Oh, Baby!

I hauled myself up the steps to my apartment, weighed down by a million bags. I’d nearly collapsed by the time I got to the door. Pressing my key into the lock, I paused for a moment to try and catch my breath. Pregnancy was catching up with me. I burst through the door, bump first, followed by my assortment of bags and set them down on the nearest available surface. It was difficult to find one anymore. Heaving a sigh of relief, I rubbed my reddened arms. I glanced around my apartment with a feeling of impending doom. It was getting difficult to walk with the amount of stuff hanging around. After the Brian saga, I’d thrown myself into preparing for the baby. Shopping trip after shopping trip ensued until my apartment was full – unlike my bank account which was looking very sorry for itself. I still had things to buy, not to mention things like the cot that needed putting together. Where it was all going to go? I let out an exasperated moan. My due date was tiptoeing closer and I felt nowhere near ready and, frankly, extremely overwhelmed.

I’d not spoken to Brian, or any of Avenged for that matter, since I’d come home. With every passing day, I felt more distance and yet, I also felt a growing longing for him. I wished he was around to share the smiles and tears, the worries, the appointments, the sleepless nights, the 2am walks to get pickles. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t finally enjoying my pregnancy, I was even looking forward to having Baby in my arms; but I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting him here with me. It had now been two long months and I was about to enter my seventh month of pregnancy, feeling more alone than ever. I’d made a few acquaintances at various pregnancy classes but not really clicked with anyone. No friends, no family, no lover. Doomed to be alone forever.
Oh snap out of it, Aubrey. How dramatic can you get? I rolled my eyes at myself and rallied around to attempt to find somewhere to put the day’s purchases. Just as I was trying to squeeze another pack of diapers into the back of the closet, my phone rang, giving me a start. I didn’t recognise the number. Brian?
“Hello?” I answered, breathlessly, hopefully.
“Aubrey! Hi, it’s Adam,” came the voice on the other end.
“Oh, hey,” I stuttered, slightly taken aback. I’d forgotten about him if I was honest, but it wasn’t awful to hear his voice.
“So,” he paused for a moment, “I’m in California for a conference this weekend. I was thinking you could show me around Huntington Beach, maybe we could grab something to eat together?”
I considered his proposal carefully. It felt almost like a betrayal to Brian… but then, Brian wasn’t here. Perhaps Adam would provide a much needed distraction.
I decided to take the plunge, “Sure, just give me a day and time.”
“How does 3pm on Saturday sound?”
“Perfect,” I answered, and gave him my address. We exchanged goodbyes and I hung up. Part of me felt like I was doing something terrible akin to cheating, but another part of me felt relieved. It felt like a step forward from constantly mourning my previous relationship. Questions began bouncing around in my head. What should I wear? Where should I take him? Do I invite him into my apartment? I looked around at the piles of baby stuff. That’s a hard no. The poor guy doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. He would probably run a mile the second I opened the door…

I kept myself busy until Saturday rolled around. I’d not exactly been short of things to do. I’d spent the last four days working hard to make the apartment tidy and finally felt like I was starting to win the battle. I could now sit on the sofa and watch TV without having to strain to see around bags and boxes. I’d tidied myself up too. It had been a while since I’d bothered with maintenance like shaving and nail painting. It was refreshing to gussy myself up for someone and by the time Adam was due to arrive, I was feeling somewhat attractive again. There was one teeny, tiny sticking point of course - the rounded baby bump. It was difficult to miss and certainly impossible to hide. I’d no idea how he would react but after Brian, I was feeling fairly hardened to rejection. I could take whatever he threw at me. A knock resonated around my apartment. My stomach plummeted. What was I thinking?! I can’t take rejection! If I'm quiet, maybe he’ll go away…
“Aubrey? It’s Adam,” he called through the door. I had a quick battle with myself, resulting in me berating myself. Stop hiding, you massive loser Impulsive Aubrey scolded me. So, I found myself nervously chewing the inside of my cheek as I walked to the door. My hand rested on the handle for a moment as I worked myself up to open it.
“Hey,” I said coolly, as I swung the door open. I saw his eyes quickly sweep down, widen and come back up again. It was a flicker, but I caught it. He was silent for a moment. I knew exactly what was coming.
“So how’s life?” he asked, casually. Huh, maybe I didn't know what was coming. I opened my mouth and closed it a couple of times, looking like a goddamn goldfish. I finally found my voice.
“Busy. Cramped. Lots going on,” I replied, somewhat sheepishly.
“I can see,” he trailed off. I was always terrible at reading people and he was no different, I had no idea what he was thinking but I could guess. I’d better do the kind thing and give him an escape route.
“We don’t have to do this-”
“No! God, no. I’m still happy to, I was just… processing,” he interrupted me and gave a goofy grin.
I smiled back at him, pleasantly surprised, “uh, great, so is there anywhere you want to go?”
“I’m at your mercy,” he answered, his eyes twinkling.

