Aubrey’s POV

I woke up in the middle of the night to silence. I checked my phone – 3.07am. I tried unsuccessfully to drift back off for a while, but my brain was up and at it. A hurricane of fear and anxiety was starting to whirl so I gave up. As I sat up, I felt Baby Gates softly wiggle. It was calming in a weird way, like he was trying to comfort me. I strained my eyes to see where everyone was. The bus was very dimly lit and completely devoid of life. Tremendous snoring came from one of the bunks. Looks like they have an early start tomorrow. I tiptoed as quietly as I could down to the front. The table was littered with beer bottles, ashtrays and random personal effects. I sifted through it all to find a pack of cigarettes. It didn’t take long. I slid one out and put it to my lips. The lighter sparked into life and I brought it closer but faltered as it reached the cigarette. Don’t do it, Aubrey. I sighed, returning the smoke to the pack and dropping the lighter noisily. I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck my life sideways and fuck this fucking-
“Hard night?” came a lowered voice from my side. I snapped my head up with a gasp. Jimmy was somehow standing right next to me.
“Did you fucking teleport or something?” I asked in disbelief, trying to slow my heart.
“Who knows?” He replied with a mysterious air and then chuckled. “Nah, I was awake so I followed you down here.”
“You couldn’t sleep either, huh?” I gave him a weak smile. He smirked in return.
“Have you heard Zach’s snoring? I’m in the bunk above him and the whole thing vibrates, I swear,” he pulled a face, making me giggle, and made for the cigarettes. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” I gave him a wave of permission. “So how’s the tour going?”
“It’s great,” he replied, picking up the lighter, “but we’re not gonna talk about that, are we?”
“I think I know where this is going,” I replied flatly as he sparked up his cigarette and took a deep drag. He puffed it back out and grinned mischievously at me.
“You know it, Aubrey. It’s that women’s intuition,” he winked at me. Ha, asshole. He took another puff of his cigarette and his expression changed. “Syn loves you. I know he’s been a stupid fucker but he really does. Maybe, before you go, just hear what he has to say?”
I lowered my eyes, “Maybe. I’ll think about it.” I had no intention of speaking to Brian again. He’d said enough last time. I gave Jimmy a small smile. Both he and I knew that my words were empty promises but, thankfully, he didn’t press it. We sat in a mostly comfortable silence whilst he finished his cigarette. My brain was running through the situation at a million miles an hour for the hundredth time. I was pretty sure that Jimmy could read my mind because as he stubbed out his cigarette, he fired another question at me, though it was not the one I was expecting.
“What do you want?” he asked, meeting my eye. A short, but heavily loaded, question that I wasn’t sure I knew the answer to.
“What makes you think I know?” I answered, wearily.
He cocked his head to one side, “You haven’t thought about it?”
“I’ve been kind of busy being embroiled in what Brian wants,” I shrugged. It was true, I hadn’t really thought about where I was going with everything. Maybe that’s why I was dragging Syn for not knowing – a little bit of projection there, I guess.
“Isn’t this even more of a reason to speak with him?” Jimmy broke through my thoughts. I sighed heavily, still not sure. Bri’s words last night had been like a knife twisting in my side and I felt like I was still trying to close the wound.
“Did you not hear him last night?” I reminded him.
“We all did. It was kind of hard not to hear you guys,” he replied, smirking slightly. “But you know Syn, Aubrey. He's notoriously shit at listening, but he’s also pretty awful at talking. The rest of us only found out about this yesterday and then he barely spoke to any of us about it… until last night.”
My eyes flickered to him briefly only to catch his unfaltering stare. Damn it. He knows he’s got my attention.
“What did he say last night?” The question tumbled out of my mouth in a rush before I could stop it. Ugh, Desperate Aubrey strikes again.
“Why don’t you ask him about that?” Jimmy replied, reaching for another cigarette. The tone of his voice signaled the end of the conversation. I hesitated for a moment, turning over his words in my head and deciding whether to press for more. I decided against it, stood and bid him goodnight. He watched me walking away for a second before softly calling after me.
“I know he wants this really. The baby, I mean.”
I stopped in my tracks and waited for a moment to see if he had more to divulge.
“He took the scan pictures to bed with him,” he added. He paused for a moment, seemingly trying to decide whether to say more on the subject. He opted not to in the end and simply said, “Goodnight, Aubrey.”
“Night, Rev.”

As I passed the bunks, I softly pulled Syn’s curtain back a fraction to peek in. He was peacefully asleep, his chest rising and falling with soft breaths. He looked heavenly, as always. Jimmy hadn’t been lying; there the scan pictures were, clutched in his hand. Ugh, it was my turn to be seriously confused. I still loved Brian, of course, I couldn’t just switch it off… but at this moment there were still embers left from the furious fire that had coursed through my veins earlier. The blaze had been tamed a little by the curiosity I had with Brian and Jimmy’s conversation. I didn’t know whether to validate the lingering anger or ignore it, but even taking the events of the previous weeks into consideration, I still missed him. Painfully so. Perhaps we could just bury our heads and be for tonight.
Aubrey… my inner voice chided, don’t do it. You’ll regret it in the morning.
Oh fuck off, Sensible Aubrey, I don’t need rationalisation. I mentally stuck a finger up at her and went ahead with the impulse, climbing softly into the bunk.

When I woke the next morning, it was in Syn’s embrace. He’d half woken as I climbed into his bed and eagerly pulled me into his arms before drifting off again. I snuggled closer, savouring the moment. I loved the security that being wrapped up in his colourful arms brought. His words from the previous night were still stinging a little though and I couldn’t escape the fact that I was still upset. I slipped out of his arms and down from the bunk, managing somehow not to wake him. The sun was just beginning to rise. Time to go. I knew I was essentially just running from the problem but I figured I was more than justified in needing a little time alone. I still felt like a coward though, slipping away whilst everyone was sleeping, but I couldn’t face the questions. Of course, nothing’s ever simple and a voice caught me as I slung my backpack onto my shoulder.
“Sleep well?” He asked, knowingly. His demeanour was a little different to last night. Slightly less friendly. I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Have you been awake this whole time?” I shot back, eyeing him suspiciously. Jimmy shrugged.
“I don’t sleep well on the bus, I’m holding out for the hotel tonight.” His eyes flickered to the bag on my shoulder. “I see you’re leaving?” he asked, cooly.
“Don’t make this hard on me, Jim.”
“I’m not the one making it hard,” he jabbed. He quickly softened though. “Don’t you want to just try talking to him?”
I lowered my eyes. I wasn’t sure I was ready to forgive Syn just yet, as much as my body ached for him. I swallowed against the lump that was in my throat. Jimmy didn’t probe, choosing instead to retreat back to his place at the front of the bus where his coffee sat. I felt frozen to the spot, unsure of whether to defend myself or just leave. I hesitated a moment too long.
“Are you leaving?” came Syn’s hurt voice from behind me. Oh shit. That’s what you get for climbing into his fucking bed, moron. Sensible Aubrey was reveling in this. I turned to face him, slowly.
“I was about to,” I admitted, feeling guilty as ever. His face fell. If ever there was a moment for the ground to swallow me up, it was now.
“You don’t want to talk... at all?” His brown eyes were pools of sadness and I could feel Jimmy’s icy blues boring holes into my back. Fuck’s sake. I closed my eyes for a second and then relented.
“Come on, then,” I gestured for him to follow me. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” I slung my bag onto the couch and we made for the exit to have, what was likely going to be, a painful conversation.

Notes

Ahhh, Aubrey, you can't just hide from your problems! Unluckily for her, Jimmy has impeccable timing.

I wonder how their talk will go...