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Life After Death

13

“You sure you’re ok?” I triple checked. Matt rolled his eyes.
“Yes mom, we’ll be fine,” he sassed, opening the door.
I turned back, “Bottles are-”
“In the cupboard above the dishwasher, milk is in the fridge, diapers and wipes are in the change bag, yadda yadda yadda. You’ve said this a thousand times, dude. Just go already!” He shoved me out the door and made Jimmy’s little hand wave at me. “Bye Daddy Gates,” he said in a baby voice.
I gave him a nervous smile and waggled my fingers at Jimmy.
“You’ll be fine,” Matt reassured me. I nodded and set off towards my car. It was a grey day, the moody sky matching my pessimistic outlook. I wrenched the door open and dropped heavily into the driver’s seat. Today was the day. I was finally going to visit Aubrey at White Oaks. It had been two weeks before she’d even agreed to see me, choosing instead to berate me over the phone nightly about having her sectioned. Now the day had finally rolled around where she’d begrudgingly agreed that I could visit her. I had no idea what was in store for me. I’d never even been close to somewhere like this before; my only experience was films and they were never promising. They were all rocking in the corner, maniacal laughs and straight jackets. I knew that that stuff was probably not real, but in the back of my mind I had a niggling worry that I might find Aubrey locked in a padded cell or something. Pushing that thought away firmly, I turned the key in the ignition.

The worst part about White Oaks being an hour away was the amount of time I had for thinking with no distraction. I was leaving Jimmy for the first time on top of everything else. I had full confidence in Matt to look after him, but fatherly instinct was kicking in. Ha, who’d have guessed Synyster Gates would be protective over a baby? Not me, that's for sure. Baby Jimmy had stirred up a whole load of feeling that I’d never known was even there. The feelings weren’t unwelcome at all, in fact I was quite settling into being a dad and I took some comfort in that. I only wished I could protect Aubrey the same way I did with Jimmy. My mind was wandering into the dangerous territory of imaginary asylums again, so I flicked on the radio to try and distract me for the rest of the drive.

White Oaks was much bigger than I’d imagined. The tall, red brick building loomed over me in an intimidating manner. There was nothing I liked about it so far. I rang a buzzer at the door and a voice came through the intercom.
“Push the door,” it said, and I heard a mechanism unlock in the chunky double doors. I pressed forwards, trying to ignore the nerves stirring in my gut. Inside, the walls had been painted a pale green and the floor was a matching coloured lino. They hadn’t tried to disguise the fact it was a hospital at all, it felt clinical and cold. I approached the reception desk and a tired looking secretary looked up at me.
“Visitor?” she asked, flatly. I nodded, as her eyes moved back to her screen. “And you are visiting?”
“Aubrey Wilson,” I answered. Tap, tap, tap on the keyboard.
“Ward 6. Down the hall, through two sets of double doors and turn right,” she instructed quickly before turning back to her computer with a sniff. Huh, what a welcoming place. I followed her directions and ended up at another chunky, locked door. ‘WARD 6’ was printed across it and there was a buzzer to the side. I rang it and after a moment, a nurse opened the door.
“Good afternoon,” she greeted with a smile. So, not everyone in this place was a jerk, then.
“I’m here to visit Aubrey Wilson,” I said, with a weak smile. I was not ready for this. I wanted to turn and run. The nurse held the door open, and after I’d entered the ward she locked it behind me. I was trapped here now, no escape. She walked me down the corridor to a lounge area. The people here looked… normal. Two were lounging in front of a TV watching a game show, one was doing a jigsaw with a nurse, one was sat in the corner reading. There was no sign of Aubrey, though. The nurse pointed out a room to my right that had ‘VISITING ROOM’ printed on the door.
“I’ll let her know you’re here,” she announced, before turning on her heel and striding off down a corridor.

