Oh, Baby!

“Well, are you coming in?”
“Do you want me to?” He asked. I nodded meekly and held the door open for him.
He walked in and surveyed the lounge. It was packed from floor to ceiling. Baby furniture, toys, diapers and tiny clothes filled every available space. I joined him in taking it in.
“I’ve kind of run out of space,” I joked.
“No kidding,” he let out a half laugh. He was quiet; obviously something was on his mind. It made me a little uneasy. We wanted to rush together, go back to how we used to be, but a lot had happened. I busied myself making coffee for the two of us.
“Aub?” he called, just as I finished. I hummed in response as I held a coffee out to him. “What happened with Adam?”
The mug I was about to pass him slipped out of my hand. It shattered, sending coffee running across the floor.
“Shit!” I cursed, hoping Brian thought I was panicking at the coffee situation rather than the Adam question. I rushed to dig a towel out of the drawer and knelt down, mopping at the floor harder than was necessary. I could feel his eyes on me as I worked furiously.
“Aubrey?” he asked, trying to coax me out of my cleaning frenzy. I stopped my arms but kept my eyes to the lake of coffee on my floor.
“Why do you want to know about him, Brian?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I’d known it was inevitable that this would come up at some point, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“I need to know before this goes anywhere.”
“What difference will it make?” I asked, a pleading note in my voice.
“Did something happen? Have you slept with him?” he persisted. He was walking a very thin line.
“For Christ’s sake, Brian,” I said exasperatedly, throwing the towel down.
“That’s not an answer,” he replied, bluntly.
“We didn’t sleep together, I already told you that,” I retorted, hoping he wouldn’t press the idea. He had other ideas though, as he steam-rollered on with his interrogation.
“Did anything else happen?” he clipped, his voice taking on an impatient tone. This was clearly going to be a fight before long. Hell, I wanted a fight at this point, he really knew how to press my buttons and I was so easy to rile up at the moment. I stood up and got right in his face.
“You want to know, Brian? We fucking kissed, ok?” I hissed, furious. “We kissed, and I liked it.”
I could tell the last bit had stung him from the pained look on his face.
“You kissed him?” he said slowly, trying to process it.
“What? Are you going to use this as another excuse to bolt?” I scathed. Yikes, Aubrey, harsh. We clearly we had a lot to work through. He covered his face with his hands.
“And tonight, what were you doing?” He just couldn’t stop himself. He was insistent on torturing both of us with this.
“He was taking me to dinner, Brian. Any objections?” I shot at him.
“Wining and dining you before having his way,” he looked up and raised an eyebrow. My eyes widened in disbelief.
“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” I turned away, not wanting to say something I’d regret.
“You moved on without me,” he accused, pulling my arm to turn me back to him again.
“You left me, Brian!” I spat, but then my voice softened. “I was so lonely here. I needed someone. I needed you…” I trailed off.
“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked in a small voice.
“Call you? So you could freak out and disappear again? So you could break up with me again? You were so busy worrying about what might happen in 6 months’ time that you couldn’t see what you were actually doing right there in the present. Which was running away from everything.” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for an answer. He fidgeted for a moment.
“Aubrey, I don’t have a good excuse for that. I was scared and my defense mechanism was to run,” He replied, casting his eyes downwards.
I scoffed, “Alright for some. You were allowed to escape and I was left behind with all that you couldn’t face up to with me. I got left in the fucking dust.”
“Where you wasted no time jumping on Adam,” he quipped back at me. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Before I could stop myself, my arm had wound itself back and then flown forwards. My palm connected with his cheek, making a satisfying cracking sound ring out around the apartment. We stood in a stunned silence, his hand softly touching where my slap had landed. My brain was overflowing with a mix of crazy emotions as I searched for something to say. I drew a blank. Brian did as well, apparently, because he was equally mute. I forced my brain to kick into gear again and managed to utter out a few words.
“You can have the couch.” I bristled as I turned on my heel and stalked to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Here come the oh-so-predictable tears. I replaced my clothes with a tank top and panties, threw myself down on the bed and buried my head in my arms. I was on a carousel of guilt, fury and anguish and I couldn’t get off. I closed my eyes in a feeble attempt to shut everything off and eventually cried myself into a restless sleep.

