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Oh, Baby!

5

Syn's POV
I sat in the lounge of our bus, my mind buzzing from our argument. A cigarette hung from my lips and my good friend Jack Daniels was sat next to me. I couldn’t seem to open my mouth anymore without putting my foot in it. Why I was being an asshole, I wasn’t sure. I had the self-awareness to know that I alone was single handedly destroying any chance of a future relationship with Aubrey... and my son.
It’s just that this thing was… fucking terrifying. Babies are terrifying. They puke, they cry, they take over your whole damn life. I took a long drag of my smoke and reached for the JD. My hand brushed against something. The scan pictures… I didn’t want to look but at the same time I was helplessly drawn to them. Taking a deep breath, I picked them up and looked properly at it. The baby. My baby. My heart sank as uneasiness came over me and then shame. Shame at my inability to feel anything for this thing, shame at my actions. A throat cleared, distracting me from my thoughts. I looked up to be met with Jimmy looking somewhere between sympathetic and weary.
“The miracle of life, huh?” He said, quietly. I kept my eyes down on the pictures in my hands.
“I’m being a jackass, aren’t I?” I replied, stubbing my cigarette out.
He shrugged back at me, “Yeah, a little.”
“I don’t know how you guys are so positive and certain about it,” I confessed. “I’m confused, Jim. I’m fucking scared. Three weeks ago, I was just Synyster Gates. I could drink as much as I wanted, party until I passed out. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I’m second guessing everything. I don’t get how I’m supposed to be Synyster and be a dad… Everything I touch, I always end up turning it to shit. The only thing I hadn’t fucked up yet was Avenged, but look how that’s going now.”
Jimmy didn’t reply, he just took a seat next to me and peered at the pictures. He drew my attention to the last picture with a smile.
“Check it out, Mini Gates is sucking his thumb,” he pointed out. “Man, how can you not be amazed by it? I know you’re freaking out – totally unnecessarily by the way – but that’s your son,” he finished in wonder.
“And this is my band, J.” I countered. Jimmy held up a hand to stop me.
“Yeah, this is your band,” he started, looking me dead in the eye, “and we are your brothers, Syn. We’re not about to leave you in the dust. Avenged isn’t going anywhere without you. And you don’t have to put your life on hold because of this. We are a family and we don’t leave anyone behind. But you’ll regret it for the rest of your days if you miss out on your son’s life just because you didn’t want to miss a few shitty parties. There will be a fuck load more parties to go to, but you only get to do this once. Know what I’m saying?” He put an arm around me as I gave a small nod. He squeezed me tightly. “Besides all that, don’t you think ‘Uncle Knife Master’ sounds fucking awesome?”
“Jesus, Jimmy,” I laughed, finally cracking my face. Jimmy let out one of his chuckles which only made me laugh harder.
“The Reverend Tholomew Plague, at your service.” He bowed, tipping an imaginary hat. He waited until we’d fallen quiet again before taking the strip of pictures from my hands and gazing at them.
“Brian, I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t say to you now that you are about to royally fuck everything up. Be a man and go sort your shit out, brother.”

Jimmy was right. Jimmy was always right, though I’d never tell him that, lest I hear about it until the end of time. I thought about going out after Aubrey but I figured she might want some space for the time being. She would have to come back at some point, she’d left her bag. She wasn’t the only one I had to explain myself to though. I headed to the front of the bus where all the guys were sat. Johnny offered me a beer but I declined. I wanted to stay clear headed until I’d settled everything.
Zacky shot me a concerned look, “You alright, Bri?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I just wanted to say sorry, guys,” I addressed all of them. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this but I do at least know I’ve been a fucking douche the last few weeks.”
“Can someone please film this moment? Synyster Gates is apologising. We are making history right here on this bus,” Jimmy yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. I pursed my lips as they all, predictably, doubled up in laughter.
“Yep,” I nodded my head at them all, amused. “Get it out of your system.”
Eventually the laughter died down and then Matt spoke first.
“You don’t need to apologise, Syn. We know it must be a head fuck. Just glad you’re coming to your senses. Now, you gonna go find Aubrey? She’s pissed at you, bro. Damn, I wouldn’t want to be you right now, angry pregnant women are dangerous.” He let out a hearty laugh.
“Yeah, I’d better go and face her wrath,” I grimaced, knowing I was about to get my ass handed to me.
“Don’t worry man, we’ll hold a good funeral for you,” Johnny chimed in.
I stuck a finger up at him as I made my way down the steps, grinning, “I’ll be haunting you for sure, short shit.”