I pushed the door to the visiting room open. It was painted a nauseating lilac colour, with a few mismatched armchairs dotted around the room. I chose the cleanest looking one to sit in and peered out the window. The hospital ground were quite scenic, they must have a good gardener – shame the same couldn’t be said for the interior designer.
“Bri?” Aubrey’s voice startled the hell out of me. She stood in the doorway, a nervous look on her face. The sight of her broke my heart. Her figure was skinny, her shoulders slouched in defeat. It was 2pm but she was still in pyjamas and it didn’t look like she’d brushed her hair since I’d last seen her. I didn’t care that she looked like shit though, my heart still skipped a beat and I jumped up as she approached. She looked up at me with big doe eyes and I pulled her into a tight embrace.
“I’ve missed you, Aub,” I breathed into her hair. I pulled back, taking in her tiny frame. “Are you ok, baby? You’ve lost weight.”
We sat and she looked around nervously, then leaned in closely as though she didn’t want to be heard.
“Brian please, you have to take me home,” she urged in a low voice. “They put poison in the food here, they’re trying to kill me.”
And just like that, the crazy came out.
“Aubrey, no one’s trying to poison you,” I tried to reassure her. She looked away, her mouth twisted downwards.
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me. They bring people here to die, Brian. Don’t you see it?” Her eyes were wide and afraid as she spoke. I tried to hold her hand but she pulled away from me.
“They just want to help you get better,” I insisted, but she was having none of it. She tried to lead me into it again but I cut her off.
“Don’t you want to know how Jimmy is?” I asked, trying to distract her frantic accusations. It stopped her for sure, but I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for.
“You mean my baby that you stole from me?” she replied, coldly. “You and Adam were in on that together, weren’t you? And now you’ve had me locked up, you fucking asshole.” She was beginning to raise her voice as she turned on me. I tried to block out the venom she was spitting until she ranted herself to a standstill, which normally took around half an hour. I was becoming used to this, it was already part of our nightly phone call routine, but it didn’t make it hurt any less to hear. I didn’t know who she was anymore, or if the Aubrey that I remembered was still there underneath it all. I had to believe that she was still there somewhere, that the Aubrey before me was just temporary. I looked out of the window until I heard her slowing down. She barely registered that I wasn’t listening, she was far too swept up in accusing me of incarcerating her. With one last insult hurled, she let out a huff and then just stared at me with pursed lips. This is not her. She won’t be like this forever. Things will go back to normal.

“If I bring food in for you, will you please eat?” I asked once she’d been quiet for a minute. She eyed me suspiciously and then looked thoughtful for a moment.
“I need something they can’t tamper with,” she answered, her eyes darting towards the nurses’ station. I didn’t argue with her sentiment, just made a note that she had essentially said yes. She would need to eat soon unless she wanted to end up with a feeding tube. I checked my watch, it was time to leave.
“I can work with that,” I assured her as I stood to go. It seemed to placate her and she relaxed a little. “Do you need anything else?”
She shook her head, “I just want to come home.”
“I know you do, baby. I want you home too, but we have to wait for the doctors to say you can,” I pulled her into a hug before she could stop me. Instead of pulling away, she leaned into me deeply. I relished the contact with her this time, stroking a hand down her back. I wanted to take her home with me so badly, but I knew she needed to get better. For now, I’d have to leave her behind as I went home to baby Jimmy, alone.

Notes

Oh hey, it's Aubrey! Bet you'd forgotten all about her. And not to mention reliable Adam, who appeared in name, but not in spirit.

Comments

@fyction
@synology
Yeah, but he's Adam. We're not allowed to like him hahaha!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/8/19

@synology
Okay, I know he’s a great guy. But we all, admittedly unreasonably, hate him! I’m disappointed in you, man.
Likes Adam. I can’t handle that.

fyction fyction
4/7/19

@fyction
@RamonaFoREVer
I cant help it!!! Hes always there for her and you can tell he loves her no matter what crazy shit is goi g on to her or in her head!!!!

synology synology
4/7/19

@synology
That’s ... that’s blasphemy.

fyction fyction
4/7/19

@synology
OH MY GOD, there's an Adam fan in the house!!!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/7/19