We held our shoes in hand as we paddled along the shore, conversation flowing easily between us. He’d inevitably asked about the pregnancy before we’d even reached the beach and I’d skirted around it neatly. Adam didn’t need to know the details and besides, I didn’t want to think about Brian right now. I was actually sort of enjoying myself for the first time in a while and I didn’t want him to drag me down. We'd simply carried on chatting effortlessly. I appreciated the light and positive conversation, it took some of the edge off of the serious ones that were still hanging around in my mind from Illinois. Eventually we stopped to get ice cream.
“So what’s your plan?” he asked, taking a lick. We sat on the sand, watching the ocean wash in and out. I wiggled my toes in the sand as Baby did some crazy somersaults to match the waves.
“What do you mean?” I questioned, tilting my head.
“Well, that apartment is hardly big enough for a baby. They don’t stay small for long,” he answered.
“You’re right,” I concurred, thoughtfully. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Better start soon,” he said, with a wink. I hummed in reply and turned back to the ocean.
“I didn’t mean to offend,” he started. I cut him off with a wave.
“It’s fine. I probably should be more prepared,” I mused. “Anyway, how about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you know. What about your plans?” I pressed, nibbling my cone. He looked at me, an odd expression on his face.
“Actually, I’ve been offered a job here,” he answered, casually. I nearly chocked.
“What?” I sputtered. “Here? In Huntington Beach?”
“Yep,” he affirmed, finishing his ice cream. “That’s why I was keen for a tour.”
“Right,” I answered, recovering from the shock. “And are you taking it?”
“Definitely. I can finally move into pediatrics and it’s a huge pay rise,” he nodded then waggled his eyebrows, making my heart skip a beat. “We could be neighbors.”
I laughed nervously. I’d expected this to be a one-off meeting, I’d not planned for potentially seeing him regularly. Maybe it could be a good thing though…

The time came for us to part ways. Adam walked me back to my apartment and pulled me into an embrace at the door. He leaned back, keeping his hands on my arms, and studied me.
“You’re really quite beautiful, you know,” he murmured. I let out a nervous giggle.
“Thank you,” I blushed, “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He looked down at the floor for a moment, as if trying to find his words. When he gazed up at me again, his hazel eyes melted my insides.
“When I transfer here, I’d like to see you again,” he stroked a hand down my cheek, making me swoon. How I wasn’t a puddle on the floor at this point, I wasn’t sure.
“I’d like that,” I replied, smiling shyly. “And you don’t mind this?” I gestured to my bump. He silently shook his head.
“I take life as it comes,” he answered in a soft voice, leaning in to kiss me. I’d been a little hung up on the idea of this all day, but to my surprise I leaned in eagerly without any hesitation. The kiss was short but very sweet, leaving me wanting more. I sighed deeply and opened my eyes to his striking gaze.
“Goodbye, Aubrey,” he said, delicately. I waved, still completely speechless from the kiss. As he walked away, I unlocked my door and stepped into my apartment. As soon as it was closed, I slid down onto the arm of the sofa and then fell back into it, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I felt my phone dig into my back. I’d been so nervous earlier that I’d completely forgotten to take it with me. I let the screen light up and was met with a message notification. It was an unrecognised number, but I my heart pounded as I instinctively knew who it was from. My whole world came to a halt as I read it…

I miss you.

Notes

Oh, Aubrey! Don't go getting yourself into a love triangle! Silly girl D: