“Viola-”
“Save it,” she answered, harshly. She pulled two rucksacks out of the trunk and held one out to me. “Are you helping or not?”
I took it from her hands by way of answer and began stuffing things into it. We worked through the tense atmosphere between us in silence. Trying to narrow down a car full of gear to a rucksack’s worth was proving nigh on impossible. I let out a frustrated grunt as I picked up and subsequently discarded a torch, then picked it up again. I let my eyes creep over to Viola’s bag like I was cheating on an exam.
“What are you packing?” I asked. Might as well complete the living metaphor by copying the homework. She looked over at me, reluctantly, and shrugged.
“I don’t really know,” she admitted, grabbing a jar of pickles and clearly thinking about it.
“We’re not taking pickles,” I rolled my eyes and took the jar out of her hand. Who even packed those in the first place? I swallowed against the fear in my throat. “Vi? Are we really walking?”
“Do we have any other choice?” she asked, picking up the more sensible option of a tin of Spam. The only real answer was that we didn’t have any other choice. I grabbed a loose tin of baked beans.
“We’ll have to be careful. We don’t know how many might be out there,” I reminded her, instinctively feeling for my knife at my waist. She nodded, staring intently at the packet of ramen in her hands – I suspected to avoid my gaze. We knuckled down, diligently grabbing anything that seemed useful and lightweight. The last item to go into Viola’s bag was Bunny. With Hallie tucked between us and our packs on our shoulders, we set off on foot.

“What time do you think it is?” Viola asked, looking up at the stars.
“No idea. I think from this point on, we just settle for day and night,” I shrugged.
She slowed her pace, still looking intently at the night sky, getting lost in the constellations.
“Do you remember them?” she pointed upwards.
I nodded, with a faint smile, “Every one.”
“Big Dipper, Little Dipper,” she began, pointing at them respectively.
“Orion,” I counted off, “Cassiopeia, Taurus.”
We continued listing off the constellations our father had taught us until we’d hit number 12. That was as far as we’d made it before his heart had given out.
“I never got a chance to pass them on,” Viola whispered, dejectedly.
“Vi,” I paused, looking over at her. “You still have a chance.”
I nodded my head to Hallie, who’d not picked up on our cryptic topic. Or, at least, I didn’t think she had. I didn’t want Viola’s grief to overshadow her love for her remaining daughter. She instinctively squeezed Hallie’s hand, as though I’d reminded her of her presence. I couldn’t blame her - I was finding it difficult to focus on anything else as well, but we couldn’t neglect our survival or, more importantly, Hallie’s survival.

The walk trailed on, the scenery unchanging for hours. It was just highway cutting through sandy, emptiness. We took turns carrying Hallie for as long as we could, occasionally making her walk when neither our arms were up to the task. Apart from the odd whispered question, we stayed taciturn. There was tenseness to the air, a mixture of recent events lingering awkwardly, combined with a menacing, uneasy feeling of danger that was creeping in from the darkness around us. Every now and then, I’d catch a silent tear escaping from Viola’s eye and knew that every step that she took away from Esther must have been killing her slowly. We couldn’t have stayed there though, and the only way forwards was the road, so we forced ourselves to keep our feet moving. We didn’t know how much distance we’d have to cover before finding shelter and a sense of urgency was pressing upon us uncomfortably.
“I need to stop for a minute,” Viola’s voice came out of the darkness from where she’d trailed behind slightly. She lowered Hallie down from her front and slipped her pack off of one shoulder. She twisted around to reach for water.
“Can you walk for a bit, Hal?” I asked, sweeping the 9 year old’s ringlets out of her face.
“My legs hurt, and I’m tired,” she moaned.
“I know, but we’ve got to keep going. It’s not safe to stay out here,” I told her, taking the water bottle that Viola was holding out to me. I tilted it back slightly, trying to be sparing with it before offering it to Hallie.
“How long do you think we have left?” Viola asked, nervously. I could see she was becoming frustrated with the lack of change. I was as well. We’d been walking for hours, and yet our surroundings were no different than they were when we started, bar the absence of the mangled car.
“I don’t know. We could be walking for another few hours,” I whispered back, pulling anxiously at a thread on the sleeve of my hoodie as I shrugged. She sighed audibly and tucked the water bottle back into her pack.
“We’ve gotta keep going, Hal,” she said in a low voice, her tone riddled with guilt and apology. “I promise that we’ll stop as soon as we find somewhere safe.”
Silence fell over us once more as we forced ourselves into motion again, praying that something would come up before long.

“How much longer is this going to take?” Jimmy complained from outside the fitting cubicle. I’d elected not to change in front of him; I was still reeling from the humiliation of Zach’s reaction to my partially unclothed form. Interrupting my current appraisal of a pair of jeans by torchlight, I poked my head around the curtain. I had to do a quick double take. A few minutes boredom had already taken its toll, and he was mincing about in a dress – mostly, I suspected, for my amusement. It was slowly becoming obvious to me that Jimmy was the class clown, he seemed completely dedicated to making people laugh, even in times like these.
“You wanted to bring me here,” I reminded him, playfully, trying very hard to ignore his getup. “I’ve been wearing random men’s clothing for the last 3 months, so I’d like to do this properly as you so kindly offered me the opportunity.”
“Hmm,” Jimmy grumbled, “only because I mistook you for a ‘grab and go’ kind of girl.”
“Be thankful I’m only trying on two pairs,” I called, disappearing back behind the curtain without apology. A few peaceful minutes later, I abandoned my old pants in the cubicle and emerged in my new outfit, with a few more pieces of clothing hung over my arm. I stopped short, blinking a few times at the scene before me. Jimmy had sprawled himself out on the floor dramatically and was lying motionless, still in his dress.
“I’m done,” I announced, resisting the urge to laugh and nudging him with my foot. He didn’t move. Oh right, we’re playing that game. I raised an eyebrow, “Oh no, what a shame that Jimmy’s taken to his grave early. Oh well, guess the Lucky Charms are mine now.”
“They are not,” he protested, sitting himself up at impressive speed. He shimmied the dress over his head quickly before giving me the once over and nodding in approval. “Much better.”
“It is better,” I admitted, leading him towards the exit. I grabbed a few more t-shirts on the way out for good measure, making sure to grab some smaller sizes for Hallie.
“You trying to take the whole shop with you?” he teased, rolling his eyes. “It’s no good, Marina, you’ll never outdo Brian’s collection.”
He caught me off guard with his comment and I let out a snort.
“What’s with that?” I laughed.
“What, Brian?” he asked, his hand reaching over to grab a black tee off the hanger.
I nodded with a smirk, “Yes - Brian. Have you not ever noticed his hair?”
“Yeah, the real apocalypse will come when we run out of hair spray,” Jimmy snickered, wasting no time in cracking jokes at his friend’s expense. “Brian never gave up the rock star lifestyle.”
“You’re telling me,” I laughed, thinking about Brian’s apparent love of all things anti-apocalypse. “How you guys keep up with smoking, drinking and styling your hair is beyond me.”
“Uh, only Brian styles his hair. See?” Jimmy protested, pointing to his own messy mop. His was nestled somewhere between the descriptors of ‘bird’s nest’ and ‘electrocuted’, but it suited him nonetheless, matching his unpredictable personality.
“Yes. It’s very… nice,” I replied, trying to stifle a laugh and he dug an elbow into me, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

We pulled ourselves up into the van again, preparing to head home.
“Oh hey, I’ve got one more thing to get. Wait here,” he ordered, mysteriously disappearing in a flash. I watched him head back into the Plaza, curiously. As the minutes passed, my mind drifted from topic to topic, before coming back to the recurring amazement at the lack of danger here. I’d not seen one biter on the drive, or during our expedition into the grocery store or plaza. Jimmy’s ease with finding his way around made it obvious that the group frequented this place, or they had done until recently at the very least. Jimmy’s bouncing figure reappeared and he loped over to the van happily.
“Whatcha get?” I asked, peering over with interest as he stuffed something into door compartment secretively.
“That’s for me to know, and you to find out,” he replied, tapping his nose. I cast him a quizzical look, but he ignored it and started the van. We pulled out of the parking lot, taking a different road to the one we’d travelled on to get here.
“Where are we going?” I questioned, knowing that we were going in completely the wrong direction even with my limited knowledge of the area.
Jimmy grinned maniacally, “To have some fun.”
“To have some fun?” I repeated, waiting for an elaboration. He never gave me one, though, just focused on taking this turn and that turn as he hared it through the streets of Oceanside, away from the coast. He lost himself in Oingo Boingo once again as he tore away from the middle of the city. 10 minutes or so later, Jimmy suddenly slammed the brakes on.

