungry, make yourself disappear quickly. Hell, even if they’re not hungry, they’re still aggressive. You can’t win. But a hungry biter will chase you down until you can’t run any longer.”
“And if they don’t catch you?”
“Well, if they don’t eat, they’ll eventually die, just like you and me,” he answered, filling in the blank, “but they’ll go for animals as well, so unfortunately we can’t just hide inside and wait for them to die out.”
“Huh,” I murmured. I dug back into my lunch, picking through the rice as I mulled over his words. He’d certainly given me something to think about.

“Hallie.”
I pushed past Jimmy, running towards her. To my surprise, she advanced towards me instead of backing off, but it was anger that led her.
“I’m sorry,” I cried out, as she banged her fists against me as hard as she could.
“You told me she was sick,” she screeched, clawing at my exposed flesh. “You told me it was a fever. What did you do to her?”
“She was sick,” I stuttered, trying to grab her wrists. “Hallie, please. She was going to turn. I had no choice.”
“What the fuck did you do?” she screamed, ripping her arms from my grasp. “What did you do to my sister?”
“Hallie, I’m sorry, please don’t,” I begged, as tears fell from my eyes. Hallie’s eyes were watering too, but hers with bitterness and hatred.
She pointed a finger at me as her face twisted with rage, “You… You’re a monster. Tell me what you did!”
“What difference does it make?” I asked through sobs. A crowd had gathered in the doorway, looking on in confusion at Hallie’s outburst.
“It makes every difference. I want to know how she died,” Hallie bellowed, spitting the words at me.
“It won’t change anything,” I croaked, trying to keep my emotions in check.
“It’s already changed,” she burst out, “my sister is gone. My mother is gone. All because of you.”
“Hallie,” I begged, as every word she spoke sunk its teeth into me viciously.
“Don’t you ever speak to me again,” she shrieked, giving me one last shove. She whirled around, fleeing from me. She pushed through the crowd in the doorway with a sob and tore down the hallway. A shocked silence settled on the room as everyone tried to understand what had just happened. Of course, Jimmy had been privy to the gunpowder that had cause the explosion. I didn’t turn to look at his reaction. God only knows what he’d think of me now. As the dust of our conflict settled, Brian kicked into action, flying down the hallway after Hallie.

“Alright, everyone out,” Jimmy called, sending the onlookers scattering. I stood, frozen to the spot, as they filed out. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t even think. Hallie’s hatred was reverberating off of the walls, each wave cutting through me; but instead of fading, it only grew louder and louder until it was blaring in my ears, deafening me. Warm hands came to rest on my shoulders, one pushing and the other pulling to turn me until Jimmy's sapphires could burn into me.
“Marina,” he murmured in hushed tones. I stared at him blankly, feeling the hot tears roll down my cheeks. He gave me a gentle shake.
“Marina,” he repeated, trying to elicit any form of response from me. I shook my head at him. I didn’t know what else to do, I was still paralyzed with horror. I’d finally admitted it out loud, finally let go of the secret that I’d clutched so tightly it had turned my knuckles white, and what had it brought me? There was a reason I’d hidden it. Secrets are born to stay secret. Jimmy was still staring into my eyes, waiting for my shock to thaw. He ran his hands down my arms, making to grab my hands.
“Hallie,” I gasped, trying to pull away to run to her. He gripped my hands tightly, trying to keep me rooted but I ripped away. I needed to get to Hallie, to explain, but he wrapped his arms around my waist, preventing my leave once more.
“Get off me,” I choked out, wriggling against his restraint.
“Leave it, Marina,” he urged, holding me more tightly.
“She’s upset,” I argued, still writhing.
Jimmy held fast, “Brian will take care of her.”
“What does Brian fucking know? I need to be there,” I tried to insist, but he didn’t loosen against me. I exhausted myself quickly, finally stilling.
“Brian will make sure she’s okay, I promise. Will you just take a moment?” he requested, loosening his grip as he turned me to face him. “Brian is a good guy. He'll know what to do.”
I couldn’t take his gaze, so I dropped my eyes to his chest, blinking the droplets away from my lashes, “How can you even look at me?”
“Marina,” he began, but I cut him off.
“Jimmy, don’t. Hallie was right,” I breathed. “I’m a monster.”
“Hallie was angry,” he corrected, “angry people say things they don’t mean.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said though, Jimmy? Aren’t I a monster? I killed her. She was three,” my voice wobbled.
Jimmy didn’t even falter in his grip as he asked softly, “What happened?”
I swallowed, closing my eyes, “She got scratched by one. We didn’t even know until it was too late. Viola didn’t want to leave her.”
He pulled me in closer to him, his hands gently circling upon my back in an attempt to comfort me.
I continued, “I went in to her and she’d already… it wasn’t her.”
I felt his body tense slightly, waiting to hear the part that I didn’t want to say. My lip trembled as I looked up to him. His eyes had darkened with sorrow, my anguish infecting him.
“I… wrapped a blanket around her face,” I choked out, before I lost it. For the second time that day, I found myself crumbling; a spindly vision of grief leaning deeply into the patience and comfort that was Jimmy. He let me sob into his chest, stroking my hair and shushing me as he did so. We stayed that way until I’d exhausted myself past the point of anymore emotion.
“This is not all that you are, Marina,” he said, quietly, into the stillness of the kitchen. He bent his head down, touching his forehead to mine.
“Do you hate me?” I whispered, as his warm breath tingled against my skin.
He pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes, “I could never.”

His words wrapped around me silkily, embracing me; but I just wasn’t sure if it was enough to untwine the revulsion that had wound itself tightly around my heart anymore. I was broken.

Notes

Ugh. That is all.