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Mibba

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Life After Death

2

I became aware after a while that Johnny had nodded off. His grip on my hand loosened and his arm slid down beside him. I got up as gently as I could so as not to disturb him or Jimmy who was snoozing in my arms. I tried to organise my thoughts and plans. Everyone would need to eat, even if they weren’t hungry. I headed back into the kitchen, closing the door softly behind me. Peeking in the fridge, I assessed the contents for anything that I could make a wholesome meal from. As I suspected there was plenty that I could throw together. I retrieved Jimmy’s bouncer from the lounge and set him down in it so I could get on with everything. I set to work on cooking up hash browns, waffles, eggs and bacon. Do grieving people eat breakfasts? I wondered.Do grieving people eat anything? I had to admit that I wasn’t feeling the slightest bit interested in food; it was better for everyone to have the option though, I decided.

The scent of breakfast began to drift throughout the house. Before long it would wake them, and maybe even tempt them to come and get something. I set it all onto dishes and arranged it along the counter. I grabbed a quick bite myself before poking my head out of the door. Johnny was still fast asleep outside on the lounger. It was still chilly out, so I grabbed a spare blanket and gently covered him over. I’d set some food aside for him and wake him later. They all needed a little help to take care of their basic needs at the moment. Zacky had appeared when I re-entered the kitchen.
“You cooked?” he asked, eyeing the dishes on the counter.
“Yeah, I thought everyone could use something to eat,” I replied, with a small smile.
“That’s really good of you, Aubrey. I don’t know how you got the energy to do it. We can’t have had much sleep,” he looked around at the clock and grimaced. I dug around in one of the cupboards and produced painkillers. Filling a glass with water, I held the two out to him.
“I guess I’m just finding it difficult to relax at the moment. Here, I’m sure you could use these after all that liquor,” I said, giving him a sympathetic smile. He took them gratefully and I got on with producing plates and cutlery from various cupboards and drawers. I filled a plate for Johnny and stashed it in the oven before glancing over at Jimmy, who was still sleeping soundly. I’d better go and check on the other two.

Brian and Matt were both still sleeping when I entered the room. Brian was tossing and turning, a sheen of sweat across his skin. I gently shook him to rouse him and he woke with a gasp.
“Jimmy?” he asked, looking around wildly for a moment. I shook my head apologetically.
“No, sweet, you were dreaming,” I replied, softly. I saw the realisation wash over him before his misery engulfed him again. I hugged him, giving him all the time he needed to gather himself. Matt stirred as Brian’s crying became louder.
“There’s breakfast in the kitchen,” I mouthed at him. He nodded in acknowledgement before sitting up. He rubbed his eyes as he shuffled over to us and put his arms around both of us.
“This fucking sucks,” he stated aloud. Brian only nodded his head in reply. I could hear him slowly getting his breathing under control. Matt leaned back on his heels and sniffed the air.
“Smells good, Aubrey. Come on Bri, let’s go get something to eat,” he persuaded.
“Not hungry,” Brian muttered back at him. Matt stood and attempted to pull Brian to his feet.
“I’m not either, dude, but we’ve gotta keep functioning.”
Brian allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and, keeping his gaze low, followed Matt towards the kitchen.

Zach was already tucking in to a large plate, whilst cooing and chatting at Jimmy, who’d woken and was staring intently at him. Matt helped himself to a plate of food whilst Brian stood like a statue in the doorway. I prodded him, gently.
“You ok, Bri?” I asked him, quietly. He only grunted in reply, but the interaction seemed to snap him back into motion and he sat himself at the table. I put a pot of coffee on and headed out to get Johnny. I placed a hand on his shoulder and he woke with a start.
“Aubrey! Did I fall asleep?” he asked as he looked around.
“Yeah, I thought I’d let you get a couple of hours in while you could. There’s breakfast inside if you want it, and coffee on the go too.”
“Yeah, I’m actually starving,” he replied enthusiastically, getting up to follow me. There was a very forced attempt at conversation going on inside, one which Brian was having no part in. He was completely shutting himself off from everyone at the moment, but I could hardly expect any different. I made my way over to Jimmy, who was fussing. As I got closer, it became apparent why.
“Yeah, he stinks,” Zacky smirked as he crammed another bite of waffle in.
“You want me to do it?” I asked Brian. He gave me a single nod, barely looking at me.

Since the Rev had passed, Brian was slowly having less and less to do with Jimmy. He seemed to be taking it particularly hard over the last 24 hours. I suppose the funeral had stirred his emotions up. I decided not to push it. He would need all the healing time he could get. I, on the other hand, was finding it difficult to find the time for me to grieve. Part of me felt like I had no right to grieve next to the rest of them. They had known Jimmy since they were kids, whereas I had only known him for just under two years. It was hardly comparable. Besides all that, Brian needed me right now. I had to keep the wheels turning, because if I stopped, we all stopped and that was not an option. Amongst everything else, baby Jimmy needed love and care - something that Brian wasn’t up to yet. He could barely care for himself at the moment. I scooped Jimmy up and, on my way out to the changing station, leaned over to Johnny.
“Get Brian to eat something, please?” I whispered to him under my breath.
He gave me a thumbs up, “I’ll do my best.”

I squeezed the sleepsuit poppers back together and kissed Jimmy’s nose.
“There, all clean again. Come here my little baby button,” I cooed as I whisked him up off the mat and snuggled him. He gurgled a little as I pulled him close and brought his fluffy hair to my nose. He smelled gorgeous. I let the scent steal me away to another place, a place where I didn’t have to think about everything that was going on. I didn’t get much of an escape before a smash from the kitchen ripped through the air, snapping me back to reality, followed by shouting.
“Aubrey?” Zach appeared in the doorway, looking nervous.
“What’s going on?” I asked, leaping to my feet. I thrust Jimmy into his arms and ran downstairs before he could answer. I could hear an argument in progress between Matt and Brian. I skidded round the corner and entered the kitchen to find Matt holding Brian’s arms behind his back, trying to calm him down as Brian shouted obscenities at Johnny. A splat of coffee had dripped down the wall, a puddle and shattered mug on the floor below it.
“BRIAN,” I shouted at the top of my lungs, sternly. It had the effect I’d hoped for as he stopped in his tracks and immediately relaxed his stance. Everyone was frozen to the spot for a moment, processing. Eventually Matt cautiously let go of Brian’s arms. As soon as he was free, Brian spun on his heel and stormed out of the kitchen, hissing at me on the way past.
“A fucking breakfast won’t fix anything, Aubrey.”

It felt like a slap but I let him go. I knew he didn’t mean it really, and I didn’t want to push him into another argument. He needed time by himself, so I busied myself with sweeping up the shards from the broken mug.
“I’m sorry, I was just trying to get him to have something and he snapped,” Johnny garbled in my direction. I held up my hand to stop him.
“It’s fine, seriously,” I answered, tipping the pieces into the bin. “It’s going to be tough for a while. Nothing we can do about it,” I shrugged as I grabbed a towel to mop up the liquid. Zacky appeared with Jimmy and sat at the table with him. Matt, Johnny and I started to clear away the breakfast stuff. Our stomachs were full but it had left a sour taste in our mouths after Brian’s outburst. I mopped at the coffee, a sinking feeling in my chest. This should have been a happy time in our life, but Jimmy’s death loomed over us. The darkness of it had overflowed and spilled clouds across our blue skies, just like Brian’s coffee had spread across the floor. I thought about Johnny's earlier words and realised that I couldn't understand how we were supposed to move forward from this either. At this moment in time, it felt impossible.

Notes

Poor Brian :(

Comments

@fyction
@synology
Yeah, but he's Adam. We're not allowed to like him hahaha!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/8/19

@synology
Okay, I know he’s a great guy. But we all, admittedly unreasonably, hate him! I’m disappointed in you, man.
Likes Adam. I can’t handle that.

fyction fyction
4/7/19

@fyction
@RamonaFoREVer
I cant help it!!! Hes always there for her and you can tell he loves her no matter what crazy shit is goi g on to her or in her head!!!!

synology synology
4/7/19

@synology
That’s ... that’s blasphemy.

fyction fyction
4/7/19

@synology
OH MY GOD, there's an Adam fan in the house!!!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/7/19