“Was that necessary?” I asked, wearily, once I’d recovered.
“Was it exciting?” he countered, wiggling his brows.
“If by exciting you mean terrifying, then yes,” I grumbled. “What are we doing here?”
I glanced around, trying to figure out where Jimmy had brought us. There was nothing of note nearby, just the road we were on and the city in the distance behind us. Jimmy leapt from the van with minimal risk assessment once again, likely putting another grey hair on my head. I got out cautiously and trailed after him as he strolled off.
“Jimmy,” I called, making him turn. “What are we doing here?”
“Come on,” he grinned, gesturing for me to follow him. I hurried along, following him down a trail that eventually led to a river’s edge.
“Ta-da!” he shrieked, wiggling his hands. I think I was supposed to be impressed, so I tried to plaster a smile on my face, but I wasn’t sure what was going on. Seeing the blank look in my eyes, he rolled his. “Let’s swim!”
“Swim?” I repeated, my eyes flickering uncertainly to the flowing waters behind his lanky figure.
He narrowed his eyes, “are you going to repeat me all day?”
I laughed him off as I stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do with myself. Jimmy took the plunge first, pulling his white tee up over his head, revealing the slim, tattooed body that had been hidden beneath.
“Whoa,” I blurted, taken aback.
He grinned over at me, “I know I’m attractive but-”
“That’s not what I was going for,” I interrupted, hastily. “It’s just… you’re actually going in?”
He groaned audibly, “Of course I am. Aren’t you?”
“Well, I-”
“Marina!” he interrupted, impatient as ever. “Live a little.”

I tried not to watch him as he continued stripping down until he was just in his boxers. Now I was really unsure of what to do with myself. Before I had time to completely confuse myself over the scenario, Jimmy was racing to the water, throwing himself forwards into it. I felt my face cracking with a smile as he let out a burst of laughter at the cold water.
“Come in, it’s lovely,” he called, completely unconvincingly.
“No way!” I shouted back with a giggle, watching him flounder about.
“This is how you can repay me for death by boredom outside the fitting rooms,” he winked. “Come on, Marina, have some fun for once.”
I hesitated. Jimmy’s lust for life was infectious, and I found myself yearning to be that carefree. I reminded myself that I was supposed to be doing just that, throwing myself into life the way Guru Jimmy would. I tried to swallow my self-consciousness. Taking small steps towards the river, I lifted my top over my head. I could feel his eyes on my body, though not for the reasons I’d normally want a man to look at me. I paused at the water’s edge before slipping down my new jeans and tossing them behind me. He was looking away now and quiet, obviously uncomfortable with my body. I took a deep breath and followed his lead, launching myself into the river fully.
“Fuck!” I breathed, “It’s fucking cold.”
Jimmy laughed, recovering easily from his discomfort now that my ugliness was beneath the water.
“You bet it is,” he cackled, sending the biggest splash he could muster my way.
I shrieked as the cold water crashed against my shoulders. Without a second thought, I sent a spray back his way. His laughter rang out, twirling through the air and wrapping itself around my soul. I looked up at him, taking in his wild hair, his lanky frame, his perfectly blue eyes crinkled at the corners and my heart skipped a beat… but then I remembered, he’d seen me. Seen my disfigured skin in all its shame. The butterflies stopped their fluttering immediately. I didn’t get long enough to dwell on the short-circuit in my happiness though, because Jimmy looked over my shoulder and his face fell. I turned, and followed his gaze back to the bank where a group of biters were progressing towards us, fast.
“Where did they come from?” I uttered, looking at Jimmy in horror. “Can they swim?”
“Can you?” he asked, the colour draining from his face. That didn’t look good.
“Can you?” I retorted, as he looked away. “Jimmy, what the fuck are we doing in a river if you can’t swim?”
“I wasn’t exactly rushing to go any deeper from here,” he answered, miserably. I grabbed his arm, pulling him back from the bank where the infected were fast approaching.
“Hello?!” he struggled away from me, “can’t swim, remember?”
“Well I can, so just fucking hold onto me,” I answered, praying that I could keep the two of us afloat as I pulled him into the deep with me, where the current began whisking us away.

Notes

Ugh, see what happens when you have fun? -eye roll-