Aubrey hadn’t gone far. In fact, she’d not made it even 5 meters from the bus. She was sat on the sidewalk, picking at the gravel. I called her name softly, but she kept her head down, silently ignoring me. She must still be furious. It was late now, and cold. I could see the goose bumps on her arms so I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders. She didn’t acknowledge me but accepted the jacket so I guess that’s something. I sat beside her and followed her lead in fidgeting with the grit on the floor.
“Aub?” I was met with silence, so I continued. “Please come back on the bus, even if you just stay the night and then go.”
Silence. She finally looked up at me. I expected to see venom in her eyes but was met with tears still fresh on her face. All the fear and anger of the past hour aside, it broke my heart to see her so saddened, especially knowing it was by my hand.
“Fuck, I’ve been an asshole. I’m so sorry,” I put an arm around her and pulled her in close to me. She leaned in and let me comfort her, just for a moment; but then she pulled away abruptly and looked down at her feet.
“I need some space,” she said, simply. I nodded.
“You can have the back of the bus to yourself. We can talk in the morning,” I suggested, but she shook her head.
“I’ll stay tonight, but I’m leaving first thing,” she replied, slowly. My heart sank but I didn’t argue. She needed rest, not more stress.
“Ok,” I agreed, solemnly. I got up and held out a hand to her to help her up. She took it and hauled herself to her feet with my assistance. She still wouldn’t look me in the eye. I took in her form, small and defeated. I’d fallen in love with her because she stood tall and proud. She had always been loud and bubbly, with a captivating confidence and an infectious laugh. She was far from that now, though. I guess everything I touch does go to shit.

We walked back over to the bus in silence. I climbed up the steps first and was greeted by expectant looks. I shook my head to signal for them to stay quiet. Aubrey clambered up behind me and I led her back to the lounge at the back of the bus. I hastily stashed the JD and cigarettes and cleared off the couch for her. She mumbled her thanks and sat.
“Do you need anything?” I asked, but she only shook her head in reply. I silently pleaded for her to look up at me but she remained motionless, eyes trained on the floor. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.
“Should I go?” I swallowed, already knowing the answer. She nodded silently. I hovered for a second, not really wanting to leave. I knew I couldn’t stay though so I admitted defeat and walked away back to the guys.

Johnny looked at me expectantly, “Well?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I think she’s leaving in the morning. I want to talk to her before she goes but I don’t think she wants to hear what I have to say," I sighed. "Still got that beer for me?” I took my place on the couch and took the bottle from Johnny’s hand. I stayed quiet for the next couple of hours as the guys chatted in hushed tones about this and that. We kept the drinking to a minimum, aware that we had a big show to be ready for the next day. It was a heavy heart and a clear head that I headed to my bunk with around midnight. I glanced towards the lounge and saw Aubrey curled up on her side, still in my jacket, fast asleep. I grabbed a spare blanket and laid it over her gently, being careful not to wake her. I watched her sleep for a moment as my emotions stirred up in me again. I might not feel totally ready for a baby, but I couldn’t think of a better person for it to have happened with. I resolved to not let her go without speaking to her first. I could only hope she’d agree to listen. I softly took the scan pictures from beside her and climbed into my bunk. This wasn’t just a baby, it was our baby. Baby Gates. The thought danced in my mind as I drifted off to sleep while looking at the pictures.

Notes

Good old JimJam to the rescue! Looks like Brian is maybe starting to come around, but will Aubrey be able to forgive the douchebaggery of the last few weeks? Hmm...

Chapter 5! Not doing so well in the one shot department, clearly!

Comments

@overneaththepathofmisery
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, sorry about the tears though!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/5/19

I’ve just started and finished this today. This last chapter... The shortest of the story, with so few words said... The way you captured the feelings perfectly... I can’t breathe. I’m a crying mess.

@RamonaFoREVer
That is true... Picturing Bri with a baby in arms... argh! So cute!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
2/4/19

@kiss my sas
Thank you so much! I hope your heart is ok. He is growing up without Uncle Knifemaster, but he does have Daddy Brian <3

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
2/4/19

Ahhhhhh!!!
I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!
Sorry I am so late to the party. Freaking HECTIC weekend :( I need a weekend to recover from the weekend.
But oh no!! That was a heart wrenching ending... urgh, my heart :(
I did not see that coming... but poor little baby Jimmy, growing up without Uncle Knifemaster :(
Loved reading this! You have a way with words, and your writing style is amazing! Cannot wait to read more of your stuff :D

kiss my sas kiss my sas
2/4/19