Oh, Baby!

A knock at my door signalled Adam’s arrival. I was kind of hoping I’d have heard from Brian by now, even though I was angry at him for skipping out. I was less furious than I was last time, I guess I was growing accustomed to his disappearing act. I opened the door and welcomed Adam in. He greeted me with a sweet peck then gave me the once over.
“Looking gorgeous, as always,” he grinned as he watched me go to the mirror to put earrings in. He was looking pretty good too, his white shirt open at the neck showing just a hint of his toned chest.
“So what are we having?” I asked flirtily, watching his reflection.
“How does Italian sound?”
“Bellissimo,” I teased. He approached from behind and slid his arms around me.
“I know something else that is bellissimo,” He said, eyeing our reflection in the mirror. I gave him a shy smile and he nuzzled into my neck, kissing me. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine our future, to see if I could really do this with Adam. The feeling was nice, but nothing like the fireworks and butterflies and electricity that came with Bri- Stop it Aubrey, don’t say the B word, Sensible Aubrey warned. A sudden frenzied banging at the door made my eyes snap open.
“Are you expecting someone?” Adam looked confused.
I shook my head, “No… I-”
I was cut off by more urgent knocking.
“Aubrey?” Brian’s voice called through the door. My eyes widened.
“Who’s that?” Adam asked, catching my look. I swallowed, feeling panicky. I hadn’t really wanted these two paths to cross just yet; I was still trying to navigate each one and now they were heading for a disastrous crash and I would be the one to try and salvage my dignity from the wreckage. This is what you get for playing with fire, Aubrey.
“Do you want me to ask him to go away?” Adam persisted as the knocking started up again. I shook my head frantically. I was going to keep them separate if I could. I’ll just talk to him quietly in the hall, tell him it’s not a good time and send him away. Yep, that's a good plan. Just bury your head in the sand. Sensible Aubrey was sneering at me. Fuck, sensible Aubrey, I'm going to make it work. Fate actually had other plans though, because Brian practically burst into the apartment as I opened the door.
“Aubrey,” he began as he put his hands on my arms, “Aubrey, I was a total tool earlier. I’m so sorry,” he rushed his words.
“Brian, it’s fine, honestly. Can you please stop turning up unannounced though? A phone call would have been nice. Let's go out into-”
“Who’s this?” he interrupted, flatly, finally noticing Adam. He looked back and forth between us, taking in our dressed up appearance. I could see the cogs turning in his head as he put two and two together. “I can see I’m interrupting,” he snarled, pushing me away and storming out into the stairwell. I ran after him, grabbing his arm. He pulled it away harshly and turned to me.
“Are you serious, Aubrey? Shacking up with someone when you’re pregnant? Jesus Christ. What about me?” he hissed. I went very quickly from damage control mode to utter fury.
“What?!” I exploded. “What do you mean 'what about you'? What about me?! Am I supposed to be alone forever because you can’t make up your fucking mind?”
“Forever?” he retorted with a spiteful laugh, “It’s been two fucking months, Aubrey.”
“Yes, Brian! Two months of doing this huge thing BY MYSELF, because YOU didn’t want to commit!” I yelled back with all I had.
“Huge thing? Shopping at 3am for pickles is huge?” he scoffed at me.
“Oh, you are such a jackass it’s unbelievable,” I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe I ever wanted you to come back.”
“Yeah, I can’t believe it either, especially as you’ve already got a boyfriend in there,” he glared at Adam through the half-open door.
“You mean the guy who’s taking care of the pregnant girlfriend that you were hiding from? Adam is a good guy,” I snapped back. Brian’s eyes were fiery.
“Have you fucked him?” he demanded, his face scrunched up in disgust.
“What?” I asked, in disbelief.
“I said have you fucked him?” he repeated slowly, spitting the words at me. My fists were clenched so tightly that my nails were threating to tear the skin of my palms. I breathed out and relaxed them.
“No, I haven’t.” I answered, quietly. A flash of relief crossed his face, but he didn’t give up the fight. I knew he was too stubborn for that.
“Shocking,” he quipped, raising his eyebrows at me.
“Why are you like this?” I asked, dropping my eyes to the floor. “All I wanted was for you to be there for me.”
“Well, clearly you had no trouble finding a replacement for me after 2 months.”
“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d been there from the start, you fucking asshole,” I shot back, with venom.
“I needed time to think,” he shouted, red in the face.
“And I needed support!” my voice cracked as the tears started rolling. “If you’d have been here at all, you’d know that I’ve got no goddamn food in my fridge, no money to pay my rent and I’m absolutely fucking terrified of being alone with a tiny baby. A baby that you can’t even cope with the thought of…” I trailed off as I dissolved into crying. Brian stood, open mouthed, clearly trying to figure out what to do next. He opted for pulling me into a tight embrace. I tried desperately to squirm out of it.
“Don’t touch me, I don’t want you fucking touching me,” I wanted to scream it at him but my energy was spent, so I settled for gasping it in between sobs. He didn’t let go though, he held me tighter and just murmured “I’m sorry” over and over into my hair. We stayed that way for several minutes until I’d calmed enough to speak. I looked up at him to find tears in his eyes. He loosened his grip but I didn’t step away. I didn’t want him to let go of me.
“What are we doing, Brian?” I asked, sadly. He looked at me, defeated.
“I want you, Aubrey,” he murmured, dropping his head to mine. “I want you, I want Baby Gates, I want us as a family. That’s all I came to say.”
“Bri,” I began, but he shook his head and stepped back. He flashed me a sad look and then turned away and disappeared down the steps. I watched him go with a lump in my throat. I don’t know how things got this way. We’d been so happy. We’d gotten in our little relationship boat together and we’d weathered the storms with ease and laughed in the face of rapids. Now it felt more like we were on a sinking ship. Brian had taken off in the life boat and I was left drowning. I stared at the stairwell, hoping he’d come back but after 10 minutes, I figured he was gone. My lips pulled downwards and I fought the urge to cry again as a noise from my apartment jolted me back to reality. Oh, fuck. Adam. I’d forgotten he was in there. As much as I didn’t want to go in and face him, I couldn’t avoid it. I heaved a sigh and made for the door.

“I made coffee,” he said quietly, as I came through the door. “I thought you might need it.”
“Thanks,” I replied, glumly, taking the mug from his outstretched hand.
“Are you ok?” he asked, taking a sip from his own mug.
“I’m fine,” I shrugged, then sighed. “I’m not fine, I’m a mess. I’m sorry you had to see all that. We’d better call off dinner tonight.”
“I think we’d better call off everything,” he looked at me, a sad smile on his face.
I looked at my coffee to avoid his gaze, “Why?”
“I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. I really like you, Aubrey, so much; but I can see that Brian loves you. More importantly, I can tell that you love him. It wouldn’t be right for me to put myself between you. Things might not be working out for you two right now, but I don’t want to be in the way when you come back together, which you will,” he finished, his voice solemn yet understanding. I didn’t know what to say to that. I swirled my coffee, like I might find answers in there.
“I did like you,” I said, pathetically.
“I know, but you owe it to yourself to not settle for liking someone when you could be loving someone,” he replied, “and you and I both know that Brian is that someone. I’m not going to try and insert myself into his role.” Fuck's sake. Why is he so nice?
“I wish you weren’t such a good guy, maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a bitch right now,” I said, trying to make my voice light and jokey, even though I felt far from it. He gave a small smile and drank the last of his coffee.
“Things were good for us, let’s get out of it before it goes sour,” he shrugged.
“I’m sorry it’s gone this way,” I apologised. He stroked my hair softly as he made to leave.
“Me too,” he replied, sincerely. I walked him to the door, and hesitated before opening it.
“Thank you, Adam.” I gave him a peck on the cheek. He nodded at me and sighed.
“Thank you, Aubrey. It’s been a brief pleasure,” he replied as he opened the door and took a step. His body stiffened for a fraction of a second as he looked down the hall but he regained his composure quickly and resumed walking out. I slid around the door to watch him go and my heart stopped. I could see why he’d reacted the way he did. Brian was standing at the top of the stairwell, a pained expression on his face. Adam strode towards him confidently. Oh God, he’s going to hit him or something. He approached Brian sternly and I winced, but instead of raising a fist, he held his hand out.
“She’s all yours,” he declared, hand outstretched towards Brian. Brian’s eyes flickered down at his hand and back up again. His expression never changed as he took Adam’s hand and shook it. I looked on as Adam gave him a nod and then started down the stairs without looking back. His footfalls fade into the distance as I watched Brian, who shuffled awkwardly on the spot and then looked to me. A moment of silence went by, but instead of the tension we’d become so used to lately, it was a comfortable silence.
“Well,” I breathed, “are you coming in?”

Notes

Peace out, Adam!