I awoke to the sun flooding in through my window. I grumbled as I shielded my sore eyes. In my haste to escape the waking world, I’d forgotten to close the damn blind. I rolled onto my other side to escape the burning rays. Brian had played on my mind all night and, unsurprisingly, was the first thing on my mind now that I’d woken. I sat up groggily and instantly felt an urgency to pee. Fuck’s sake. I didn’t want to leave the bedroom and come face to face with him. I shuffled awkwardly on the spot for a couple of minutes until I knew my bladder wouldn’t hold any longer, especially with Baby using it as a squeeze toy. I ripped the door open and sprinted to the bathroom, partially from fear of wetting myself and partially in an attempt to avoid Brian. It turns out I needn’t have worried so much about seeing him because as I relieved myself, I heard my apartment door slam. Once I was done, I gingerly ventured out to the lounge. Sure enough, Brian and all his possessions had, once again, done a disappearing act. It didn’t really come as a surprise that, despite my anger the night before, I was now devastated that our argument had driven him away. My heart sank as I admitted to myself that I wasn’t ready to let go of him. Even though all we ever did was fight anymore, we only did it because we cared so deeply for each other, right? I rushed out hoping to catch him, but the stairwell was empty. I let out a sigh of defeat. He was gone again and I didn’t know if he was coming back at all this time. I turned back to my apartment, ready to hide away from the world for a few days.
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
The door had closed behind me and my key was on the other side. I hammered on it, kicked it, swore at it and pleaded with it but it didn’t relent and stayed locked. Turning my back on it, I let out a frustrated growl. I was stuck out in the hallway, barely dressed. It wasn’t even 10am. Could this day get any worse? I leaned back against the door and slid down onto my haunches. Fate clearly hates me. I threw my head back and closed my eyes with a groan. All it’s done lately is drop bombs on me and I’m tired of dodging the explosions. Pregnancy out of the blue, Brian dancing in and out of my life, Adam’s brief appearance and sudden departure. It all sucked. Every last bit. Where the fuck am I meant to go from here? Am I going to have to prepare myself for being alone again? I began gently banging my head against the door as I softly cursed “fuck,” in time with the knocks.

“Have you finally lost it?” came a voice from in front of me. I opened my eyes to Brian wearing a cheeky smile as he ascended the stairwell. What a delicious sight for sore eyes.
“You haven’t left,” I gasped, as I jumped up to greet him. He raised the bags he was carrying and shook them at me.
“Thought you could use some groceries,” he explained. My face broke into a beaming smile which was quickly replaced with a groan.
“That’s lovely, but I don’t know how we’ll get them inside. I’ve locked myself out,” I admitted, sheepishly. He set down one of the bags and dug around in his pocket, producing my key.
“Good thing I brought this, then,” he replied, jangling it at me. I let out a sigh of relief.
“My hero,” I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him. He threw me the key and I let us in. He set about putting the groceries away as soon as he was inside, as I hovered awkwardly nearby.
“Brian,” I started, desperate to apologise for assaulting him the night before.
“Don’t say it, Aubrey,” he interrupted. “I deserved it and more. I’ve been an ass.”
“I’ve been an ass,” I countered. “I was so terrified of being alone and then Adam showed up and it seemed… sensible… at the time. Really, I was just trying to fill a void. All I wanted, all I could think about, was you,” I finished, quietly. Brian had stopped putting the groceries away.
“I should never have left you,” he replied, quietly, approaching me.
“I should have called you,” I cast my eyes downwards. He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, making me swoon a little.
“I’m here now,” he said, softly. He put his fingers on my chin and pulled me in to lock lips. It sent fireworks shooting off around my being and soon our kiss developed into something hungrier, something needy. His hands ran down my figure as I threaded my fingers into his hair. It had been so long since we’d touched each other this way and we could both feel the urgency behind our passion. I moaned softly into the kiss, finally giving him the signal he needed to pick me up and carry me to the bedroom...

Notes

Hurrah! At last!